The Human Mask
by harunekonya
Summary: Sequel to Worthy of a Name. Natsume slowly learns to deal with life as a god. An inter-connected vignette series. Gen. HIATUS: Overwhelmed with end-of-school grading. Be back on June 15th, 2014. Sorry guys!
1. The Marks of Godhood

**A/N: **So I've finally gotten around to writing a sequel to _Worthy of a Name_, but things didn't turn out the way I planned (they never do). I had initially intended to create a long one-shot, but then realized that there was far too much I wished to explore, so I have decided to change the format into a drabble. Like the anime and manga, there will be mini-arcs, but most of the time I intend for them to be little slices of life, explorations of how Natsume's life has changed- or stayed the same.

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><p><strong>The Marks of Godhood<strong>

_From the time I was a small, I've been able to see strange things. Since nobody else can see them, they are probably what you would call spirits._

_ And now I am one of them._

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><p>"That's weird. They're not coming off."<p>

He scrubs at the red marks that encircle his wrists in a way that is not quite panicky, too preoccupied to notice the beauty of his surroundings. Midnight has just passed, but the forest is cast in the shadows of floating blue foxfire, illuminating the ferns and stream in a brilliant glow of turquoise.

Natsume continues to scrub, but the brightness never fades despite the fact that he has been at it for at least fifteen minutes. If he looks closer, the marks look like it has become a _part_ of his skin, like tattoo bracelets of bloody crimson. It is not something he wants to think about, so he shoves his hands back into the water, and hopes that this time the wrists will come out clean.

"What in the world are you doing, you idiot?"

Nyanko-sensei appears suddenly, not in his usual cat form, but in his true form as a large white beast. Natsume sighs, feeling as well as seeing the disgust written all over spirit's face. Not wanting to show just how desperate he actually is, he keeps his tone irritated, as if all that is wrong is Nyanko-sensei asking him ridiculous questions.

"Washing my hands. What does it look like I'm doing?"

"It looks like you're doing something stupid is what you're doing."

Some of his desperation must have shown through anyway. Nyanko-sensei gives a snort, and comes closer to where he is. Not close enough to punch, which Natsume finds amusing in spite of everything.

"Sensei…"

"Idiot, if you want them to disappear you can just will it away."

"Will it away?"

Nyanko-sensei doesn't say anything. The white beast gives him a look that makes it all too clear that he considers Natsume a hopeless idiot. Sighing again, Natsume takes his hands out of the stream, and closes his eyes.

"You don't need to close your eyes."

He ignores this, and concentrates on the image of his face and body as it was before, willing it to be that way once more.

When he opens his eyes again, his wrists are back to normal. Natsume peers into the stream to check his reflection, and is relieved to see a distinct lack of red lines and circles.

"Thank you, sensei," he says, and he _means_ it.

As Nyanko-sensei engages in a series of shivers and over-the-top gagging at the sincerity, Natsume laughs, knowing that both he and sensei are aware that they are only acting out familiar roles, roles that are played to create familiar ground, to pretend that what has happened is only a dream.

But it only heightens the uneasiness he feels, the knowledge that this is only the beginning. There are far more things he'll have to learn—too many of them he won't know he'll need until it happens.

Or until it's too late.


	2. A Different Perspective

**A/N: **I have always been fascinated with the way spirits can "smell" humans. I also wanted to explore how Natsume's basic needs and wants might have changed. This drabble is the result.

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><p><strong>A Different Perspective<strong>

_I cannot shake off the feeling that I have done this before, countless times. It is hard to accept that not too long ago, I had pretended to be a spirit. Pretending to be a human is easier in some ways, but the knowledge of what I used to be makes it harder, somehow, than pretending to be a spirit had ever been._

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><p>"Takashi-kun! It's time to wake up!"<p>

"Y-yes!"

He shoots up from the futon, rubbing his eyes out of habit, but not out of necessity. Gods, he's found out, don't get things in their eyes that need to be washed out after a night's rest. Much to his surprise, Natsume has discovered that he _can_ sleep. It is something that Nyanko-sensei still teases him for on occasion, and in retrospect, Natsume can see the humor. After all, he's had living proof sleeping next to him nearly every night for awhile now.

And the stupid cat is _still_ sleeping.

A loud rumble flows from the cat's mouth, and Natsume bites back a smile. Not just sleeping, but snoring also.

"Nyanko-sensei," he says, using his left foot to poke the fat cat in the approximate area of its ribs.

"Mmrowblargh," the cat says, and rolls over, still snoring heavily.

Sighing, Natsume gets ready for school alone.

He is reminded constantly by the awareness that he is in a house inhabited by humans. The scent—Natsume does not know any better word to describe it, though it is not precisely smell—permeates the very grounds of the house. It is a mix of sensation, the immediate knowledge of emotions, personality, and power, all unique to every being. As he steps into the bathroom, Natsume is aware that Shigeru-san had been there earlier; a warm scent, not over-powering, but nevertheless firm, giving flavor to an otherwise ordinary signature. Interestingly, there is nothing to indicate sex, demonstrating the truth of the statement that spirits do not recognize the fundamental differences that humans take for granted.

Mealtimes remain an uneasy affair. Natsume is distinctly aware that he no longer needs to eat. His body is never hungry, at least not for human food. Misuzu has assured Natsume that so long as there are spirits worshipping him, hunger will remain a thing of the past.

And with worshippers increasing daily, that eventuality is unlikely to happen.

"How is it?" Touko-san asks with a smile.

"It's delicious," Natsume replies, struggling to copy her expression.

And it is.

He might no longer feel true hunger, but Natsume can taste the love and care mixed into the food he is now eating, and that wakens an avarice in him that can only belong to the new spirit side of him. It is a heady feeling, like drinking cold water from a stream in the height of summer. The thought gives him pause, and he hesitates biting into the fish, simply reveling in the emotions that rise from it, the scents that make up the kind, caring woman that is Touko-san. No wonder Nyanko-sensei rarely misses a meal.

Perhaps he is coming at this from the wrong angle. After all, while he no longer feels hunger, the reverse is also true: he never truly feels full either. Human food, as Nyanko-sensei has repeatedly told him, is wonderful and varied. There is no reason why Natsume cannot continue to enjoy it, and no longer distracted by things like hunger, it only means Natsume is free to concentrate solely on enjoying the taste.

Which, if Nyanko-sensei is any indication, means Natsume will triple in weight in a month, assuming that gods are capable of becoming overweight.

"Done already?" Touko-san says, looking concerned.

"Yes," Natsume says firmly. He carries the empty bowls and plates to the kitchen sink, and reminds himself to never ask for more than what Touko-san offers him.

It is probably best to be careful.


	3. Little Details

**A/N:** I've noticed that there has been some confusion in the reviews. Strictly speaking, a drabble is a short piece of 100 words. Needless to say I have broken this rule, but the idea of it being short, contained slices of a story remains the same. As I go on I will create mini-drabble _arcs_, but suffice to say I will not be writing longer pieces. In part this is due to time constraints, as I am a grad student juggling full course loads, an assistantship, and fieldwork. While I will try to make my updates semi-regular, I cannot guarantee such.

The following drabble addresses a couple questions: What does it mean for a spirit to have a human body? What does that entail, and what things do they have to think of that we take for granted? I hope you enjoy reading this drabble as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Thank you.

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><p><strong>Little Details<strong>

_Once, I tried to ignore spirits because I believed nothing good ever came out of humans becoming involved with spirit affairs. Now I no longer have that excuse. Yet I wonder if the reverse is true. If nothing good comes of humans getting involved with spirits, does nothing good come of gods becoming involved with humans?_

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><p><em>"There he is!"<em>

_ "It's him! Lord Natsume!"_

_ "He's coming closer, what do we do?"_

_ "Should we greet him?"_

_ "Greet him? But he is with humans. I've heard Lord Natsume doesn't like it when we try to talk to him when he's with humans…"_

_ "Oh. Why is he with humans? Does he like them?"_

_ "Don't you know? Lord Natsume, he used to be—"_

Tanuma turns to look at Natsume with a puzzled look. Natsume tries to relax, but a bit of his unease must still be showing, for Tanuma soon stops.

"Is it spirits?" he asks with a mixture of curiosity and concern. "Is there one close by?"

"Several," Natsume says, glad that in this aspect he can remain honest with Tanuma at least.

"Oh. They're not dangerous are they? Maybe we should hurry."

"Yes, let's," Natsume agrees eagerly, and starts off again at a brisk pace, Tanuma easily keeping pace with him.

Once, not long ago, Natsume had lamented Tanuma's inability to truly see or hear spirits. Now he is thankful. It would have been awkward to explain why so many spirits are gathering to watch him pass by otherwise, when they hadn't before.

The same goes for Taki, who if it not for her grandfather's interests, is perfectly ordinary. That part of her scent is muted, indicating potential, but no true power, and Natsume has to fight the urge to dismiss it as "unappetizing", whereas Tanuma, with his slight spiritual power, if not "delicious", is at least "more tasty".

"Good morning, Tanuma-kun, Natsume-kun," she says as she runs to meet them.

Then she reaches out a hand, and Natsume subconsciously flinches away from it.

"Natsume-kun?"

"I'm sorry," Natsume says immediately. "I was surprised."

But Taki is no stranger to Natsume's tendency to hide things, and she reaches a hand out again.

"You're not pretending you aren't sick like last time, are you?" she says, the "last time" referring to the day Natsume had miscalculated the amount of heat his human body should give off. He had nearly burned Kishimoto's hand when the boy had placed it casually on Natsume's arm before class. This had subsequently led to him being sent home to a very worried Touko-san and a rather scornful Nyanko-sensei.

Taki places her hand squarely on Natsume's forehead. It stays there for a while, but Taki gradually lowers her hand back to her side. "Well, you're a bit cool, but that's probably because it's cold outside."

"Is it?" Natsume says, then belatedly realizes that yes, walking along a road piled high with last night's snow is a good indication that the temperature is cold. "I mean, yes, it is cold isn't it?"

The two of them are staring at him suspiciously now, but Natsume pretends not to notice.

"We should probably hurry. We're going to be late."

"Yeah, we probably should," Tanuma agrees, but until they part ways to their separate classrooms, Natsume notices Tanuma constantly glancing over at him in speculation. He hurries to put his things carefully in his desk, grateful that no one in his class really believes in spirits.


	4. Changed Status

**A/N:** At over 1000 words, this is definitely not a drabble. Oops. However, the next few are definitely going to be shorter, so I apologize beforehand for those of you getting your hopes up. This is a one time thing.

I wanted to address the matter of The Book of Friends. Natsume is no longer a mere human boy who "dares" to control spirits, but a god worthy of such power. And of course, this means that the relationship between Natsume and Nyanko-sensei needs to be sorted out as well. I hope I have addressed both adequately in this short (no longer drabble) piece.

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><p><strong>Changed Status<strong>

_Ever since the change I had worried about how others would treat me differently. It's true that some of those changes have been for the better. But it's the things that have stayed the same that I find myself truly cherishing. And the ones who treat me the same as before that I truly care for. _

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><p>The spirit groveling before him is starting to give him a headache.<p>

_"Ah my lord, rumors of your grace and kindness have reached to the farthest corner of the spirit realm, but none of them describe your shining magnificence, your eternal wellspring of power, the pure goodness that fountains from your very being…"_

Natsume stifles a cringe.

_"So you see, my great lord Natsume, I have travelled here from afar to present my allegiance to you, if you will so have me, small and insignificant as I am…" _

"Um…" Natsume interjects, but the spirit, too absorbed in its lengthy monologue, does not hear him.

_"And I believe my lord, though of course I am sure you know already, for you most assuredly know all, but I once had the privilege of dueling with your most honorable grandmother…"_

For a split second, the spirit trails off, and Natsume grabs the opening with eagerness.

"You have your name in the Book of Friends?"

The spirit looks hesitant.

"_Well yes my lord, but…"_

"Do you want me to return it to you?"

Natsume had expected the spirit to once more prostrate itself on the ground and make another five minute long speech of gratitude, but instead the spirit rears up to its full height, which towers over Natsume like a black, crescent wave. The odd, white face located in the middle of the massive bulk is a study in dramatic horror.

"_My lord, do I not please you?"_ it wails, the stubby arms to its sides flailing. It would have been funny, if the spirit had not been so visibly distressed.

"Well, no…"

"_Then why do you wish to return my name, my lord? Why do you wish to sever my allegiance to you?"_

"Um, well, I don't really need…"

"_You don't need me?"_

At this point the spirit's voice has risen to a painful shriek, and Natsume is at a loss for what to do.

"Calm yourself, you over dramatic idiot," Nyanko-sensei suddenly says, coming between Natsume and the spirit. His voice takes on a deeper quality, which cuts through the shriek like a knife. Abruptly the spirit goes silent. "Lord Natsume does not need your name to command you. That is not his way. Surely the stories you've heard have told you that much?"

"_Of course! His noble generosity is known far and wide!"_

"Then take your name back. Lord Natsume knows that you will serve him better with your freedom returned. He does this to cement your allegiance, not to sever it. It is a sign of his trust. Be happy that you have earned it, since he does not give it to just anyone."

"Hey Nyanko-sensei, that's a bit…"

A sideways glare from Nyanko-sensei stops Natsume mid-sentence.

"My lord, your servant is ready to receive its name now," the cat says, his words so full of acerbic humor that Natsume winces again.

"_Kororiku, I return your name to you. Accept it."_

When the last strands of the name disappear into the spirit, Nyanko-sensei speaks up again.

"Now Lord Natsume has some business away from the forest. Return to your dwelling. When Lord Natsume needs you he will call."

"_Of course."_ The spirit turns to Natsume, its face once again full of awe. _"I will spread word of your generosity far and wide, my lord."_

"Y-yeah. Thank you," Natsume says.

With that the spirit leaves in a whirl of black wind, leaving Natsume and Nyanko-sensei standing alone in the forest.

"So pure goodness fountains from your very being does it?" Nyanko-sensei says.

Natsume groans.

"Nyanko-sensei…"

"Idiot. I have never seen such an embarrassing display in all my life. You are a god. How are you supposed to command anyone the way you are now?"

"But I don't want to command anyone!" Natsume says. "I never wanted to," he adds, softly.

"Well you had better get used to it," Nyanko-sensei says with visible impatience. "Kororiku won't be the last spirit to do this, and since you insist on returning their names to them you had better think of a way to do it so they don't get upset."

Nyanko-sensei starts to walk down the forest path that leads back to human civilization, and Natsume follows meekly behind. He looks down at his sneakers, the jeans, and the thick blue coat Touko-san had insisted he wear that morning. For all purposes he looks like an ordinary human boy. But then he senses the power of the earth beneath him, the power that he taps into to maintain his human form, and recognizes his appearance for the illusion that it really is.

It isn't his human appearance that spirits see.

"They aren't going to come and ask me to return their names anymore, are they?" Natsume finally says.

"Took you long enough to realize that," Nyanko-sensei grumbles.

Something about the way Nyanko-sensei says it triggers a memory that Natsume has put away until now. A promise, but a promise that can no longer be kept.

"I'm sorry."

"Hmph." The cat rolls his eyes. "I only wanted the Book of Friends because it isn't a thing you should leave in human hands."

Natsume smiles, then reaches down to pick up the cat.

"Come on, we still need to buy the things Touko-san asked us to get."

"Bah, how shameful. What is a god doing running errands for a mere human?"

Natsume smiles.

"Hmmm, well if I recall correctly one of the things she wanted me to buy were squid rings. I think she was planning on frying some tonight for d—"

Immediately the cat bounces out of his arms and pelts down the forest path as fast as his stubby legs can go.

"Squid rings? What are we waiting for? Come on Natsume!"

In a moment Natsume is left alone in the forest, and he stands there quietly, feeling the hum of the earth beneath him, and the soft sounds of roots digging deep into the earth. Above him he can sense the breeze rustling through branches still bare from winter, but he can sense the life within the trees. Soon there will be visible buds. Natsume smiles, enjoying the sensation of awakening life. As a human he would not have been able to feel this, to sense the world preparing itself for rebirth.

"Spring is coming," he says, softly.

Then he too, walks down the forest path, back to human civilization.


	5. Going Home

**A/N: **In this drabble I explore things that people take for granted, but Natsume never thinks about. He has a tendency to do that, I've noticed. This is a lighthearted piece, and I hope I've managed to capture the warmth that this series is so famous for. Thank you, all of you, for reading this. I hope you enjoy reading it.

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><p><strong>Going Home<strong>

_Sometimes it is hard to believe that I am a god. When I am with humans it is like none of this had ever happened. Yet somehow, when I am with spirits, the difference can sometimes be all too clear. Even among spirits, I am unusual. _

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><p>There is a woman kneeling by the road, hands clasped in prayer before a simple, stone shrine. Lying on the ground next to her is an object wrapped in blue silk cloth.<p>

Natsume pauses on the road, for a moment feeling oddly curious.

It is not the first time he has seen someone do this. The roads near the forest are occasionally lined with shrines. Some are Buddhist statues, while others are simply stone houses, covered in moss and worn with age. The more elaborate wooden ones are usually first surrounded by a gate.

Natsume has seen people do this many times. Sometimes they simply light incense. Other times they make offerings of food, such as fruit, or rice buns. When Natsume had been human, even he had done it a few times, such as the time he had offered a peach to Tsuyugami.

"Nyanko-sensei," he says, looking down at the cat he holds in his arms.

"What?" the cat says.

"The woman. She's… she's making an offering, right?"

"Idiot. Of course she is. Even though there's no one living in that shrine. Humans. They offer things where it isn't needed, and ignore the places where they are. But then, that's only to be expected."

"What kinds of spirits live in shrines like that?"

"Hm? Well the bigger ones belong to the gods, of course. And some of the smaller ones to minor gods. But occasionally some spirits get mistaken as gods and then they get them too." The cat looks at him accusingly. "It's not like you haven't met those before."

"Mm."

"So why are you asking me all this all of a sudden?"

"Well, seeing the woman praying there, I was just wondering, that's all."

"That's all?"

The two of them fall silent for a moment, watching the woman finish her prayers, then gather up her things. It isn't until she disappears down the road that Natsume opens his mouth.

"Umm, well. You know." He nodded his head in the direction of the shrine. "It made me remember that I'm a, I'm a… well."

The cat snorted, then rolled his eyes.

"Stupid. You are so stupid. You have one too you know."

This startles Natsume, who drops Nyanko-sensei to the ground and takes a step back.

"Wait, what?"

"I can't believe this. You mean you didn't know?"

"I wasn't told about this!"

"No one should _need_ to tell you about this."

Natsume falls silent at that point, feeling both a growing sense of embarrassment and consternation. He isn't sure how to deal with the idea that he has a shrine. Somehow the fact that he does makes it harder to handle. His being a god isn't merely a passing fancy he can pretend away—it's real.

"You amaze me sometimes, Natsume. I have the say that this is the first time I've come across a god who didn't know he had a shrine."

"Sorry," Natsume mumbles.

"Do you want to take a look at it?"

"Huh?"

"You don't know where it is, right? Want to go take a look? It's technically your home after all."

"Um."

The cat looks up at him from one eye, then gives another sigh of exasperation.

"Let's go home then."

"Mm."

Picking the cat back up, Natsume follows the path the woman had taken back into town. Back to where Touko-san and Shigeru-san are waiting.

Back home.


	6. One of the Unseen

**A/N:** I figured that it was about time that Natsume started to stop reacting and actually take the initiative. I also explore, though very briefly, how Natsume feels about his spirit form. I will definitely need to go back and explore that more, in further detail.

As always, thank you for reading.

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><p><strong>One of the Unseen<strong>

_ I thought that I would be able to deal with being unseen by humans. After all, I had spent most of my childhood being ignored, or hoping that I would be ignored. But the first time I walked through town as a spirit, I found that it hurt. Somehow, in the short time I've been here, I've changed. It makes me wonder if that is why spirits hate humans so much. Perhaps all of them, to a certain extent, want to be seen. To be noticed.  
><em>

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><p>The man doesn't see him, even though Natsume is standing right by him.<p>

It still sends chills down his back, sometimes. But as with all things, Natsume finds that he is slowly becoming used to it.

Natsume had been helping a spirit; a spirit in the form of a little girl who had lost her favorite toy. She had been young enough to be unaffected by the awe and worship that seems to have become the mainstay among the spirits living here, and had gone asking him for help.

It had been the first request since Natsume had become a god. Though the little girl does not know it, Natsume had been grateful for the request, though the wave of nostalgia that had overcome him had been almost painful. Natsume has never thought he would miss the days when random spirits came to him, begging for small, petty favors. Now they never come, convinced as they are that a god should not be bothered by their small, insignificant problems.

He worries sometimes.

Who helps them now, those spirits who used to come to him, would have come to him, had he still been human? Do they have anyone else they can turn to? Or are they only relying on themselves now, struggling alone?

Natsume sighs, then sits down on the park bench, next to the man who had sat down moments before. His movement translates to a slight breeze, ruffling the man's thin, graying hair.

"Ah, what a nice breeze."

"What breeze?" Natsume asks.

When the man does not answer, Natsume blushes, remembering that no human can see him in his current form.

He finds it more convenient now to shed his human form when he deals with spirits, and with it, the fear he used to have of being seen talking to thin air no longer exists. Also, should problems occur, as they are wont to do, Natsume does not have to worry about expending extra power to maintain his human form on top of anything else he may need to do.

Thankfully, this hasn't happened yet.

But he has a feeling that it will happen. Perhaps not soon, but Natsume is well aware of other humans—humans who can see.

And unlike Natsume used to be, none of them are likely to help spirits.

It isn't until he became a god that Natsume realizes just how unique he had been as a human. Powerful enough to help, but his existence as a human had allowed other spirits to impose on him without fearing retribution. At least, until the moment Natsume had punched them.

_To be able to see… and yet not care. _

How long have the spirits been waiting for someone like him? Well, not wait, since they had never expected humans to help. It is one thing to know that humans cannot, because they are unaware, are unable to see. Yet it is another to know that they can see, yet choose not to help—may in fact, actively try to harm them.

Not that all spirits are harmless, but not all of them are harmful either.

"I need to learn to be better than this," Natsume says out loud. He isn't quite sure who he is saying it to. After all, the man sitting next to him cannot hear him. Then Natsume smiles. If Nyanko-sensei were here, Natsume would have to endure another round of lectures on how spirits were not helpless, that he was too much of a worrywart and a busybody.

_"It's that personality that got you into your current situation, idiot!"_

In this, Natsume agrees with Nyanko-sensei. He _is_ an idiot.

Once upon a time, he had been someone spirits felt safe enough to come to. It will take work to make that happen again. And time, which is no longer a problem for him. Maybe it is because of that that Natsume feels confidence rather than despair.

"After all, I am a god now."

It is about time that he starts acting like one.


	7. Taking Lessons

**A/N:** I realized that I've been neglecting Natsume's human life in favor of his spirit one, so here is a "drabble" that returns to that. I admit, Natsume's human life, other than stories of his past, are not things I find especially interesting, but Natsume certainly does! So there will be more drabbles about the human friends (and family!) in Natsume's life.

As always, thank you for reading and commenting!

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><p><strong>Taking Lessons<strong>

_Caught up as I had been in the changes in my life, I forgot that there were still some things that would catch up with me even if I left it alone. And that being a god does not somehow allow me to learn these things faster. In this, like before, I still need to depend on others for help. _

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><p>"Oh, that's bad," Nishimura says, looking over Natsume's shoulder. He looks at the test Natsume has just gotten back, and at the single digit number written in the upper right corner.<p>

"It doesn't change, no matter how many times I look at this," Natsume says, sighing.

"I don't remember you getting scores as bad as that," is the boy's reply. "I mean, you never did great on your tests, but you never did badly on them either."

"Nishimura…" Kitamoto says.

"But it's true!"

"Doesn't mean you need to say it out loud!" Kitamoto puts down his lunch, then moves over to glance at Natsume's test. "But that really is a bad score Natsume, and it's not at all like you. Is something wrong?"

"N-not really."

"Hmmm."

"You sure?" Nishimura asks. "Because you know, Kitamoto is rather good at bio."

"I'll help you out after school if you want," Kitamoto says, not at all annoyed despite the fact that his friend had just thoughtlessly volunteered him as a tutor.

"No really. I'm fine. I'll just… study harder."

Natsume gets up, wrapping up his empty lunch box. It had been delicious, as usual.

"All right. But if you need help, don't hesitate to ask."

"Thank you." He opens the door to head back downstairs. "Nishimura, I'll see you in class in a bit."

"See ya!"

Later that afternoon, Natsume heads to the library and opens his textbook to the chapter he had been tested on. Then he takes out the test, smoothing out the crinkles along the edges. It is ironic, that he, who knows and understands the way life changes and grows more intimately than any human, should fail a test in a subject that attempts to explain the phenomena. But the terms and concepts confuse him, despite reading and rereading the passage that explains what they are.

"There you are. I thought you might be here."

"Tanuma," Natsume says, grateful for the interruption. Then he smiles ruefully. "So you heard."

"Yeah. I overheard Kitamoto and Nishimura," Tanuma admits, smiling in return. "So, what's wrong?" The expression on his face changes, becoming more serious. In a much quieter tone, he asks, "Is it because of spirits? Are you able to sleep at night?"

_I'm not sleeping at all._

But Natsume does not say this. Instead he shakes his head and smiles again.

"No, I'm getting plenty of sleep."

He cannot tell Tanuma that he isn't sleeping, not because spirits are coming to him for help, but because he is going to them for lessons. Lessons on how to create barriers, to create and break seals—deliberately, rather than instinctively like he used to—magics of illusion and protections, power and defense, and a thousand and one other little things he needs to learn. Not to be a god, necessarily, at least, not just that. But to be a good one, one who doesn't merely want to protect his followers, but _can_.

"So anyway, Kitamoto asked me to help you out with your biology."

This startles Natsume.

"Wait… but…"

"I know. I know you already rejected Kitamoto's offer. But he came to ask me anyway. He said that he felt that you might not be so hesitant with me, since you've gone to me for coaching before." Tanuma laughs, remembering the _shougi _lessons. "I'm pretty good at bio you know. Better even than Kitamoto. Besides, I want to help. I might be useless when it comes to other things, but this is the least I can do."

It is hard not to feel the pain in Tanuma's voice, to feel the twinge of bitterness and longing. Natsume knows, more than anyone else, that this longing is his fault. After all, until Tanuma had met him, Tanuma had not been aware that it was possible to feel more. Yet Tanuma, unlike Natsume, does not have the power to do anything. Enough to feel, to sense something out there, but not enough to do. Not even to see.

"Thank you, Tanuma. It's really not anything… else. It's just that I really, really don't understand this." Natsume nudges the textbook for emphasis.

The look of relief on Tanuma's face hurts, but Natsume continues to smile.

"All right then. Hand over that test, and let's try going over the problems."

He has forgotten. In his haste to become the kind of god he wants to be, he has forgotten about the other world he lives in. The one filled with people just as precious, that he cares for just as much. Guilt overwhelms Natsume in an instant, momentarily distracting him from Tanuma's explanation.

"Do you understand, Natsume?"

"U-um. Sorry. Can you explain again?"

It's not only being a better god that Natsume has to worry about. Insistent as he is on living in both worlds, it is not enough. From now on he will have to do better.

As a god.

As a human.

As a friend.


	8. Coaxing Life

**A/N: **And now I bring this a little closer to home. We rarely see one-on-one time with Touko-san in the anime or manga. I've been wanting to write a small, poignant scene with the two of them for a while now, and this is the result. It's a bit sappy, so apologies. As always, happy reading.

* * *

><p><strong>Coaxing Life<strong>

_The more I learn, the more I realize how little I actually know. Sometimes I despair, and wonder if I will ever finish learning, if there is a point. But then there are times like this, when I use what I've learned to help someone, and I realize that perhaps, just maybe, it is worth it._

* * *

><p>The earth is cool and moist beneath his hands, but filled with an inner warmth that Natsume can now identify as the energy that creates life. He pats it down around the seedling that is starting to sprout. Then he channels that warmth, slowly, carefully, into the seedling, giving it strength and life.<p>

It is something he has taken to doing whenever he passes by the garden. Little sparks, both from his own power and from the earth itself, quiet commands to the plants to spread their roots deep. Sparks to nourish the vegetables and flowers that Touko-san so looks forward to, to make them grow bigger, stronger, more beautiful. His lessons have progressed to the point where he can weave the earth's energies so that he can purposefully channel where he wants the energy to go.

The act is near automatic now, and he can do it quickly and easily. Natsume smiles, remembering the moment when he found out the reason why spirits always seemed to be able to find the tastiest vegetables, the ripest fruits, even out of season. While it is true that Natsume is far more powerful, the sensitivity to the earth he has appears to a lesser extent in all spirits, and many of them use that power freely.

No wonder the forests where spirits live are always so lush and beautiful.

"Oh my, they are all growing so nicely," Touko-san says next to him. She kneels in the dirt, smiling happily at the seedlings. A basket, filled with gardening tools and a pair of gloves, lies next to her. "I've never seen such healthy plants."

Natsume says nothing, but he finds himself glowing with pleasure, knowing that he is the indirect cause of her current delight.

"This spring I'll finally be able to use parsley from my own garden."

"Huh?"

His pleasure abruptly halts, to be replaced by a growing sense of dismay. Though being a god has changed many things about him, some things still remain the same.

Natsume still hates parsley.

When Natsume turns to look at Touko-san, he notices a hint of mischief in her eyes. She laughs merrily when she notices Natsume's obvious embarrassment.

"Oh but that's right, you don't like parsley do you, Takashi-kun?"

"Um…" Natsume looks at her, unable to think of anything diplomatic to say.

"You're as bad as Shigeru-san. He always whines when I make him eat parsley. Such a child!" Then gently, she places a soft hand on Natsume's cheek. "Such children."

"I'm sorry," Natsume says. "I'll try harder to like it."

"Perhaps you'll like it better as tempura," Touko-san says. She looks over her garden again, but as she does, her face takes on a puzzled expression. "But it's so strange…"

"Hm?"

"I don't see anything that needs weeding." The woman falls silent, her expression thoughtful. "Unless…" Then Touko-san suddenly gasps, and turns to look at Natsume with a look of utter delight. "Oh you! Did you do this for me?"

"What?"

"The weeding! You weeded the garden for me!"

"Ah, no, I…"

Then Natsume pauses.

In channeling the earth's energies, he _has_ left less for other plants, which technically means that weeds will find it harder to take root. It's not permanent, and as time passes a few of the hardier weeds will sprout, but it will take longer for them to do so.

"Takashi-kun," Touko-san says. She watches him, smiling in that caring way that Natsume has come to treasure, perhaps even love. "I've never said this before, but I think it's important now to let you know, and I know Shigeru-san agrees with me." Touko-san continues to gaze at him, and Natsume feels something inside him flutter.

_Ah, perhaps this is what it feels like to have a mother._

"Since you've come to live with us, we've never been happier."

He ducks his head at the point, too overcome with emotion to trust himself to answer properly.

Sometimes it is hard to believe that he, who has spent most of his life alone and unwanted, should manage to find such happiness.


	9. Humble Offerings

**A/N:** Natsume and Nyanko-sensei together are always fun to write. I love their dynamic. Up until now I really haven't dwelled on Natsume's god appearance. Now I give a few more details. As always, please enjoy reading this piece.

* * *

><p><strong>Humble Offerings<strong>

_It is hard to accept a gift, harder perhaps, than giving one. With gifts come the giver's hopes and dreams, a silent plea, a debt. I do not know how I will ever pay them back, or know if that is even possible. Perhaps it isn't. And learning to accept that will be the hardest I'll ever do._

* * *

><p>When Natsume releases his human form, he is surprised to discover that things don't feel the same.<p>

"Oh, so they've finally started," Nyanko-sensei says. He is curled up on the grass, slowly and methodically attempting to bathe himself, but Natsume can sense a smug feeling of satisfaction coming from the cat.

"They've started to what?" Natsume says. "And who's they?"

"The headdress looks good on you," Nyanko-sensei says instead, pausing at random intervals between licks. "And if you use that head of yours, you should be able to figure it out, idiot."

"What headdress… oh!"

It is at that moment that Natsume figures out what had felt different, and he lifts the object off his head and holds it in front of him. And then instantly regrets it. The moon is full tonight, and Natsume can see every detail clearly.

"Hmph, it's still a simple thing," the cat says with a disdainful snort. "But a good beginning. They'll probably add to it as time goes on."

Though Nyanko-sensei had referred to it as a headdress, to Natsume's eyes and growing sense of horror, it looked something more like the head gear worn by the bride in a traditional Shinto wedding. The base is made of thick, white textured paper that circles around the head. In the center is a mass of flowers, leaves and loops of red and gold paper strings, tied up in red silk cords ending in long tassels. Two of the tassels trail down just over his forehead, while the rest are longer, trailing down the sides. If he were to put it back on, those tassels would go past his shoulders.

In other words, it looks ridiculous.

"How do I give this back?"

"_What_?" Nyanko-sensei cries. "Idiot, you can't give back a gift! Think of how your worshippers will feel."

"But…"

"As far as those things go, yours is rather simple. Remember Lord Houzuki's headdress? Be thankful yours isn't pink and purple."

Natsume sighs.

"I'll feel like an idiot, wearing this."

"You'll get used to it."

"I don't even know how this got here!"

"Stupid, your worshippers made it for you."

He casts a begrudging look at the cat.

"I figured as much," he says drily. "But what about the rest of it?"

"The rest of what?"

"How did it end up on the top of my head?"

The cat sighs, then walks over to sit next to Natsume's feet.

"They probably placed it at the door of your shrine." While Natsume is still figuring out how to respond to this, Nyanko-sensei adds, "You'd need to go to the shrine if you really don't like it that much. Though I recommend that you don't."

"Why not?"

"You're a god now, Natsume. A little grandeur in your appearance is normal, and your worshippers need to see that too. At the moment it makes them happy to give you things. Why ruin their fun?"

Knowing better than to argue, Natsume grimaces, but puts the headdress back on. He barely feels the weight, and when he moves or tilts his head, he notices that the thing doesn't shift or slip, though he can feel the flowers and leaves shiver slightly with every movement he makes.

"I guess this means I should go take a look at my shrine."

"Hmph." The cat snorts and looks away. "About time. Stupid."

"It's not too elaborate is it? I don't want anything that looks silly."

"You'll find out when you go there."

With Nyanko-sensei's current mood, Natsume knows that even if Sensei did know something, he wouldn't talk. Still, he cannot resist teasing as he picks the spirit up off the ground. Holding the cat in front of him, he laughs.

"Cheapo. I know you know."

"What? And what about you? What kind of god doesn't know what his own home looks like?"

"I already have a home, Sensei. I don't need another one."

"Psh. You. You still think like a human. What's wrong with two?"

"What's wrong with one?" Natsume counters. Then he smiles. "I'll go, Sensei. But only if you come with me."

Nyanko-sensei gives a disdainful snort, then jumps back down, waddling in the direction of the forest.

"As if you could leave me behind!"


	10. Divine Joy

**A/N: **Natsume finally visits his shrine! I actually had this written a while ago, but I felt like I needed a bit more time to pass between _Going Home_ and this chapter, so the ones in between were the result. I hope that all of you have found it worth the wait. As always, read and enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>Divine Joy<strong>

_When I was a human, I often forgot to savor the pleasures that being a human brought. Now that I am a god, I find that I am making the same mistake. Just as there had been joy in being human, there are joys in being a god. Little things, but all the more precious because of it._

* * *

><p>There is no need to walk when he sheds his human form. This is just as well, as his feet are bare. His clothes change also, fading away to form into the white silk robe and elaborately patterned obi he had worn that fateful day.<p>

A moment later he is enveloped in purple, as Hinoe shrieks in delight and flings herself on top of him.

"Mmmm—oh you look absolutely adorable!"

"Hinoe!" Natsume cries. "Stop. Please! Gah! Nyanko-sensei! Sensei, help!"

"What are you asking for help for?" Nyanko-sensei says, sitting contentedly on the ground, a bottle of sake in one paw. "You're a god now. Learn to deal with it."

"Hinoe, you really should be more respectful," the one-eyed half of the middle-class pair says with disapproval. "Lord Natsume is a god now."

"A god, a god," the cow spirit agrees.

"Hmph, as if that changes anything," Hinoe says, nuzzling Natsume with delight. "Ooh, it's so nice now that you don't have that human stink."

By this point Natsume has given up the fight, and merely sighs while he endures Hinoe's enthusiastic embrace.

"I wasn't aware that I stank, Hinoe," he says instead, smiling slightly.

"Well, it wasn't exactly a stink," Hinoe amends, "but you really were quite powerful as a human, and it was just… really strong."

"Hmm," Natsume says, assessing this. Though he is now used to the scent that humans give off, as of yet he hasn't had a chance to test Hinoe's claim. There had been no other human in this area as powerful as him after all.

"Come on then, we're supposed to visit Natsume's shrine, aren't we?" Nyanko-sensei says. He lists slightly back and forth, then hiccups.

"Can you even walk?"

"Pick me up, Natsume!"

Cradling the cat in his arms, Natsume follows in the direction of the middle class spirits, who lead the way deeper into the mountains. Hinoe follows behind.

It is an odd sensation to be able to head up the mountain and not grow tired. Natsume floats several centimeters above the ground, and if he _pushes_, he can fly rapidly in whatever direction he wishes, and land without being afraid of slipping. The earth is his anchor now, and Natsume feels the pull of its power even as he pulls back.

Spring is well under way. Natsume takes a deep breath, absorbing the scent of newly sprouted plants. If he listens, he can _hear_ the buds of leaves unfurling, of flowers blooming, spreading up and out into a sun that grows warmer day by day.

"Do you feel this too?" Natsume asks. "Spring. Can all of you feel it?"

He lands on top of a blanket of lush, green moss, feeling oddly giddy with happiness.

The other spirits say nothing, merely giving each other knowing looks before smiling indulgently at him.

"Come, Lord Natsume," the one-eyed spirit says. "We're almost to your shrine."

The forest suddenly gives way to a semi-clearing, surrounded by drooping branches. In the summer most of the area will be covered in shade, but enough will be exposed to light to allow for flowers and other plants to grow. Close by there is a small yet active stream that runs from the forest and down, twisting past large boulders to disappear further among the trees.

_"Lord Natsume…!"_

_ "He's here!"_

_ "Here…"_

_ "Finally…"_

_ "Lord Natsume has finally arrived."_

_ "…arrived…"_

"This is…" Natsume says, looking around.

"This is where your shrine is located," Hinoe says gently.

"But…" Natsume looks around, captivated by the gentle beauty of his surroundings. "Where…"

"Look past the trees," Hinoe says.

Then there, under the shade of still bare cherry trees, Natsume sees it.

He takes a step closer. Then another.

"You're a god of spirits," Nyanko-sensei explains. "There's no need to expose your shrine to foolish humans."

"When the cherry blossoms bloom this place will be truly beautiful," the one-eyed spirit adds. "Your worshippers picked a good spot."

"It's already beautiful," Natsume says.

He looks at the shrine. It is made of wood, but somehow Natsume suspects that this wood will never rot, nor will the walls crack with age. As far as shrines go it is small, only half his height and less than a meter wide, but something about it gives it a cozy appearance. The golden brown color is inviting, and the tiny gate strung with ropes and paper seals is welcoming rather than overly grand and forbidding.

"Do you want to try going in?" Nyanko-sensei asks.

"I'd like to," Natsume says. With a start he realizes that he means it. "But I don't know how."

"That's all right," Hinoe says. "We'll teach you. You have plenty of time to learn."

The words send a pang through him, but he pushes it away.

"Thank you." Natsume smiles. Once again he takes in his surroundings, noting some of the tiny spirits hidden within the trees, still too shy to approach him.

"Thank you."


	11. The Creator

**A/N:** This is the first half of a two part arc. This drabble is particularly short, but I hope that it doesn't take away from the rest of the other drabbles. Balancing Ntasume's spirit world with his human one is rather difficult. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy this short piece, and look forward to the second half next week.

* * *

><p><strong>The Creator (Reunion Arc: Part 12)  
><strong>

_ I can no longer call myself a human. But I wonder sometimes, just exactly how I've come to become a god. Do gods have parents? Or was the ritual the object that had birthed me? Perhaps gods have no parents. And that, in itself, speaks of just how different I am now from what I once was. _

* * *

><p>"So where did you say this place was?" Nishimura asks again.<p>

"Ah, just a little further up," Taki says, looking back down on her map. "There's supposed to be a really good place to view cherry blossoms here."

"In the middle of the forest?" Kitamoto asks, sounding doubtful.

"Hey!" Nishimura snaps. "If Taki says it's there, it's there."

"What does that even mean?" Sasada says, her look of exasperation visible for all to see.

Walking a little behind, Natsume and Tanuma exchange amused looks. It had originally started off as an ordinary enough plan to go cherry blossom viewing, but then things had started to devolve once Nishimura had insisted on finding a place where they wouldn't have to share with anyone else.

Once Taki had volunteered a potential spot, the rest had become a foregone conclusion.

"I wonder if we'll ever get there at this rate," Tanuma says, chuckling.

"Hm? It's close by. I can sense it," Natsume replies absently.

A second later he realizes what he had said, but it is too late.

Tanuma slows down on the switchback path, and looks at him oddly.

"Natsume?"

Natsume looks away. Perhaps if he pretends that he is caught up by something else, Tanuma will assume that he had gotten the information from a spirit.

It works.

A moment later, Tanuma falls silent again, once more walking quietly next to Natsume.

The reality however, is that the forest is completely devoid of spirits. A true rarity, and a fact so disturbing that Natsume is having a hard time masking his discomfort. He probes, stretching his senses across the mountain forest area as much as he dares, as he walks effortlessly on the mountain path. Steep steps are no longer tiring for him. In fact, he can no longer even feel fatigue.

And that is when he feels it. There is a deeper power in this mountain, but it is hidden so deeply, that had Natsume not been regularly trained, he would never have felt it.

A deep power, and yet also…

_Lonely?_

"Tanuma," Natsume says, careful to keep his voice out of the others' hearing range. The young man turns silently to look at him. "Tell the others that I dropped something and that I've gone back to look for it."

Tanuma nods his acceptance, but Natsume can sense the worry in his eyes. "Is it going to be dangerous?"

Natsume smiles gently.

"No."

"All right, I'll let them know."

He doesn't hesitate. The moment Tanuma turns his back, Natsume rushes off the path, shedding his human form. Tanuma may wonder how Natsume had managed to vanish so quickly, but the deep power is proving too distracting for Natsume to care about such details.

Natsume barely registers Tanuma's surprise and confusion, instead concentrating on that source of power, and most of all, that loneliness. A loneliness that calls to him, he who is all too familiar with the feeling.

His feet are no longer bare as he flies through the forest, weaving between the trees. Worshipers had finally gotten around to giving him _geta_ with plain, red straps. It matters little to him—as it was with the headdress, the wooden sandals stick on no matter how fast or how recklessly he moves.

As he closes in on the source, Natsume finally realizes what had truly called him here. Before him stands a Shinto gate, faded orange in its old age, the ritual papers long worn away. Yet it does not have the feeling of being abandoned. There is life there, and once again, Natsume senses that deep power. A power tinged with loneliness, and yet…

"So it is you," Natsume says quietly.

"Hello Natsume," the other god says to him. "It has been awhile."

"Yes it has," Natsume agrees. "It's been a long time since I've seen you, Kai."


	12. Reconciliation

**A/N:** This is the finale to the Kai Reunion arc. It turned out bittersweet, despite my original plans. This particular drabble practically wrote itself. I hope all my readers, as always, enjoy reading this series.

As all of you probably know by now, I typically update once a week, on either late Saturday evening or on Sunday. While I plan to keep this on indefinitely, I will be going through surgery next week and will be hospitalized for several days. I apologize beforehand if I fail to upload a drabble for next week. Thank you for your understanding.

* * *

><p><strong>Reconciliation (Reunion Arc: Part 22)  
><strong>

_ I cannot hate him. I cannot hate a person who is lonely, but finds the strength within to keep trying, to keep reaching out. It is a courage I have never had, yet I have been lucky. If it hadn't been for those who first reached out to me, where would I be now? _

* * *

><p>"There used to be a lot here," Kai says quietly, his head facing the direction of the Shinto gate, into the mountain forest. The god is still in the form Natsume had last seen him as: in human form, dressed like a young schoolboy. "The humans exorcised them all," he adds. "After all, holy creatures like… gods shouldn't be contaminated by the dirty presence of spirits."<p>

Natsume feels something within him lurch, and is momentarily blinded by a flash of grief.

"So that's why, when those spirits called you, you went to find them."

"Yes," Kai says quietly. "It was okay at first, when I still had worshippers…"

His voice falters, and then falls silent, perhaps too stricken with grief to continue.

"I'm sorry," Natsume says. "I should have explained better, that day in the forest. The day you left."

"It's not your fault," Kai says. "I did not stay long enough to listen. Instead, I assumed and because of that… because of that…" The young, boy-like god takes a deep breath, and then another. "We could have spent a lot more time together."

"I'm here now," Natsume points out. He cannot resist. Before he knows it his hand is out and gently patting the other god's head.

Kai looks up, startled.

"You don't hate me?"

Natsume lowers his hand back down to his side.

"No," he says. "I can't. It's…" he sighs. "Maybe I would feel differently if I had lost the people who were precious to me, but I haven't. For the most part the important things have stayed the same." Natsume smiles. "Maybe I am being selfish, but with this transformation, now at least I have the power to protect the people I care about. And in many ways, this is easier."

The moment he says it, he realizes that it is true.

It is easier.

But in many ways, it is also harder.

"You'll watch your human friends grow old and die," Kai says. The words, spoken bluntly, momentarily freeze Natsume. "I did this to you," Kai continues, seemingly oblivious to Natsume's pain. "When Misuzu came to me to request my blood, I knew what it would do to you." He looks up at him, and for the first time Natsume notices the age welling deep within that small, seemingly child-like body. "He explained your relationship to that exorcist, how you had been trying to find a way to stop him from exorcising me. So I already knew that you weren't on their side. But I still…"

Kai closes his eyes and looks away.

For a long time the two of them are silent, the only occasional sound that of the breeze that ruffles the leaves on the trees, tousling Kai's hair into gentle disarray. Meanwhile, Natsume fights an internal battle, struggling with conflicting emotions, overwhelmed with a kaleidoscope of images, memories, voices, and sounds. To say that he does not miss being human would be to lie. And yet Natsume knows that he does not mind being the person he is now.

That's when he realizes.

"But it wasn't just your blood," Natsume finally says. He closes his eyes, and relaxes his senses, enjoying the feeling of the earth growing, moving, _living_. And he knows that if someone were to come, someone who could take this ability away, given a choice, Natsume would refuse.

"Sasafune's blood was in it too. And had it been hers alone, perhaps… perhaps…" Natsume struggles to find the right words. "I would have still been human, but unable to die, cursed. But your blood, Kai, it was your blood that allowed me to find a purpose." Natsume smiles at Kai, who has reopened his eyes to look at Natsume with gradually widening eyes. "It was your blood that freed me."

"Natsume…"

Kai, the god, the child, sniffs, and hurriedly rubs his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt.

"Come on, Kai," Natsume says. "Taki and Tanuma are here too. You should say hi to them."

"I can't… they'll… your friends…"

"It was Taki who brought me here," Natsume says. "I think she didn't tell me on purpose. Perhaps she'd hoped that I would be able to find you."

"Taki… I remember her," Kai says, brightening. "I liked the things she'd made for me. Coo—" he stumbles over the unfamiliar word. "_Cookies_. They were good." But then he made a quiet, wistful smile. "But I can't go, Natsume. I've vowed not to meet with humans again."

The god's eyes plead for understanding.

Natsume nods. He cannot blame Kai for feeling that way. For a god who has been abandoned and hurt by humans, perhaps it is enough that Kai does not hate. And perhaps in this, Kai is wiser than Natsume.

_You'll watch your human friends grow old and die._

"Then promise me that you'll visit me. Promise me that."

"I will. Soon."

As Natsume walks away from the shrine, he looks at the empty forest, the forest housing one, lonely god.

It is Kai's choice not to open himself up to more pain. And he has already done enough, reaching out to Natsume.

But as for himself, Natsume decides, he will continue on this path, and accept what his choice will bring.

No matter what it is.


	13. A Life of Lies

**A/N:** Thank you everybody for your well-wishes. I'm sure it's because of all of you that my surgery went unusually well. I was discharged two days earlier than expected. Thank you!

As an award, you guys get another drabble. It's a bit rushed (I wrote this while still under the affects of the anesthesia), and I apologize for the darker nature of this drabble. Next week, in anticipation of my birthday, I will be starting a three-part arc. Kai keeps his promise.

Again, as always thank you for reading my drabbles.

* * *

><p><strong>A Life of Lies<strong>

_ Sometimes I am surprised by the things I've become used to. But it is at those points where I must be at my most careful. Because unlike before, I now have people who notice. And what's more, can put two and two together. Perhaps it is selfish of me, but for just a bit longer, just a bit, I want to try to keep my two worlds separate. _

* * *

><p>Natsume walks without truly feeling it. Instead he is more occupied with the feeling of the difference between concrete and bare earth. The road had switched back to concrete a few kilometers back, and Natsume finds himself missing the deeper pulse of the earth that comes with direct contact.<p>

Behind him, Nishimura walks slowly, sweating with exertion. Occasionally Natsume hears him moaning, though it always comes in the form of complaints.

"My legs are going to fall off!" Nishimura says to Kitamoto, who though also sweating, is otherwise perfectly fine.

"Look at the cherry blossoms. They can help keep your mind off things," he replies.

"Not for forty kilometers! Why do we even need to walk this much anyway?" Nishimura adds under his breath.

"We have this every year," Kitamoto reminds Nishimura. "Besides, we're almost done."

Natsume turns around to smile at both of them. He can feel a large group of humans up ahead; the human scent to his spirit senses is nearly overwhelming. It is no wonder spirits find human gatherings tempting. While none of them contain much spiritual power that Natsume would consider "tasty," there is a certain life to the energy that humans give off that many spirits find irresistible. As Natsume is discovering for himself now.

"Nishimura, the last rest stop is just ahead."

"Really?"

Both Nishimura and Kitamoto pause to stare at him.

"Where?" Putting a hand to his face, Nishimura goes on tiptoes to look. "I don't see it anywhere, Natsume. Are you sure?"

"It's right up this hill," Natsume says.

"You can see up the hill?"

That is when Natsume realizes his mistake.

"Ah. Um. I mean, it says so on the map, right?" He smiles nervously at the two of them, secretly glad that neither of them are Tanuma or Taki. Either of them would have been immediately suspicious.

But neither Nishimura nor Kitamoto are aware of Natsume's dealing with spirits, so while the two of them look at each other with identical expressions of confusion, neither of them suspect him of being more than what he appears to be.

"Rest stop!" Nishimura cries suddenly, and much to everybody's surprise, puts in a burst of speed and is up and over the hill before either Natsume or Kitamoto have a chance to react. "Hey, Natsume's right, it really is here!"

"Glad one of us pays attention to the map," Kitamoto says to Natsume, grinning. A second later Kitamoto joins Nishimura.

For a while Natsume pauses at the edge of the rest stop, trying to recollect himself. As time goes on, he has been slipping _more_, not less. He needs to be careful.

"Natsume! Are you all right?"

"Ah, Taki," Natsume says. He smiles at the girl, who hands him a cup of cool, unsweetened tea. "Thank you."

"Were you tired out by the walk?" Taki asks. A towel is wrapped around her neck, her hair still wet from the exercise.

"Look at him," Nishimura says, putting an arm around Natsume. "He isn't even sweating! Ugh. How can a guy who always collapses from anemia manage to walk forty kilometers without sweating?"

"Eh?"

Taki looks at the two of them, eyes growing wider as Nishimura continues his monologue.

And that is when Natsume realizes his second mistake.

"Ah, I don't really sweat a lot, normally," Natsume lies. He eyes Taki quietly, who is giving him an unreadable look. Breaking away from Nishimura, he sidles next to Taki. "You know I get a lot of exercise," he adds quietly, trying to provide an explanation that would fit with what Taki knows of Natsume's involvement with spirits.

But from the way she looks at him, Natsume can tell she is not quite convinced. He feels a chill down his back that has nothing to do with the weather, which is unusually warm for spring. But that, he realizes, is another thing he has forgotten to notice. Just as Natsume no longer feels exhaustion, he also no longer truly feels heat or cold. The sensations taken for granted by humans are now denied him.

Human things.

Little things.

But it is not only forgetting the little details that freezes Natsume with horror. It is the fact that he has so become used to it, so used to being a god, to the point where he no longer thinks of the things that humans have always labored under.

In the few short months Natsume has been transformed, he has become less human. But until now, he had thought that he could keep up this masquerade indefinitely. That he still remembers enough to be able to pretend.

How long before he truly forgets what it is like to be human? How long before he is no longer able to live amongst them, sinking permanently into the spirit world?

_How long before he loses his friends?_

"Natsume? Are you okay?"

"Ah, Tanuma," Natsume says, trying his best to smile. "I'm fine."

"I was just talking to Taki."

"Really? What did she say?"

"Just that you were acting strange."

The statement sends a pang of fear down his back.

"Are you all right? You look sick," Tanuma adds.

"I'm fine!" Natsume says loudly, startling Tanuma. "I'm fine." This time, he tries to soften his response, but he cannot help but feel that Tanuma can see right through him.

"I'm fine," he says again. "Really."

But this lie, he knows, is only to convince himself.

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Notes: <strong>The event I have described in this drabble is the Kyohou (Literally meaning Strong Walk) Taikai. It's not a universal event, and not all high schools do this, but when they do, it is usually done after the admittance of first year students, as a way to bond with the new arrivals. Presumably everybody becomes friends after sharing a painfully long walk together. I myself have participated in this event (as a teacher). Like Nishimura, I too wonder why 40 kilometers is necessary. It really is far too long.


	14. Friends from the Other Side

**A/N:** As promised, Kai comes back. This is the first of a three **(correction: four) **part arc, which will end on April 28th/29th, in celebration of my birthday. I believe that this is an arc many of you guys have been waiting for. Or at least, one of the possible scenarios. I'm aware that there are many, and since I have no plans to finish this story in the near future, please be patient when waiting for THE ARC (OF YOUR DREAMS). I read everybody's comments (several dozen times, yes I'm pathetic), and while I wish I could answer everybody's, I cannot. So here is a general thank you for all the lovely reviews (we're nearing 200, whee!). I'll be honest: I don't think I would have continued this story to this point if it weren't for you guys. So again, ~thank you~

* * *

><p><strong>Friends from the Other Side (Discovery Arc: Part 14)  
><strong>

_One thing has not changed. Night is still the time when I mainly interact with spirits. But the lines have changed, and the balance is off. I wonder how far I will be allowed to tread before I fall. _

* * *

><p>"Natsume."<p>

The boy no longer wears the look of a young schoolboy, but the robes and headdress suitable to a mountain god. Even in winter, the leaves that are a part of the headdress remain bright and green, a sharp contrast to the red cords tied on each side. His robes glow a strange blue in the moonlight where he stands on air, right in front of Natsume's bedroom window.

"Kai," Natsume says with a smile after he opens the window, simultaneously thinning the barrier around the house so that Kai can come in if he wishes. Kai certainly has more than enough power to break through without Natsume's help, except, as Natsume had learned, doing so would have been _rude_. "I'm sorry for making you come all this way."

"You visited me last time," Kai points out instead with a smile. "I thought you might like to join me tonight. There's going to be a festival." He then adds with a grin, "And you no longer have to worry about being eaten."

Natsume stiffens at the comment, but decides in the end to leave it alone. Kai coming to visit him is a happy enough affair. There is no need to make the god guilty, especially when it had been Kai's blood that had been crucial in turning Natsume into what he is now.

"Give me a moment while I make sure Touko-san and Shigeru-san are asleep."

Nyanko-sensei is nowhere in sight, and Natsume assumes that the cat is already at the festivities, trying his best to drink dry every bottle of wine. He senses the couple, and notes from their scents that they have gone past dreams into deep sleep.

"Are you going to remain like that?" Kai asks, looking at Natsume's pajamas.

"Umm, no. I'll change when we get into the forest."

It had rained the day before, making the air unusually chilly and covering the ground in mud. But the mud doesn't cling to his feet—or the rest of him for that matter, including his clothes—which certainly explains why so many spirits are immaculate despite spending all their days outside. It is an odd sensation, one Natsume is still not used to. Though some things, like the dirt, are attributes common to many spirits, his inability to feel cold (or hot) is an attribute that belongs solely to the gods. Natsume had had Misuzu explain this to him earlier that week out of curiosity, after Nyanko-sensei had whined incessantly about the cold.

When the two of them enter the forest, Natsume pulls the energy of the earth around him until it covers him like a shimmering cloak. At the same time, he releases the energy he had been using to make himself seem human. In a flash of light, Natsume replaces his pajamas into what he has started to call his "god clothes".

Kai grins at him when he sees the result.

"Your worshippers have been giving you more offerings," he says, giggling.

Natsume sighs, reaching up to see what _else_ the spirits have added to his already overly-decorated headdress. Gold flickers down one side; the golden rectangles are thin and numerous, shaking with each small movement. He isn't sure if the things are meant to be chimes, but the rectangles make no noise, and so he decides to ignore them.

"I tell them each time not to do this," he says, putting the headdress back on where it conveniently remains without shifting, something that would have been impossible had he still been human. His robes are thankfully still plain and white, but the cloth belt certainly isn't. There are too many colors to count, decorated as it is in panels that depict the forest in all four seasons. "At least they didn't also change the _geta_…" he adds, lifting his right foot up to inspect. But then he groans as he realizes that they have, in fact, been changed. Now instead of plain red straps, the straps have a subtle gold and black design. He doesn't look at them long enough to figure out what kind of design it might be.

"Let them indulge for a while," Kai suggests. "Once they become more used to you, they'll gradually tone it down. It's nice of them to show their adoration for you like they do, though. I could wish that…"

Underneath the shadows of his headdress, Kai falls silent.

"Come on, let's go to the festival," Natsume says, placing an arm around Kai's thin shoulders.

The elder god looks up at him, surprised.

"I'm okay, Natsume," he says. Then he smiles, transforming his face from shadows to light. "I've got you now."


	15. Handling Worshippers

**A/N: **So as it turns out, Yours Truly is incapable of reading calendars. I miscalculated, and realized that a three-part arc would end on April 21st. Which is definitely not my birthday. Who is up for a four-part arc instead? I had not originally planned for this, but I think I will add a fourth part. There should be no complaints, yes?

Also, for those who follow my other works, I posted a new Natsume Yuujinchou fic a few weeks back: It's from Nishimura's point of view, where he discovers the existence of Matoba, called _One Little Push_. Those who are interested should take a look.

As always, thank you for your reviews.

* * *

><p><strong>Handling Worshippers (Discovery Arc: Part 24)  
><strong>

_Apart from humans, it is easy to admit to myself that I have become attached to the spirits who have gathered around me. The trust and easy belief in my abilities is touching, yet at times worrisome. I do not want to be a god who commands. Sometimes I wonder if my feelings will reach them, just as their feelings have reached me.  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>"Lord Natsume!"<em>

_ "He's here!"_

_ "Who? Oh! Lord Natsume!"_

_ "Lord Natsume…"_

"Natsume! Took you long enough!" Nyanko-sensei says, then hics. In all four paws he holds a giant bottle of rice wine, half empty, while he lolls around on his back. The bottle sloshes noisily.

"Nyanko-sensei…" Natsume sighs, looking at the cat.

"Lord Natsume… Lord Kai," a spirit of indeterminate shape bows low before them both, trembling with nerves. "If you would come this way, we have prepared places suitable to your station."

"Ah, there's no need for that…" Natsume starts to say, but the forest clearing falls deathly silent, and all eyes turn toward him, wide and unblinking stares.

"I am sorry to have displeased you, Lord Natsume!" the spirit cries, launching itself to the ground.

"No! I mean, no, I'm not displeased," Natsume says, clumsily trying to find the right words to say. "Kai…"

"Lead us, if you may," Kai says, more amused than anything.

They navigate their way through odd whispers to the cushioned place between two large pines.

_"You see? Always so gracious…"_

_ "He takes care of us, that he does."_

_ "Even other gods respect him, see there…"_

_ "Yes, I have heard…"_

_ "Lord Kai…"_

_ "Yes, Lord Kai visits him especially."_

"They say that like I've never visited you," Natsume mumbles, keeping a tight lid on his emotions. Intimately connected with the earth's energies the way he is now, any severe fluctuation in his mood can cause drastic changes to his appearance. The last time he'd lost control of his emotions, the results had been… embarrassing.

"I don't mind," Kai says, trying to stifle more giggles beneath a hand, which abruptly turns into a gasp. "Oh, that looks delicious."

In addition to rich cushions and carpets on the forest floor, the place is filled with food, food which, Natsume realizes, are of things he truly craves. Not ordinary human food, but filled with dedication and desire, emotions made into physical form. Glasses of flower nectar, carefully stored since spring. Dumplings stuffed with crushed chestnuts, infused with the energy of the tree that had gifted them. Eggs, both from birds and fish, cooked and arranged in beautiful shapes. There is no meat, but Natsume has made it clear that he does not want any spirits sacrificing their bodies for him.

"It's been far too long since I've had food like this," Kai says, already sipping a glass of nectar. "How much of this have you had before, Natsume?"

"A little," Natsume says. "All of this is really amazing though."

"Aaaah. The… the benefits of… godhood." Nyanko-sensei waddles in next to him, bleary-eyed, with a silly grin to match. "Give me…s-s-some of those dumplingsss. Nachume."

"You are ridiculously drunk," Natsume says, rolling his eyes. But he passes the plate of the chestnut dumplings over to where the cat can reach.

Despite his severely drunken state, the fat cat has no trouble devouring every dumpling on the plate, nor does he sway in any noticeable way when he reaches out his front right paw.

"Now… give me some of those f-fish… eggs."

"Sensei…"

"What disrespect!" an ancient looking spirit says, looking at Nyanko-sensei with visible disapproval. It bends its gray, bald head and shakes a cane in the cat's direction. "What makes you think you can take part in a god's feast, you walking rice bun!"

"Why you!" Nyanko-sensei tries to stand, but is too drunk to do anything but sway and toddle from side to side. "Do you… know what I am? I am… I am Lord Nachume's—"

"Cat," Natsume interrupts.

"Not a cat!" the cat immediately shouts, becoming inexplicably more articulate in his drunken anger. "How many times have I told you that I am regal, a spirit unmatched by any other—"

"In stupidity," Natsume agrees, now thoroughly enjoying himself.

He nibbles on the fish eggs Nyanko-sensei had demanded earlier, enjoying the laughter of the other spirits while the cat splutters. The atmosphere gradually relaxes, as more spirits call out additional jabs at Nyanko-sensei's expense, though the cat manages to return the jabs with his own retorts.

"Try this, this is delicious," Kai says, then bursts into laughter at something Nyanko-sensei says.

"The quail eggs? I've never actually had them before," Natsume admits, reaching forward.

But it is at that moment that something causes the forest to simultaneously hush and burst into startled murmurs. Like a wave, the murmurs reach the center, where Natsume and Kai are seated, sending the area into a deep quiet.

_"Did you say human?"_

_ "I sense one. Human!"_

_ "A human." _

"_Insolent human, who dares to trespass…"_

_ "Trespass! We'll eat it!"_

_ "We'll eat it, the human."_

_ "Eat it!"_

_"EAT IT!"_


	16. Colliding Worlds

**A/N:** And the identity of the human is revealed! Mercy led me to post this drabble earlier than normal. I enjoy tormenting my readers, but I prefer reading reviews more- the earlier the better, haha. Thank you all for always reviewing, commenting, speculating- all of them really do keep me going. It is currently final papers week for me, so at the moment this drabble series is the only writing that I enjoy doing. Again, thank you for your patience. After this is one more drabble, and then the arc will be complete.

* * *

><p><strong>Colliding Worlds (Discovery Arc: Part 34)  
><strong>

_I'd believed that I would have more time. Time to decide what kind of god I would want to be, time to determine the way I would walk between the human world and the spirit world. In the end, things happen when they will, and neither spirit nor human are ever prepared._

* * *

><p>Natsume jumps to his feet, holding out a hand in a vain attempt to stop the thundering as spirits everywhere race ahead in search of the human intruder.<p>

"Let's go, Natsume," Kai says.

"I don't want them to hurt anyone," Natsume says, unable to keep the horror out of his voice. It was not that long ago when it would have been _him_ being attacked.

"I know. That's why we're going," Kai replies, looking at Natsume with understanding. "Remember what you are now, Natsume."

"That's right." Nyanko-sensei waddles up to them both, his tone surprisingly sober. "You're not powerless anymore. And a lot of these spirits are _your worshippers_. They'll obey you."

He takes off then, taking the earth's energy into himself, willing speed into his steps. Kai runs alongside him, a silent supporter. They reach the knot of spirits just in time to see a body go under a pile of eager hands and sharp teeth.

"_Stop!_"

All movement ceases.

"Get away from him," Natsume says quietly.

"But…" one spirit protests.

Feeling less like a god and more like a parent about to punish a misbehaving child, Natsume opens his mouth, but Kai steps forward before he can say anything.

"Lord Natsume has spoken. Do you dare disobey him?"

With a whimper, the other spirits step back.

It is only then when Natsume realizes that he recognizes the human's scent. Steady, quiet, and thoughtful—there is power there also: slight, but definitely not normal.

"N-Natsume? Did someone say Natsume?"

With a sinking heart, Natsume watches Tanuma sit up, struggling with mixed feelings of relief that the young man does not appear visibly hurt, and dread that it should be Tanuma, of all people, to be here.

"Aaah… so it comes out now," Nyanko-sensei says, waddling up.

"Ponta," Tanuma says, with a mixture of relief and surprise. Then he looks up. Once again Natsume is filled with a myriad of emotions, but for some odd reason Tanuma's uncertainty at his appearance makes him want to laugh. "Natsume? Is that you? Why are you dressed like that?"

"It's… it's kind of a long story," Natsume says.

"Lord Natsume, what should we…" one spirit asks tentatively.

"I'm sorry. I will be here for a while. Return to the festival, and don't come back until you hear word."

"Understood, Lord Natsume."

With an audible stir, the spirits begin to leave, chattering quietly amongst themselves. Natsume turns his head away from them, not ready to listen to what they are saying.

"Should I go too?" Kai asks.

"Hm? Kai, you remember Tanuma, don't you?"

As if on cue, Tanuma turns toward the mountain god.

"You're that boy…"

"Kai," the god says, smiling. "But you wouldn't have seen me dressed like this would you?"

"No…" and Tanuma returns the smile. It's genuine, warm, and sincere as he examines Kai's appearance again. "It looks good on you though. Better than the schoolboy clothes."

"Hmmm… so explain to us," Nyanko-sensei says, butting in. "What are you doing here? You of all people should know better."

Even in the darkness, Tanuma's flush is visible.

"I…"

"Ah… I hadn't realized it when I was following you," Natsume remembers, glancing at Kai, "but we're near Yatsuhara aren't we? So that means that you must have seen—"

"—lights," Tanuma finishes. "I saw blue lights, and wondered if you were involved. It was stupid, I know, coming out here. And when I realized that I could see the spirits, I knew that it was even stupider. But you'd been acting strange lately, and I was…"

Natsume feels his heart lurch.

"I'm sorry," he says. "This is all because of me."

"And so what if it is?" Nyanko-sensei says. Suddenly Natsume finds his lap full of cat. "But more importantly, _when will you learn to stop taking responsibility for things that you have no control over?_"

Natsume feels his mouth opening, but nothing comes out. Nyanko-sensei gives a snort, and climbs back down onto the grass.

Tanuma smiles.

"Ponta's right, you know. You didn't force me to follow you. I did that on my own."

"You see?" Nyanko-sensei says. "Even the human understands."

"But it's different now!" Natsume says. "Now that I'm a…"

"Being a god now doesn't change a thing!" the cat interrupts. At the words Tanuma freezes, but Nyanko-sensei ignores the young man's reaction. Natsume turns away, not yet ready to see the expression on Tanuma`s face.

"He's right," Kai says softly. "Just because you're a god now, it doesn't mean that you're all-powerful."

"Natsume…"

Natsume turns to face Tanuma, dreading what he will see.

"I'm sorry Tanuma, for not telling you."

But instead of the shock and betrayal he had expected, Tanuma looks at him thoughtfully.

"It looks like you've been through a lot, recently," the young man says. "I know I've said this before, but I'll say it again. I won't push you to tell if you don't want to."

"No!" Natsume cries, his hands reaching out toward Tanuma on their own. He stops abruptly, as he struggles to control the myriad of emotions rising within him. Now is not the time to embarrass himself. "No…" he repeats, more softly this time. "Tanuma I… I've wanted to tell you. Really. It's just that…"

"You can start from the beginning," Nyanko-sensei says.

The beginning. Yes, he will start from the beginning. Natsume takes a deep breath. Then another. It takes a while for Natsume to collect himself, but Tanuma as always, waits patiently.

Finally, he is ready.

"Do you remember, those weeks when Nyanko-sensei had disappeared…?"


	17. Out in the Open

**A/N: **Some of you will soon notice the unusual length of this "drabble", which is really no longer a drabble, but a full chapter in and of itself. I hope you enjoy the extra long length, and the complete and utter fanservice I have added. I admit, I was shameless. This has been something I've secretly wanted to see happen, though it's ridiculous. But it's my birthday. I do what I wa-ant! Please be patient, and I apologize in advance for forcing all of you to indulge me in my silly fantasy. We will return to the regular drabbles next week.

As always thank you for your thoughtful reviews. I hope you enjoy the finale to this arc.

* * *

><p><strong>Out in the Open (Discovery Arc: Part 44)  
><strong>

_I have become used to hiding, used to living several lives at once. So desperate have I been to keep them separate, that I soon forgot again what it was like to be honest. Now I find nothing more frightening than telling the truth._

* * *

><p>Tanuma's expressions are like an open book. Even when his face is cast in shadow and hard to see, Natsume can sense the confusion and distress coming from the young man. This makes it hard for him to continue his story, but he pushes perversely on, like a person deliberately poking at a half-healed wound. It is too late now for anything else.<p>

For a long time, it is Tanuma who does not speak.

Natsume can sense Kai sitting by his side, and feel his silent support, which helps to salve the hurt, even if it doesn't relieve the tension. Nyanko-sensei sits quietly on his lap, the only one truly enjoying the scene.

"Well? You wanted the truth. What do you think of it?"

Tanuma shifts uncomfortably on the grass, where he had been sitting the entire time Natsume had told his tale.

"Aaaaaah… Well, it's a lot to take in." Tanuma finally turns to look at Natsume. "So you aren't… you aren't human anymore?"

"He's most definitely not," Nyanko-sensei says, before Natsume has a chance to answer. "To be honest, he's quite powerful, even with most of his worshippers made up of weak low-class spirits."

"But Natsume, you were powerful as a human too, weren't you? So how are you—" Tanuma pauses then, his face flushing brightly.

"I think," Natsume begins, "I think that it was my original power that allowed me to make the transition without dying." He turns to Nyanko-sensei. "I haven't thought about it until now, but it's true, isn't it, Nyanko-sensei?"

"Ah, that's right. If you weren't as powerful as you were, you wouldn't have been able to make the transition. But don't think it was just that. A great deal of your power went into the transformation, but if you hadn't had enough left over, you wouldn't have been able to become a god. Misuzu had essentially been gambling on the hope that you would be able to make two transitions. Failure to do either would have killed you."

Natsume cannot help but shiver in reaction. The memories of the spell and transformation are still things he tries to avoid when he can. It is not so much the pain—Natsume is used to pain, though it had certainly been far _more_ pain than he had ever felt in his life—but the sensation of being unmade, of losing everything that made him _him_.

"You could have died then," Tanuma whispers, his face as pale now as it had been red before. "Natsume… I don't. I can't… There's no words for what I'm feeling right now. But I'm glad. I'm glad you're alive."

"I'm sorry, Tanuma," Natsume says.

"In your place, I wouldn't know what to say either," Tanuma points out. "It's not something that you can easily bring up in conversation," he adds logically. "Though we'll have to figure out how we're going to do that with Taki."

"Eh?" Natsume stares at him, momentarily confused.

"It wouldn't be fair to leave her out of this," Tanuma says. "She's been just as worried about you as I've been."

"I…"

"Besides, I think she'd want to see you in your umm, how should I put this? Your ummm, your new appearance."

Kai claps his hands over his mouth, but not before several giggles escape from his mouth.

Natsume groans.

"This wasn't my idea you know! My worshippers made the silly thing. But I can't tell them to stop, because it's supposed to be their way of showing appreciation."

"It looks very godly," Tanuma says earnestly. "I think it looks nice on you."

Next to him, Natsume sees Kai topple sideways on the grass, clutching his belly in a fit of giggles.

"Kai! Don't. I…"

All the emotion that Natsume has been trying to keep at bay erupts, and for an instant there is a flash of light.

"Natsume! Natsume!" Tanuma shouts, momentarily startled by the light. Gradually the light starts to fade. "Natsu— Natsume?"

At the moment, Natsume wants nothing more than to sink into the earth beneath him, which for him is no longer a mere saying, but something he can accomplish in truth. Instead he stares at his hair, at the large…_ amount_ of it.

His hair, impossibly long, is pooled around his feet like a puddle of amber. Some of it is tangled up in the cords tied to his headdress, and he tries half-heartedly to shift some of the silky stuff that clings to his hands.

"Oh no. Not this again," Natsume says, the last word coming off as a wail. "Nyanko-sensei!"

"How many times have I told you to keep your emotions under control, idiot! It's because you can't that this keeps happening!"

"What am I supposed to do again?"

"Will it away, like you're supposed to do, you impossible idiot. Why are you asking me when you know the answer?"

"N-Natsume? Is that really you?" There is a worried quality to Tanuma's voice, yet Natsume hears something else as well. "Are you o-o-okay?"

There is no doubt. Natsume sighs and hangs his head. He can hear Tanuma trying his best to keep from laughing, and failing.

"When spirits get emotional they often shift appearances," Nyanko says, somehow managing to make himself heard over the howling. "Most grow larger, while others become darker. Some spirits with horns or tails end up with those growing longer, but Natsume, it seems, chooses to grow out his hair."

"I do _not_ choose this!" Natsume says, feeling the heat in his face double. He looks up to glare at the cat.

"You have nothing to complain about," Nyanko-sensei says. "Your worshippers all think you look beautiful this way."

Around him, the laughter only worsens.

Natsume gathers what little dignity he has remaining.

"I'm changing back."

He closes his eyes, and concentrates on returning to the way he was before.

When he opens his eyes again, Tanuma is wiping tears from his eyes, and looking contrite.

"Sorry, Natsume."

"It's okay," Natsume says. He sighs. "I guess I should be thankful that I didn't do this in front of my worshippers."

"Ummm." Tanuma blushes. "Well, I'm glad you're back to normal now."

Natsume deliberately ignores the last statement.

"I think it's time to go home," Natsume says instead. "Tanuma, I'll walk you back."

"Ah, there's no need…"

"It's time for me to get back too," Kai says, smiling. "I'll see you again soon, Natsume."

"Thank you for coming to see me tonight, Kai."

They part ways then, Kai lifting into the sky, then disappearing in a flash of wind and thrashing branches.

Natsume looks back at Tanuma, and nudges the young man down the path leading to his house. For a time neither of them say anything. At the edge of the spirit barrier, Natsume pauses, then shifts into his human form, still clad in pajamas.

"Aren't you cold?" Tanuma asks, finally breaking the silence.

"I don't really feel the cold anymore," Natsume says. "And the dirt doesn't really cling to my feet either, so I don't even have to worry about that."

"That's convenient."

"Some things are," Natsume says. "Other things… aren't."

Tanuma tactfully does not reply to that.

"I'm glad."

"Hm?"

"You're still Natsume. I was worried. And when you told me about becoming a god, I was even more worried. But you're still Natsume. You haven't changed."

"No," Natsume says. "I have changed. I've changed a great deal."

"I know. You can't help but change, after going through that. But the important part, the Natsume I know. That's stayed the same." Tanuma smiles at him, as if encouraging him. "You don't need to be afraid, Natsume."

_Afraid._

It takes a second for Natsume to recognize it, but that is exactly what he has been feeling all this time. Fear of the changes inside him, of confronting the memories that make up that fateful day, of balancing the two worlds he now lives in, protecting the precious friends who inhabit both. He had been afraid, terrified.

"Thank you, Tanuma. I… I needed to hear that."

"You always burden yourself with everything," Tanuma says, his voice sounding exasperated. "But I'm used to that part of you. You wouldn't be Natsume if you told me everything."

They stop outside the gates of Tanuma's temple. At that moment, Natsume finds himself reluctant to leave. Tanuma appears to feel the same, first with taking far too much time finding the right keys, then fumbling the key into the lock.

"You're… you're coming to school tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah."

"All right. Good night."

"Good night."

For a while Natsume stands outside the house, waiting. It isn't until he can sense Tanuma deep in sleep that he turns away from the temple.

"Nyanko-sensei," Natsume says softly to the cat. "I think… I think I'm the luckiest person in the world."

"Hmph. What in the world are you talking about? We're going home."

"Yes. Let's go home."


	18. From the Eyes of Spirits

**A/N: **Sorry, I'm slightly late, but it's still Sunday, no? This is kind of a semi-sequel to the previous arc, and I've always wanted to explore Taki's circle from the spirit's point of view. As always, please read and enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>From the Eyes of Spirits<strong>

_There are many things that used to bother me as a human, but now don't. The reverse however, is also true. As I look at the seals and spells I am learning, and the ones that I am told to avoid, I wonder what had driven the first exorcist to create what he had. What kind of desperation would cause a person to create spells of such horror? _

* * *

><p>"When is Natsume coming?" Taki asks, as she makes another indentation in the soft earth. She starts on another symbol, an older form of the Chinese character meaning "sun". There are other characters as well, characters that Natsume is now starting to become able to read. The meanings send a chill of fear down his back. While the human characters are innocuous enough, the spirit ones spell doom for any spirit.<p>

Slowly, Taki writes out the character for "chains".

_Chains, to shackle my essence into the circle._

She moves onto the next, this time writing out "mirror".

_Mirror, to reveal to the eye what cannot otherwise be seen._

Despite knowing that the effects of the circle are more or less harmless, Natsume has to fight down the urge, once he has seen it, to flee. It is more than the fear of being seen, he realizes, but Natsume cannot find the words to explain it, only that he feels something wrong when he looks at it.

"Idiot, it will do you no harm," Nyanko-sensei says, looking at him in his form as a white beast. "You're reacting to it from an instinctive level, but fight it."

Natsume swallows, though his throat is not dry. Some human habits are harder to forget than others.

"No wonder Chobihige calls it an ill omen," Natsume murmurs, looking at the circle that Taki is drawing. "But why? What's so horrifying about being seen by ordinary humans?"

"If you think about it, you ought to understand," Nyanko-sensei says. "Remember what spirits are. And think of how many humans can actually see our kind."

Natsume pauses then, thinking hard.

"We're a hypocritical bunch, aren't we?" he says. "We resent humans for not being able to see us, but then when they manage to find the tools to do it, we're afraid."

"It's part of being a spirit," Nyanko-sensei. "And don't think humans are free from that sort of hypocrisy either."

"I know," Natsume says. It is not entirely out of hatred that exorcists trap or seal spirits after all.

He watches Tanuma gazing around the clearing by the river, probably trying to sense his presence. It is a futile effort. Natsume's shields have long since passed the stage when they are able to hide his power from humans. It had been one of the first things Misuzu insist he learn.

"Exorcists covet power like yours," Misuzu had explained, and Natsume had nodded, acknowledging the truth of that statement. "You want them to underestimate you, so that if they ever manage to seal you, they use a weaker seal that you can break out of easily."

The words, so casually said, had sent a chill down his back. Not the fact that he was coveted—after all, that is no different from when he had been human—but the fact that humans now have the ability to hurt him in a way they could never have done when he had still been human.

But then, Nyanko-sensei had pointed out later, the reverse is also true.

"He should be coming soon," Tanuma says, looking around. "Or he may be here already."

"It's strange, isn't it, that he could be here and we'd never see him," Taki murmurs.

Tanuma nods.

"I can't imagine it's easy for him either. At least he can actually make himself look human when he wants to."

"Will that be enough though?" Taki asks. "Can spirits make themselves age?"

"I don't know."

Taki makes the final markings in the earth.

"Check to see if there's anyone nearby," Taki says.

"I don't see anyone."

Natsume stretches his senses outward and above, but aside from Taki and Tanuma, senses no other human.

"Nyanko-sensei?"

"You go first. There is no way I'm risking that girl throttling my entire body. She'll probably miss your appearance if I do," Nyanko-sensei says, grumbling.

Natsume laughs, which is probably what Nyanko-sensei had intended, and manages to relax a little more.

"All right Natsume, if you're here," Tanuma says angling his voice a little louder than usual, though Natsume is standing right by him. "We're ready."

He looks at the circle, still hesitating.

"What are you doing, you idiot? Go already."

First he places a foot on the outer edge. Then he takes a step. Then another.

"Oh!"

Slowly, Natsume turns to face her.

"Hello, Taki," he says softly, smiling at her from within the circle.

"Natsume-kun…"

To his shock, Taki is crying, her hands covering her mouth.

"Taki… Are you… I'm…" He reaches out a hand, but knows that he cannot leave the circle.

"Oh, Natsume-kun…" Taki says, and more tears fall down her cheeks.

Tanuma immediately goes to her.

"Don't worry, Natsume. Taki's not sad or anything," Tanuma reassures him.

"No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Taki says, interrupting Tanuma. She wipes the tears from her eyes, but a few stray beads are still caught on her eyelashes, reflecting light. "It's just that I wasn't expecting to see you looking like… Oh Natsume-kun!"

"Well, it looks like you're able to reduce humans to tears," Nyanko-sensei says, back in his form as a cat.

It is a sign of Taki's shock that Nyanko-sensei's appearance barely registers in her eyes.

"I'm sorry Taki," Natsume says.

"No, don't be. It's just… I've…" Taki looks at him, smiling. "I've never seen a god before." She looks straight into his eyes, her face shining bright with happiness. "You're beautiful!"

Tanuma bursts into laughter.

"Don't laugh! It's true, don't you think?"

"Well…"

From within the circle, Natsume looks at his two friends, and is surprised to find himself smiling.

"It's not so bad, is it, being seen," Nyanko-sensei says.

"No," Natsume says. "No, it's not."


	19. In a Name

**A/N: **I apologize once again for being woefully late. I did not have much access to the internet recently. But it is better late, than never, no? I promise to be more prompt this weekend.

I have brought in the little fox. He is older, and as you will soon see, a lot wiser, though just as lovable and earnest as before. Or at least, I hope so. I was rather indirect in this drabble, and I hope that it is not too confusing. I've also done something rather bold, please forgive me. You are seeing me set up the scenes to another arc, though it will come much later. Please be patient. As always, read and enjoy.

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><p><strong>In a Name<strong>

_ Names have always held a place of importance for me, and I know that for spirits, the value of their names increases tenfold. I only need to look at the Book of Friends to remind myself of their value, to remember why I have become the person I am now. But now that I am one of them, I have to confront the one truth I have never had to consider—that human names cannot be entered into the Book of Friends. _

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><p>He can feel the warmth of the sun on his skin as a slight caress, a touch of the actual heat that plagues his human friends and lesser spirits. The warmed grass sends up a nice perfume, and while Natsume does not feel tired, he senses a certain unwillingness to move. His companion is similarly affected, and Natsume turns over to smile at the little fox kit snuggling next to him.<p>

"Are you hot?" Natsume asks.

The little fox kit opens his eyes, and rubs them sleepily.

"No. Your body is cool." He looks up and smiles. "It feels nice."

For a moment Natsume feels a flash of nostalgia, an image of a time when he had said the same thing to someone else. At the time he had not had enough experience to say what he meant, but he is determined not to make the same mistake.

"I'm glad you're comfortable."

"Mm."

It is not too long before the child is once again snuggled against him, the contrast between the heat of late spring and the cool feeling of Natsume's body once again drawing the fox spirit back into sleep. Natsume smiles at the sleeping figure, glad that the kit had made the long journey to see him. His followers are growing day by day, but there are still few who dare to approach him.

_"Ah, it is Lord Onwa…"_

_ "No other god would allow such closeness."_

_ "Do you suppose Lord Onwa would allow us to talk to him?" _

_ "I suppose…"_

_ "… No, best not to disturb him right now. Haven't you heard? He has been working himself to a wraith, trying to master spells."_

_ "Why?"_

_ "Why? Why? To protect us of course." _

_ "He didn't know them already?"_

_ "Of course not. Have you already forgotten what he once was?" _

Natsume shakes himself out of his reverie, and looks toward the source of the conversation. A group of low-level spirits are hiding in the bushes, but Natsume senses no ill-will.

"Who is Lord Onwa?" Natsume murmurs softly, struck by the name. It cannot be a real name, and from the way the spirits had used it, it had felt more like a code. "A code for who?"

"Hmmm?"

"Ah, I'm sorry," Natsume says, gently patting the kid on the head. "This is the second time I've woken you up."

"I'm fine," the child says, sitting up. "Who were you talking to, Natsume?"

"Hm? Ah, nobody. I was just talking to myself." Natsume pauses for a bit, still trying to collect his thoughts. "I don't suppose…"

"What?" The fox spirit, sensing that Natsume is about to ask him a favor, looks up at him eagerly.

"Have you heard of a spirit named Lord Onwa?"

Natsume had expected the boy to tilt his head in confusion, perhaps look away, disappointed. Instead the child giggles before hurriedly covering his mouth.

In that instant, Natsume understands who Lord Onwa is.

"It's me, isn't it?"

"You own the Book of Friends," the fox kit says.

He senses the warning within the statement, but there is another feeling hidden within the fox spirit's words as well.

"So all of you are protecting me," he says.

The child looks down, unable to meet his eyes. "Natsume… you… you like humans. You spend a lot of time with them."

"That's not the only thing, is it?"

"There've been… rumors." The fox kit looks up at him, and Natsume finds himself temporarily stunned by the fierce protectiveness in the child's eyes. "Spirits asking questions."

A chilling thread of fear runs down his back, but Natsume manages to control his feelings, and maintains a calm façade.

"Are they shiki?"

"I'll protect you, Natsume. No matter what happens. I'll protect you."

"But you don't…" Natsume stops himself from finishing the sentence. Now is not the time to hurt the fox kit, not after that display of sincerity. He breathes in deeply. Then lets it out. "At least promise me one thing," he says.

The child looks at him expectantly.

"No matter what anyone else calls me, at least when you're with me, call me Natsume."

The child's lips curve into a sweet smile, and he looks at Natsume happily.

"Of course."

Natsume settles back into the grass, the fox kit doing the same. They remain that way until Nyanko-sensei comes for the both of them.

"If you don't hurry now, Touko-san will get worried," the cat says. "She's making gratin tonight. There is no way I want to be late for that."

"Ah, sorry."

"I'll see you tomorrow," the fox kit says cheerfully.

"Be safe," Natsume says.

"I will! I've already found a nice burrow," he says.

They leave the fox kit waving enthusiastically on the hilltop. Nyanko-sensei walks ahead, his short feet moving rapidly under him in a way that Natsume finds amusing.

"Sensei, never stop calling me Natsume."

"What? What's this all about, idiot? I'll call you whatever I want."

Natsume laughs.

"I wonder, Sensei," he answers quietly. "The spirits have placed so much hope on me. I hope I can return the favor."

Nyanko-sensei stops in the middle of the road, then turns to look at him, rolling his eyes. "Just live up to that name they've given you. You should be able to do that, no?"

The name. It is very like the spirits to give him a name that has within it all their hopes, their wishes, and their desires. He senses the desire, not only of what he can grant them, but of what they hope he will always be. As Natsume does himself. And they have, by giving him this name, given him a little more time, a little more protection. A few more roads to grow into the god he wishes to become.

"I will, Nyanko-sensei. No matter what."

How can he not, with such a name?

_Onwa_.

He is Natsume. Natsume Takashi. Lord Natsume, the Gentle.


	20. The Act to Protect

**A/N: **After talking about Natsume working himself to a wraith, naturally I thought it would be a good idea to finally write about his lessons for once. The lovely thing about Natsume Yuujinchou is that you can bring in original characters and no one will bat an eye. I love coming up with odd spirits. This drabble unfortunately lacks the warmth and fuzziness that the other drabbles have, but it's another development in Natsume's growth that I felt was important to elaborate on. After all, greater responsibility comes with harder, often more painful decisions. I'm sure at the moment Natsume is not very pleased with the position Misuzu has forced him into. Yet still, Natsume being Natsume, he learns to deal with it.

Please enjoy this drabble. I have a whole bunch of other drabbles lined up, so please look forward to them.

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><p><strong>The Act to Protect<strong>

_Being a god means to take responsibility for the lives that depend on me, to protect them from harm. But I know that there is more to protection than the creation of a shield. There will come a day when my defense is challenged—will I be able to take that next step when it comes? Will I be able to fight? To kill?_

* * *

><p>"Well, I must say, you have been aptly renamed, Lord Onwa," Misuzu says to him, chuckling. The spirit watches from the sidelines, amused at Natsume's lackluster performance against his embarrassingly small opponent.<p>

Natsume flushes underneath the floating blue spheres of foxfire.

"Let me try again," he says instead.

"Hoho—and will you fail… again?"

"Sorry about that!" Natsume snaps, frustration making him impatient. Then slowly he hangs his head. "I don't know why I can't seem to master this. Maybe I'm just not strong enough."

"No, Lord Onwa, you have plenty of power," his opponent tells him earnestly. The small spirit, only half his height, is small and barely a wisp of shadow in the night forest. "But if you will allow me to say so my lord, it is your, ah, your attitude that is setting you back. You mustn't be afraid."

"Considering your ability at the moment, even exercising your full power, you will barely dent Kiritori," Misuzu adds. "So do not worry about harming it."

"That's not exactly comforting either," Natsume mutters.

"It will come with time," Misuzu says, unperturbed. "Your defenses are quite good. Now you must learn how to attack. Not all the spirits that come your way will be willing to follow your rules. Some will try to challenge you."

"I know."

"You must be prepared," Misuzu says. "Not all your opponents will be spirits."

"I know."

He took one long, shuddering breath. In his head, he understands. But his heart does not.

"My lord, you do not need to hurry," Misuzu adds, gently. "If push comes to shove, both Madara and I will be there for you. Together we can face off just about any creature who shows you ill will, spirit or human."

"I can't always depend on you, Misuzu," Natsume says. "There are places you can't go. And there is always someone more powerful."

"That is true," Misuzu agrees, sounding pleased. "And since that is so, you will turn and face Kiritori again. Concentrate this time. You must want to _hurt_."

"But I don't want to hurt anyone!" Natsume cries, finally hitting on the truth of the matter. He covers his face, trembling. His all too vivid imagination is showing him possible scenario after scenario, each more horrific than the next. "I don't… I can't…"

"Then will you quit?" Misuzu says. "Your gentle nature becomes you, Lord Natsume, but it will also be your undoing."

But it will not only be _his_ undoing, as Natsume knows all too well. Rumors of shiki in the nearby mountains and forests have increased. They most certainly belong to exorcists, though whether or not they belong to exorcists Natsume knows is another story altogether. So far the shiki are only trying to collect information, but it will only be a matter of time before some of them try to attack his followers. After all, the fewer worshippers Natsume has, the easier it will be to fight him. And Natsume knows that he cannot leave them unprotected.

_Which is more important to you: spirits, or humans?_

Soon, Natsume will have to choose.

"Kiritori!"

"Yes, my lord?"

"I am ready."

"Understood." The wisp of black fog shifts into a fighting stance, readying itself for Natsume's attack. "I am ready when you are, my lord."

Natsume concentrates on the black fog, and begins to push the energy of the earth into his hands, ready to release at the right moment. Gods, unlike weaker spirits or humans, do not need to recite spells for ordinary attacks. Only the Great Works require actual rituals and words, but Natsume has been told that it is not something he will need to learn. As a god, such things are instinctive, an inherent part of who he is.

He gives no warning when he releases the energy in a flash of blue light. For a brief moment Kiritori is illuminated, glowing a bright silver and flying back into the shadows outside the ring of foxfire. Throughout this exchange, everything is eerily silent.

"Better," Misuzu says. His smile is wide as he lowers his head toward Natsume in approval. "Much better."

"Are you all right?" Natsume asks, calling out to where Kiritori had fallen.

"I am all right, my lord," the spirit says. From where Natsume is standing, it looks like a wisp of fog is dusting itself off. "This is not enough to hurt me. And as Misuzu will soon tell you, my lord, you still need to focus more of your power to cause any damage. At the moment you are like a giant rock, and I am the tiny ant—it is a lot of power used with little advantage. I am hit, but too much flows around me and never touches me."

"Learn to focus, Lord Natsume."

"Still, it was much better my lord," Kiritori says encouragingly.

"Then let's try again," Natsume says. "Shall we?"

"Of course, my lord."

_ Natsume, you must choose soon. _

Natsume looks at his instructors with new determination.

"My choice has been made."


	21. The Secret Laws

**A/N: **So we have another character reappearance, and Natsume begins to show his growth as a god. If any of you remember the manga arc where Natsume was trapped in Matoba's house, Natsume and Nyanko-sensei once had a conversation about the Book of Friends and whether Matoba's shiki would tell Matoba. I have decided to expand this point a little more.

Please read and enjoy.

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><p><strong>The Secret Laws<strong>

_ Even as a human, I'd noticed that when it came to spirits, there were places that humans could never reach, could never understand. They have their own rules, their own laws, laws that no human could ever make them break. I wonder if exorcists understand that, understand just how tenuous their control actually is. Perhaps that is why still more prefer to destroy._

* * *

><p>It is not quite with surprise that Natsume turns to look at the spirit standing to the side, her horned mask ever hiding her expression. But Natsume had never needed facial expressions to tell what she was thinking, and now as a god, he needed them even less.<p>

"Hello, Hiiragi."

"Natsume."

"It's been a while, Hiiragi. How's Natori-san?" Natsume asks, smiling slightly.

"At the moment Master is busy with work," she says dismissively. "But he is doing well."

"How are Urihime and Sasago?"

"They are working."

Natsume falls silent.

"I see." He takes a breath before he gathers the courage to ask the next question. "And what has Natori-san asked them to do?"

"To find the root of recent rumors among the spirits," Hiiragi says quietly. "That there has recently appeared a powerful new spirit—some say a god, even."

He sighs then, and sits down under a nearby tree.

"Thank you for telling me, Hiiragi," he says.

"Natsume… what will you do now?"

"I'm sorry, Hiiragi," he says, looking down at the ground, at the growing grass beneath his feet. "I didn't mean to force you guys to divide your loyalties."

"It was never divided to begin with, Natsume," she says. There is a pause, and Natsume waits, knowing that the spirit has more to say. "You are new to our world, so you do not yet know. There are laws we will not break. We cannot afford to break them."

He understands. The ritual that had created him is not known to any human, could not, must not, be known to any human. All spirits, including those bound as shiki, will protect that secret with their life. Because to make the ritual known outside the spirit world is to result in something too disastrous to contemplate.

"If you maintain you current appearance, Master should not notice anything different," Hiiragi notes. "It is different for us: we can tell the difference between humans and spirits, but humans cannot."

"I know. Perhaps I should be grateful?" Natsume smiles. But he knows that things will not always stay with surface appearances. There are spells to reveal Natsume's true form. And if that were to happen, things will be too late.

"Urahime and Sasago will only report that the spirit is powerful, but has no intention of harming humans," Hiiragi says. "Master will take that at face value and do nothing more. But Natsume, we are not the only ones searching the forest."

Natsume nods, and he looks up at Hiiragi, calmly taking note of the warning in her words.

"Matoba's shiki… there is something different about them." He then leans forward, deep in thought. "I know two of them are ordinary spirits, but the rest of them… the oval masks… those are human made."

"Exactly."

"Human made familiars are limited. There is only so much information they can pass on, and they lack the initiative necessary to accomplish difficult tasks. And other spirits can sense them and will not trust them," Natsume murmurs. It is a statement borne both from experience and the many lessons he has been taking. "But still, I can't afford to underestimate them. I will speak with Misuzu tonight, to discuss what I should do."

For a long time the two of them do not speak.

"You've changed, Natsume."

Natsume laughs.

"Wouldn't it be odd if I didn't change?" he said, smiling. Then he sobers, as another thought occurs to him. "Do you think Natori-san… if he does find out I'm a spirit, how do you think he will react, Hiiragi?"

"I don't know. Thanks to your relationship with him, Master has recently become… softer toward spirits. But he may feel betrayed if he finds out."

Since Natsume cannot afford to let Natori-san find out about the ritual, the only way is to pretend that he has been masking as a human all along. There is no doubt that Natori-san will feel deeply hurt, but Natsume knows, with a deep-seated surety, that he will do nothing to fix that misunderstanding. After all, he has chosen.

"But we will work to make sure that such a day will be a while before it comes to pass," Hiiragi says. "Until then we will protect your secret, Natsume."

"Thank you, Hiiragi."

Once again, they fall silent.

"Natsume…" Hiiragi says, hesitantly, "It is not only because of the laws that I choose to protect, Natsume. "

His eyes open wide in reaction. Though he is now a god, Natsume realizes, ruefully, that he still has trouble expressing himself. Instead only one word manages to get through.

"Hiiragi…"

It is enough.

"I will be going now," Hiiragi says. "Take care, Lord Onwa."

She disappears then in a flash of smoke and light, leaving Natsume alone. But Natsume, as he continues to look at the spot where Hiiragi had stood, knows it for the illusion it is.

He will never be alone.


	22. A God's Blessing

**A/N: **It feels like a long time since I have updated... actually, it has been a long time since I've updated. I'm sorry. As some of you have noticed in the summary, I was on temporary hiatus due to issues with my master's thesis. It is now complete (claps hands). I am now pursuing a second masters, which proves I have learned nothing from my first one.

This piece is a slow return to the world of The Human Mask. I wanted to go back to Natsume's human friends, to explore the things Natsume can now do for his friends, but above all I wanted to show how few things have changed. It is summer, and this drabble is a reflection of that. As always, I hope you enjoy reading this latest drabble as you have all my previous ones.

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><p><strong>A God's Blessing<strong>

_ There are things I can do now that I have never been able to do before. Little things, invisible things. It is one thing to take advantage of my power to benefit myself, but I have found that there is no greater joy than using it for the people I care about. They do not know what I am doing, nor do I ever intend to tell them. Just seeing them happy is enough. _

* * *

><p>"Oho! Look! I've caught another one!" Nishimura shouts. The cherry salmon hanging on his fishing line is large, the black spots on its scales dark and shiny. He unhooks the fish from the line, and throws it into his pail of water, where it will live—for a little while longer. "It barely fits in the pail," he sighs happily.<p>

Kitamoto laughs.

"Looks like you're the lucky one today," he says. His own pail is less full, but still sizable, with four fish.

"Hey Natsume… are you okay? You haven't caught any," Nishimura says, looking at Natsume's empty pail.

"Hmm?" The comment breaks Natsume out of his thoughts.

"You normally catch a lot," Nishimura says. Then he grins. "Guess I'm stealing your luck today."

"Ah, I suppose so," Natsume says with a smile. "How many have you caught by now?"

"Five!" Nishimura replies. "If I get three more, I can make it so that we each get two fishes a piece for dinner." He pauses. "But maybe that's too much to hope for."

"Well, you won't know until you try," Natsume says, already stretching out his senses for the largest, fattest fish in the river.

"You should try," Kitamoto agrees. "Though don't steal all the fish from me."

"What? You've got four. That's one for each person in your family."

"I can eat two," Kitamoto says, deftly piercing a squirming worm onto the end of his hook.

Which means his friends will need a total of four more.

Natsume smiles again to himself, copying Kitamoto's movements, but there is no worm in his hands, only the illusion of one.

He is not a fox spirit, for whom illusions come more or less naturally (for the poor little fox spirit, it appears to be less), and is therefore limited in what he can do. Worms on a hook beneath the foam of a rapidly rushing stream is about all he can do at the moment.

But the ability he uses to coax the vegetables in Touko-san's garden is similar to the ability used to lure fish, an exercise he does not normally feel comfortable doing for himself. It is one thing to lure fish to their death for friends who will eat them—another for him to do it solely to test his power and ability.

With his senses, Natsume can feel the fish in the stream, noting which ones are healthy, which ones are small, and sickly. The healthy ones shine to his sight, while the unhealthy ones are of a duller color. Thankfully, there are not many of those.

Nor will there ever be more, so long as Natsume remains here.

Luring the fish toward his friends is a simple enough affair, but even Nishimura and Kitamoto will feel suspicious if they manage to catch exactly what they need in five minutes. So Natsume takes things slowly, allowing some of the younger, healthier ones to go, to give them a chance to live just a bit longer.

Twenty minutes later, both his friends had the exact amount of fish that they had hoped to catch: Kitamoto with one, Nishimura with three.

"This is so awesome," Nishimura says, grinning ear to ear. He tries to pick up the pail of fish only to stumble under the unexpected weight.

"But Natsume, you still haven't caught any," Kitamoto says with a frown.

"I'm okay," Natsume says. "Touko-san and Shigeru-san aren't expecting me to bring back anything."

"But still…"

"No really, it's okay." He smiles in a manner that he hopes is reassuring.

A moment later he hears the pouring sound of water, followed by two consecutive splashes.

"Nishimura! But your family…"

"My mom doesn't eat that much fish. And neither does my dad, actually," Nishimura says. He pauses for a moment, deep in thought. "Come to think of it, I'm not really that hungry today."

Before Natsume can stop him, Nishimura adds another fish to Natsume's recently empty pail.

"Ah, that's right. My sister's on a diet," Kitamoto says, walking over. He grins at the stunned expression on Natsume's face. "Here, this one is for that fat cat of yours. He'll be pissed if you bring home fish for everyone except him."

"Kitamoto…"

"What are friends for, Natsume?" Nishimura says.

"Come on, let's clean up."

Natsume walks over to his pail, looks down, and seeing the fish, finds himself struggling not to laugh.

"Caught by my own efforts," he murmurs to himself.

"Natsume? We're leaving!"

"Okay!" he shouts back, then he looks down at his pail of fish again. Times like these make Natsume wonder if his friends know more about him than they let on.

For in the pail, fat and healthy, are the exact four fish Natsume had lured for his friends.


	23. Out of His Depth

**A/N: **In fitting with summer, this is another typical summer hangout fic, following the previous fishing drabble. I wanted to pair Natsume the god with something unorthodox, and this was what became of it. This drabble is particularly silly, which is the point I suppose. I had originally planned for the story to follow another direction, but the characters had other plans in mind.

I hope you guys enjoy reading this drabble as much as I have giggled over writing this.

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><p><strong>Out of His Depth<strong>

_There are many things that don't come naturally to me. Just the same, it is no reason not to try. And sometimes, the attempt to learn is more rewarding than the actual mastering. I am just thankful that at every step, I have people to support me._

* * *

><p>He steps into the noisy, overly bright room, not exactly nervous, but definitely not confident either. Immediately he is dragged toward his left, to a row of screens featuring oddly dressed people fighting in impossible ways.<p>

"Come on!" Nishimura says. "Street Fighter IV is always taken. And look! There are two units side by side." He pulls at Natsume's right sleeve while Natsume turns to look at the rest of the group helplessly.

Tanuma returns the look with a wry smile and an equally helpless shrug.

"Here, Nishimura, you take the unit with me. Natsume and Tanuma can use the other one," Kitamoto says, sliding easily into one seat and motioning for Natsume and Tanuma to take the unit next to them.

"Man, I can't believe you two have never played at an arcade before," Nishimura says, taking his place next to Kitamoto. "Are you sure that you guys will be okay? Maybe we should pair with one of you."

"And destroy them?" Kitamoto says, laughing. "No, let them fumble around first. I kinda want to know who will catch on faster."

Tanuma laughs, sliding into his seat first.

"I never had friends who were interested in arcades, so I never got a chance."

"Same here," Natsume says, smiling in spite of his confusion.

"Well, why do you think we invited the two of you?" Nishimura says, rolling his eyes. "What else are friends for?"

"Are you sure it's not just to watch these two humiliate themselves?" Kitamoto teases.

Nishimura takes the jab good-naturedly.

"That too," he says, grinning widely. "Shall we place bets?"

"I'm betting on Tanuma getting it first."

"No fair! I wanted to bet on Tanuma!"

"Hey, I thought you guys were my friends," Natsume says, laughing. But he sits down next to Tanuma, who is already looking half occupied with the bright flashing images on the screen.

"Do you know what to do?" Natsume asks, staring at the controls.

"No more than you do," Tanuma replies, pressing the random buttons and toying with the joystick.

"Oh well, let's get started." Natsume places one hundred yen in the slot. "Tanuma? We need another for two player."

"Oh okay."

As the screen changes to the menu, the two of them look at each other again. For some odd reason Natsume is struggling hard not to laugh at the absurdity of his situation. How many gods play arcade games? Of spirits who play arcade games, he knows only one: Nyanko-sensei.

"You're not allowed to use your powers to defeat me," Tanuma says quietly, looking just as amused as Natsume.

"I wouldn't even know where to begin," Natsume says. But the comment sends him tentatively probing at the machine in front of him out of curiosity.

Nothing.

And then suddenly Natsume stiffens as a rush of white-hot, searing energy fills him like the violent rapids of a fast-running river. He gasps—not in pain, but the shock of absorbing energy that is akin to lightening momentarily unbalances him. It is all he can do to struggle to maintain his human appearance.

At the same time, the screen flickers rapidly, then suddenly goes black.

"Natsume? Natsume, are you all right?" Tanuma says. "You were flickering," he adds in a whisper.

"I'm fine," Natsume whispers back. "I think I touched something I shouldn't have."

"Whoa, what happened to your machine?" Nishimura says, pausing his game with Kitamoto to stand up. He spends a few minutes looking over Natsume and Tanuma's machine and poking at the buttons. "It's dead!"

"Let me find an assistant," Kitamoto says.

The store assistant is baffled when he comes to examine the machine, as none of the usual means of restarting turns it back on.

"I don't understand," the assistant says. "I'll need to call a technician." He turns to both Natsume and Tanuma. "I'm sorry, I'll reimburse you. This is bizarre."

"You guys can use our machine after we finish our game," Kitamoto says. "It's probably better this way, so we can coach you guys."

"Sure," Tanuma says.

"Man, I've never seen a machine do that before," Nishimura says. "Must be beginner's luck."

"More like a curse," Kitamoto says.

Natsume winces at the word. Not that he had actually cursed the machine… But it might as well have been one. Though completely by accident of course.

"It wasn't a curse," Natsume mutters quietly.

Next to him, Tanuma is struggling not to laugh.

"What?" Nishimura asks.

"Nothing," Natsume quickly replies.

It only takes another minute for Kitamoto to completely defeat Nishimura. Moaning over what was apparently an unorthodox move on Kitamoto's part, Nishimura is nevertheless cheerful enough when he gets out of his seat to switch with Natsume.

"Don't you dare lose to Tanuma, Natsume! I've got five hundred yen riding on you!"

"What?"

"Same here, Tanuma," Kitamoto says.

"That's right. Pressure's on you two."

"Maybe you should curse the machine again," Tanuma whispers.

Natsume cannot help it. He starts to giggle. Soon Tanuma joins him, until the two of them are bent over the controls from laughing too hard.

"Hey, will you two get started already?"

"Sorry, sorry," Natsume says.

This time, he is careful not to probe the machine. And with Tanuma struggling alongside him, the unfamiliar game and controls no longer seem so bad. Amid encouraging shouts from Kitamoto and Nishimura, the game even becomes fun.

Losing doesn't feel so bad, under such circumstances.


	24. Lighting the Spark

**A/N: **And here we have a new arc beginning! It is related to the previous arcs in some ways, but it can be considered an independent development in its own right. Someone in the reviews once requested more of the Fujiwaras, and I was inspired by the third season ending to incorporate that scene into this particular drabble. I've also decided to up the ante a bit this time around, though I do want to warn you guys to not get... too hopeful. Anyway, please look forward to the next two installments. As always, read and enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>Lighting the Spark (Invader Arc: 13)  
><strong>

_I used to watch other families and wonder what it would be like if I could join them. Now I have my own, even as my connection with the spirit world deepens. With my life so fulfilling, so full of happiness, sometimes I wonder if this is okay. A part of me is always waiting, waiting for all of this to end. Because I still believe that happiness cannot be for the likes of me. _

* * *

><p>"Takashi-kun."<p>

Natsume looks up from his dinner of fish and rice to give Shigeru-san his full attention.

"Yes?"

"I stopped by the hundred yen shop today," Shigeru-san says. "And I saw packs of those little sparklers on sale."

"Ah, did you buy some?" Touko-san interrupts.

"Well, I realized that it was summer, so I thought that it would be nice to light a few of them after dinner. It will be a nice family thing to do," Shigeru-san says smoothly in reply, smiling at his wife's enthusiasm. "I know that you might feel that you're a bit too old, Takashi-kun…"

"No! Not… not at all," Natsume says, unable to keep his own enthusiasm out of his voice. "I think it would be fun. I… I never really got much chance to do things like that as a kid."

"Is that so?" Though nothing more is said, Natsume can sense Shigeru's emotions deep beneath the surface. It is gratifying to feel the disapproval, frustration, and yes, anger that his guardian is feeling for Natsume's sake. "Well it's something I thought we might try several times this summer. Summer always flies by so fast. It will be gone before we realize it."

"And Nyankichi-kun will probably love chasing after the lights," Touko-san says, laughing softly. Then she looks around. "Hm, I wonder where Nyankichi-kun has gone. It's rare for him to miss dinner."

"He's probably outside chasing fireflies," Natsume says immediately, smiling brightly. "He'll come back when he's ready."

Dinner ends however, without Nyanko-sensei in sight.

Touko-san starts to fret. The bowl of food that had been left for Nyanko-sensei is carefully shrink-wrapped and placed in the refrigerator.

It is as Natsume is leaving the dining room to go outside that he spots it. A small creature about the size and shape of a dried up leaf, faded brown color to match, stands cautiously at the door.

_"Lord Onwa,"_ the creature says.

"Zangaki," Natsume says. He surreptitiously glances outside to where Touko-san and Shigeru-san are talking—Touko-san exclaiming over the number of sparklers Shigeru-san had bought.

_"If My Lord recalls, My Lord had wished me to come to you to keep you informed of what is going on in the western mountains."_ The creature bows low, making itself even smaller than it already is.

"Thank you." Natsume nods with what he hopes will be interpreted as approval. "So, the news?"

_"Madara has determined that the rumors are true. He has seen signs of seals—powerful ones."_

"I see." Natsume tries his best not to let his growing anxiety show, but nevertheless, he can feel himself gathering in power from the earth in preparation. "And do you know who set the seals?"

_"Not that I know of, My Lord."_

Natsume sighs. So he will have to wait.

"You've done well. Go back and—"

"Takashi-kun, the sparklers are ready. Are you coming?"

"Coming!" Natsume shouts. "Then he turns back to the spirit. "Tell Nyanko-sensei not to do anything yet. I will…" he pauses. "I will be there at midnight."

_"Understood, My Lord. I will so inform Madara."_

The spirit flutters away before Natsume can thank the creature again.

"Takashi-kun, we're going to start without you!"

"Sorry, sorry," Natsume says, running to the backyard. He smiles at Shigeru-san, who has a lighter in hand, ready to light the sparkler at any moment.

"There you are, finally."

"Oh, this brings back so many memories!"

"Really?" Natsume laughs. "Could I have one, Shigeru-san?"

With much effort, he puts away thoughts of Nyanko-sensei, alone in the western mountains, out of his mind. Right now, he is Natsume Takashi.

"Look at how lovely that is!" Touko-san exclaims. "Right, Takashi-kun?"

"Yes," he agrees, smiling. The sparkler throws out silver stars and gold streaks of light, which fly out to splash harmlessly to the ground. "Shigeru-san, I like the blue coming out of yours."

"I've got more of them here. You can light up those when you're done with that one."

A few seconds later, the sparkler in his hand grows dark. The silver stars disappear, to be replaced by a few wisps of smoke. Natsume feels his stomach clench. No, not now. He will not think of it right now.

Until midnight. He will wait until midnight.

Then he will become Lord Onwa.


	25. The Western Forest

**A/N: **This is part two of three in the Invader arc. Naturally, since it is an arc, and a suspenseful one at that, I end on a cliffhanger. Sorry. You may insert my evil cackling here. Still, I hope you enjoy this drabble chapter, and you guys are, of course, welcome to entertain me in the comments by speculating on what will happen next. I love every one of your comments.

As always, read and enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>The Western Forest (Invader Arc: 23)  
><strong>

_It had never been my intention to rule. I struggle enough with my ordinary life, I didn't need the added burden of others. Even now, their dependence frightens me. Can I, will I, protect them? The cost of failure is too high._

* * *

><p>The western forest is different from its eastern counterpart, though both, as is the nature of any forest inhabited by spirits, have an eerily beautiful quality to them that is enough to catch the breath even as it sends chills of fear down the bravest of humans.<p>

There is no moon, but that does not hide the thick, tall white pines that loom overhead. Even with a full moon, the forest would be dark, the forest floor covered in dry and crackling pine needles, a contrast to the softer deciduous forests of the east. No undergrowth can form under the shadows of the pines.

And here, there are no monkey spirits to serve as guardians. The spirits that used to dwell in this forest have temporarily relocated, only waiting for their lord and god to give them the clear to return.

"Human or spirit?" Natsume whispers softly, putting a hand on Nyanko-sensei's white, glowing fur. Exorcist or spirit, he will need to keep his voice soft, for either will have the ability to hear him.

Nyanko-sensei sighs, shifting uneasily, and Natsume feels his own inner tension rising.

"Human." The white beast growls. "I could practically taste the stink coming off those seals they have hung around the trees."

Heart in his mouth, Natsume asks the question he is dreading.

"Is it a clan we know?"

"Neither Matoba nor Natori," Nyanko-sensei says. "Which is why I'm still in my current form, though I'm starting to reconsider."

"Huh?"

"Idiot," Nyanko-sensei says impatiently. "Both Matoba and Natori know about this form. Imagine what they would think if I'm spotted confronting another exorcist clan. Do you think they won't assume you're involved?"

Natsume stiffens.

"Then Misuzu and Hinoe had better not show themselves either," Natsume says, fear and nervousness making his voice tremble. "Didn't the two of them confront the Matoba clan before?"

"That old woman while you were trapped in that stupid house of theirs," Nyanko-sensei mutters, adding a curse afterward that Natsume pretends not to hear. As if that bit of information finally decides him, a puff of smoke later, Nyanko-sensei is back in his form of a fat cat. "Of course, there is another way out of this," the cat adds, slyly looking up at Natsume now from the ground.

Despite the serious nature of the situation, Natsume smiles, and pretends not see the shining bit of drool dripping from the corner of the cat's mouth.

"You're not allowed to eat them, sensei."

The cat grumbles.

"Besides," Natsume adds. "If an exorcist is devoured, there will soon be more to follow."

"Well then at the very least, let's get rid of those seals," Nyanko-sensei says, in a tone of voice that can only be described as a sulk. "That should be easy enough for you to do."

And indeed, Natsume can sense the seals even from where he is standing. The malevolence he senses makes him shudder, but thankfully, he is powerful enough that the seals can be destroyed from where he is.

It takes only a few seconds for Natsume to ground himself into the energy of the earth beneath him. Glowing with energy, he sends out a pulse of energy that, to his senses, is like a wave of color, pale and translucent, white and glittering.

Half the feeling of malevolence disappears after the first pulse. By the second pulse, Natsume knows that there are only a few, truly powerful seals left.

"I'll have to search them out individually now," Natsume says, sighing.

Nyanko-sensei looks up at him again, a look of dissatisfaction on his face.

"After all this is over, I'll have a talk with your worshipers. You're going to need to wear a mask."

Natsume nods, disliking the idea, but also knowing why Nyanko-sensei is insisting on it. For him, more than any other spirit, a mask is essential.

"I sense an area of power a little ways in front of us," Natsume says.

"Then let's go," Nyanko-sensei says. "Because of you, I've missed dinner. I expect double payment when I get back."

Natsume laughs.

They take off, Nyanko-sensei clinging to Natsume's shoulder while he flies through the air, maneuvering rapidly around and past the trunks of the white pines. If it had been any other time, he would have found it exhilarating.

By the time Natsume arrives at the first site, he finally understands what Hinoe had once told him about human "stink," a spring day that now feels like an eternity ago.

"This… is not just a seal," Natsume says, looking at the giant circle and the symbols etched into the earth. Even standing a goodly distance away from it makes him feel sick to his stomach.

"If you had flown over it, you would have been sucked into the pot," Nyanko-sensei says, his left paw motioning toward the innocuous looking pot, no more than the size of Natsume's fist, standing in the middle of the circle.

"Are you sure?" Natsume asks, thinking back to all the times when he himself had been a part of creating those circles. He takes a step toward the circle, then another. With so much interfering energy in this area, it will be hard to sense any human in the miasma. "What about the human? Where's the human that made this? An exorcist needs to be here to activate it."

He is still a few feet away when he feels the burst of power. A wave, blacker than the night sky, is suddenly spilling out of the pot, rising inexorably higher.

"Natsume!"

Soon, Natsume can see nothing.

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Notes: <strong>The white pines described in this story is the _Pinus koraiensis_ more commonly known as the Korean Pine, but I chose to refer to it as a white pine, since it is in Japan, and Natsume's not likely to know it as the Korean Pine. It is part of the white pine family. In the mountains of Japan, it can grow up to 8,500 feet, with trunks that are 6.6 feet in diameter, which should give you guys an idea of how eery the forest is. And large.

Anyway, this should be enough to prove that I am ridiculous when it comes to detail. I actually looked up the silly trees, nerd that I am. Graduate school is rubbing off on me. For more information you can look up the Korean Pine on Wikipedia.


	26. Human and God

**A/N: **This is the last installment of the Invader arc. Natsume's grown as a god, and as you will soon see, his training has finally shown some results. But what I wanted to show, ultimately, was how Natsume's thinking differs from that of most spirits. Because frankly, based on the behaviors of spirits in the manga and anime, spirits are generally... not too bright. Please enjoy the last arc, and don't be too disappointed. I promise you, more exorcists _will_ show up in this series. Eventually.

* * *

><p><strong>Human and God <strong>(<strong>Invader Arc: 3/3)  
><strong>

_ I have sealed many spirits. Never alone, and always with the help of others. It used to be a way to ease my conscience, as I tell myself that the alternative could be much worse—after all, not all exorcist spells are meant to seal. But there is no way to seal humans. In order to make sure a human can never harm a spirit, there is only one path I can take. _

* * *

><p>"Natsume!"<p>

The wave of darkness, darker even than the night sky and filled with the foul smell of human malice, falls toward Natsume like a tidal wave.

But the human who had activated the sealing spell, whoever he is, had been too impatient. After all, Natsume had not actually reached the spell circle yet, and he is no longer a human, with a human's slow reflexes. Nor is he completely helpless.

He jumps back and up to rise above the wave, drawing the energy of the surrounding earth and trees while he does until he glows a bright white. Then he releases just as the wave reaches its apex, shredding the darkness until it scatters like the glowing ashes of a fire, cleansing it of malice, of greed, ambition, and jealousy.

Slowly, he lowers himself to the ground, but caution makes him avoid the actual earth. Instead he floats a few feet above it, and releases another wave of power to crack the pot and wipe the earth clean of the sigils the exorcist had drawn.

"Why are you doing this?" Natsume asks quietly.

From behind a tree, a young man steps out, dressed in a t-shirt and jeans that had been artfully ripped. Around his neck hangs a long string of prayer beads. He would have been handsome if it were not for the look of fury spread across his face. But then in a sudden change of mood, the young man smirks.

"You're stronger than I expected."

"He is a god," Nyanko-sensei says, also stepping out from the trees, once again in his form as a beast. The appearance, despite Nyanko-sensei's earlier caution, is not lost on Natsume. The human standing before him is powerful.

"Ooh, a god. No wonder it's so powerful."

Nyanko-sensei lets out a low growl.

"Lord Onwa. You will pay your respect to the god, human."

"It's not _my_ god," the man says. He then gives Natsume an appraising look that, for a moment, makes Natsume feel like cattle being sized up for meat. "You're rather puny looking for a god."

"Lord Onwa, let me devour this fool. The human has given you enough insults."

Natsume can feel Nyanko-sensei's outrage vibrating the air around him, and he almost smiles in response.

"I do not harm humans, nor do I allow my followers to harm them," Natsume says instead, gazing down at the human below. "Therefore I wish to know why you are here. None of the spirits here have troubled any human."

The man laughs.

"Why do I give a damn if none of you filthy lot harm us?" there is an undertone of desperation in his voice that Natsume senses beneath the hatred. "It's power I need, and power I want."

"For what?"

"None of your business!"

But the man, so wrapped up in his emotions, practically shoves them into Natsume's head, along with the memories that formed them.

_"That family… they enslave human families the same way they enslave spirits." _

_ "Protect us? Hah. They just want another family under their control."_

_ "If only his brother had lived…"_

_ "…The Onizuka clan wouldn't be forced to beg for help from the Matoba clan."_

"I'm sorry, but trapping spirits here won't prevent your clan from falling under the power of another," Natsume says softly. For a forest as old as it is, the spirits here are, for the most part, peaceful creatures. And weak. Which is why they had gone to Natsume to swear their allegiance in the first place.

A look of consternation crosses the man's face.

"You…! You looked…" But then he falls silent. "But you'll be strong enough," he says, his face once again filled with anger. "If I capture you…!"

Natsume sighs, and then with his fingers flicks the remaining power he had gathered at the young man. The prayer beads around the man's neck instantly burst into dust, and the man jerks, crying out, before stumbling and falling to the ground.

"You don't have any more seals to capture me with," Natsume says, lowering himself to the ground. "Those beads were your last."

The man, looking at the ground, curls his hands into fists.

"…strange," he whispers. Natsume stays silent. "You're strange," the young man says, despair coloring his voice. "Most spirits, even the powerful ones, don't think about how we humans use spells to trap them, only that we do. They aren't able to think ahead or notice our spells. But you…" He looks up. "You're not an ordinary spirit, are you?"

Nyanko-sensei steps forward.

"He is Lord Onwa."

"Lord Onwa…" the man mutters. "The way you confronted me, you practically act like a human."

Natsume smiles. The comment, meant as an insult, instead fills him with warmth.

"Thank you."

"Are you going to kill me now?"

Behind him, Natsume can feel Nyanko-sensei snort.

"When you wake up, you will be in the city. You won't remember what has happened here. I'm sorry, but I can't help you. There are too many people I need to protect."

Natsume places a hand on the young man's forehead and concentrates. It is a technique he had learned from Kai, the ability to blur the memories of humans. It was how the god had managed to insinuate himself into the lives of humans in the first place.

The young man closes his eyes.

"May we meet under better circumstances, Onizuka Kiyoshi."

With that, Natsume settles down to work.


	27. One That was Human

**A/N: **When I write a drabble, I am never quite sure exactly what will happen. I can honestly say that this one has truly surprised me. I was originally going to write about Natsume's new responsibilities and limitations, but then well... you will see what happens. All I can say is that Natsume's humanity will never be forgotten. He is, even now, as much a human as he is a god.

Below is the aftermath of the Invader Arc. Needless to say, expect to see Onizuka Kiyoshi in later drabbles. And as always, I hope you have fun reading.

* * *

><p><strong>One That was Human<strong>

_When your instinct is to reach out, when your normal reaction is to step forward, without thinking, without thought—the hardest lesson to learn is that, in attempting to help everyone, you end up saving no one. _

* * *

><p>"You are moping."<p>

Natsume shifts slightly from his position on the floor, but does not bother to look toward the cat standing in the doorway. He is lying down on his side, his head resting on a floor cushion, and had been in that position since morning. It is now mid-afternoon.

A few seconds later he hears a sigh, then the scrabbling feet of a fat cat trundling across the _tatami_ mats.

Suddenly he feels a hard, painful smack as Nyanko-sensei pitches forward and head butts Natsume in the back of his head. He immediately whirls upright, fists ready, but the cat is already across the room, looking at him with a smug smile on his face.

"That hurt!" he shouts, rubbing the back of his head. Of course, he is a god, and so the pain had disappeared as quickly as it had appeared—nor will there be a lump to show for it.

"Look at that stupid, sulky face of yours," Nyanko-sensei says. "If any of your worshipers were to see you now, what would they think?"

Natsume says nothing, and bites his bottom lip as memories of the battle against the exorcist once again replays in his head, as it had for the past few days.

"I know…" Natsume starts to say. "I know there is nothing I can do… but I still." He sighs. "Onizuka Kiyoshi had fought so hard to protect his clan, his family. And now he's…"

"So why don't you help him?" Nyanko-sensei asks.

"Because I can't!" Natsume says, frustration coloring his voice. In the back of his throat, he feels something tighten. "How can I? How can I ask any of my followers to willingly sign a contract with an exorcist? What if they end up being forced to fight their friends? What if they are forced to fight against me?"

"What about you then?" Nyanko-sensei says. The cat's face is suddenly expressionless. "If you cannot bear to order others into enslavement, what about going yourself?"

Natsume turns to glare at the cat.

"And what happens to everyone else if I do that?" he says. "What kind of god would I be to put aside my responsibilities just to help one person? It would be selfish, it would be…" Natsume pauses, and then narrows his eyes at the growing smile on Nyanko-sensei's face. "You know this already."

"You needed to hear yourself say it out loud," Nyanko-sensei says. "You are no longer the human boy who could afford to be a reckless idiot. Remember that."

"If Onizuka Kiyoshi were not from a family of exorcists…"

"But he is. And they are. If I recall correctly, the Onizuka clan used to be quite powerful. But like the Natori clan, many of the descendents have lost the ability to see, so they are now growing desperate." Nyanko-sensei grins. "A lot of spirits are waiting to take revenge on the family that has destroyed so many. Serves them right."

Natsume rolls his eyes at the cat's bloodthirstiness. It is true. As a god, he now has responsibilities. And unlike the human boy he was before, Natsume cannot afford to straddle both sides, has become, in fact, a person bound more tightly to the spirit world than any other.

But it hasn't always been that way.

"… _you practically act like a human."_

He is no longer human, but the memories of being one are still intact. Perhaps that will make a difference.

"I wonder," Natsume says. "I can't sign a contract, and I won't force any of my worshipers to sign one either. But…" Natsume looks up, struck by a new thought. "Do you think the family would accept an alliance?"

"A family of exorcists?" Nyanko-sensei looks like he is about to object outright, but then the cat starts to look thoughtful. "It is either that, or become enslaved by the Matoba clan."

"An exchange," Natsume says. "Spirits will not harm their family, provided that they promise not to harm any spirits. And we would go to each other's aid…" He smiles for the first time since the incident. "Do you think it will work?"

"Hmph. They are humans, and exorcists at that. Who knows how they will react?" Nyanko-sensei says. "But then again, your idea. It's not something any spirit would have thought of either."

Natsume reaches out a hand to run his hand through Nyanko-sensei's fur.

"I haven't always been a spirit," he says softly.

"Mrrrrhmmm." Nyanko-sensei closes his eyes in bliss. "O-of course." Then the cat falls silent, rolling onto his back to give Natsume better access.

"And ordinary spirits probably aren't willing to give you belly scratches either," Natsume teases. "Especially when there's so much of you."

"What?!" the cat rolls back onto his feet. "I-idiot! Don't think you're so special just because you're a…"

"God," Natsume finishes for him. "Aren't you technically my worshiper?"

Nyanko-sensei bristles immediately, and Natsume laughs, preparing to spend the rest of the afternoon squabbling with the cat. Some things never change.

It isn't until Touko-san calls them down to dinner that they stop.


	28. What He Once Was

**A/N: **Some things are harder than others, and this one was definitely hard for me to write. For one, it took me forever to figure out what his mask should look like. And then the presentation took forever, because much of the scene had been awkward. I will probably come back in the next several days to correct things, since I'm still not satisfied with it. I did finally manage to come up with something though, something that fits Natsume perfectly. Here's to hoping that all of you will agree with me.

I feel like I should celebrate since I've reached over 500 reviews, but all I feel at the moment is just... surprise. I've never been a popular author, and I'm still adjusting to the idea. But thank you, all of you, for reviewing. This story would not have reached this point if it were not for all of you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!

* * *

><p><strong>What He Once Was<strong>

_I am starting to forget the feelings that I used to take for granted. Recently I tried to remember what it was like to be hungry, what it was like to be hurt and tired. The only thing I could come up with was fuzzy, vague images. Soon, I fear that I will forget. And when I do, will I still be able to be the person, the god I wish to be? _

* * *

><p>The day Natsume starts wearing a mask is almost anticlimactic, for he does not even realize the change until Hinoe comments on it while they are out in the forest.<p>

"It's going to be hard adjusting to that," she complains, pouting. "And you have such an adorable face! What a pity!"

"Suitable though, is it not?" Nyanko-sensei says, waddling toward Hinoe. He turns around to give Natsume a long look, a smile of satisfaction on his face.

Hinoe gives the mask another look, filled with speculation. She then takes a long smoke from her pipe.

"Yes, you're right, it is. This way no one will ever forget."

And with those cryptic words, she winks at Natsume, who is already stiffened with surprise.

But what had really surprised Natsume wasn't the fact that he is wearing a mask, but that he did not notice it. He remembers the many times necessity had forced him to wear the thin, fluttery masks of paper. Those would always inevitably end up ripped or shifted, for Natsume, accustomed to seeing everything clearly, had always hated the blurry images filtered through the masks.

The masks of spirits however, are different. Natsume's feels like second skin, as if he isn't wearing anything at all.

"Why don't I feel any different?' he asks. His hands half rise to touch his mask, but he lowers them down again, still feeling too insecure to find out just what his worshipers had chosen for his new face. For in the spirit world, that is what a mask is.

"The masks of spirits are only half real," Hinoe says, taking yet another puff. "The rest is illusion. Otherwise, how else would we see when over half our face is covered? And I'm sure you've come across masks that didn't even have eyeholes."

He remembers Hiiragi's mask after Natori's lightning spell. Burnt, cracked, and made of material that felt like ceramic, but was as light as wood. It had felt so solidly real; he finds it hard to believe that it had been half illusion, but if it was, it would explain so much. Like how she is able to see through a mask that seems to have no holes for eyes.

"Yours doesn't have one either," Nyanko-sensei says. He looks positively amused by Natsume's discomfort. "We thought it would be best."

Natsume gives a start, and this time lifts up his right hand to feel the mask on his face. It is disconcerting to not sense anything, but have his hands feel otherwise. Yes, there is definitely something covering his face. The mask feels light to the touch, made up of the same, mysterious material that made up Hiiragi's. As he continues to touch it, his hand feels nothing but a slight curve, just enough to follow the contour of his face. There are no bumps, not even for the nose, and as Nyanko-sensei says, there are no eyeholes, no slit for the mouth. It is completely smooth.

"I'm going to take it off," Natsume says, curiosity finally overcoming his initial hesitation. He cannot imagine his worshippers choosing something plain and unmarked. There must be something drawn there. The mask comes off easily, though how it had managed to stay on his face without a tie remains a mystery to him, but then, Natsume is used to it. After all, the same mysterious force keeps his clothes immaculate, his headdress straight on his head, the _geta _stuck to his feet. And now the mask is a part of him as well.

The inside of the mask is a smooth, light brown, like fired clay, but the feeling is not.

"Ah, they used the best, I see," Hinoe says, peering down. "See how smooth it is," she adds, running a manicured finger down the inside. Then she looks at him. "You have a master craftsman among your worshipers, Natsume."

"Touwazai," Nyanko-sensei says. "Joined just a few days ago."

Natsume has not heard of the name, but based on the look Hinoe and Nyanko-sensei exchange, he guesses that the spirit must be well known.

"I would like to meet him," Natsume says, smiling. Then he turns back to the mask. "What is it made out of? It's like earth, but it's not," he says, tracing Hinoe's earlier touches.

"It is earth, or clay, rather," Hinoe says, "but it's not something humans can use. We call it _keiryouchi_. Spirit clay. Most spirit masks are made of it, but it takes a powerful spirit to either make one themselves or command someone to make one for them. The rest make do with the usual paper masks."

"Or they are truly powerful like me, and have no use for them," Nyanko-sensei says.

"You wear them all the time," Natsume says.

"Only because my form is too well-known," the cat says, turning his head up in an attempt at snobbery. "It is a burden those with beautiful bodies have to bear."

Hinoe snickers.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Nyanko-sensei says, for once ignoring the taunt. "Turn the mask over, you idiot. Give it a look."

Slowly, carefully, Natsume turns the mask over, but the moment he catches sight of the markings, he gasps.

Red on white, swirled patterns and lines, with a hint of gold to break the monotony. In the middle is a final swirl, starting from the forehead to end at the nose. The places where his eyes and mouth should be are empty, blank, and white.

"So I don't forget," Natsume whispers, tracing the lines. He had never actually seen the patterns that had been painted onto his face that fateful day, but even so, he recognizes it. His body recognizes the symbols of his birth.

"You may be a god now, Natsume," Hinoe says, her expression solemn. She exhales deliberately from her pipe, filling the immediate air between them with smoke that no longer bothers Natsume. "But never forget what you once were. Your worshipers remember. They will not forget what had created you."

And neither will he.

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Notes: <strong>I played around with some Japanese names. I'm sure by now some of you might have realized that my choice of Onizuka Kiyoshi had been deliberate. The names and references here are too. Kei_ryouchi _literally means "light spirit earth" for instance. I try to do similar things for spirit names. Have fun trying to guess how I came up with them.


	29. Letter From the Gods

**A/N: **Sorry, sorry. I know I'm late. For some odd reason I had a difficult time with this drabble, though the plot is straight forward. This is actually another mini-arc. I confess: I love arcs, because I actually adore writing long, complicated storylines. This series has been challenging me to be brief and focus. Except not really, because you guys are getting a two-parter where I only intended one. And it's actually a prelude to another sub-plot I'm weaving. See? I fail at this simplistic plot thing.

As Natsume steps further into the world of the spirits, and becomes comfortable in his role as a god, there are bound to be changes in the way he interacts with his friends, particularly to those whom he is most open to: Tanuma and Taki. And I in particular want them to be confronted with Natsume during his "god" moments, because they are human, and it will be a shock. Their reactions won't always be perfect, nor will they always say exactly what Natsume needs to hear. This is an exploration of this.

* * *

><p><strong>Letter From the Gods (Letter Arc: Part 12)  
><strong>

_ It was inevitable that exorcists would start to notice my existence. But there are others who are watching me, biding their time while they witnessed my struggles, my confusion, my pain. For I was not the first human to be turned into a god, nor will I be the last. Only now have I learned that not all of them have managed to survive. _

* * *

><p>"There are going to be fireworks next week," Taki says, clutching a resigned Nyanko-sensei to her chest. Her eyes are shining, and a hint of a smile tugs at the corner of her lips. "Something to celebrate the last few weeks of summer."<p>

"Last few weeks of summer?" Tanuma says, sighing while he looks out the window, as if to check to see if the trees were still green. "It goes by so fast."

"School is starting tomorrow too," Taki adds. She smiles, and gives Nyanko-sensei another cuddle. "Natsume, are you doing anything for the end of summer?"

"Huh?" Natsume says. He blinks, and then realizing that both his friends are looking at him, looks back down on the floor where they are sitting with embarrassment. "There are a few things I need to do."

"Oh?" Tanuma gives Natsume a searching glance. "If there's anything we can do, don't hesitate to ask."

Natsume smiles hesitantly, but he remains silent. He is far past the point where any human can truly help him. And there are things he is hesitant to share, even to his friends. Especially Tanuma and Taki. Because they already know too much.

The door to his room slides open then, and Touko-san comes in, carrying a tray laden with homemade snacks and three glasses of barley tea.

"Thank you, Touko-san," Natsume says, standing up to take the tray. His words are soon echoed by his friends with eager murmurs, while Touko-san smiles and entreats them to eat everything before once again leaving the room.

"Ohoh, it looks like she's made some more _taiyaki_!" Nyanko-sensei says, wriggling out of Taki's grip. The cat leaps directly next to the plate, and in a blink of an eye swallows two of the fish-shaped pastries.

"Ah, Ponta, leave some for us!" Tanuma says, making a grab.

But Natsume pays no attention to the sweets. Instead he looks at the folded piece of paper that had flown in with Touko-san to land directly in his hand.

"Natsume, what are you looking at?"

He turns the paper over, thick and roughly textured with flakes of gold and silver, to look at the front.

_To The Honorable Lord Onwa…_

"Ah, I was wondering when you were going to get something like that," Nyanko-sensei says. "It's about time they've tried to contact you."

"Natsume-kun?" Taki says. "Are you holding something in your hands?"

"Yes," Natsume says, holding up the letter. "Can you see it?"

"Only a faint shadow," Tanuma says ruefully, rubbing his eyes. Taki shakes her head.

Natsume smiles.

"That's okay. I can make it so that you can see."

"Can you…?" Taki begins, only to gasp as Natsume shuts the door to his room firmly with a thought. Another thought sends out an invisible barrier, a spirit barrier only limited to his room.

"N-Natsume?" Tanuma says. He looks at him with a half-panicked look on his face.

It takes a moment for Natsume to realize that he has instinctively dropped his human form.

"Sorry, sorry. I forgot that I was wearing this," Natsume says, taking the mask off to place on the floor next to him.

"O-oh," Tanuma says. He lets out a giant breath. "That really surprised me. For a moment you really seemed like a spirit." Then realizing what he had just said, he flushes. "I mean, more than before."

"Natsume-kun, when did you start wearing a mask?" Taki asks. Her eyes flicker to Natsume's headdress, to the robes. "Your other clothes have changed too."

"Ah…" Natsume pauses. "Sometimes my worshipers feel like adding things to my wardrobe. It makes them happy, so I let them do it."

Nyanko-sensei waddles over to Natsume's side, looking at the letter.

"Hmm, from the looks of it, it's an invitation."

_"Lord Onwa. Lord Onwa. I am an emissary from Lord Mibu. May I have permission to enter?"_

"Lord Mibu?" Natsume murmurs.

"One of the gods who dwell in Isozuki Forest. You remember Asagi, the _koto_ player? And Akagane?"

"Ah…" Indeed, Natsume does remember. He straightens, then puts his mask back on, a move that makes Tanuma's eyebrows pinch in worry, while Taki bites her lips and looks down. He looks toward the window, where a shadow stands in wait.

"Come in."

The spirit enters, an elderly looking man in long silk robes of blue and silvery grey. It wears a hat reminiscent of ancient Chinese court nobles, from which a white silk cloth with the inscribed symbol for "loyalty" flows down to cover its face.

_"Lord Onwa, my sincerest apologies for disturbing you during your meal." _

Natsume stiffens slightly at the assumption behind the words, but remains silent.

"So, Servant of Lord Mibu, state your task," Nyanko-sensei says.

_"I am called Senzai." _The spirit bows low. _"My Lord recently sent you a letter inviting you to join us for a quiet concert. I have come to receive your answer."_

"I have only just received the letter," Natsume replies.

_"Is that so Lord Onwa? My sincerest apologies for inconveniencing you. It was not my intention to appear to pressure you." _

"No, that's all right. When is the concert?"

_"At the next full moon." _

Two weeks from now.

Natsume nods.

"Come back tonight, during the hour of spirits. I will give you my answer then."

_"Understood."_

Then in puff of smoke, the spirit is gone.

When Natsume takes off his mask, both Tanuma and Taki are looking at him with mixed expressions of shock.

And fear.

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Note: <strong>The "hour of spirits" refers to the Japanese witching hour, which occurs between 2am and 3am. It's the time when supposedly the living realm and the dead realm are especially close, which is when ghosts (not spirits) are most likely to appear.


	30. The Distance Between

**A/N: **This was a frustrating drabble of hair-pulling proportions. Realistically speaking, there is no perfect word or sentence that can be said to breach the distance. But I was trying to find one anyway. Thus the hair-pulling. I am rather nervous about posting this drabble, because it explores a lot of the weaker side of humanity, and never truly brings in a resolution. I hope that it does not disappoint. My sincerest apologies if it does.

* * *

><p><strong>The Distance Between (Letter Arc: 22)  
><strong>

_Spirits do not worship gods the way humans do. Humans are forever one step away: the worshiper and the worshiped. With spirits, I have worshipers and followers, friends and advisors. It is not the isolation of a god of humans presiding over those who cannot see, but one who stands out above the rest—a ruler, a king. _

* * *

><p>The silence that follows Senzai's departure is tinted with unease, a dark, uncomfortable fear. Natsume can sense the fear from his two friends: fear that Natsume may have changed far beyond their reach, the realization of what it truly means to be a god.<p>

But Natsume knows, better than anyone else, what he can and cannot do. And he knows that without Tanuma and Taki, he would gradually lose his human self, would sooner lose his connection to the human world. So in the face of his friends' fear, it is he who first speaks.

"I started wearing this mask a few weeks ago," Natsume says, tracing the patterns on the mask. "It's become a necessity."

Tanuma and Taki look at each other, the fear lessened only slightly by worry.

"W-why?" Taki asks.

"Because exorcists have started coming to the mountains," Nyanko-sensei interrupts. He gives a sideways glance at Natsume, ignoring the white faces of both Tanuma and Taki as the implications of his statement finally sinks in.

"Nyanko-sensei!" Natsume says, giving the cat a look. The spirit ignores him, as he always does.

"Since you started, you might as well tell them the whole story so they understand," Nyanko-sensei says, rolling onto his back. "Or perhaps not."

"Hm?" Natsume follows the cat's gaze. "Ah."

"He's back early, the little half-pint," Nyanko-sensei says.

"Natsume! Natsume!"

"I'm coming," Natsume says with a smile. Even on the most depressing of days, the presence of the fox spirit is enough to cheer him up. "You're back early," he says, walking over to open the window to let the child in.

"The others told me to come back so that I can tell you the news," the little fox says excitedly, still only halfway through the window. "We think, well, Zangaki thinks anyway, that the Onizuka clan will…" He trails off as he spots the two humans sitting in the room. "Oh," he says in a tiny voice, his ears drooping down. "Are… are you holding court?"

"He was holding it earlier," Nyanko-sensei says. "But these are just some of his human friends."

A shadow passes over Tanuma, but he remains silent, while Taki bites her bottom lip.

"Human friends?" The ears perk back up. With a final hop the boy lands on the _tatami_, his tail waving back and forth uncertainly. The child pauses, as if struggling with several dozen questions. Finally one wins out. "What was the court business about?"

"Natsume's finally been invited to attend one of Lord Mibu's little gatherings."

"Lord Mibu? He's famous!" The fox spirit beams. "And he doesn't just invite anyone, Natsume."

"But he is inviting me now," Natsume says, shifting to allow space for the fox spirit to cuddle on his lap. The fact that Lord Mibu had sent an invitation only after his first successful defense against an exorcist is not lost on him. He picks up the letter that he had left lying on the floor. "I expect it's not something I can refuse."

"He won't do anything if you don't go," Nyanko-sensei says. "But... considering your position right now, it would probably be better to cultivate a relationship with him."

Natsume sighs.

"Nyanko-sensei, that sounds awfully cold-blooded."

"It's the way the spirit world works, get used to it," Nyanko-sensei says. "Oh, and you better think up a defense for your current little plan. He's going to question you on that, so be prepared."

"I suppose." Natsume turns to the little fox spirit. "So what was the news Zangaki wanted me to know?"

"Mmm," the child looks doubtfully toward the two humans.

"Tanuma and Taki both have a right to know," Natsume says firmly. The cloud that had shadowed Tanuma's face lightens, but only slightly. Natsume sighs. It is now, or never. "Last month, I was attacked by an exorcist, a member of the Onizuka clan."

The cloud disappears in a flash, to be replaced with pale-lipped horror.

"Natsume! That's…"

"Calm down you idiot," Nyanko-sensei says. "Natsume defeated him easily. There isn't much an exorcist can do against a god without a great deal of preparation and knowledge."

"Onizuka Kiyoshi had plenty of preparation," Natsume says reprovingly. "But Tanuma, Taki, I can't afford to have exorcists connect my spirit appearance with my human one."

For a while there is silence, while his two friends digest the new information.

"Ponta, when you say that Natsume had defeated this exorcist…"

"He broke the seals and sent the exorcist home, is all."

"I wouldn't hurt a human," Natsume says. "That's…"

"But you may be forced to in the future," Tanuma says quietly. "Natsume, that mask. I'm glad you told me the real reason why you've started to wear it, but…" He straightens his shoulders, as if preparing himself. "I don't like it. It frightens me for some reason. I mean, I know, I know you're a spirit now. But when you put that mask on, you don't feel like Natsume anymore."

"You were so distant…" Taki whispers. Her voice hitches. "Talking to that other spirit. I felt like you were in a place I could never reach. And now, with the exorcists…" She looks up at him, her eyes wet with unshed tears. "Natsume-kun, I feel so helpless. You can do things neither of us could ever dream of, but you're also struggling with other things, and there's nothing I can do. Nothing I can do to help."

"But that was the same before, when… when I was still human," Natsume points out.

"Yes, but Natsume, while you were human, there were things we could do," Tanuma says, smiling wryly. "Even if not very well."

Natsume can feel his friends slipping away from him, but he has never been good with words. He struggles silently to find the right thing to say, while his friends look on, the air thick with tension.

"Natsume is Natsume."

The fox child looks at Tanuma, his round, childish face solemn and bright. Natsume looks down at him in surprise. He puts a hand on the child's head, stroking the fox spirit's soft, golden-brown hair.

"It doesn't matter what he looks like," the boys says. "Oh, now I can't cuddle with Natsume all the time, and when there is court I have to call him by a different name and bow and be very, very polite, but when everybody's gone it's still the same. It's just Natsume has other things to do now, but that's only because Natsume now can do more than he could before." The fox spirit bounces in Natume's lap happily. "He still does them because he's Natsume."

"I suppose he does," Tanuma says softly. Once again, he exchanges a silent look with Taki. "I am sorry, Natsume. But getting used to this, seeing you like this. It's still hard."

"It will take time," Taki says. "I'm sorry, Natsume-kun."

Natsume understands. There is, after all, no magic bullet, nothing to make facing the distance between human and god easier.

"That's all right, Taki." Natsume says. "I don't mind waiting."

The smile that Taki gives him is slight, a mere shadow, but it is a start. And Natsume does not mind waiting.

After all, what does a god have, but time?


	31. Choosing the Moment

**A/N: **I had a lot of fun writing this drabble. This is not the beginning of an arc: I have too many situations to juggle in this series, so consider it something that will be mentioned off and on.

Also, I'm considering giving the little fox spirit a name. That's the problem with Natsume Yuujinchou sometimes. In both the manga and anime he is literally called "Little Fox" or _Kogitsune_. It rolls off the tongue in Japanese, but not so much in English. It also makes it weird when I want Natsume to address the kid. Argh. Choices, choices.

As always, please read and enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>Choosing the Moment<strong>

_There is nothing a god has more than time. But it was not too long ago that I was human, and a part of me does not wish to completely forget human impatience, human recklessness, the feeling that something needs to be done. Because I have a feeling that the moment I forget, I will also forget to care. For when there is always time to do things, what need is there to do them at all?_

* * *

><p>The building of the Onizuka clan is old, a traditional Japanese mansion spread out in the middle of the forest, with only a small pathway leading back to the main road. But the surrounding forest, normally a haven for spirits, is ringed with old, powerful seals, and only the weakest spirits are able to survive.<p>

Until now.

Without powerful exorcists to renew the seals, the Onizuka clan's influence on the forest is weakening, and gradually small gatherings of lower-level spirits have begun to appear. Though still relatively weak, in large numbers, the spirits have enough power to cause great mischief. And in the forest of an exorcist, the temptation to wreak havoc would only be too tempting.

No wonder the Onizuka clan is nervous. They know that, even with a relatively powerful heir, that one exorcist would not be enough to push back the tide of unearthly anger.

Most importantly however, is that the seals have eroded enough that Natsume can, with a certain level of caution, enter the forest freely. Of course, one of the first things Natsume intends to do is rid the forest of the most cumbersome seals. Because until he does, Nyanko-sensei cannot join him.

"Natsume," the fox spirit stands at his side, looking anxious. "Do you feel all right? Are the seals affecting you?"

"No, I'm fine for now," Natsume says. But he will have to clear the seals soon. The only question is how. Should he clear it quickly, sending a wave out like he had done in the Western Forest? Or should he be more circumspect, destroying the seals in small groups?

The former is quick, but the energy Natsume sends out would be felt by the clan, and if Natsume plans to negotiate with them, it would be best not to increase their anxiety. Removing the seals slowly may be better, despite the time it will take.

He feels a tug at the bottom of his robes, and looks down to see that it is one of the many pond spirits, looking like miniature masked humans in traditional Japanese robes.

"_Please follow us, Lord Onwa, we will show you the location of the seals."_

"Thank you."

Natsume takes a step forward toward the tiny spirits, but something compels him instead back towards the Onizuka residence. He pauses in his steps, stretching his senses out cautiously.

"Something is coming." Natsume frowns in concentration. "No, not something, someone."

"Natsume?"

"I want to take a look."

"_My Lord?"_

"Come with me," Natsume says to the little fox spirit, knowing that the fox spirit would follow him anyway. He turns to the pond spirits. "I'll be back in a few moments."

It takes visible effort for Natsume to slow himself down for the child, who while faster than a human, cannot compare to a god. They eventually reach an outcrop overlooking the mansion.

"Natsume, what did you sense?" the boy asks, wrinkling his forehead in concentration as he struggles to feel what Natsume had sensed.

"An exorcist is coming this way. A powerful one," Natsume says. Not only is the power strong, but the strength creates an avarice in Natsume that he had not felt before. A hunger. In that instant he understands why so many spirits wish to devour humans. It is rich, a pungent odor that can, without a better word, be described as absolutely delicious. Onizuka Kiyoshi had had a similar, if weaker power, but Natsume had been too distracted at the time to fully realize the impact of his spirit instincts.

As the power nears the location, Natsume finally sees a car in the distance, black and sleek, rumbling on the uneven gravel road. A few moments later, people dressed in grey _kimono_ appear at the doors, but as Natsume continues to watch he notices that none of them actually go down to greet the car. He can sense it: a roiling cloud of suppressed resentment and anger. People dressed in black robes and _hakama_ come out of the car, ignoring the greeting party at the door.

"Who's coming, Natsume? It feels like a really, _really _powerful exorcist," the little fox spirit whispers, his voice trembling. Even he can feel the power now.

"Get down in the bushes," Natsume whispers. "If any of them sense us, I don't want you to be seen."

Obediently the child crouches behind a bush, but his ears and tail are stiff with alertness, the fur puffed out like a ball.

That is when he sees Onizuka come out of the doors. The young man no longer wears a t-shirt or ripped jeans, but a grey suit. He bows in the direction of the car, but not deeply. Indeed, the gesture of politeness feels perfunctory.

And then the exorcist steps out.

"Matoba-san…" Natsume whispers, frozen in shock. Suddenly time feels like it is far too close, choking him with urgency. "You said that they were intending to refuse?" Natsume says to the little fox spirit.

"It's what we overheard," the little fox says back. "But…"

"We will have to hurry," Natsume says.

_Hurry… _

Natsume watches Onizuka and Matoba exchange words, when abruptly, Matoba stops, and looks up. Onizuka looks up as well, the young man's eyes widening with alarm.

In that instant Natsume knows. He has been seen.

"We should probably leave now."

"Did he see you? Natsume…" The boy's eyes are wide with fear. "That powerful exorcist…"

"He won't pursue us yet," Natsume says. "He can't. The seals that prevent the mid- to high-level spirits from coming here prevent his _shiki_ from hunting us."

"What are we going to do now?" The fox spirit zig zags along the trees and bushes to hide his presence.

"Our plans will have to change." At this point it may be safer to leave the seals where they are. That means starting the negotiations without Nyanko-sensei's help.

There is no time to do anything else.


	32. The Mundane and The Spiritual

**A/N: **As I mentioned in my previous drabble, there was no arc, so I fully expect a lot of disappointed readers. Sorry. But this is something I really wanted to explore too. We return to Natsume's school life, and see how it has changed. There are mentions of the previous drabble, and of course, you guys can expect more Matoba in the future. He's definitely still hanging around!

As for a continuation of Lord Mibu's invitation, you guys can expect it on the next full moon (of course), which happens to be September 29th, a Saturday.

Try to be patient and bear with this drabble while I attempt to weave my many story threads together. Thank you for reading.

* * *

><p><strong>The Mundane and the Spiritual<strong>

_I have lived my life walking the line between human and spirit, learning how to keep both separate. But as my involvement in the spirit world grows, I find myself becoming impatient with the human world, the mundane. Human life has begun to interfere with my responsibilities, and I wonder how long before I find it to be too much trouble to stay. To live. _

* * *

><p>"Natsume. Natsume."<p>

He almost doesn't hear the teacher, concentrating as he is on the report Zangaki is giving him.

_"For now the Matoba clan's offer has been refused. I estimate that we have approximately another month before…"_

"Wait," Natsume whispers, noticing his teacher coming closer.

"Natsume, how long do I have to call you before you pay attention?"

"Ah… umm." Natsume looks down. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cut it, not when your grades have been dropping. Any lower and we'll be sending you back a grade," Kitahara-sensei says, glaring at him behind rectangular frames. Meanwhile the rest of the class titters.

"I'm sorry. I'll try harder."

"You can start by solving this problem on the board."

Natsume looks up, and pales, seeing the x's and y's scattered in a sea of numbers.

"Sensei, I don't think I can do it."

Kitahara-sensei simply gives him a look that allows for no argument, and reluctantly Natsume stands up, leaving Zangaki to wait politely on his desk. Still staring at the board, he picks up the chalk, but has no idea where to start. Does he solve for x? Or y? Is there a way to do both at once?

"Well, are you going to do it?" Kitahara-sensei says. "The problem isn't going to solve itself."

More snickers, as his classmates continue to giggle at his expense. And that is when Natsume feels something foreign, a deep emotion he had never thought he would experience.

Rage.

He stiffens in reaction. The emotion continues to rise in him, him, Natsume, a god trapped in the human world, suffering indignities no god should experience. How dare they, these humans, so powerless and weak, so ignorant, thinking themselves rulers of the world when… when…

"Natsume, start by simplifying the first formula, then do the same thing for the second!"

The voice cuts through his rage, and for a moment Natsume feels himself off balance. He turns around.

"Nishimura, be quiet and let Natsume work!" Kitahara-sensei shouts.

Nishimura immediately falls quiet, but he continues to grin from his desk, mouthing hints that Natsume, in his shock, is unable to understand.

_What is happening to me?_

_"My lord, shall I come at another time?"_ Zangaki asks, still sitting on his desk.

"Yes, please."

"Natsume, what are you muttering on about?" Kitahara-sensei sighs, his hands folded across his chest. "All right, go back to your seat. I can see that you don't know a thing."

"I'm sorry."

"Midterms are coming up. You'll be sorrier when you fail your test," the man says gruffly. "Listen up all of you! This is coming up on the midterms. So you best study."

"Yes, Kitahara-sensei," the class replies in unison.

"And you, Natsume," Kitahara-sensei says while Natsume walks slowly back to his desk. "Come directly to my desk after school."

"Yes, Kitahara-sensei."

When the bell rings, ending math class, Natsume rises from his chair, struggling to make his face as blank as possible.

"Natsume, are you okay? Man, Kitahara-sensei really gave you a hard time today," Nishimura begins, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Nishimura, thank you for giving me that hint earlier," Natsume says. "I'm sorry I didn't understand it."

"It's all right," Nishimura says. He smiles, but Natsume can feel the worry emanating from the other boy. "Are you really okay though? I mean, you've been out of it at school recently."

"I'm fine. Just… tired."

"Oh."

"I'm going to go to the bathroom now. See you later."

Nishimura nods, and drops his hand from Natsume's shoulder. Natsume immediately takes himself out, but instead of heading for the bathroom, he heads toward the roof.

"Natsume?"

He is halfway up the stairs, but Natsume does not bother to look back. He no longer needs to look to know who it is after all.

"Tanuma, I'm sorry, but I need to be alone for a moment," he says, looking at the floor. "Can we talk later?"

"Oh… ah. Yeah. I suppose. I suppose you've got other stuff to do right?" There is the sound of uneven footsteps. "I'm… yeah. Sorry. I guess I'll, I'll see you later?"

"Mm. Thank you, Tanuma."

And still not looking back, he runs up the stairs until he reaches the door, where he flings it open and then immediately bangs it shut. For a moment he leans against it, looking up at the sky, then sinks down slowly to the floor, arms curling tightly around his knees. Then he puts his head down, and finally allows himself to tremble.

"Zangaki, what is happening to me?" Natsume asks quietly, sensing the withered leaf spirit float slowly down next to his right shoe.

_"My lord?"_

"I suddenly felt so… so _angry_. Why? I've never felt that kind of anger before," he says softly.

_"It is the righteous rage of an insulted god, Lord Onwa. The human had been beyond rude. To think that such a lowly creature would speak thus to Lord Onwa is absolutely…"_

"So you mean, because I'm a god now, I'm going to feel anger every time someone insults me?"

_"Have you never felt anger before, Lord Onwa?"_

"I…"

Has he ever felt anger before? Anger at being bullied, being wrongly accused? He had been a weak and helpless child, his anger an impotent fuel against forces that he could do nothing about.

Except now.

"Zangaki, tell Misuzu that I will be a bit late for our meeting this afternoon, but that I will be coming."

_"Understood."_

"Thank you."

A breeze blows past, carrying the small spirit with it. Finally alone, Natsume sighs, sinking his head even further into his arms.

And then he begins to shake.

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Note: <strong>The situation in this drabble is a nightmare for any student, but in Japan, this kind of singling out is particularly shameful, when the importance of blending in with the group is given higher priority than sticking out (standing out included). While I had taught in Japan I had been instructed to never, ever do this, not even to make a student answer a question. If a student claimed they couldn't, we were to take them at their word and move on, until we gave the answer to the class, even if we _knew_ that the student did in fact know the answer. And indeed, teachers rarely singled students out for public shaming. If shaming was done, it was of the entire class. So this scenario would be particularly painful for Natsume, who is not only being singled out, but is normally a person who tries his hardest to blend in.

That being said, I have never done this sort of thing to any of my students (for now, mwahahahahaha). The only singling out they get is for hugs, haha.


	33. His Many Faces

**A/N:** So things are slowly heating up for Natsume. Next week will be the start of another new arc, as Natsume is introduced to spiritual politics. And of course, more things are going to happen. I'll be resolving the Onizuka case by the end of October or early November. I also plan to officially involve Matoba and Natori around that time also. So that's the plan. Mark your calendars, and please bear with me until then. Thank you for all of your reviews. They're one of the few things that brighten my day. Thank you. This drabble series couldn't have gone on without your support.

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><p><strong>His Many Faces<strong>

_The self I show to the people I know is but one face. To the Fujiwaras, I am Takashi-kun, their foster son. To Nishimura and Kitamoto, Sasada and the rest of my classmates I am Natsume, a friend, a fellow student. But what am I to the ones who know my other face, the one I've tried hard to hide? And what about the ones who do not know yet… but are in a position to find out? What face do I show them? For one thing I know: to those people, it must one or the other. I cannot afford to allow them to know both. _

* * *

><p>Even before he reaches the door, Natsume could already sense the power emanating from the tiny piece of paper stuck between the door and the frame. There is no mistaking it: the power is not spiritual, but human.<p>

"Natori-san…" he says, taking a step forward. But he does not come any closer. Instead he spreads his senses outward, urgently trying to sense if the exorcist is in the area. But he senses nothing. Somehow, that makes him feel even more uneasy.

When he approaches the door, the piece of paper rustles, but does not move.

"You're not sure I'm Natsume, are you?" he whispers. "Has my aura changed that much?"

Of course it has. But until now, Natsume had thought that he'd been skilled in passing himself off as a human.

In that instant, he realizes that it would be far more dangerous for the paper not to react to his presence. For Natori-san will be expecting it to fly to him, telling him that Natsume has returned. And if it does not…

"I'm home," Natsume says. And he concentrates hard on his memories as a human, the feelings, warmth, and yes, the smell, projecting it toward the spelled paper.

The rustling increases, vibrating violently, and then in the blink of an eye, it shoots up into the air, flying toward the mountains. Deep into the forest where Natsume spends most of his time.

"Nyanko-sensei," Natsume says later that night. "Can exorcists shield themselves?"

"To a certain extent," the cat says, casually licking a paw clean of residue flour from a _daifuku_. "But humans can't hide their human scent, and an exorcist has more than most. If any were to come close to a spirit, they would soon give themselves away."

"Natori-san's paper _shiki _was stuck in the door when I got home today," Natsume says, sitting down on the _futon_ Touko-san had readied for him while he had been in the bath.

Nyanko-sensei looks up sharply, no longer amused.

"That's not good."

"The _shiki_ almost didn't recognize me, I've changed so much," Natsume adds. "Sensei… will Natori be able to sense the change in me? If the _shiki_ could sense it…"

"It flew back though, didn't it? You were able to convince it?"

"Mm."

"Then don't worry too much about it. That sparkle-sparkle exorcist believes you're human. He'll ignore all evidence that proves otherwise. It's a human trait."

"Nyanko-sensei…"

"Besides, isn't Hiiragi on your side? She won't let Natori think otherwise."

"What about Urihime and Sasago?"

Nyanko-sensei snorts.

"Have you forgotten your lessons so soon? No spirit with any sense of self preservation would reveal your secret. They can't afford to. So you're safe there."

Natsume however, only feels himself growing more tense.

"Sensei, it flew toward the forest."

"Hmmm. So he's potentially investigating you." Seeing the pale look on Natsume's face, the cat shakes his head. "No, I mean Lord Onwa. That brat Natori has no reason to suspect you, though he may wonder if you've met him."

"So you think the _shiki_ may just be to check to see I'm all right?"

"Probably."

But Nyanko-sensei does not look certain.

"Should I cancel court tonight?" Natsume asks, wincing even as he says it. It feels like he is running away. No, he is running away. And the realization makes him feel sick.

"You will have to face him sooner or later, Natsume."

"I know. But will that be as Natsume Takashi, or Lord Onwa?" Natsume whispers. And when they finally do meet again, will it be as a friend, or an enemy?

"That's up to you," Nyanko-sensei says. "But if there's an exorcist in the mountains, then your followers are probably in danger too. Instead of worrying about yourself, you should think of them. Not all of them have the power to destroy seals, especially ones made by an exorcist as powerful as Natori."

He bends his head, accepting the rebuke.

"Thank you, sensei."

"Hmph."

"I'll go out tonight as Lord Onwa."

"Don't forget that you have that concert tomorrow."

"I know." Natsume forces out a smile. It is a shallow attempt at bravado, but Nyanko-sensei recognizes his attempt for what it is. The cat leaps onto the window sill, paws on the glass.

"I'll go out and send out a warning to your followers to be careful. I don't think there will be much trouble though. That exorcist isn't like Matoba."

"Mm. Come back to me when you're done."

"Of course, idiot. Did you even need to ask?" The cat opens the window, transforming into the white beast as he does so. "I'll see you again in an hour."

Natsume nods, closing the window as Nyanko-sensei leaves. A few seconds later, the cat, his friend, is indistinguishable from the stars in the sky.

And then he sits down to wait.


	34. As Befitting a God

**A/N: **Happy Mid-Autumn Festival! Are you guys by any chance eating moon cakes? I'm posting this drabble up early since I will be doing precisely that all afternoon and night. It's not only the full moon tonight, but the Harvest Moon. I hope some of you decide to view it tonight, if nothing else. It's a bit cloudy where I am though.

This is the first part of what I am anticipating to be a five part arc. A huge whopper, lol. But that's because there are so many things I wish include. So as always, read, enjoy, and well, if the cliffhanger frustrates you, you're welcome to rant at me all you want. Thank you, thank you, thank you for supporting this series up until now. I couldn't have done this without your support.

* * *

><p><strong>As Befitting a God (Lord Mibu Arc: Part 15)  
><strong>

_The richness of a god is said to be an indication of the richness of his worshipers. Do my worshipers dress me then, in the hopes that the richness of my dress will eventually reflect on them? For all that I am a god, there are things I still do not know. But for their sake, I hope it does._

* * *

><p>They remove the cloth belt, the <em>obi<em>, first, unwinding it from his body until it lands in a coil of colorful patterns around his feet. His sandals have long been replaced with another—black lacquered wood with silver and gold straps. The spirits who have designated themselves as his attendants bustle about, some ceremoniously folding up the discarded _obi_, while others laying the final touches to his new headdress. One begins to tie the new _obi_ around his waist, the shimmering cloth the color of warm gold, its white pattern pale and subtle, shaped like autumn leaves.

Finally, they bring out the over robe, a _kimono_ beautifully rendering the autumn forest, lake, and stream, chrysanthemums embroidered in gold thread lining the border.

Natsume puts his foot down.

"I'm not wearing that."

"But, Lord Onwa…" one of the attendants protest.

"This is ridiculous. That thing is so long, I'll probably trip on it."

"Gods can't trip," Hinoe reminds Natsume, her eyes gleaming under heavy lids.

"That's not the point!" Natsume says, beginning to panic. He had already lost the battle over the headdress. The little fox spirit holds it now, excitedly anticipating the moment when he will be allowed to place the thing on Natsume's head. Carefully, the child makes sure not to step on any of the long, layered, transparent veils that are the most recent addition to the confection of flowers, branches, red tassels, and gold… _things_. "Not even Lord Houzuki wore anything like that," Natsume continues.

"Lord Houzuki was a minor god, as such," Nyanko-sensei says. "But you are definitely _not_. If you arrive at Lord Mibu's concert dressed less than Lord Houzuki, you won't be given much respect."

"Akaga—Senzai didn't look like this."

"Senzai, if you'll recall, was Lord Mibu's _servant_," Nyanko-sensei says, surreptitiously ignoring Natsume's earlier slip. Akagane, a mere umbrella holder, is not even worth comparing. "Even if he was of the higher levels."

Natsume groans, covering his face.

"I'm going to look so stupid."

"I think you'll look very nice," the fox spirit says, his face bright. "Everybody's going to say how beautiful you look."

Which is precisely the problem.

"You're going to lose this argument too you know," Nyanko-sensei says. The cat sits down and begins licking his paws.

"So long as I get to return to normal after this," Natsume says, finally giving in.

An hour later, burdened with veils and a long trailing _kimono_, Natsume sits on an open litter, trying his best to look serene as the procession slowly makes its way up the mountain. For once he is glad of the mask, for it hides his heated cheeks, and if he should by chance see himself reflected in the light, he can pretend that it is someone else. He sits alone, for it had been decided that Nyanko-sensei should avoid being seen. Instead the cat hides, masking its fat, round body somewhere within the surrounding forest.

Natori-san after all, may still be in the mountains.

"Make way! Make way for Lord Onwa!" The one-eyed ogre walks forward, while the ox spirit holds a long handled umbrella over Natsume's head.

"Make way, make way," the middle-class spirit echoes, looking far too happy.

_"… so lucky."_

_ "See how grand his robes are? Such a beautiful god." _

_ "We're blessed…" _

_ "Yes, so blessed…" _

_ "… glad I came to see…"_

Natsume looks, seeing the trail marked with glowing blue foxfire, giving the already eerie looking spirits lining the road an even more ethereal appearance. He does not mind them. Instead, he stretches his senses, looking, searching.

"Lord Onwa, I seek a boon."

The voice rings out clear, painfully familiar, yet the subservient quality marks it as different.

"How dare you! Who are you to interrupt the procession of Lord Onwa?" a spirit shouts. Several more move forward, the faces expressing outrage.

"Hiiragi…" Natsume whispers, his breath hitching on the final syllable. "Stop the procession," he calls out.

"But Lord Onwa…"

"I am the god of spirits," Natsume says quietly. "What god would I be if I do not make time for them?" He glances over at the ox spirit, who nods. Slowly the litter comes to a halt.

A few seconds later, surrounded by a resentful, muttering group of spirits, Hiiragi arrives. Immediately the spirit sinks down to her knees.

"Lord Onwa…"

Natsume waits.

"If you have something to say to Lord Onwa, say it now. My Lord is being gracious," Hinoe says, her words slow, its tone biting.

"You ask for a boon," Natsume says, breaking protocol. "If it is within my power to do so, I will grant it."

Immediately the procession breaks into loud whispers.

"My Lord… Lord Onwa," Hiiragi says, her masked face still facing the ground, her body knelt in a posture of subservience. "I ask the boon not for myself, but for my Master."

"Who is your master?" Hinoe asks.

"My Master is an exorcist. His name is Natori. Natori Shuuichi."

The forest immediately bursts into noise.

_"An exorcist! Here!"_

_ "A foul human… how dare they!"_

_ "The arrogance."_

_ "… to send a mastered one, an enslaved one." _

_ "Foul. Mastered. To insult our Lord so."_

_ "Unforgivable."_

"A mastered one!" Hinoe says, no longer amused. The scorn in the words is deep. She turns to Natsume. "Lord Onwa…"

"It's okay, Hinoe," Natsume whispers, using his power to make himself heard, but not by the others. "I know her."

"But, Lord Onwa…" the middle class pair protests.

Natsume looks down at Hiiragi from his litter, wishing for a moment, that he is just himself. Natsume. Not the god. But the boy. The boy who used to be a friend. But within that wish there is also fear, for Natsume knows that he is no longer a boy. He is a god. And just as he is now powerful in ways Natsume the boy could never hope to be, he is now vulnerable in other ways as well.

Still, warring with the fear, regret and dread, there is one more thing. There is hope.

"I will hear your request," he says, this time making sure his voice is heard by all.

The forest falls deathly silent.

"Thank you, Lord Onwa," Hiiragi says. "I swear, by the contract that binds me, that my Master wishes you no harm."

_"As if anything said by a mastered one is worth trusting,"_ a spirit sneers.

"Silence!" Hinoe looks at Natsume, her eyes revealing her uncertainty, but there is trust there. Hinoe will support Natsume in whatever decision he makes. "Go on," she says to Hiiragi. "What could an exorcist wish to do with a god?"

"My Master would wish to see you."


	35. God and Exorcist

**A/N: **Forty-three. Forty-three _reviews_. Holy crap. I'm... I'm touched. I really am. But oh my god guys, do you know how much pressure that puts me under? I don't think I'm capable of writing anything that can match the hype and excitement you guys had after that.

I'd originally written this drabble with a fluffy, hopeful, cliffhanger ending, but then realized how it was my wooby feelings coming to light and not actually what would happen. And if I wrote what I did, it would also ruin all the other exciting things I have planned for this series. So I went back and changed it. This is an exploration of Natori, and the man's relationship and feelings towards spirits. Natsume also has to deal with his position as a god, and all the restrains that puts on him. This was, to put it mildly, a very painful drabble to write.

But hey, it's also longer than usual! So, as always, enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>God and Exorcist (Lord Mibu Arc: Part 25)  
><strong>

_ I've always known that this day would eventually come. Even as I thought it, the rest of my mind had flinched away from it. Such a thing was too scary to contemplate. But now that the moment is here, I find myself strangely calm. My thoughts had been more frightening than the real thing._

* * *

><p>"And why," says Hinoe, the expression on her face coldly skeptical, "should an exorcist wish to meet with a god?"<p>

Natsume reaches out his senses again, searching for the exorcist, the human, the man—the _friend_ that he knows must be there. But as he does so, even as his heart leaps at the faint sign of familiarity, he knows that to reveal who he is will be too dangerous. And so even as he finally senses Natori hiding in the crowd of spirits, he pushes Natsume aside, becoming wholly Lord Onwa.

"Hinoe, that is enough," Natsume says softly, firmly.

"Lord Onwa…" Hinoe says, looking at him with wide eyes.

"Let your Master speak for himself," Natsume says, turning to Hiiragi. "You say he does not come with ill intent?"

"My Lord." Hiiragi, still on her knees, bends forward until she is prostrated completely on the ground. "My Lord, I swear, I swear, on the contract that binds me, on my life…"

_"What worth is the life of a mastered one?"_

_ "As if pledging on such a dirty contract is…"_

"My Lord!" a spirit shouts, its colorful robe a contrast to its black, formless body, "There is no need to be kind to mastered ones such as this. Let us kill this one, then hunt down the exorcist that controls it!"

"You will not."

"But… Lord Onwa…"

The forest breaks into shocked whispers, but flowing beneath the shock is the dark mutters and grumbles of resentful spirits. Natsume senses that if he does not act, and act soon, there will be a riot.

But Natsume is no longer the naïve child-god he was a few months back. He has grown into his power, and the nights where he has held court has helped to reshape his manners of speech, his posture, the very aura he exudes. And now he does one more thing: deepening his voice, adding a hollow quality that serves to make him sound distant, remote.

"Lord Onwa, if you continue this, it will look like you favor _shiki_ and exorcists over your own followers," Hinoe whispers, her voice sounding urgent. "You mustn't…"

"I am the god of spirits, am I not?" Natsume replies, raising his voice. With his will and power, he makes himself heard by every spirit lining the path. "However," he says, lowering his voice again, "those who are displeased are welcome to leave at any time. I will not stop them, nor will I force anyone to stay against their will." He eyes the formless spirit, who gawks, and then gradually cringes under Natsume's steady gaze. "Will you obey me, _Katachinashi_? Or will you leave?"

The spirit bows, its body temporarily forming something that is the likeness of a head.

"I… I will stay, Lord Onwa."

He nods once, while the spirit scurries back to its original place on the side of the road. Then he turns in the direction where the exorcist had hidden himself, and says, in a voice only heard by Natori-san, _"Natori Shuuichi, will you step forward?"_

In the shadows, Natsume sees a figure flinch, but he knows Natori-san, sees the man straighten, then walk forward, fearlessly stepping under the blue glow of fox fire. His ever-present spectacles flash under the floating fires, highlighting the location of his eyes, but does not reveal them.

"So you knew where I was the entire time, even with my shields," Natori-san says, removing the hat that had hidden most of his face. Underneath, the man is smiling, an expression that Natsume finds painfully nostalgic, but even so, he shivers. Natori-san's eyes are hard, untouched by the smile. But that is only to be expected. Because it is not Natsume that Natori-san is facing, but Lord Onwa. Not a human boy, but a spirit. A god.

"As to be expected from a powerful god. My compliments, Lord Onwa."

Next to him, Natsume can sense Hinoe bristling at the insult. He reaches out a hand, gently brushing her left shoulder. Hinoe turns to look at him, her anger still visible, but she tightens her lips before looking forward once more.

"You have now met Lord Onwa, exorcist."

"That is certainly true," Natori-san says, his smile deepening, his face shifting into an expression of genuine amusement. "But I would like to speak with Lord Onwa as well, if that is at all possible."

"Lord Onwa is on his way to a concert, he has no time for your games."

"I have not come here for games," Natori-san says. "I have merely come for an answer."

The man shifts, his hands unconsciously inching toward the places in his robes where Natsume senses seals. Is there a pot among the seals? He can only sense the power, but not the form.

"You have asked no questions," Natsume says, once again breaking protocol.

The second shift in the exorcist's posture is barely perceptible, and had Natsume still been a boy he would not have sensed it. But Natsume can feel the man slightly relax at Natsume's display of willingness.

"As you are aware, I am an exorcist," Natori-san says, smiling in that familiar way Natsume knows all too well. "And among the exorcists, your existence has recently come to our attention. Your followers have been growing in number, and our investigations have revealed that you also have a number of powerful spirits among your followers."

Natori-san looks directly at Natsume, the man's eyes straight at his, easily finding the eyes behind the mask. It is a challenge that Natsume does not fail to recognize, but it is at that moment that he realizes. Tinged within that challenge is a feeling of desperation, a shadow of the emotion Natsume had felt within Onizuka Kiyoshi. The source however, is different.

_The horror of sealing a god…_

At that moment, he realizes, looking at Natori-san standing before him, that it is not just Natsume who has changed. Would the Natori-san of a few months back trust the word of a spirit, even that of a _shiki_? Enough to stand openly before a god in the middle of his followers?

"You have come here expecting to die, Natori Shuuichi," Natsume says.

The exorcist visibly starts, his face glistening under a sudden sheen of sweat. Despite this, the man quickly recovers.

"Are my fears so transparent?" Natori-san smiles, though a hint of strain shows through. But he perseveres, a fact that both pains Natsume and fills him with admiration. "You are right. If you are not what Hiiragi says you are, if I am forced to seal you…" The rest of the sentence is lost in a storm of threatening growls and hisses as the spirits around Natori-san react to his words. His voice grows dry, hoarse with tension. "In the middle of your followers…"

Lord Onwa's followers would, in the rage and horror of seeing their god sealed, tear Natori-san to pieces.

"Even if you were to use the last drop of your power, you could not seal me," Natsume says, knowing that the truth of his words will be heard by Natori-san as well.

Natori-san is powerful. But in that moment when Natsume had truly seen the man face to face, he had realized that it was not enough.

In the past few months, Natsume has grown in power far beyond that of the god he had been at his birth.

Natori-san laughs.

"So my death would have been for nothing," the man murmurs, chuckling. "How stupid."

"Believe in your _shiki_," Natsume says, softening his voice. But the gentleness is lost on Natori-san.

"You ask a lot of an exorcist, Lord Onwa," Natori-san says, his voice still filled with the faint hint of bitter laughter.

"You would not have come here if you did not," Natsume points out.

"That is true. Very true," the man says. "Very well then. I have found out what I needed to know. Hiiragi."

"Yes Master," Hiiragi says.

"We're leaving."

"Yes Master."

The spirits begin to part as the exorcist and _shiki_ turn to leave. Seeing their backs sends a sudden pang through Natsume. To not have seen Natori-san for so long, only to part so soon…

"Wait." Beneath the sleeves of his robes, Natsume's hands clench. "I would be friends with you."

Natori-san turns his face back toward Natsume, the expression on the man's face holding no trace of amusement.

"Friends? With an exorcist?" Natori-san puts his hat back on, once again hiding his face in shadows. "Even a god like you, Lord Onwa, cannot do the impossible."

And then without looking back, Natori-san walks back into the forest.


	36. Isozuki Forest

**A/N: **So... it looks like a lot of you guys hate me now. Haha. Yes, it was a cruel thing to do to Natsume. Was it stupid of Natori to do? Considering his experience, I'm not entirely sure. _We_ think he's being stupid because we know Lord Onwa is Natsume. But please remember that he doesn't. All he knows is that a new and very powerful god has sprung up out of nowhere, and is gathering a high number of spirits. To an exorcist, that's tantamount to declaring war. But then, it could be argued that Natori is stupid, because becoming friends with Lord Onwa would be the perfect chance to figure out Lord Onwa's plans. Hmmmm. I wonder what Natori's motivation could be?

My "drabbles" just get longer and longer. Please don't expect this kind of length regularly. It is not normal. The main purpose of this chapter is to expand the spirit world. This is the world of the gods, forbidden to lower spirits and humans alike. There is little action in this drabble, but well, there is a lot of thinking. And description. Also boringness. My apologies for that.

Please enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>Isozuki Forest (Lord Mibu Arc: Part 35)  
><strong>

_I have never been more thankful for the mask I wear than now. There are some things I don't want others to see. There are things I can no longer show others. I've now realized what the mask of a god is for—a shield. For the mask hides not only my face. It hides my heart. _

* * *

><p>"We are almost at the gate, Lord Onwa," Hinoe says softly.<p>

It is the first time anyone has spoken since Natori-san had left.

"Then let us proceed," Natsume whispers. It is the only way he can speak without revealing anything more, but even then, the last syllable wavers. His hands clench tightly underneath the sleeves of his robes, gripping the inner white fabric.

For one second, Natsume had dared to hope…

There is a flash of white overhead. And then suddenly, Natsume feels something heavy hit the litter. Those spirits who have been carrying him stagger under the sudden increase in weight.

"He's gone," Nyanko-sensei says, crawling into Natsume's lap. "I made sure he left safely." Habit takes over, and without thinking, Natsume lifts the cat up to settle him down more firmly.

"Thank you, sensei."

"Hmph, it's not something I want to be thanked for." Nyanko-sensei looks up at him, and Natsume notices the flash of anger beneath the cat's comical face. "He hurt you."

"He didn't know."

A moment later, Natsume hears a loud, exasperated sigh, but he does not look down, and Nyanko-sensei says nothing more.

Then, as the litter turns a corner, Natsume sees it, a shimmering, glistening beam of moonlight, but a hundred, a thousand times brighter. Above them, the moon appears to dance, as if the human world has stifled it, and only here, among spirits, is she truly free.

"We have arrived at the gate, my Lord."

The gate to Isozuki Forest is moonlight distilled, until all that is left is a light purified, concentrated, dazzling. But that is only fitting, for the gate, no mere human shrine gate of red wooden beams, leads into the Forest of the Gods.

Only gods, and those chosen by them, are allowed into Isozuki Forest. Natsume nods to his spirit litter bearers. They nod back in understanding, and slowly lower the litter to the floor. There, they will wait until their Lord returns in the morning.

He sighs when his feet touch the ground once more. The feel of the earth comforts him, though Natsume is not currently in need of its power. Without thinking, he takes several steps forward.

"Wait! Natsu—I mean Lord Onwa! Your robes! I'm supposed to help you carry them," the fox spirit cries out.

The child's distress momentarily knocks Natsume out of his depressive state.

"Oh, um, sorry. I'm sorry."

"Lord Onwa, you shouldn't be apologizing either," Hinoe says, rolling her eyes.

"But it was my fault for…"

"The little fox should have come forward faster." Hinoe turns to the fox kit. "It is your duty to make sure that Lord Onwa doesn't break protocol," she says sternly. Seeing the child's ears start to droop, she adds, "Though I've been failing in that task all night." She holds a hand up to her head, the image of an exasperated counselor. "Lord Onwa certainly makes us work."

"He does, he does," the cow spirit agrees, nodding his head repeatedly.

"Sorry," Natsume says meekly. "I'll do better next time." He looks around. "Where is Misuzu? And Chobihige?"

"I am here, my Lord, I am," Chobihige says, appearing out of the nearby trees. "Misuzu is here also, he is."

At that moment, a strong breeze sweeps through the forest, sending some of the smaller spirits tumbling. Distantly, Natsume hears the chiming of bells, and then a loud crash.

"Lord Onwa, I apologize for my late arrival."

"You were only doing what I had asked you to do. It's not easy to do, patrolling the forest," Natsume says, keeping his voice gentle. But beneath the mask, he does not smile. He knows that it may be unfair. After all, he has already forgiven Misuzu for what had been done to him. Yet having seen Natori-san, Natsume knows, knows that it will be a while before he will be able to smile at Misuzu again. "Come, Misuzu."

"The meat bun too, should change form. It would not be fitting for him to go through the gate as he is."

"Why you…!" There is a puff of smoke, and Nyanko-sensei reappears as a white beast. "Just who is the meat bun?"

Misuzu floats serenely to the end of the procession.

"We are ready, Lord Onwa."

"Hey, answer when I'm speaking to you, you…!"

Natsume steps into the light.

When the light fades, he finds himself in a forest of immeasurable beauty. The first thing Natsume notices is the scent, the perfume of flowers: sweet, but not cloying. Though it is autumn in the human world, Isozuki Forest remains a perpetual spring, with the constant promise of new growth. Many trees are in eternal bloom, their flowers' delicate petals perfectly formed, their names in the human world unknown. A light breeze blows, sending some of the petals to the moss covered ground, but Natsume notices, as he accidentally treads a petal under his feet, that it remains whole, unbruised. In the distance, Natsume sees a bamboo forest, perfectly placed among the other trees, a harmonious whole.

Even the power here, the power of the earth beneath his feet, is pure, a fact that temporarily delights him, as he gives in to his spirit instincts and soaks it in, the power like balm beneath his skin. He has craved this, without ever knowing it.

Out of the shadows Lord Senzai appears, and seeing Natsume, goes down on his knees and bends forward in greeting.

"Welcome, Lord Onwa."

Behind him, Natsume senses movement, and then the air behind him shivers, expelling the other spirits.

"… wooden toy horse!"

"Madara, behave yourself. We are now in exulted company."

Behind him, Natsume hears Nyanko-sensei growl, but futilely. Following Lord Senzai is a procession, wearing the shapes of beautiful women and men, masked and unmasked.

"Lord Onwa," a delicate-looking woman comes forward, wearing a mask with an expression of serenity, eyes closed as if in quiet contemplation. Her robes are a bright shade of crimson that Natsume had never seen before. "I am Lady Akihime. I am to lead you to Lord Mibu."

The other spirits come closer, murmuring greetings and compliments.

"_Such a pleasure to meet you at last, Lord Onwa."_

"_Look… so beautiful…" _

"_Hard to believe… once human."_

"_Ah, he is exactly the way rumors describe him."_

Rumors?

Natsume turns, searching for the voice, but it is lost in the crowd. But perhaps it is to be expected. Humans who have survived the transition to spirit, never mind god, are rare.

"It's beautiful…" the little fox kit whispers, looking up at the trees, his face a study in childish awe and delight.

The forest opens up into a clearing, a meadow where the silver white light of the moon shines at its brightest. Rugs and carpets have been laid carefully on the grass, looking softer than any cushion. In the center sits a group of spirits, their clothing, in comparison to the spirit patrons, look simple, even plain. Their hands hold instruments: the _shakuhachi_ and the _shamisen_, _biwa_, and _jyuushichigen_.

There is no _koto_ player.

And at that moment, Natsume realizes. There will be no _koto_ player. Asagi had died, dead of a disease that slowly turns a spirit's body into dust. Death too, comes to spirits.

Does Lord Mibu grieve? Is that why there is no _koto_ player? And what of Akagane? Natsume looks around, searching, but does not spot the umbrella holder anywhere.

They pass by others, perhaps lesser gods, who murmur behind fans and masks, their faces carefully hidden under the shadow of umbrellas.

"_See… the human god…"_

"_Child really…"_

"… _how long… will he last?" _

"Lord Onwa, Lord Mibu is over here. He waits for you." Lady Akihime bows and moves to the right. They reach a gently curving hill, and there, in the shade of several umbrellas, sits the most majestic group of spirits Natsume has ever seen. He now understands why his followers had insisted on the robes—here, robes like his are a matter of course. Even the rugs laid here are especially rich, with beautiful designs depicting palaces and mountains, covered in cushions made in the softest plush. The umbrellas are painted with the images of birds and wild beasts, the servants holding them wearing robes grander than the robes Natsume normally wears. "As an honored guest, you have been given a place at his side."

When Natsume slips off his _geta_ to step on the rugs, he notices that Nyanko-sensei and the others do not move.

"We cannot go," Misuzu says, noticing Natsume's hesitation. "For all that I am a powerful spirit, I do not rank among the gods."

"And you wouldn't fit in there anyway," Nyanko-sensei says. He lies down immediately, head resting on crossed front paws. "Hurry up, Natsume. You're keeping everybody waiting."

"Nyanko-sensei…"

Lady Akihime nods at Natsume.

"This way, Lord Onwa." She leads him past other gods, wearing robes even grander than his, their headdresses elaborate confections of flowers, ribbons, and combs. Some of them nod their heads as he passes, but others ignore him completely. "This is your seat," says Lady Akihime.

It takes a moment for Natsume to realize, as he sinks down onto his cushion, that the unimposing figure sitting to his right is Lord Mibu. Dressed only in different shades of gray, the god sits with a poise that speaks of complete and utter assurance in his own power. And it is substantial power. Natsume can sense it, like a deep well, sinking deep below the earth, past the crust, toward the white hot mantle—an unstoppable power. That his presence is not felt throughout the forest is only because the god has willed it so. This is a god who has lived.

"Lord Mibu, it is my honor to finally meet you," Natsume says.

"Natsume Takashi," Lord Mibu says, turning to him. "It is good to finally meet you in person at last." The dark eyes glint, almost in predatory hunger. "And how does the life of a god suit you?"

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Notes: <strong>(1) There is some confusion with the nature of Asagi's instrument in the original canon. The anime refers to it as a _koto_, but it really isn't. A _koto_ is a flat, normally thirteen-stringed instrument. The _jyuushichigen_ (seventeen strings) mentioned in this drabble is in fact a _koto_ of that type, but to lessen the confusion I have decided not to refer to it as such. It really is a _koto_ though.

Asagi's instrument more closely resembles a _biwa_, but the instrument in the canon is plucked with hands, while the _biwa _is plucked with a plectra. Her instrument most closely resembles the Chinese _pipa_, though it isn't quite that either. Perhaps it is an instrument unique only to the spirit world.

(2) My translation of Chobihige's speaking style is not a direct translation. In fact, I'm not sure if it can be translated. Nevertheless, I tried to do it in a way that most closely resembles the way he sounds to my ears in Japanese.

(3) Lady Akihime was in fact named after my favorite strawberry (yes, she is a strawberry spirit). The Akihime strawberry is gorgeous, and absolutely delicious. You will never eat a sour Akihime strawberry, even when it's not wholly red. The strawberry is so expensive, I remember buying packs with only ten, and having to pay around five dollars for it. Five dollars was considered cheap. If you are ever in Japan during strawberry season, I totally recommend going to the supermarket and looking for it.


	37. Lord Mibu

**A/N: **We finally find out Lord Mibu's motivations (I confess, it was a bit of a secret to me too). I actually don't really go into these arcs with a plan. Not even a vague idea of what I will write next, or how it will end. So oftentimes the results of my drabbles surprise me as much as does you. This drabble in particular struck me as particularly powerful toward the end. I wonder if you, dear readers, will agree with me. Tonight, Natsume truly comes into his own. And discovers the true source of his power.

It is my sincerest hope that you enjoy this piece. It is by no means the climax though. So do expect something exciting to happen next. As always, I'm looking forward to hearing your lovely thoughts. Thank you, as always, for reading.

* * *

><p><strong>Lord Mibu (Lord Mibu Arc: Part 45)  
><strong>

_ Among the gods I am neither the first, nor the last. But while powerful humans have always existed, few have earned the love of spirits enough to be turned into one of their gods. And within that group, fewer still manage to survive. For the human turned god is neither spirit nor human—too close to spirits to side only with humans, yet never able to let go of their human connection. Unable to choose a side, they are destroyed by both._

* * *

><p>He knows.<p>

As Lord Mibu waits for Natsume to speak, he gathers himself, thinking over the answers—for there is no true answer to the question Lord Mibu had asked. But just the same, Natsume knows that any lie, even an unconscious one, will transform the dark glint in the god's eyes into action.

No god, least of all a god like Lord Mibu, can suffer a lie.

"It has been hard," Natsume finally says, all too aware that the other gods around him are listening also. "There are many days when I am happy. But there are also days when I… when I regret it."

"Like tonight?" Lord Mibu smiles, and the predatory glint eases, but does not wholly disappear. "The exorcist rejected you, did he not?" He laughs, a low rumble, like the sound of a summer storm. "And a friend he was to you too."

Natsume shifts uneasily in his seat. So the god knows.

"Natori-san is my friend."

"And will remain so, until he discovers that both Natsume Takashi and Lord Onwa are one and the same." Lord Mibu sips a cup of tea, then points to the filled cup sitting on the exquisite tray between them. "Try it. _Senbanacha._ The flower it is made from grows nowhere else."

Gingerly, Natsume lifts up the cup. The aroma is fragrant, a deep, flowery scent both unearthly and beautiful. He takes a sip, and in that instant, experiences such a strong feeling of pleasure that his body relaxes, melting into the mix of fragrance and taste.

"It was good, thank you," Natsume says, when he manages to recover from the tea. "Very good," he adds, knowing that it had been so much more than that.

Lord Mibu tilts his head back and laughs, while around them the other gods cover their mouths with their delicate fans, joining in, a tinkling accompaniment to Lord Mibu's deep, rolling bass.

"Good, the child says! At the very least!" Lord Mibu looks at him again, the smile on his face wide. "Child, for you are a child, both as a human, and now as a god; there is much you need to learn.

"Long ago, when man still considered himself Earth's creature, it was not unusual for our kind to turn one who was worthy into a god. For in those days, they were also more powerful than the weak, puling men of today, though the men now consider themselves more powerful than ever. But even then, when man's life was even shorter, we had never made into a god one so young as you.

"So young…" and at this, Lord Mibu's voice softens. "Yet you have, in so short a time, gained much power. The spirits all speak of it. You are beloved, Natsume Takashi. So deeply loved. And that, more than anything else, is rarer still. Precious."

The words hit him, sharp and painful, yet in that moment, he also feels a deep joy.

_Beloved. Yes. _

Natsume feels the tears in his eyes, and for once he does not fight it. They roll down his cheeks, hot and burning, hidden only by the grace of the mask. Only the presence of the other gods keeps him from turning around to view his followers—Nyanko-sensei, Hinoe, Chobihige, Misuzu, Kogitsune, and the Chuukyu—to acknowledge and to return the love they have for him. Naturally, Lord Mibu knows, but the god says nothing.

"Now child, the concert is about to begin. Let us listen."

As if on an unspoken signal, the players in the center of the field raise their hands to their instruments, and abruptly, the air erupts into the deep roll of drums. The _jyuushichigen_ players begin to pluck in harmony to each other, and then, soaring above, Natsume hears the wooden, breathy sound of the _shakuhachi_, as together, the music weaves into a deepening crescendo, a sound that sends him shaking to the depths of his spirit. It is music like he has never heard before, both terrible in the feelings it arouses in him, yet of such beauty that the tears Natsume had shed earlier forms anew.

If he had still been human, he would never have been able to survive it. It is music that cannot be heard by humans, lest it drive them mad, but to Natsume, it is the essence of spirit, and it calls to him. Natsume finds himself relaxing, and finally gives himself to the music.

For a long time he listens. As the night goes on, the players change instruments, or put them down altogether, raising their voices to add to the music. And then, slowly, just an hour before the rise of dawn, they end their concert with a piece that brings to the heart the image of a soaring bird: freedom.

Natsume feels the last note die away, and slowly awareness returns to him.

"That was good, was it not?" Lord Mibu says afterward. "So much better than the human world."

The statement startles him, and Natsume looks at Lord Mibu, eyes wide beneath the mask. In that moment, he realizes Lord Mibu's intentions.

"The human world has its joys," he says.

"It will also kill you," Lord Mibu says. "Not that I am suggesting that you cut yourself off completely. You have many responsibilities, and to run would be cowardice, beneath you. But you spend too much of your time there, Natsume Takashi. They will eventually betray you." The god pauses. "Your plan with the exorcist clan will fail."

"You cannot know that!"

The field falls into hushed silence.

"Oh?" Once again, the predatory glint is back in full. "You, a child, dare say that to me?"

"Has any spirit ever tried to form an equal alliance with an exorcist?" Natsume begins.

"Many," Lord Mibu says sharply, all trace of amusement gone. "And the closest we have ever come was one man, and only because he was borne of a _kitsune_ mother, and thus not wholly human at all. Even then, he sided with the humans more often than not.

"Humans cannot form an equal partnership with spirits. It is impossible. Because the difference from the very beginning is too vast."

"My friends…"

"As for your friends, it is only the fact that you are a child that keeps me from destroying you as I ought!" Lord Mibu stands up, no longer looking like the unimposing old man he had first appeared to be, but like the storm itself: vast, deadly, chaotic.

Natsume freezes. Then he realizes. Tanuma. Taki. They may not know the ritual, but they know of it.

"I…"

"Are you so arrogant that you believe that you, and you alone, may breach the ancient laws with impudence? Do you think no other spirit has tried to befriend, to trust, to love a human?" The god's voice softens, but it is only the eye of the hurricane, an illusion of gentleness. "You endanger all spirits by clinging to such foolish sentimentalism."

_No. No._

Natsume trembles, fighting the terror welling inside him. Lord Mibu can kill him, devour him as easily as a snake does a mouse. And he, Natsume can do nothing.

"What would you have me do?" he whispers, feeling helpless under the gaze of the angry god.

"Erase your presence from the human world. You have the power. Let them forget you, forget Natsume Takashi, and become Lord Onwa in full."

The statement sends Natsume reeling, both in protest and denial. Yet he cannot reject the truth in Lord Mibu's command. Absently, he notices his hair pooling around him, but he is too mired in his emotions to truly grasp what is happening.

Then suddenly Nyanko-sensei is by his side, bristling with hot anger, growling protectively toward the crowd of gods.

"Get a hold of yourself," Nyanko-sensei says. "Don't let Lord Mibu overwhelm you. He is powerful, but don't forget, Natsume. You're a god too now. And never forget what he had said to you earlier."

_"Beast! You dare bare your fangs at the gods!" _

Nyanko-sensei ignores the outraged shouts.

"Don't forget that your followers love you." Hinoe has joined them. "So long as we exist, you will always be here. And just as you serve us, we too, will do our best to make sure that your will is fulfilled."

"You fools, who choose to follow a foolish god," Lord Mibu says, his fury a solid thing that surrounds him, crackling in dark energy. "You would have your love for him lead him to your very destruction?"

"Now that is not at all certain," Hinoe says, her tone scornful. "I had wondered why you had waited so long to invite Lord Onwa. But it is as they say: the longer you live, the more you fear change."

_What? _

Natsume turns to look at her, while Hinoe takes a long and leisurely draw from her pipe.

"You represent change, Natsume. Because it is as Lord Mibu has said," Nyanko-sensei explains. "No one has ever succeeded. But you might."

"Nyanko-sensei…"

"It is as the cat says," Misuzu says, coming up from behind. The little fox rides on his back, while the ogre and the ox sit in the palm of his hand.

"Lord Mibu, if you are afraid of the change that Natsume may bring, then remain here. I cannot deny it; this is a pleasant place," Hinoe says "But we believe in our Lord."

"Some of his other followers were not so content today," Lord Mibu says, his voice now silky, sending a shiver down Natsume's spine. Nyanko-sensei nudges Natsume briefly then, once again sending a breeze of warm air toward him, bolstering his courage.

"Those same followers also chose the mask Natsume wears now," Hinoe retorts. "Once they get over their anger, they will think back, and remember why they chose to follow him in the first place."

Surrounded by his friends, Natsume finally steps forward, though as always, a hand is placed on Nyanko-sensei's neck.

"I will approach the Onizuka clan tomorrow," he says quietly, unaware, at that moment, just how wild he looked, with the long robes and the veils of his headdress, his hair pooling at his feet like a waterfall, taking on a silver sheen under the dimming moonlight.

"That is your answer?" Lord Mibu says.

"Perhaps you are right," Natsume says, his voice still trembling from the aftereffects of Lord Mibu's attack. "Perhaps, it is as you say, and I am being foolish. You've lived all these years, and so I suppose, I suppose you're right. But as you also say, I am still young. And it is the right of the young to try." He straightens. "And fail, if I must."

"And your friends? Their knowledge of your changed form violates the ancient laws."

"I do not believe that they are a threat," Natsume says. He hesitates. After all, they are his friends. "I trust them. But…" He takes deep breath. "If their knowledge of my true form puts the lives of spirits at risk… I will erase my memory from them myself."

Lord Mibu, still looking terrible in his greatness, nods slowly.

"I will hold you to that pledge, Natsume Takashi." He smiles then, almost wryly. "Ah, perhaps I should call you Lord Onwa from now on."

"Thank you for the invitation," Natsume says, bowing. "Tonight has been educational."

"Indeed it has. Indeed it has."

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Notes: <strong>1) The music referenced in this drabble are actually based off music from an actual Japanese band, though it has since broken up. I'm referring to the three woman band, Rin' (apostrophe included!). The opening piece is _Murasaki no Yukari, Futatabi_, a glorious piece that can be found on Youtube (go for the 5:03 one, without the _Futatabi_ in the title). The final piece described in the concert is their piece called _Asuka_, which does indeed mean "flying bird." Their other songs, such as _Jikuu_, _Genji_, _Miyabi_, and _Sakura Sakura_, are also highly recommended, and can all be found on Youtube. They are excellent players, and excellent singers as well. I encourage you to try listening to them, to get a feel for what Natsume was listening to, though thankfully, none of their songs will drive you mad!

2) The man borne of a _kitsune_ is a reference to Abe no Seimei, probably the most famous _onmyouji_ (Ying Yang master, also known for fortune telling, and the warding demons/evil spirits) in Japanese lore. He was an actual historical figure, and said to be the most powerful _onmyouji_ in history. Those who are curious can visit his house (now a temple) in Kyoto. I've been there myself, and was the highlight of my trip there.


	38. Onizuka

**A/N: **This is the final part to the Lord Mibu arc, a grand finale as it were (and extra long too). So in some ways, things have ended. But in many other ways, things are just beginning. Either way, Natsume is taking a step in a new direction, and he's taking a very large risk here in the process. It should be interesting.

Thank you all for following this story, and I am grateful to all the reviewers who take the time to comment. My sincerest thanks.

* * *

><p><strong>Onizuka (Lord Mibu Arc: Part 55)  
><strong>

_Sometimes I wonder: had I been born into an exorcist family, would I still be as close to spirits as I am now? What life would I have had, growing up in a family that saw my ability to see as something valuable and precious? Surely I would have been happier. But I would have also lost so much. And realizing that, I am glad for what I have become. _

* * *

><p>An ordinary spirit cannot see the barriers set in interlinking layers around the estate, but Natsume sees them as faint shimmers of red and blue, shining curtains of power designed to block the passage of any spirit lacking the permission of the Onizuka clan. He feels them too: a hum of power that sends the earth trembling beneath his feet.<p>

"Are you going to be okay with this?" Nyanko-sensei asks him, growling nervously at the layer upon layer of barriers Natsume will have to step through.

"Mm, I think so. They're not… they're not very substantial, are they?" Natsume says. "A single blow will make them disappear." He holds out a hand, palm upwards, perpendicular to his face, and blows gently on the nearest barrier. Immediately it starts to fade, curling away like a dried up leaf. "See?"

Nyanko-sensei falls silent. Beside him, Hinoe laughs.

"See, Madara, you worry too much. Our Lord has grown much in power," she says, smirking.

"My worry is that the only person unaware of this is the idiot himself," Nyanko-sensei says.

"I'll be fine," Natsume says. "Besides, I don't want to overwhelm Onizuka Kiyoshi with all of you guys. You can be scary sometimes, sensei. Especially when you're big like this."

"And less than impressive as a cat," Hinoe adds. "Stay right here Madara, and watch Lord Onwa do his work."

"Hmph. Who said I ever intended to help him?" Nyanko-sensei says, and grumbling, lies down on the grassy knoll overlooking the Onizuka residence. Over the past weeks Natsume's tinier followers have been chipping away at the forest barriers, weakening them one by one, enough so that Nyanko-sensei and the others can at least come closer to the Onizuka estate, though nowhere close enough should Natsume actually get into trouble.

"Be careful."

"I will, sensei," Natsume says, rubbing the beast's nose. "I will."

He weaves past each barrier, only breathing on them gently when he sees no other way around. The barriers disappear slowly—too slow to cause any alarm—and so Natsume remains unseen as he makes his way up to the main house, where he senses in the room facing the east the power of an exorcist, and the smell of a human.

For a moment he pauses, struggling, clamping down on the deep, instinctual hunger that rises from him. It is not the first time he has felt it, but Natsume suspects that the longer he remains a spirit, the stronger the instinct will manifest itself. Of course, it is not a true hunger, merely greed. But Natsume has more than enough power. He does not need any more. So he tells himself this, and slowly, far too slowly, the hunger recedes.

Onizuka Kiyoshi is lying in his room reading a book, his room bright with light. The door facing the inner garden is open, no doubt to catch the night breeze in what has been an unusually warm autumn. It is a simple matter to fly over the roof and into the inner courtyard, and soon Natsume is standing next to the inner walkway surrounding the garden. He slips off his _geta_, and steps into the room on silent feet.

"Which story are you reading?" he asks quietly, lowering himself onto the _tatami_.

Onizuka Kiyoshi jerks upright, bending the covers of the book permanently as it hits the floor. For a moment he stares at Natsume in disbelief.

"How did you…?" he begins, but then he pauses. "I've seen you before."

Natsume says nothing, but he nods slightly in response.

"You're the powerful spirit that appeared suddenly this year." The young man mutters, as if to himself. "And then you appeared in the forest here several weeks back." He glares at Natsume, gazing at the mask with suspicion. "Well, why are you here?"

"You aren't going to ask how I got in here?"

"What's the point?" Onizuka Kiyoshi says rudely. "Rumor has it that you're a god, and a powerful one. Our barriers probably mean nothing to you."

He is frightened, Natsume realizes. Despite the rudeness and the dismissive attitude of the young man, Natsume can sense his fear staining the air, cold and sour. But then, that is to be expected. To Onizuka Kiyoshi, Natsume is a spirit in the house of an exorcist, and spirits, Natsume knows, are not known for being kind to humans.

In the background is the light sound of footsteps coming ever closer. Natsume stretches out his senses, but it is hard—there are too many things interfering, too many things cutting him off from the power of the earth. If he stays too long, Natsume realizes, he may become dangerously weakened.

"Someone is coming," Natsume says.

Onizuka Kiyoshi starts, then turns to gaze at the door leading into his room.

"Young Master, I've brought some tea," the sound coming from the inner hallway. It is deep and gravelly, the voice of an old man.

"Perfect, Sagano." Onizuka Kiyoshi gives Natsume a wry smile. "Bring an extra cup while you're at it," he adds as the door opens. In the doorway, an old man gasps. "We have a guest."

"Young Master, what is… what is the meaning…?"

Onizuka Kiyoshi shrugs.

"I don't know. But it hasn't tried to eat me yet. And it could have a dozen times already. So I figure it wants something else." He turns back to Natsume. "I hope you drink tea."

Natsume finds himself wanting to laugh, but he bites back the urge.

"I do."

"It does," Onizuka says. "Well, you heard it, Sagano. Go get another cup."

"Young Master are you sure it is wise to…"

"Go get another cup."

The old man sighs.

"Yes, Young Master. As you wish." And then as the old man turns away, he mutters, "I only hope you don't regret it."

"What was that?"

"Nothing Young Master, nothing."

He says nothing else, not even to demand Natsume's reason for coming. Instead Onizuka Kiyoshi studies him intently, starting from the headdress to the mask, and finally to the robes. It is not until Sagano returns that he finally speaks.

"You might as well stay, Sagano. You'll probably die of curiosity otherwise."

"You are too kind, Young Master," Sagano says, but the tone is sharp. Onizuka Kiyoshi raises an eyebrow, but says nothing in response.

"Tea," he says instead, and carelessly hands the traditional Japanese cup over to Natsume. A few droplets spill on the _tatami_, staining it a light green. A few more fly toward Natsume's robes, and would have stained those too, except Natsume stops the droplets with his will.

"You should be more careful," Natsume says, flicking the floating droplets back into his cup.

He hears a harsh intake of breath. Natsume ignores the sound, instead lifting up the cup to his lips to drink. It passes through his mask—the mask of a spirit is after all both real and an illusion—all the while closely watching Onizuka Kiyoshi for a reaction.

Sagano's eyes are wide, but Onizuka Kiyoshi's are narrowed.

"So the mask is an illusion."

"It is both," Natsume says. He pauses. "The tea is good," he adds, nodding at Sagano. The old man nods stiffly back, as if not quite believing in a spirit's politeness.

"All right, enough games," Onizuka Kiyoshi interrupts. "No god waltzes into the heart of an exorcist's estate just for tea."

Natsume nods. It is time. On the tip of his tongue is a carefully rehearsed speech, a speech he has practiced with Hinoe and Misuzu for countless hours. But in that moment, Natsume lets the words fade. Tonight, he will tell a different story. He will begin with the truth.

"Before I tell you, I would like to tell you a story," Natsume says softly. "A month ago I was in the Western Forest, called there because my worshippers were being hunted by an exorcist." Onizuka Kiyoshi stiffens. "I met a young man," he says, cradling the teacup in both hands. "Desperation pushed him, enough to attempt to capture a god. In his mind, I saw the reason for his desperation. And a few weeks later, I went to his estates to confirm."

"It's you!" Onizuka Kiyoshi leaps to his feet, a finger pointed accusingly at Natsume. "I'd wondered. I'd wondered why I couldn't remember. So it was you I met in the forest. It was you that… that…"

"I'm sorry," Natsume says, looking straight at the pointing finger. "But it was best that way. It was either that… or kill you." Natsume looks at his hands. "I've never killed before. I don't want to start now. But I'm afraid…" At this, he sees Onizuka Kiyoshi roll his eyes. "I'm afraid that I may eventually be forced to." He looks down at his hands, at the tea. In it, a single stalk floats vertically upright.

"I like humans," he says. "I don't mind them, the way other spirits seem to. And my worshippers are forbidden from deliberately harming humans except in self defense. But," and at this, Natsume looks up. "I would like to eliminate the necessity for that as well."

Sagano shifts, looking first from Natsume then back to Onizuka Kiyoshi, who has sat back down, his expression thoughtful.

"Young Master, I believe this spirit speaks the truth."

"Truth. From a spirit? Impossible," Onizuka Kiyoshi says, but while the tone is biting, it is also mocking. "I don't know if you've put a spell in your words, spirit, but I'm actually believing you. Though I don't," he puts up a hand, "I don't yet trust you. So tell me, what do you want?"

"An alliance," Natsume says without hesitation. Onizuka Kiyoshi's widen in surprise. Sagano's mouth drops open. "An equal partnership." Natsume stiffens, tense with nerves. "I… I understand that… you are currently fighting against being consumed by another exorcist clan."

"The Matoba clan, those filthy vultures," Sagano mutters.

"We are," Onizuka Kiyoshi confirms. His expression is no longer mocking, but serious. "So the day you appeared, you'd come to check," he murmurs, "I'd wondered. And an alliance you said? Not a contract?"

"I am a god of spirits," Natsume says. "I have a responsibility toward my worshippers."

"So you cannot afford to contract with an exorcist," Onizuka Kiyoshi says. If he is disappointed by this news, his face shows no hint of such, and Natsume senses no other emotion other than continued interest. "An alliance. What kind?"

"I know that your barriers are weakening," Natsume says. "I also know that there are many spirits waiting for the opportunity to take revenge." He pauses. "I can order them to stop."

"Oh? And what do we do in return?" Onizuka Kiyoshi asks. A hint of skepticism has returned. "You are proposing to protect us. It's not any different from what the Matoba clan has proposed."

"But I am not interested in using your power. All I ask," Natsume says, "is that should an exorcist or clan become interested in me or my worshippers, that you step in. They will listen to you, as they will not to me."

"And you avoid potentially being forced to kill an exorcist. I see." Onizuka Kiyoshi takes a breath. "So it is mutual protection you are proposing. And your unwillingness to kill is not entirely out of kindness either," he notes shrewdly. "Kill or harm any human, and all the clans will gather to take you down. You know this too."

"I do," Natsume says. "So, will you agree?"

For a long time, there is silence. But Natsume is a spirit, and he has the entire night to wait. He sits quietly, while Onizuka Kiyoshi and Sagano, the family retainer, thinks.

"Perhaps, Young Master, we should take a few days to think it over…" Sagano finally says.

"And then what? Have the elders argue over it for months? No thank you." Onizuka Kiyoshi glares at Sagano with impatience. "Besides, who is the clan head? Me? Or those old geezers?" While Sagano opens his mouth in protest, Onizuka Kiyoshi turns back to Natsume. "Besides," he adds, a smile slowly forming on his lips. "This is the most interesting thing I've heard in years. There's never been an alliance between spirits and exorcists before. It should be interesting."

"Then you accept?"

"Yes!" Onizuka Kiyoshi grins then, a wild, feral grin.

For the first time that night, Natsume relaxes. And beneath the mask, he smiles.

"Then as a sign of our alliance, let me show you something," Natsume says. Slowly, he reaches his hands up to his face. "Look beneath the mask, and judge me for what I am," he says softly.

He lowers the mask, then places it gently on the floor.

The silence lasts even longer than before.

"You're just a kid," Onizuka Kiyoshi whispers, his eyes widened in shock. "You're… just a kid."

"My followers call me Onwa, Onizuka-san," Natsume says, smiling. He picks up his mask again, placing it back on his face. "We will meet again soon."

"Yes," Onizuka-san says, his expression once again thoughtful. "Onwa, huh? The Gentle…"

"Good night."

"Good night… Lord Onwa."

Still smiling, Natsume leaves.

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Notes: <strong>The reference to the vertical stalk in Natsume's tea is a sign of good luck in Japanese superstitions. I wouldn't put too much stock in it though: the last time I saw one in my green tea, I ended up in a car accident the next day!


	39. One for Another

**A/N: **We return to your regularly scheduled drabbles, though after all those long chapters, I'm now having trouble shortening them. Not that any of you are complaining. But at this point this is no longer a drabble series, is it? Oh well. This chapter, while it does not quite resolve the issues in the last arc, does attempt to address them and give things a gentler ending. Obviously it's only the beginning. I plan to slow things down though, because there are so many other angles I want to explore. For example, Natsume's other relatives. Or parts of his past.

On an extra note, the word count for this chapter is 1,337. The nerd in me finds this hilarious.

* * *

><p><strong>One for Another<strong>

_ It is not always necessary to put on a mask to hide. The life I lead as a human after all, needs no mask. In some ways this is a relief, but in other ways, it is perhaps the hardest thing I've done. At the same time, the act is familiar. After all, I've done this all my life. Perhaps the ones who are truly masked are those who cannot wear them. _

* * *

><p>"Is it too heavy?" Touko-san asks, gazing worriedly at the stacks of bathroom supplies and bags of groceries slung around Natsume's arms.<p>

"I'm fine," Natsume says, twisting his head around the stack of tissue boxes to give Touko-san a reassuring smile. "It's just bulky."

Touko-san smiles.

"Let me know if it gets too heavy, Takashi-kun. I don't want you to get injured."

"I will."

It is for times like these. Natsume takes a breath, enjoying the scent of autumn. And in that moment, he remakes a promise, a promise he has made repeatedly: to never forget. For there are indescribable joys in being a human. Little things. Things that, to an outsider, are probably meaningless. But it is not the outsider he cares about.

The tiny spirits lining the road to watch him pass are free to wonder why their god is engaged in mundane, human chores.

"So Takashi-kun, I was thinking that tomorrow, tomorrow, we could have our first _nabe_ of the season. What do you think?"

"That sounds great!" Natsume says enthusiastically. "And the weather is perfect for it, isn't it?"

He pauses a bit. Because in truth, he cannot truly tell if the weather is cold or warm.

"It's supposed to be really cold tomorrow," Touko-san says, smiling. Make sure you wear a scarf tomorrow. I'll bring the heavy coat out for both you and Shigeru-san."

"Thank you," Natsume says.

They round the bend that comes before the road to their house.

"Ah, Nyankichi-kun!"

"Hm?"

And then he feels it. Power, strong, and sweet. Delicio—

_No!_

He shakes his head roughly. There is no need to be hungry.

Nyanko-sensei jumps off the wall he had been on, leaping down next to Natsume. He looks down, but the troubled look on Nyanko-sensei's face tells him all he needs to know.

"How sweet, for Nyankichi-kun to see us home."

"Yes."

They continue walking, but the moment is almost anti-climatic. Nevertheless, for a second, Natsume lowers his face, hiding it behind the stack of tissues.

"Oh!"

Natori-san waves.

"Ah, I was just wondering where you were," Natori-san says from underneath his hat. He flashes a too-bright smile, and Touko-san beams right back in response.

"You must stay for dinner," she says, after she and Natori-san exchange pleasantries.

"Ah, my sincerest apologies. But I'm expected tonight, to rehearse for my next movie," Natori-san replies, smiling again.

"Oh, then you must stay for tea at least! Takashi-kun, I'm so sorry. I'll unlock the door so you can put those things down."

"I'll help," Natori-san says, still playing the famous actor. He smiles after Touko-san, but when he turns toward Natsume, the smile abruptly leaves his face.

"So where's the sparkle, actor-boy?" Nyanko-sensei says.

"I'm glad you're all right," Natori-san says. He reaches out a hand, and a moment later, Natsume feels it rubbing his head gently.

"It's been a while," Natsume says, looking down again. Even as he fears the exchange, a part of him warms up with a quiet joy. It is too confusing, and after the first words he finds himself unable to say anything more.

Natori-san seems to be in a similar mood. Things remain quiet while Natori-san takes the burden of the tissues from him, leaving only the grocery bags. They turn in the direction of the house, but neither of them walks through the door.

"A few days ago I came to check to see if you were home, but when I came that night to check again, you weren't there," Natori-san says quietly.

"I've… I've been busy."

"More business with spirits?"

Natsume jerks his head up, feeling a flash of panic.

"I…"

"Hmph, the boy can't ever resist a request, as you very well know," Nyanko-sensei interrupts, rolling his eyes.

Natori-san sighs.

"I was worried about that," he says, looking suddenly both exhausted and nervous. "Natsume, you should try to avoid the mountains now. There's trouble brewing there…"

"Trouble?" Natsume asks, trying to maintain an expression appropriate to Natori's words.

"Yes, trouble. Though I don't know if the trouble is going to come from the spirits, or the exorcists," Natori-san adds, smiling ruefully. He looks at Natsume with a serious look. "I don't have much time, so I'll be quick," he says. "Have you heard of the new god? It goes by the name of Onwa."

He has been expecting it. Since Natori-san had been standing by the gate, he has waited for the name to be said. But in that moment, Natsume cannot help it. He finds himself hating the name, and everything it stands for. For the person he has become.

"I've… I've heard of him," he whispers.

"Heard?" Natori-san says, but a spark of his usual smile is back. It is the face of a man who has caught a young boy in a lie. "Don't you mean, met?"

Natsume returns the smile, albeit nervously. After all, it is all too close to the truth.

"Heheh."

"Don't 'heheh' at me," Natori-san says, scolding him lightly. "I knew I should have come see you sooner." He rubs his head, displacing the hat. "So you've met it already… and? What happened?"

"He…" Natsume pauses, biting his lips. Will Natori-san believe him? Will he listen to him… the boy? "He doesn't want to hurt anyone," he blurts out. "He's kind. And he wants to live together with humans. I think… I think he likes humans…" His voice trails off, as he sees Natori-san's expression turn to stone.

"Even if that is the case, Natsume, the other exorcists aren't willing to have a powerful god so close to people."

"But…!"

"They'll come here soon enough, Natsume. I can't stop them," Natori-san says. "No matter what happens, Natsume. I want you to promise me. Promise to stay away from the mountains. I don't want you involved in what is to come."

This is when he should lie. Natsume knows that. He can sense Nyanko-sensei next to him, tensely waiting for his answer. Because whatever answer he makes will affect what Lord Onwa must do.

"I can't."

"Natsume! You…"

"I can't stay away, Natori-san. I can't promise you that." He looks back on the ground. "You know I can't."

"I know."

When Natsume looks back up, Natori-san is smiling resignedly.

"Natori-san…"

"I still had to try," he said. "You brat," he teases, and puts a hand on his cheek. "You're determined to make me age before my time, aren't you?"

"Sorry."

"Shall we go in? Your guardian has probably already finished making the tea. And I'm sure she wants her groceries."

Natori-san opens the door, skillfully juggling the stack of tissues through the door. He sets the stack down on the wooden floor above the entrance way.

"Can't…" Before he loses courage, Natsume blurts the rest of the words out. "Can't you be friends with him? Lord Onwa?"

Natori-san freezes.

"I see," he says quietly. "I'd wondered where that had come from." Natori-san turns around, back at Natsume, who inadvertently backs away.

_Has he said too much? _

"If anyone could make friends with a god, I suppose it would be you, Natsume," Natori-san says, his voice full of admiration. His ever-present smile deepens. "You are amazing. Absolutely amazing." Then suddenly, Natori-san laughs, but it is a laugh full of sorrow, with enough regret to make Natsume weep. "But I don't think I can do the same, Natsume."

"You can't try? Maybe things will change someday. In the future."

If things can work, if Natsume the boy can convince Natori-san…

"Perhaps," Natori-san says, ruffling Natsume's hair again. His expression is gentle. "Perhaps."

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Note: <strong>_Nabe_ is a Japanese dish traditionally eaten in winter. It's pretty much a hot pot, with things like meat and veggies mixed in, and what is eaten is cooked when needed, rather than all cooked in at once like a stew. There are many flavors, though my favorite is the _chige nabe_, which is spicy, with Korean flavoring. It's similar to the Chinese _huo guo_, though the Japanese rules for what meats and veggies can be put in is a lot stricter, and at the end, they typically put in udon noodles rather than Winter noodles (green bean vermicelli). I know that for the curry flavored _nabe_, sometimes they finish things with rice instead. Either way, it's a great way to socialize while eating.


	40. Returning Names

**A/N: **This is a melancholy piece where I attempt to address some questions surrounding Natsume: his transformation, as well as his past. I do not know if I ever plan to answer the questions that I've raised in this piece. Partially this is because it is possible that it may be answered in canon, and I don't want to go against canon. But well, canon is unbearably slow, and I may grow impatient. For now though, I'll leave most of the speculating up to you guys.

Thank you for reading, and as always, thank you for your support.

* * *

><p><strong>Returning Names<strong>

_Spirits usually come to me for names when I'm pretending to be human. I am not sure why. Perhaps it is the comfort of illusion, and they prefer the pretense of playing the spirit to my human. Or it may be more than that. After all, it is the human me that is related to Reiko, and it is that connection that has allowed me to return their names to them in the first place. Does that mean that even now, as a god, that I still have some connection to her? _

* * *

><p>The Book is becoming thin.<p>

_"Thank you My Lord, Thank you." _

"It's no problem, Onminago," Natsume says, smiling. The spirit resembles a shadow of a girl, but what little can be seen is beautiful. The only thing with color is her _kimono_, a confection of pink flowers and tiny birds. "If I may ask, how did you meet Reiko?"

_"Ah, it was a mere passing fancy, a way to pass time,"_ she says, sitting up taller. Her face remains shadowed, but something about it shines, as she recounts the times she had spent with Reiko. _"I was lonely, you see. And my kimono, a stronger spirit had gotten them dirty. That was when Reiko saw me…"_

In his mind's eye, Natsume can see it: Onminago, crying by the wayside, clutching a _kimono_ stained with the clod of rotting leaves and mud. Then Reiko comes by, dressed as always in her school uniform.

_"It's just a bit of mud, what are you crying about_?"

When Natsume comes out of the vision, he can see what there is of Onminago's lips curved upwards into a smile.

"It's just like her, to make fun of you," Natsume says, shaking his head ruefully. "I'm sorry."

_"Perhaps, but then she chased down the spirit and beat it up the next day."_

That too, is very much like Reiko.

Natsume finds his smile transforming into a grin.

"Reiko, that girl. She never was able to be straight forward about her feelings," Nyanko-sensei says, walking into the room.

"Nyanko-sensei, where have you been?" Natsume asks.

"Doing some scouting, as you very well know," Nyanko-sensei says.

_"Thank you, Lord Onwa. I will be on my way then,"_ Onminago says, patting down her _kimono_. She stands up, and Natsume makes a motion toward the window, where it, seemingly of its own free will, slides open. It is not that Onminago cannot open the window on her own, but that Natsume has set strong shields over the house. A part of it needs to be opened up before any spirit can leave or enter.

Onminago makes one final bow, and then fades away with the breeze. When she leaves, Natsume gets up and closes the window, sending out his senses while he does so. The shield, he notes, will need to be renewed soon.

"Hmph, you're as strange as ever. You open the window with your mind, but then you get up to close it physically," Nyanko-sensei says.

Natsume ignores the quip, instead sitting back down to pick up the cat.

"You're getting fatter, sensei."

"What? That's not fat, it's my body getting ready for winter!"

"How can that happen, when you're not a real cat?" Natsume asks. "It doesn't make any logical sense."

"It doesn't have to make any sense," Nyanko-sensei says. "You've known spirits for this long and you still think logic applies?"

"Isn't there some form of logic?" Natsume says, setting the Nyanko-sensei back down. Immediately Nyanko-sensei crawls into Natsume's lap, snuggling down in the soft folds of his pajamas. "It's not like everything goes in the spirit world."

"Connections are more tenuous in the spirit world," Nyanko-sensei answers. "They don't matter so much. Thought is as important as the reality."

"You mean, so long as I believe it is so, it will happen?"

"Not quite, but it is good enough. For example, why do you think you're still able to return their names? You technically don't have the saliva necessary to do so. And your blood changed the moment you became a god. Lord Onwa isn't related to Reiko."

"Because I believe it…?" Natsume says, then shakes his head roughly. "But that can't be right. Now that I know, does that mean I won't be able to return anymore names?"

There are still a few names left in the Book of Friends. What will he do now? What will the spirits do now?

"Hmph, now you're fretting like an idiot. I said already that things don't work that way. You were once Reiko's grandson. In your memories, you have always been Reiko's grandson, and in the human world at least, everybody acknowledges that. It makes a difference."

"But…"

"Stop thinking like a human, you're being stupid."

Natsume sighs, scratching Nyanko-sensei gently behind the ears.

"If I do that, then maybe I'll really lose the ability to return names."

"Hmmm… that's true… enough." Nyanko-sensei rolls over, luxuriating in the scratches.

"Or… maybe Reiko wasn't fully human? Is that possible?"

Nyanko-sensei rolls back, and suddenly Natsume finds himself looking into a comically grave face.

"Reiko was human, Natsume. Completely, fully human."

"How can you tell?"

"It's possible that somewhere far back in her ancestry, someone had relations with spirits, but that's impossible to find out now, Natsume."

"Nyanko-sensei, that's my ancestry too," Natsume says, his voice strained. "Do you think I can ask around? Surely a spirit will know…"

"And then what, Natsume? What do you gain from knowing?"

Nyanko-sensei has become oddly distant, his body stiff and heavy.

"I don't know. I don't know. But I still want to find out."

Nyanko-sensei sighs.

"Spirits don't keep track of humans in that way, Natsume. We simply aren't that interested, and humans die and reproduce faster than we can usually track. Even if a spirit did know an ancestor of yours, they are unlikely to care about what happened after, or recognize that you are a descendant. The likelihood is very small, Natsume."

"I see."

But Nyanko-sensei had not said that it was impossible. Natsume looks out the window, at the mountains that have been splashed with bright colors of red and yellow. Perhaps, somewhere out there…

"Will you help me, sensei?"

Nyanko-sensei sighs again, giving Natsumea look of resignation.

"It will take time, Natsume. And you may not like the answer in the end."

"I know. But I want to have something more than memories."

Nevertheless, he knows, deep in his heart, that Nyanko-sensei may be right. Even all the time in the world may not uncover the answers Natsume craves. But it is human to crave for answers that cannot be answered. Just as it is human to hope.

So long as he has that, he will be able to return names.


	41. Kin

**A/N: **This was originally written for Thanksgiving weekend, before my computer chose to die. At that point any spare time left was spent on grading, papers, grading, lesson planning, and oh, did I mention grading? Only a bit of the original of this chapter had been saved, so I had to start over, and because I've been absent for so long, I've decided to extend it a bit.

This revisits the anger Natsume is starting to experience now he is a god. Even as a human, I suspect that Natsume had repressed whatever feelings of anger he had, and so he is even less able to deal with it than normal. But I also wanted to explore the dynamics of the Fujiwaras with Natsume, and how they are helping him grow. This is a piece about them and how much they have come to be his parents in everything but name.

Thank you for waiting so patiently. Hopefully you will enjoy this piece. Happy reading!

* * *

><p><strong>Kin<strong>

_ The Fujiwaras are considered my distant relatives. It seems odd that they should be so. I have never felt closer ties, even from those who are directly related to my father. As for my mother and grandmother, I cannot say. But it is what it is. I only need to look at Nyanko-sensei, at Misuzu, Hinoe, and the others, to remember what it means to have a family. _

* * *

><p>There are two pairs of strange shoes in the entrance way. Natsume looks down, noting the bright red pumps and the black, recently polished business shoes. A man and a woman. And much to his surprise, he sees Shigeru-san's shoes as well. So Shigeru-san has come home early, though he had said nothing that morning.<p>

From the living room Natsume can hear voices, growing ever louder.

"We've been hearing stories…"

"I don't understand what you mean."

Natsume's eyes widen. The last had been spoken by Touko-san. He can hear the worry and stress in her voice.

"Now, I know… the boy is notoriously hard to care for. But we want to just make sure. That the boy is being treated right."

"It's… true. Takashi-kun gets sick a lot." Touko-san, hesitant, worried.

"What has the doctor said?"

"She thinks it's just anemia." This time it is Shigeru-san's voice. "But Takashi-kun has gained a lot of weight since moving here. He has made friends."

"Yes, about that…"

Natsume immediately slips off his shoes.

"I'm home!"

There is a scuffle, and a moment later the sliding doors to the living room slides open.

"Takashi-kun, welcome home," Touko-san says. She smiles, but it does not quite erase the worry in her eyes. "Takashi-kun, there are a few people…"

"I heard," Natsume says softly. "It's okay."

"Ah, you must be Takashi-kun!" Out of the living room walks a man wearing a gray three-piece suit, his hair carefully brushed back. Still sitting at the table is a woman wearing a black dress, with a string of glistening white pearls around her neck. "Come, come, sit with us. We were just talking about you!"

"Um," Natsume stiffens as a hand brushes the top of his head, lightly ruffling his hair.

"Takashi-kun, I'll go get you some tea," Touko-san says.

"Come, come," the man says. He places a hand behind Natsume, forcefully propelling him toward the table. "My name is Sakamoto. Sakamoto Yuuichi, and this my wife, Miyu."

"Sakamoto-san," Natsume says. "It's nice… to meet you." His voice is stiff with tension, but the man does not seem to notice.

"Yuuichi. Please call me Yuuichi. Now come, sit down, and tell me about yourself."

Slowly Natsume sits down, but though Yuuichi-san motions him between himself and Miyu-san, he sits instead on the side, closer to Shigeru-san. There is something wrong about this couple, he can sense it. Something dishonest.

"May I… ask who you are?"

"Ah, we are relatives from your grandmother's side!" Miyu-san says, smiling enthusiastically.

_Grandmother...? Rei…ko?_

Natsume freezes. He had not thought, had never known, that there were relatives on his grandmother's, his mother's side. Reiko had lived a life much like his, passed around by people who did not want her. She had never escaped that life—that was something only he, Natsume Takashi, had been able to do.

So what was this?

"Takashi-kun." Touko-san places a mug of green tea in front of him, then clasps the tray to her chest, her expression now openly worried.

"Thank you, Touko-san," Natsume says, looking up at her gratefully. Touko-san smiles, then sits down next to Shigeru-san, who so far has said nothing.

But Natsume is no longer human. He is a god, and he can feel the tension, the worry—and even deeper, almost hidden, he can feel the fear.

Fear?

"We heard about you at a family gathering, and since we live nearby we thought it would be nice to see you," Miyu-san says, waving her hand. Her nails are painted a bright crimson.

"Nearby?"

"Well, not that nearby. But we live in the next prefecture, in Nagasaki," Yuuichi-san says.

"It's certainly a far sight more exciting than here!" Miyu-san cuts in, giggling. "I'm sure a young man like you would like to have a bit more fun. I mean, I'm sure the Fujiwaras have done the best they could, considering everything, but…"

Ah.

Suddenly Natsume is inflamed with a strange feeling. To his eye, the room loses focus, becoming dark and blurry. Miyu-san's chatter grows faint, taken over by a feeling inside him, growing hot and bubbling. Instinctively, he begins to gather power, but this is power not meant to heal, to comfort, to coax out life.

This power is meant to destroy.

"… wouldn't you prefer to come live with us?"

Natsume does not answer.

"Takashi-kun?" says Yuuichi-san. But Natsume, still lost in the strange sensations, ignores him. "I suppose this is a lot to take in," Yuuichi-san says, with an air of confidence Natsume can sense is completely false. He places a hand on Natsume's shoulder.

And then within that touch, Natsume knows.

"_We can use the money we'll get for the boy's care to pay them back."_

"_And the boy?"_

"_Who cares? By all reports, he's a liar, and tends to get into strange accidents. If we allow him to run wild here something's bound to happen to him. Then we'll keep the money." _

In that moment, the heat runs out, replaced with ice.

"You're hoping to use me to repay your debts, aren't you?" Natsume says softly. Unseen, power begins to gather in his hand.

_What am I doing? Why am I so angry?_

Both Yuuichi-san and Miyu-san freeze, their too-fake smiles still pasted on their faces.

"Now listen…"

"Please leave." Natsume is not sure if it is for their sakes, or for his own. As fast as the anger had risen, he now finds himself fighting both anger and terror.

"What... we came hoping to care for you like one of our own! And then you dare to make false accusations," Miyu-san says, outraged. Her eyes are bright with unshed tears, but Natsume has read the emotions beneath those tears. They are empty, like her words.

Lost in his confusion, Natsume can only look blankly, unable to react. He remembers Zangaki's words, about the anger of the gods. It is taking all of his strength to keep it under control, to keep himself from doing the unforgivable.

"I've heard stories about your lying ways young man, and…!" Yuuichi-san begins, putting an arm around his wife.

"That's enough."

Somehow, Shigeru-san's voice breaks through, cracking the shell Natsume had built while fighting his internal battle. Natsume senses anger, but there is warmth also. And a feeling of protectiveness.

"You will not say anything more about Takashi-kun," Touko-san says, her voice calm, but there is a sharp edge to it that Natsume has never heard before.

"Even if he were willing to go, I do not think I would let him," Shigeru-san says. The words, unexpected, finally break Natsume out of his anger. Shocked, he turns around. "Perhaps this is presumptuous of me," Shigeru-san continues, "but I consider Takashi-kun family. And as his guardian, I cannot let him suddenly go off to live with strangers."

"How dare you, we're more closely related to him than you two are!"

"Nevertheless, we are a family now," Shigeru-san says. "It was rude of you to think you could intrude."

"We could not have known that you felt differently," Yuuichi-san says, holding out a hand in a placating gesture. "Nobody else wanted him."

The words send a flash of pain through him.

Touko-san put an arm around Natsume's shoulder.

"We want him," Touko-san says. "Takashi-kun isn't going anywhere with you."

Shigeru-san stands, and motions for the Sakamotos to stand up as well. Firmly, yet politely, he leads the loudly protesting couple to the door, then closes the door on their faces, an act that Natsume has never seen Shigeru-san do before.

"Sorry, Takashi-kun," Touko-san says. "We should have said something to them earlier."

"No, it's all right," Natsume says, but his voice comes out shaking. It had been too close. If Shigeru-san had not spoken up… "I want to go to my room."

"I'll call you down for dinner," Touko-san says quietly.

Upstairs, Nyanko-sensei is sleeping. He only stirs slightly to open one bleary eye at him.

"Nyanko-sensei," Natsume says. He sits down on a cushion, and pulls his knees up. "What's happening to me? If Shigeru-san hadn't, if Touko-san hadn't been there, I might've, I would've…"

Nyanko-sensei unrolls himself, though he still looks like a giant ball, yawning and stretching.

"You're becoming more and more like a god," he says. "And those humans had been encroaching on your territory."

"My family," Natsume corrects, his voice coming out sharp. "Shigeru-san and Touko-san are my family."

"Exactly so," Nyanko-sensei says. "And isn't it the job of parents to keep their son from doing something stupid?"

Natsume pauses.

"What?"

"You think they hadn't felt your anger? Your distress? Stupid. Just because you're a god, it doesn't mean that you can't depend on anyone else."

"You mean, they'll protect me from myself?" He feels something warming up inside, but it is a different warmth from the sudden heat of rage before.

"Of course. Now will you stop worrying? When's dinner?"

Natsume smiles, patting Nyanko-sensei's head, his hand gently playing with the cat's ears. For a long time, he is lost in thought. Yet despite Nyanko-sensei's reassurance, one question remains:

What will happen to him when Shigeru-san, when Touko-san, are no longer here?

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Notes: <strong>Because Midorikawa-sensei bases the setting for Natsume Yuujinchou on her hometown in Kumamoto prefecture, I've decided to make that as the place for where Natsume is living. The prefectures that border Kumamoto is Nagasaki, Oita, Fukuoka, Miyazaki, and Kagoshima. I've been to the first three. They're all quite pretty, but when I visited those prefectures, the only prefecture where I visited a large city was in Nagasaki, so that is why I picked it. I have no other reason.


	42. Giving Back

**A/N: **Since it's nearing Christmas, I figured that it would be good to write a few Christmas themed pieces for the holidays. Updates will occur as normal for next two weeks also, since I'll be celebrating Christmas by rolling around all lazy with my family, opening presents, and stuffing myself with my mother's homemade Chinese food. Which is the best kind of holiday, really.

Please enjoy this short, lighthearted piece.

* * *

><p><strong>Giving Back<strong>

_I do not know when it happened—the moment when I realized that I had become someone who had people to care for. And every day the number grows higher. It is a great gift, and also a great burden. But it is a burden to which I cannot feel anything but joy. _

* * *

><p>"Sasada," Natsume says, after the bell rings for lunch break.<p>

"Hm?" Sasada blinks, and she beams. "What is it, Natsume-kun?"

Natsume shifts nervously. After all, he is not sure if he is being wise, asking Sasada.

"What do you normally get your mother for Christmas?" he asks finally. The words come out in a rush.

"My mother? For Christmas?" Sasada blinks, but then she crosses her arms. "Hmmm… Well, last year I made her a scarf."

"Oh." This is not something Natsume wants to hear. He cannot even sew a simple ribbon without poking himself with the needle dozens of times. The thought of making a scarf is daunting.

Seeing the look of panic on Natsume's face, Sasada gives an impatient snort. "I'm not saying that that's what _you_ have to do! I mean, my mom likes handmade things, so I made her some. How about you think of what Touko-san likes to do first?"

"Um…"

"You mean you don't know?" Her voice takes on a tone of disapproval.

"It's not that!" Natsume says, backing up. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a voice is laughing at the idea of a god becoming intimidated by an ordinary high school girl.

"What's going on?" A moment later Natsume feels an arm grab him from behind.

"Ni-Nishimura!"

"Natsume's trying to figure out what to buy the Fujiwaras for Christmas," Sasada explains. She turns back to Natsume. "Have you figured out what to buy Shigeru-san at least?'

He does not suppress the look of guilt on his face.

"Just buy him a tie. That's what I always get my dad," Nishimura says, shrugging.

"Nishimura!" Sasada says. "Just because you're an insensitive idiot doesn't mean Natsume-kun is."

"What? What's so insensitive about buying a tie for your dad?" Nishimura says, his voice rising in indignation.

"It's not that you buy a tie for him, but your attitude—!"

"I'll just… go eat lunch now," Natsume mutters. It takes a great deal of self control to keep himself from running.

When he is out in the hallway, he sighs, then stares down at the lunchbox Touko-san packs for him every morning. What does Touko-san like? Shigeru-san? It is not that Natsume does not know, but that he does not know how to respond.

Touko-san likes gardening.

Shigeru-san enjoys pottery.

But what does that mean?

"Hey, Natsume."

Natsume breaks away from his thoughts to look up. Tanuma is standing directly in front of him, looking concerned.

"Tanuma."

"You were just standing there, staring at your lunchbox," Tanuma says. He nervously scratches the back of his head. "Are you okay? Or are…?"

"No, it's not that," Natsume says. He sighs. "I just…" He pauses, and then finally _looks_ at Tanuma. "Maybe you can help me with this."

Tanuma's expression, which had been dulling with disappointment, immediately brightens.

"What can I do to help?"

"I tried to ask Sasada earlier, but then she got into an argument with Nishimura," Natsume admits sheepishly.

"What were you asking her?"

"What she buys for her mother for Christmas."

A moment later he regrets the words. Tanuma doesn't have a mother. But instead of looking pained, Tanuma merely looks thoughtful.

"You know what she likes, right?"

"Yeah. I know what both Touko-san and Shigeru-san like. I just don't know what to do." He sighs, then slightly exaggerates his feelings of frustration and helplessness. It is more important after all, for Tanuma to feel like he can help. The sentiment is not even truly a lie. Though Natsume can ask Nyanko-sensei or the other spirits, he doubts that they can be as helpful. "I've never bought anyone Christmas presents before, so I have no idea."

"Maybe we can go hunting around some of the shops downtown after school," Tanuma says, brightening. "Should I invite Taki?"

"Sure. She would probably be more helpful with Touko-san."

"Hey, I'm not completely useless when it comes to what women want," Tanuma says, grinning. For the first time in weeks, the feelings between the two of them are relaxed, nearly as close to what it had been before Natsume had revealed to Tanuma and Taki his masked form.

Natsume wonders if the feeling will remain. If it is safe to be in his spirit form with Tanuma and Taki again.

Probably not. It is still too soon.

"Want to eat lunch with me on the roof?"

But things will never move forward if Natsume doesn't take that first step. As he should. After all, he is now a god.


	43. A Little Peace

**A/N: **In keeping with Christmas, here is a Christmas story. It takes on a surprisingly dark twist at the end though, so either I am just twisted, or I have an aversion to pure fluff. But most of it is very fluffy! After this will be New Year's themed, so expect more stories where Natsume is spending time with his human friends and family.

Happy holidays, and I hope that all of you are having fun. Please read and enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>A Little Peace<strong>

_When I find myself regretting the changes, the responsibility—the pain, I need only remind myself that the important things have remained the same. The ones who I care for are still with me, and the ones who care for me are still here. What more could anyone need? _

* * *

><p>"Oh! Oh, Takashi-kun…" Touko-san trails off.<p>

"Do, do you like it? I mean, it isn't. It isn't mu—"

But Touko-san smiles at him, her face glowing with joy.

"Hmmm, what kind of plant is that? There's no flower," Shigeru-san says, peering at the tiny pot being cradled in Touko-san's hands.

"Silly, it's rosemary! Can't you tell?" Touko-san says.

"But that still doesn't answer my…"

She puts a hand to her face, deep in thought. "I'll have to keep it indoors. Rosemary only grows in warm and dry places." She starts to hum happily, thinking of the preparations necessary to nurture the still tiny plant. "And just think, when it gets really big, I'll be able to try more western cooking."

"Oh, it's an herb?" Shigeru-san says, his puzzlement before now changed to interest. "What kind of food can you make with it?"

"Many kinds," Touko-san replies cheerfully, but she has turned away, too involved with fussing over the herb to pay any more attention to either Natsume or Shigeru-san.

Natsume and Shigeru-san share an amused look.

"How hard was it for you to find that gift?" Shigeru-san asks, smiling.

"It wasn't too bad," Natsume says. "I wanted something that Touko-san likes. She likes gardening and cooking, so…"

"Two birds with one stone," Shigeru-san says. Then his eyes take on another gleam. "So, what did you get for me?"

Natsume laughs, and hands Shigeru-san the plain, wooden box.

"Merry Christmas," he says.

There is silence while Shigeru-san unties the thin hemp string, and takes out the teacup.

"This… Takashi-kun…"

"Do you like it?"

"Takashi-kun, how much of your allowance did you use to get me this?" Shigeru-san no longer looks amused.

"Ummm…"

"Oh, how beautiful!" Touko-san leans over Shigeru-san's arm, and reaches out a hand to touch the strange glaze on the cup, a glistening black that somehow seems to capture every color underneath its shining surface. Then she too, takes a look at Natsume. "How much did this cost?"

"Takashi-kun," Shigeru-san says. "I won't ask you how much this was. But I hope you aren't thinking that because we aren't your biological parents that you need to repay us, or that you somehow owe us something."

"Takashi-kun, families don't owe each other things," Touko-san says. "We never want you to feel like you need to repay us just because you live here."

Natsume takes a breath, taking that time to gulp down unshed tears.

_I am happy. So incredibly happy._

"No… Actually, I've never bought anyone anything before," Natsume says quietly, while both Shigeru-san and Touko-san's eyes widen. "I wanted to thank you. Thank you for…" His voice breaks slightly. "Thank you for giving me a chance to care for people."

He looks down, unable to face them. A moment later, he feels Touko-san's arms wrapping around him, and Shigeru-san's hand patting his head. He finds himself leaning forward into Shigeru-san, and takes comfort in an action that has long been denied him.

"It is not just you, Takashi-kun," Touko-san says. "It's not just you."

"Mm," Natsume says, his voice still threatening to crack. He dares not say more, lest the tears fall.

"Hm, Touko, what are we having for dinner?"

Touko-san laughs.

"Oh you, always thinking about food!"

"Actually," Shigeru-san says. "For once, would you like to eat out?" He looks at Touko-san. "It is Christmas after all."

"Shall we have fried chicken then?" Touko-san says. "The restaurant downtown has a promotion right now for Christmas."

"And what shall we do for Christmas cake?" Shigeru-san asks.

"We'll figure something out," Touko-san says decisively. "It's not often that we eat out." She giggles. "And I won't have to wash the plates."

Natsume smiles, surreptitiously wiping away a tear, while the Fujiwaras look away tactfully.

"I'll change into something warmer," Natsume says.

"Don't take too long!" Touko-san calls out, as Natsume runs back upstairs.

He slides the door shut, and immediately finds himself sliding down to the floor. Weakness is not a state that powerful gods like Natsume can feel, but at that moment, it is exactly what Natsume feels like. Either out of relief or overwhelming emotion, his mind is too mixed to tell.

"Well?" Nyanko-sensei says. "Didn't I tell you that they'd like it?"

"I know, I know," Natsume says, patting the cat. "We're heading out in a minute by the way. I'm sorry, but the restaurant doesn't allow cats."

"Hmph, like I care when you will be holding a feast tonight for your followers."

"Don't get too drunk tonight," Natsume says. "And don't destroy the tree."

"Humans and their silly rituals. What's so important about a pine tree that you would need to put decorations on it?" Nyanko-sensei says.

Natsume laughs.

"Actually, I'm not really sure. But I thought, since it's Christmas, that we should try to have a tree. And Hinoe-san says that all the spirits have been admiring it, even if they don't know why I did it."

"Hinoe-san would tell you anything, even if it isn't true."

"Hmmm… so who was it having fun batting at the lights two nights ago?" Natsume says, raising his eyebrows.

"They have no idea, have they?" Nyanko-sensei says suddenly. And Natsume feels a chill. It is not the spirits that Nyanko-sensei is referring to.

"It's not something they should be able to sense," Natsume says.

"Best that they never know, anyway. It's not good for humans to know that they have the personal attention of gods."

"Do you really think so?"

Nyanko-sensei looks up, his comical face surprisingly solemn.

"Have fun tonight."

"I will. And I will see you later."

He runs back down the stairs to where Touko-san and Shigeru-san are waiting for him. As they head out of the house, with Touko-san chattering happily about her future plans with her new rosemary plant, Natsume finds himself lost in thought.

Rosemary. A teacup. On the surface, they seem like simple, if thoughtful gifts. But Natsume had taken care to place his power in the items, a blessing. The rosemary plant will grow and flourish even under the most negligent care. Its leaves will provide anyone that eats it with long life and health. As for the teacup… anything drunken from the cup will ensure that the person remains healthy, will even cure most illnesses.

It is more than gifts that Natsume had given his foster parents. The Fujiwaras, so long as Natsume is here, will live the rest of their lives healthy and happy. It is the least he can do.

And for Natsume, selfish though it may be, he wants to keep Touko-san and Shigeru-san by his side for as long as possible. Human lives may be short compared to gods and spirits, but Natsume can ensure that at the very least, nothing will cut those lives short before its time. Not disease, not injury—

Not anyone.

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Notes: <strong>Christmas, the way it is celebrated in Japan, is mainly for commercial purposes. Very few places have the day off during Christmas, and in fact, despite the prevalence of Christmas themes in anime, few people celebrate it beyond the uniquely Japanese commercialized traditions. Two of these were mentioned in this drabble: 1) chicken and 2) Christmas cake. Due to the influence of KFC, the Japanese are convinced that everybody in the western world celebrates Christmas with fried chicken, and so most families order it or make it at home during this time. Christmas cake too is another wonder of advertisement. It is simply a Christmas themed cake, with no other particular significance.

Instead, the holiday that truly gets celebrated is the New Year, which has significance in the Shinto religion. It is not the wild and drunken count down that most in the west are familiar with, but is a slightly more solemn event, with the visiting of Shinto shrines, called _hatsumode_. This is usually done with family and friends. Of course, for Natsume, who is a god, the first visit to a shrine will take on an unusual significance.

You can expect me to include this in the next couple drabbles.


	44. Off the Land

**A/N: **Happy New Year! In celebration of the new year, this is actually the first part to a two part mini-arc. There are many things that I wished to add in this piece, but this is a Natsume Yuujinchou fic, not a lesson-on-Japanese-New-Year-traditions fic, so for those of you curious about Japanese New Year traditions, I encourage you to do some of your own research. They are quite interesting, especially the food (oh yes, the food!). This time of year was my favorite in Japan, even more so than Halloween, which is my next favorite.

After writing so much about the Fujiwaras and his friends, I've returned briefly to his spirit life. You could possibly consider this Natsume's informal conference with his advisors. In the near future, I plan to explore what a formal conference looks like (as well as taking a peak at what the inside of Natsume's shrine actually looks like inside). Please read and enjoy!

* * *

><p><strong>Off the Land (New Year's Arc: Part 12)**

_There are many different types of spirits, and many are bound to the land or object of their birth, unable to move away from it. Others are free—free to move, free to fly. Until now, I had assumed, without much thought, that I was one of the bound, but it turns out that I am perhaps, freer than any spirit. Somehow, that realization frightens me. For even though I am free to go anywhere I please, where is the home, the place I truly belong?_

* * *

><p>Neither Hinoe nor Misuzu look pleased when Natsume tells them about where he is going. For a moment, Natsume falters, looking worriedly from one troubled face to the next.<p>

"It's just the first visit to a shrine, and Shigeru-san thought that it would be nice to go to a bigger shrine as a family…" He cannot help it. The idea of going on a family trip with Shigeru-san and Touko-san brings a small smile to his lips.

Then in a sudden shift of emotion, both Misuzu and Hinoe look at each other with barely veiled amusement.

"How long will you be gone?" Hinoe asks.

"Two days," Natsume says.

"Which shrine?" she asks.

"Dazaifu Tenman-gu," Natsume says, wondering at the mood change. "Have you heard of it?"

"Ah yes, Lord Tenjin," Misuzu says drily. "He has a reputation for being kind."

"So we hope," Hinoe says. "But even the kindest will no doubt be confused when a god appears before him under the guise of a human child."

Natsume looks from one spirit to the other, and then comprehension dawns.

"Wait…" he says, his mind reeling from the implications. "Wait, you mean there, there actually _is_ a god there?"

"Of course," Hinoe says, sniffing slightly at Natsume's obtuseness. And Natsume understands that whether the current Lord Tenjin is related to the original Suguwara no Michizane is irrelevant. Humans _believe_, and what humans believe form and shape the world of spirits as much as spirits shape the world of humans. "Lord Tenjin is quite famous," she continues, "and indeed, incredibly powerful. But then, he is one of the few gods who has always had a large number of worshippers."

"Especially around this time," Misuzu says, with the air of someone who knows something, but is unsure of why it is.

"Entrance exams are coming up," Natsume explains. "That's why."

"Ah," Misuzu replies, but whether he has fully understood the explanation remains unknown.

"Never mind that," Hinoe snaps. She flicks her pipe to point at the center of Natsume's forehead. "Do you understand what you need to do?"

Natsume sighs. Nothing is simple anymore—not that it ever was.

"I'll need to send an envoy informing Lord Tenjin of my visit, won't I?"

"That will be me," Misuzu says, nodding, "unless you prefer to send the cat over."

"Not recommended. Madara isn't suited to such things." Hinoe narrows her eyes thoughtfully. "You will also need to appoint someone to take care of business here, while you are gone."

"Can I ask you to do that, Hinoe?" Natsume says, smiling.

"I would be offended if you picked anyone else."

"I appoint Chobihige as your assistant also," Natsume says.

Hinoe nods.

"I shall go now," Misuzu says. In a whirl of wind and light, he is gone, nothing more than a dark spot in the wintry grey afternoon sky.

"It's only two days," Hinoe says. "Don't worry too much."

"I feel like I've been shirking my duties," Natsume says. "Spending so much time with humans, when I also have my worshippers to care for…"

"They understand."

"Do they?"

Hinoe sighs.

"There will always be dissenters. You cannot please everyone."

"But not all of it is unreasonable, is it?" Natsume presses. "It's true. I'm only available at night, and even then, only some. If I weren't with—"

"Even the greatest gods do not spend one hundred percent of their time caring for their worshippers," Hinoe interrupts. "Honestly, you are far too accessible. This trip will be good for both you and for some of your needier followers. They've managed without you before. They can do it again for two days."

Natsume opens his mouth, but his retort dies on his lips.

"It will be okay?"

"It will," Hinoe says. "If anything happens, I will send word."

"I will prepare some spells that you can activate, and cannot be stopped," Natsume says. At the very least, the person will have to be more powerful than Natsume to stop the prepared spells, and there are few of those in this area.

"We will continue planning tonight," Hinoe says. She smiles. "You go and have fun." Her hands make shooing motions, and Natsume laughs, ducking underneath them, shifting himself from god to human in a single second. The long robes disappear, to be replaced by a blue coat with a tan scarf and matching gloves—Touko-san's presents to him.

Hinoe looks him over appraisingly.

"Ah, Natsume, sometimes I think it is a pity that you were made a god."

Natsume feels his smile fading, even as he struggles to maintain his expression of happiness. It is a losing battle, and the short-lived carefree atmosphere falls back into solemnity.

"The choice was made for me, Hinoe."

"I know."

"Perhaps it was best that way," Natsume offers, his voice falteringly slow. "It was not a choice I ever wanted to make, but it was a choice that needed to be made. And so it was chosen for me. I… I cannot say that I am unhappy with it."

"But you are not happy with it either."

"No, but neither would I have been happy with the other one. This is… this is a good life, Hinoe."

"Do not forget that we will always be here with you," Hinoe says. She sounds urgent, almost pleading in that instant. It is so unlike her that Natsume looks at her, more than a little surprised.

"Hinoe?"

Hinoe says nothing, only giving him a faint, yet sad smile.

"Go back to your family, My Lord. I will see you soon."

As Natsume makes his way down the snowy path, he cannot but feel that he had somehow missed something in that exchange. He shakes his head, and continues walking.

Touko-san and Shigeru-san are waiting for him.

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Notes: <strong>Dazaifu Tenman-gu is one of the Shinto shrines dedicated to the worship of Tenjin, the deified version of Suguwara no Michizane, who (as a real historical figure) had been a great poet and scholar. It is particularly famous for its 6,000 _ume_ (plum) trees, a favorite of the scholar during his lifetime. There are many, many smaller branches dedicated to him, but Dazaifu Tenman-gu in particular was built over his grave, which is located in Fukuoka prefecture, one of the neighboring prefectures of Kumamoto prefecture, the assumed location of Natsume Yuujinchou for this story (and thus why it was picked).

Tenjin, because of his status as a god of learning and scholarship, is particularly popular in Japan. Many students and candidates visit this shrine and his many branches around the New Year (and throughout) in preparation for high school or college entrance exams, which occur around February and March. While Natsume does not quite need to worry about that yet (in this series, he is a second year), it is something he will need to consider next year. I'm not sure either Shigeru-san or Touko-san will be entirely content with Natsume living with only a high school diploma. But then, what will Lord Onwa need with a college degree?


	45. God of Man

**A/N: **This is the conclusion to this mini-arc. Lord Tenjin's character sort of wrote himself—I'm not sure if this is really what he was like in real life, but well, he's dead and there's no one to say otherwise, right? Either way, he was amusing. I am not sure if Lord Tenjin will reappear in later drabbles, but either way, expect more new gods and spirits to appear. Also expect to have Matoba appear really, really soon.

In celebration of reaching the 1000+ reviews mark, I wrote an extra, extra long chapter to celebrate. Thank you readers, and thank you reviewers. Thank you, thank you, thank you. As always, expect me to regularly update this fic once per week, during the weekend.

Happy New Year, and happy reading!

* * *

><p><strong>God of Man (New Year's Arc: Part 22)**

_The gods of spirits are powerful, but the ones with true power are the ones who are worshipped by humans. Human belief shapes the world in ways that no spirit can hope to accomplish. And yet humans are, in many ways, the ones least aware of their power. It is no wonder then that so many spirits are resentful, while many others live their lives trying to gain the power that humans take for granted. How strange then, that in many ways, I have gained as much power as I have lost._

* * *

><p>There is no doubt, when he steps through the gate, that there is a god. He can feel the power, deep, so deep, branching into hundreds, thousands, millions of streams and rivers, passing far beneath the earth's crust. It is awe-inspiring. Terrifying. This is a god who can crush him and never notice. For a moment, Natsume finds himself frozen in the place before the gate, too overwhelmed to proceed.<p>

"Takashi?" Shigeru-san asks, looking worried. Natsume feels Shigeru-san's hand on his back urging him forward, Touko-san having already stepped through.

Once in, the temple is filled with people, a cacophony of sounds and color amidst still-bare plum trees. Some are waiting for others, while others are shouting, greeting their friends and family. Outside the gates, the scent of festival food from the stalls wafts toward him, but while Nyanko-sensei squirms futilely in his arms in response to the smells, food is the farthest thing from Natsume's mind.

"Takashi, let's go clean our hands," Shigeru-san says, motioning him and Touko-san toward the dippers. They wash quietly, with Touko-san gasping at the icy cold water.

"Hurry and put your gloves on, before you catch a cold!"

"A little water isn't going to—" Shigeru-san protests.

But Natsume puts his hands in his pockets, his nerves too frayed to pay attention to the Fujiwaras' banter.

"Oh, there are so many people," Touko-san says, dismayed.

"Did you think there wouldn't be?" Shigeru-san asks, amusement coloring his voice. "Come, let's get in line, since it looks like it will be awhile."

"Maybe I should go buy something so that we can eat while we wait in line," Touko-san suggests, looking at the line snaking its way through to the main shrine.

Slowly, they make their way through the crowd, and the closer they get to the main shrine, the more power Natsume can feel beneath his feet, and the stronger the presence of the god becomes.

_He_ is awake, and aware. And there is no doubt in Natsume's mind that the god knows he is here, had known the moment Natsume had stepped through the gate.

Eventually, they make their way through to the threshold of the main shrine, crowded among other families and groups of students praying to pass their university exams. Touko-san lightly scolds Shigeru-san, who had ended up going back out to get sticks of candied yams.

"How are you supposed to pay your respects with your hands all sticky?"

"Takashi, are you okay?" Shigeru-san asks, looking Natsume over with a concerned eye. "You've been quiet all this time."

"Mm, I'm okay. Just, overwhelmed." What he says next is not quite a lie, but it is not the truth either. "I've never done this with anyone before," he whispers softly.

The answer brings up the expected reaction, with Shigeru-san and Touko-san looking at him with indulging smiles.

"We'll go on more of these in the future, Takashi-kun," Touko-san says. "Right, Shigeru-san?"

"Not just these. Maybe we should—"

And then Shigeru-san freezes, his mouth open mid-sentence, while around him, the other people too are frozen. One child had clearly been jumping—now he is caught in that moment, looking as if he is kneeling in empty space.

Natsume stares, eyes wide. He does not need to look to know the cause.

"Nyanko-sensei…" Natsume whispers. "Did you know that Lord Tenjin could stop time?"

"How should I know? Even as powerful as I am, it's not safe to talk too much to the gods worshipped by humans," Nyanko-sensei says. "Though it probably isn't so much that he stopped time, but that we walked into another barrier placed between time."

"**Not quite.**"

Both Nyanko-sensei and Natsume flinch at the voice. Then they hear a rumble of laughter that, while frightening in its power, has a quality to it that Natsume can sense is not malicious.

"**So, Lord Onwa, god of spirits, child of humans, what is your reason for visiting my shrine?**"

"I…" Natsume begins.

Once again laughter fills the area, but then the rumble somehow shrinks as it goes on, as if the god were modulating his voice for Natsume and Nyanko-sensei's benefit.

"**Fool, as if I couldn't…**" a form appears in the doorway of the shrine, and a middle-aged man dressed in Heian period clothes of gold and blue descends down the steps. "…Figure it out for myself."

Unlike other spirits, the god wears no mask. Presumably the sparkling eyes, the moustache and flowing black beard are what Suguwara no Michizane had had while alive, but such details no longer matter. The god laughs again.

"Lord Tenjin, my apologies for bothering you during such a busy period," Natsume says, bowing. He does not let go of his human form. Somehow, standing before a god who supposedly had also once been human, Natsume finds himself wanting to maintain his roots to the human world, to remind Lord Tenjin that he too was human.

"Indeed, I am quite busy," the god says, but his eyes twinkle with good humor. "Nevertheless, it is not every day that I get to meet a god of spirits who masquerades regularly as a human child."

"I was…"

"You were born human, yes, yes I know. And your masquerade is because the change occurred at a time when you were still tied closely to humans, and you do not yet wish to leave. That is normal and natural."

"You certainly know a lot," Nyanko-sensei says.

"Your envoy was able to give me a detailed account of the story," Lord Tenjin says, while Nyanko-sensei snorts in response. "Not…" he adds, "that I hadn't heard some parts of the story already. You are quite famous."

"Oh…"

"Such a nervous god, Lord Onwa," Lord Tenjin says. "And I had wondered what kind of person you would be, to be made into a god so young. But you're a child still."

"My name is Natsume Takashi," Natsume says.

"And I am Sugawara no Michizane. Now would you like to ask me for anything in particular, or…?"

"All I want is to make my first visit to a shrine in the New Year with Touko-san and Shigeru-san," Natsume blurts out. He is babbling, and he finds he cannot stop. There is something comforting about the god, like a grandfather he can share his worries to. "I'm sorry. When I told Misuzu and Hinoe about it, I didn't realize that it would be such a big deal, so I'm sorry for bothering you. I didn't, I wasn't…"

"It will take some time to adjust," Sugawara no Michizane says kindly. "You were made into a god younger than most, without the experience and knowledge an older human would have."

"What should I do?"

"Maintain your connection to the human world."

The statement, made so positively, surprises Natsume.

"But, Lord Mibu…"

Sugawara no Michizane rolls his eyes. "That old fool. He lives in isolated splendor, while the world of spirits shrinks. Someday he will find that the world he lives in is the only place he can be, and then it will become a prison, rather than a paradise." The god looks at Natsume. "Try to stay in the human world for as long as you can. Because you must learn to understand humans if you wish to survive."

Natsume nods. Sugawara no Michizane's words make sense.

"Thank you for your advice."

"Ah, freely given. Just don't wish for too much when you make your prayers. I have enough on my plate," the god says. "Everybody wishes to pass their exams, even though there are only a finite number of spaces. As if, logically and practically speaking, I could ever make all their prayers come true." He rolls his eyes again. "Yet I must try. Just as you must try, Natsume Takashi." He pats Natsume's head in a paternal fashion. "I look forward to hearing more news from you. **Yours are guaranteed to be entertaining.**"

Then in a roar of laughter, the god speeds away, the force of his passing shaking the large timbers of the main shrine.

"—go on more trips together in the near future. I'll see what I can do to take some time off during the summer."

"Oh, it's finally our turn. Shigeru-san, wipe your hands!"

As they approach the shrine bells, and Natsume takes his position between Touko-san and Shigeru-san to make their first prayers of the New Year, Natsume feels one last rumble beneath his feet.

"**Happy New Year, Natsume Takashi. Happy New Year.**"

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Notes:<strong> Before praying at a shrine, you typically perform _Temizu_, washing your hands at a basin to purify yourself before praying at the shrine. This is outdoors, with dippers to wash your hands with. During the winter, it can get quite cold, but it's very nice in the summer.


	46. Brewing Storm

**A/N: **You know dear readers, there are times when I am utterly confused by your reactions to my stories. I had thought that my previous drabble was forgettable and mediocre. Imagine my surprise when it garnered 40 reviews. And I still have no idea what I did right, other than making Lord Tenjin more or less likable. Due to his popularity, you can expect him to be back sometime in the future.

So guys, guys, have you noticed the date? Do you realize? It's been a year since I've started this, and I'm _still writing it_. Other than two hiatuses, I've managed to be consistent in updating once per week. To celebrate, I am starting a new exciting arc. For now, I will tentatively say that this will span four drabbles **(NOTE: It has been changed to six)**. But rejoice, dear readers: this may be one that all of you have been waiting for. Please read, enjoy, and speculate!

* * *

><p><strong>Brewing Storm (Matoba Arc: Part 16)**

_ Spirits are supposed to live forever—or at least, for nearly that long. And so, when they die, there is always a moment of surprise, a moment of fear. Humans fear death, but for spirits, who never expect it, it is a thing of monumental terror. For even more than humans, spirits have no defense, no preparations for the inevitability of death._

* * *

><p>"Where were you?"<p>

Onizuka Kiyoshi lashes out a finger, pointing accusatorily at Natsume's masked face. Surrounding them in the forest clearing, the lower-level spirits murmur words of outrage at the disrespect. The young man gets up, ignoring the rumbles, and begins to pace back and forth, a caged tiger plagued with frustration and impatience.

"Where Lord Onwa was, is none of your business," Nyanko-sensei growls.

"It certainly _is_ my business when he wasn't here so that I can tell him what I know!" Onizuka-san growls back. "_I _am trying to keep my part of the bargain."

"Which I appreciate," Natsume says, cutting in before Nyanko-sensei makes things worse. "So tell me, what has happened?"

Onizuka-san stops pacing, but only just. His entire body is vibrating with agitation.

"Matoba is on the move," he says. "In fact, he was_ here_."

Natsume feels a chill start from the pit of his stomach. Onizuka-san's emotions are in so much turmoil, so confused and chaotic, that it is hard to pick out his emotions. But first and foremost is the feeling of fear, the feeling of failure.

"What happened?"

"While you were off doing your…" he punctuates the sentence with another glare, "… whatever it was you were doing, as I said earlier, Matoba decided that now was the time to ambush you. He probably figured that you would be distracted by New Year celebrations and decided that it would be a perfect time to place a trap." He sits down heavily then, having worn out his initial anger. The moss beneath his feet provides a soft cushion, its existence a testament to Natsume's control over his growing territory. "Of course, you weren't here, and so in a sense, his plan was ruined, but Matoba isn't the type to be discouraged by that sort of thing." He sighs. "I did what I could to interfere with the seals he tried to set up, but there's only so much I can do."

"You didn't confront him?" Nyanko-sensei begins with a sneer.

"No, I didn't," Onizuka-san snaps. "I figured that you would want our alliance kept secret for now, until it could no longer be kept secret. _I_ don't want the other exorcist clans after me anymore than you do. If they find out that I've allied with you, they'll treat me as a traitor, or worse."

Natsume nods.

"And doing so now, with my position so ambiguous, would start a war," Natsume says softly. That much, he understands. "Where are Hinoe and Misuzu? They should be here." But as he says it, he feels another kind of chill. "No, something has happened, hasn't it? Did Matoba go after them?"

"When Matoba saw that you weren't here, he decided that capturing one of your closest underlings would be the next best move," Onizuka-san says. "He managed to capture one of them. The female tree spirit, not the giant horse. I think the giant horse followed when Matoba managed to capture it."

"Misuzu probably felt that it would be better to follow quickly, rather than work on the search after too much time had passed," Natsume says. But despite the calmness of his words, inside, he can feel himself starting to panic. Hinoe is _gone_, captured because he had been allowed to indulge in his human family. Misuzu… Matoba-san isn't the type of man to merely capture spirits and hold them for questioning—the ones he finds of no use or uncontrollable he will outright kill. Hinoe and Misuzu, while powerful, may very well _die_.

"Chobihige was left in charge also. Where are the others?" Nyanko-sensei asks.

Onizuka-san pauses.

"Matoba didn't just leave. He left dozens of traps in these forests. My men and I have been doing what we can to dismantle what we could find, with your followers there to point things out, but there were some that either successfully sealed or trapped some of the weaker spirits. I'm having them bring the ones they can to you. With your power, you should be able to easily free them."

"No deaths?" Nyanko-sensei asks.

"No," Onizuka-san says, smiling wryly. "At least, not yet."

"Thank you for letting me know. I will take it from here," Natsume says quietly. But from where? Natsume does not even know where to start. Hinoe has been captured. By now, Misuzu may also be captured. Chobihige, the little fox, and the middle-class, all of his most loyal followers are busy undoing the damage Matoba-san had left. Inside, he can feel the heavy, sickening weight of unthinking, unreasoning guilt.

_I should have been here. I could have stopped this._

What good is he, if he cannot protect his followers?

"You're planning on going after Matoba yourself?" Onizuka-san says, interrupting his thoughts. "Don't be stupid, you can't do that."

Natsume looks up sharply.

"They are my followers; it is my responsibility. Nor is it your place to tell me what I can and cannot do."

Onizuka-san, rather than looking abashed, looks at him oddly.

"You're genuinely upset that they're gone, aren't you? But rushing after them isn't going to save them." Hidden are the words, _as you should know_. In that moment, Natsume realizes that he has somehow managed to let something slip. What it is yet, he does not quite understand, but there is no doubt that he will need to proceed cautiously with Onizuka Kiyoshi. The man is incredibly intelligent. Certainly as smart as Natori-san, but with none of Natori-san's previous assumptions, and with far fewer prejudices.

"Lord Onwa, you cannot afford to go alone into heavily fortified enemy territory. You know nothing about it, nor do you have any information about Matoba's motives, even the faintest hints of his plans. You need to _think_," Nyanko-sensei says.

The words are as much a rebuke as a warning. Natsume finds himself first flushing, then growing pale as his mind goes over the possible consequences of his failure. As a human, a mistake would have meant being held against will, but never actively harmed. The same cannot be said now. As a human, Natsume had been a prize. Now as a god, Natsume is not merely a prize, but also a threat.

"Exactly," Onizuka-san says. "_You_ can't find out anything about Matoba without putting yourself and your followers in grave danger."

"What, and you can?" Nyanko-sensei says.

Eyes shining with anticipation, Onizuka looks up, straight into the eyes behind the mask.

"Yes."


	47. Into the Stronghold

**A/N:** There are some serious subjects that I feel needs to be addressed: If any of you reread previous drabbles (like I do), then you may have noticed that this arc is no longer out of **4** but **6**. Yes, I have decided to make this a very long arc. You see, my students have had testing for the past two weeks, and proctoring is boring business. After getting my grading done I had a lot of free time. I decided to use that time to write. I realized then, while I was writing, that at the pace I was setting, there was no possible way I could get this arc wrapped up in four chapters. It has therefore been changed.

I have also changed the summary. From the very beginning, labeling these short pieces as drabbles has been a (huge) stretch. Strictly speaking, it is a 100 word piece (no more no less). My shortest ones are 400. Because of this, I am relabeling them as vignettes, which is more accurate. There are no plans to increase the length of these stories. I understand (and appreciate) that all of you, my dear readers, are excited. I love that you adore my writing. But I will not make my chapters longer. You have a choice: accept these pieces at the length as they are once per week, or get a deliciously long one **once per month**.

I am a full time masters student. I am also a full time high school teacher. Please do not demand the impossible from me. I work when I can, and do this for the love of this series. Expect, as always, for this story to be updated every weekend. Please enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>Into the Stronghold (Matoba Arc: Part 26)**

_ When there are so many lives dependent on mine, it becomes all the harder to do the little things, to care for individuals, rather than thinking about the greater good. But what kind of god would I be if I, in caring for the greater, ignore the ones who I care for most?_

* * *

><p>Onizuka Kiyoshi eyes Natsume critically.<p>

"Are you sure you can do this?" Onizuka-san's expression is skeptical, and Natsume is glad for the mask, because it hides a wide grin on his face, a grin that is, inevitably, at Onizuka-san's expense.

"I'll be fine," he says, and before Onizuka-san can voice any more doubts, he reverts to the human form he is so familiar with, in the jeans, shirt, coat and scarf that Touko-san had told him to wear that morning. It takes all his self-control to maintain a sober expression.

"You've done this before," Onizuka-san says. Without warning, he suddenly reaches out a hand and places a hand directly on Natsume's head. "And you're warm." A look of suspicion crosses his face, but whatever questions he is about to ask fades away.

"Lord Onwa…" The little fox comes up, tugging at the end of Natsume's coat worriedly.

"I'll be fine," Natsume says. "I won't do anything stupid."

From behind, Nyanko-sensei snorts.

"I'll have my men bring you clothes that can fit you," Onizuka-san says. Again, he reaches out, and takes a clump of Natsume's hair and tugs. "Can you do something about your hair?"

"Huh?"

"Your hair," Onizuka-san repeats irritably. "You'll stand out too much with that light brown hair. No one in the Onizuka clan has hair that color. Change it to black."

"Oh. Umm." Helplessly, Natsume turns to Nyanko-sensei, who rolls his eyes and turns around.

"Don't tell me you don't know!"

Natsume stays silent, letting his contrite expression speak for him instead.

Onizuka-san lets out a gust of air. "I have a god who can weave through a maze of powerful seals without a problem, but can't change his hair to black."

"Nyanko-sensei," Natsume starts to plead, but then pauses. "Wait… I just will it into being, don't I?"

"You should have thought of that from the first, idiot."

He gives Nyanko-sensei a reproachful look.

"Don't get drunk," Natsume says instead.

"I've hidden all the rice wine," the little fox says, his face bright with mischief.

"Why you little—!"

Natsume turns to Onizuka-san then, smiling a little at the look of disbelief on the young man's face.

"Shall we go?"

"How in the world did you become a god in the first place?"

It is a question, which if asked in a different manner, would have set off waves of panic. But Natsume understands the question for what it is, and does not react to the unknown implications.

"I was born this way," he says simply, and starts down the path leading to where the rest of the Onizuka clan members are waiting.

Later, dressed in gray robes and a white, oval mask, Natsume sits quietly in a car rapidly making its way deeper and deeper into Matoba clan territory. For a second, Natsume places a hand on the window, stretching his senses in the hopes that he can feel something, anything, remotely spirit-like.

But he senses nothing.

Shaken, he sits back to look at Onizuka-san, who is studying him intently from his seat across from his, but the young man says nothing. Next to him, Sagano-san, Onizuka-san's personal retainer, hands him a cup of hot tea.

"It will be a while before we reach the actual Matoba house, and there will be some delay while we are escorted to our lot. Please."

Natsume unconsciously lifts the tea up to his lips, only to find the cup bumping against his mask. Ruefully he removes the mask, noting that the right corner of Onizuka-san's lips had twitched in reaction.

"When we get there, try not to talk," Onizuka-san suddenly says. "Remember, it's the Matoba clan's call for a general meeting, so there will be a lot of exorcists there. _Shiki_ too. You'll be able to blend in slightly, but not too much. I don't want to draw attention to you, so I won't introduce you. Stay in the general crowd of my group at first. If you get asked who you are, remember that you're supposed to be a distant cousin of mine. Remember the name?"

"Onizuka Yuuki," Natsume answers obediently, smiling a little. He blows at the contents in his teacup, an ingrained human habit that he has yet to abandon. "I'm related to you from your father's cousin's nephew's side."

"Father's cousin's niece's," Onizuka-san corrects. "Not that anyone will care. The real Yuuki looks around your age too, so it will work."

"Does he have any spiritual power?" Natsume asks.

"None whatsoever," Onizuka-san replies cheerfully. "Lucky him."

"Young Master," Sagano-san says, and there is a quaver of warning to the words.

"What?" Onizuka Kiyoshi raises an eyebrow. "It's true. He gets to be whatever he wants to be, while my brother and I were stuck in the main house from the time we were three, studying stupid spells and chants. And then my dear brother went and got himself killed because he couldn't back down from a challenge, and I got landed with this stupid job."

Sagano-san sighs.

Natsume drains the last bit of his tea, and hands the empty cup back to Sagano-san.

"It was good, thank you."

"Until you came, I had never served tea to a god before," Sagano-san suddenly says, gazing bemusedly at the empty cup in his hands. "Nor did I ever want to."

"Well, now you're sitting with one in a car," Onizuka-san interrupts cheerfully. "Life is just full of surprises, isn't it?"

"It is," Natsume agrees. Carefully, he ties the mask back on. The eye holes are covered with an opaque substance, but the vision through them is clear. "What other exorcist clans are going?"

"The Saito clan is sending a few representatives," Onizuka-san answers immediately. "The Arai, Hidaka, and Koga clans are lackeys of the Matoba clan, so they'll definitely be there. Matsuo has been absent recently, but they may show up this time…"

"What about Natori?" Natsume says.

Both Sagano-san and Onizuka Kiyoshi stare at him.

"Natori? Oh, him." Onizuka Kiyoshi makes a face. "I hope not. He can never go anywhere without taking center stage, since he can't seem to put a damper on that stupid personality of his."

"Now Young Master, he was kind to you before, remember? He was one of the ones who used to stand up for you."

"That was when I was a kid. And Oshiro Isamu had been a lot nicer."

"Even so…"

The car starts to slow down, coming to a complete stop.

"Ah, we're here," Onizuka-san says. "Finally." He hands a seal folded into a pentagon over to Natsume. "Here, keep this on you at all times, and don't let anyone see this."

Natsume takes it, looking at the strange folds.

"What is it?"

"It's a Matoba clan issued key to let you pass through the outer barriers. All of us coming got a few, to pass out among our _shiki. _Those barriers block any spirit, even cleverly disguised ones. You should be able to get through most of them, but with this on, even if someone catches you, they'll think you're one of my _shiki_. But try not to show it to anyone. You're supposed to be human, so I'd rather you not complicate things."

"Thank you." Natsume pauses, feeling something inside him warm up. "You've, you've been really helpful. More than helpful. And I'm sorry that I have yet to repay you. Or fulfill my part of the agreement."

Onizuka-san rolls his eyes.

"You're really sentimental for a god, you know that?" But he grins when the doors are opened by the other members of the Onizuka clan. The men immediately surround the doors, taking care to make sure that Natsume is hidden from view. Onizuka-san had instructed them well. Natsume soon finds himself in the middle of a group wearing the same robes as he is, sporting identical oval masks. No one will notice him.

Then he hears it. An all too familiar voice.

"Why, if it isn't Kiyoshi-_kun_. How nice to see you! It's been a while since you've attended a meeting, hasn't it?"

"Will you stop that Natori? I'm not twelve anymore."

"Haha, oh, have you met my new _shiki_? Hiiragi—"

Natori-san. Natori-san is also at the gathering.

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Notes: <strong>The names I choose for my main characters are significant. Onwa for instance, means "gentle," but while there is some liberty in choosing spirit names, which have no basis in reality, there is a challenge in choosing human names that both convey the meaning I want and are realistic. Natsume Yuujinchou utilizes realistic names for its characters, and I can do no less.

The name Onizuka is a common Japanese name that literally means "Ogre Mound." What better family name for an exorcist clan? Kiyoshi means "pure," a name I purposely chose to imply that he is someone who purifies ogres, or spirits. Yes, Kiyoshi is a real name (there are probably real Onizuka Kiyoshis walking around, just as there are real Natsume Takashis). In this chapter, Natsume's mock-Onizuka name is Yuuki, which has several meanings depending on how it's written. In this instance, I am using it to mean "gentle hope."


	48. Enemy Territory

**A/N: **Yes, I decided to complicate the plot by adding Natori into the mix. After all, why have Matoba when you can have both Matoba and Natori? In this chapter I explore the concept of exorcist clans, and what exactly those who serve (and yet are also a part of) the clans can do. We only see them as faceless servants, but they have their own hopes and dreams, with lives of their own. For this reason they play a role in this particular chapter.

As always, please have fun reading.

* * *

><p><strong>Enemy Territory (Matoba Arc: Part 36)**

_ I still remember how, only a short while ago, I saw the exorcists as potential friends and allies. I still do. But that thought is tempered with the realization that even if I do, most exorcists do not. Is the barrier between man and spirits too vast, too different to breach? Perhaps it is foolish to hope, but even as I try to be cautious, a part of me will always say, "Yes."_

* * *

><p>"Well, I must be going now," Natori-san says, his cheerful expression a contrast to Onizuka-san's mulish one. "Come, Hiiragi."<p>

When Natori-san had walked out of hearing, Onizuka-san turns to his clan.

"You have your orders, so I won't repeat them here. Do what you can to remain as a group. Remember why we are here."

"Yes, Young Master," the group murmurs. Onizuka-san takes the lead and Natsume follows, hidden in the group of men.

When they pass through the outer barriers, Natsume feels a tingle of tension, like the moment before a lightning strike. It is powerful—Natsume can sense the age of the barriers, time having given the barriers more strength, rather than less—and he is momentarily thankful for the key seal Onizuka-san had given him earlier. Had he still been human, he would not have noticed it, but as a spirit, Natsume feels particularly vulnerable.

_Is this how shiki feel, living in an exorcist house?_

"Ah, the Young Master of the Onizuka clan, how good to see you." It is another familiar voice, and moments later, Nanase-san comes into view at the doorway, exchanging quiet words with Onizuka Kiyoshi. There is an expression of cool politeness on the young man's face. Nanase-san chuckles, while Onizuka-san turns away abruptly. "Come, come," she says, turning to the rest. "Please accept the hospitality of the Matoba clan."

Immediately the men surrounding Natsume stiffen at the double meaning. Only a sharp look from Onizuka-san causes them to relax, but the tension remains.

When they remove their _geta _to pass through the doors, Natsume immediately feels half the power of the earth disappear. He cannot help it—the feeling of sudden loss is so great, that he lets out a slight gasp. There is a drain, while he struggles to balance the power needed to maintain his human form with the halved power.

"Are you all right?" one of the men whispers.

"I… I think so. I'm sorry, I…" Natsume gasps again, a part of him still instinctively grasping wildly for the lost energy. It takes several long, eternal minutes before his body finally starts to adjust, while the men around him wait patiently. Some start a nonsensical conversation about planting season, a topic that the rest quickly join in. Those passing by will only see a group of idly chatting servants from a large clan.

"We must move forward," one of them eventually says. "We have become separated from the Young Master."

"Okay," Natsume says. "I'm fine now." He smiles shakily beneath his mask, even knowing that the others will not see it.

"Good." Then after a pause, the man adds softly, "My name is Fujii Kaworu. I will be one of the men by your side today."

"Thank you."

They join Onizuka Kiyoshi in the main room, a large, traditional Japanese room mostly clear of items. A few small tables, covered with food, randomly spot the room, with seat cushions surrounding them. Most of the people in the room are standing, but a few are sitting down, quietly chatting in small groups.

_This is not a friendly atmosphere_.

In fact, the room is so full of nervous energy that Natsume wonders if it is the Matoba clan that inspires such, or if it is because this is what exorcist gatherings are generally like.

"Young Master," one of the Onizuka clan servants says, and for a moment the two share a silent look, with Onizuka-san finally nodding.

"I expected as much," he says quietly, his eyes not ever straying toward where Natsume is standing. Then louder, in a voice meant to be overheard, he says, "You're welcome to mingle with the crowd, or go off wandering if you wish. From what I've heard, the actual meeting won't start for another hour or so. I'm sure some of you have friends here you'll want to catch up with."

"Come, Young Master Yuuki," Fujii-san says, and then placing a hand on Natsume's back, he gently maneuvers Natsume toward a set of painted _shouji_ screens, replete with scenes from an ancient pine forest. Two other men follow him, while the rest separate off into their own clusters.

They enter a tiny, empty room, and only then does Fujii-san remove his hand.

"Are there any spirits here?" he asks.

"Huh?" Natsume instinctively looks around. "N-no."

"Do you sense any in the other rooms?" he persists.

Natsume pauses, and stretches out his senses. Just like at the Onizuka residence, the ambience of the many seals and barriers surrounding the Matoba main house makes it difficult. But after a short moment Natsume shakes his head.

"No."

"Good," Fujii-san says. Even with the mask on, his body visibly relaxes. "I don't have the sight, you see. I can only sense shadows. And we need to talk a bit." He immediately removes his mask. Soon, the other two follow. Natsume looks from one man to the next, seeing the faces appearing beneath the mask. Ordinary faces, human faces. One looks like he is in his thirties, while the other in his fifties. Fujii Kaworu himself looks to be in his fifties also, a plain face that nevertheless has a spark of genuine kindness.

Slowly, Natsume removes his own mask.

He senses, but does not see their starts of surprise.

"You remind me of my own son," Fujii-san says, eyes wide. Then he catches himself. "Ah, excuse me. First, let me introduce your other two escorts. This," he raises a hand to the man in his thirties, "is Nakamura Yuuya." Nakamura Yuuya bows slightly, and Natsume returns the greeting. "And this," he continues, pointing to the older man, "is Ono Kenichi."

Ono Kenichi steps forward.

"We were selected by the Young Master because of our familiarity with the Matoba residence. The others too will be searching methodically, but since we know this place best, our group will have the highest likelihood of finding the trapped servant. However, should the others manage to find something before we do, they will contact us."

"How?" Natsume asks.

Wordlessly, Fujii-san holds up a cell phone.

"They'll text us," he says, his eyes twinkling, while Natsume flushes with embarrassment.

"And we'll text them if we get to it first," Nakamura Yuuya says.

Suddenly Natsume senses someone coming.

"Fujii-san," Natsume begins, but the man is already reacting.

"Your mask, quickly!"

The doors slide open.

Natsume stares.

"Hiiragi," he says softly.

"Lord Onwa," Hiiragi says, her reaction as always, calm and serene. Smoothly, she turns around and closes the door. "What are you doing here?"

Meanwhile Fujii-san and the others are turning their heads back and forth, unable, as they are, to see spirits clearly.

"It's okay. I know Hiiragi," Natsume says.

The men stop looking around, but they are clearly nervous.

"Master is not far behind me," Hiiragi says, the warning in her voice clear.

"I know," Natsume says. "I'm sorry Hiiragi, but I can't explain much. But Hinoe was captured by Matoba-san and Misuzu is missing."

"Hinoe?" Hiiragi tilts her head. "Ah, the one who acts as your seneschal."

"Yes," Natsume says, though he is not sure what a seneschal is. "Can you help? Or will Natori-san not let you?"

Hiiragi sighs.

"Lord Onwa, you cause too many problems for yourself."

Natsume smiles.

"Thank you, Hiiragi." Natsume ties the mask back on.

"Go safely," Hiiragi says. A moment later, she turns around, just as Natsume senses Natori-san's presence. "Master is coming."

Once again, Fujii-san's hand is at Natsume's back, propelling Natsume through another set of sliding doors.

"I'll see you soon," Natsume says softly.

And then the doors slide shut behind him.

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Notes:<strong> As many of you might have noticed, given the choice of a more or less equivalent English word and the Japanese one, I tend to go for the English word. This is a writing convention, and a personal preference. There are some however, that has no English equivalent, which is the case with Japanese honorifics. The study of them is a book in and of itself, and so I will not go into detail here.

Japanese honorifics are greatly diverse, and their usage or non-usage changes meaning both literally and socially depending on the context. It is also used to characterize certain people. Natsume for example, is extremely polite, and his use of honorifics reflect that. He addresses all older people, regardless of closeness, with the -san ending. He even uses it for people that he more or less dislikes, like Matoba. This is a sign of his incredible politeness, as he does not merely use the honorifics in Matoba's presence, but also when Matoba is not there. He is more casual with his friends, dropping the honorifics and sticking to their last names only. This is a typical teenage boy convention, and the use of family names does not imply distance in this case (as it does in others), but a sign of masculine camaraderie.

In the previous chapter, Natori addressed Onizuka Kiyoshi as "Kiyoshi-kun," breaking convention by not only using Onizuka's first name, but using the -kun ending, a usage that delineates a relationship of a much more mature, older man to a boy. Natsume's teachers for example, refer to Natsume as Natsume-kun. The use of the first name combined with the the -kun ending signals something further than teacher/student. Shigeru-san for instance, calls Natsume "Takashi-kun." This is paternalistic and indicates some closeness, as Shigeru-san is family.

However, Natori-san is NOT family, and his usage was a form of goading and condescension. This is why Onizuka reacted the way he did: in an irritated manner. Naturally, that is exactly what Natori wants.


	49. Traps and Mazes

**A/N: **So I confess that I adore Matoba as a character (who doesn't?). This does not mean I like him as a person. I have no intention of making him woobie, because Matoba is a great foil for Natsume, and to do otherwise would be to do his character a disservice. Matoba is dangerously ruthless, at times insensitive (especially where spirits are concerned), yet there is somehow something oddly noble about him and his motivations. In this chapter, Matoba finally appears... kinda. For a character that I really adore (I love every arc where he appears in canon), I have a really hard time getting him to appear. Matoba, when are you coming? Don't keep me waiting so!

* * *

><p><strong>Traps and Mazes (Matoba Arc: Part 46)**

_Just as spirits are different from humans, it could be said, perhaps, that the exorcists themselves are yet another breed apart. Not human like the rest, but not spirits either. In ancient times, they were regarded with fear and anger by spirits and humans alike. Perhaps this is why they hate spirits so. Only when spirits are fully eradicated will they be able to fade back into the rest of humanity. No longer different—no longer feared._

* * *

><p>Within the first twenty minutes, Natsume feels hopelessly, helplessly lost.<p>

"Where do we go now?" he asks.

"We are heading for the central building. It is where Matoba is most likely to keep powerful spirits," Fujii-san says. He moves quickly, and Natsume works to keep up. A task that is easy in his spirit form is taxing in his human one. With the available power halved, the work involved in maintaining his human form and keeping up with a taller man is for once draining.

It has been a long time since Natsume has felt tired.

Natsume can sense Matoba-san's power even in the miasma of shields and powerful seals, none of which are designed to comfort spirits. To any spirit, the Matoba residence is a cold, cruel place. Looking at the tension in the men surrounding him, Natsume wonders if it is the same for humans too.

"He's up ahead," Natsume says quietly.

Immediately the other three stop.

"You can sense him?" Fujii-san whispers, but it is not truly a question.

"Not in the immediate rooms in front of us," Natsume says. "But close."

"Then we'll circle him and move on," Nakamura-san says. "Shall we take the Chrysanthemum route?"

"We will have to."

To the left of them, Nakamura-san opens the sliding doors to an empty hallway, lined with closed sliding screens.

Again they move quickly, but Matoba-san's presence does not stray from the spot, and the group, despite their attempt to avoid Matoba-san, moves inexorably closer.

Finally, they can go no further.

_"It would be in your best interests to cooperate_."

_"Nothing that would compromise my god could possibly be in my best interests, human."_

"Hino—"

Fujii-san's hand clamps over Natsume's right shoulder, silencing him. The other two gather closer. Natsume looks up, into Fujii-san's mask. He cannot see the man's expression, but he can feel the various threads of worry whirling chaotically in Fujii-san's psyche. Worries about the mission, worries about Onizuka Kiyoshi and how failure may affect him, worries about Natsume.

Worries about controlling Natsume.

It is not as ominous as it sounds. Natsume knows and understands Fujii-san's worry. Spirits are not known for being reasonable. Their reactions are considered unpredictable, oftentimes explosive. And Natsume is a god, with supposedly more explosive power than any ordinary spirit.

But Natsume is a god who had once been human. He can, he _will_ control the fury that he senses bubbling inside him.

_"I grow impatient, spirit. I am not a patient man. You would do well not to anger me." _

_ "Hahaha, you've gone into the wrong field, human, if patience is what you lack." _

Matoba-san says something, a mutter of a word that Natsume does not understand, but the words fill him with dread.

Hinoe screams.

Natsume wants to cry, to scream with her. He wants to rush through the sliding doors and stop Matoba from continuing the spell. But that is the side of him that is human.

The other side of him grows in burning fury. A human, a mere, puling, miserable human, has taken _his_ follower, is hurting _his_ servant, has stolen her from him. It needs to be punished, the human. Destroyed completely, until all humans know and understand that to cross a god, to cross _him_, is futile.

If Natsume had been one or the other, he would have given in. Instead he is both, and so he commits to neither impulse. He waits, waits while Matoba-san tortures Hinoe.

Because he is both god and human, he understands that it is the only way to save her.

Finally, the screams fade, and there is only silence.

_"Master, the hour is near. We need to return to the meeting hall." _

_"Understood. Double the seals on this one. At this point it is too weak to escape, but well..."_

_ "Do you anticipate rescue?"_

_ "I anticipate nothing. I only prepare." _From beyond the sliding doors, Natsume can hear the faint sound of Matoba-san's chuckles. _"Let's say that I have a feeling that today will be interesting. You. Guard."_

Natsume senses the power receding. Matoba-san is gone.

"He's left a _shiki_ in there," Natsume says quietly.

"Can you get rid of it?" Ono-san asks. "We can't see them."

"It won't be any trouble," Natsume says, his voice uncharacteristically hard.

Nakamura-san slides open one of the doors. The _shiki_, a white-masked, human-created doll, rushes forward.

A touch is all it takes.

"Hinoe," Natsume says, walking up to her.

"My lord." Hinoe gives him one pain-filled smile. "Took you long enough."

She is not sealed in the bottle, but roped. The seals that hold her crackle in dark, red energy. They are numerous. And each is powerful. Had Natsume still had access to the energy of the earth, dispelling the seals would have been easy. But with his power halved, he will have to be careful. And no doubt, the moment Hinoe is freed, Matoba-san will know.

"Fujii-san, I need all three of you to turn outwards, and cover me as much as possible." Fujii-san turns to look at him, his mouth opening in protest. "I know," Natsume says. "But if I want to break these seals, I'm going to need to be careful, and since my power has been limited by the seals in this place, I may lose my hold on my human body."

Fujii-san nods.

"Use this," he says, and hands Natsume a small bottle, capped with a simple cork. When Natsume hesitates, Fujii-san adds, "I know it's a bottle seal. But you need a way to carry your servant out. The seal on it is weak, so either you or your servant can break it later when things are safe."

"Ono, let's seal the doors," Nakamura-san says. Ono-san nods, and the two place seals across the other sides of the sliding doors except the doors they had come through, to give them one way out.

Natsume turns back to Hinoe, who is weaker than he had ever seen her. There are no visible signs of injury on her body, but then again, as Natsume knows all too well, Matoba-san is unlikely to permanently injure a potentially useful spirit.

He grits his teeth, and begins to work. The ropes crackle, stinging his hands painfully with malevolent power when he grabs them and pulls, using his power while he does so to free one tiny space within the seals. It does not completely free Hinoe, but that is not Natsume's goal. Fujii-san had provided the hint, and the easiest way.

"I'm sorry, Hinoe."

"It's all right. I could use a year of sleep right about now. Might as well do it in a bottle." Hinoe shrugs, but even that tiny motion seems to cost her. Exhaustion blossoms on her face, and she sags downward.

The opening in the roped seals does not free Hinoe, but it frees Natsume to transfer her from one seal to another. So long as it is a seal, Matoba-san's seals will not stop Natsume.

"Fujii-san, I'm ready."

Fujii-san unfolds a sheet of paper, revealing something similar to what Taki has. A simple spell circle is drawn on it.

"It will burn automatically when we are finished with it."

Natsume nods.

"Get ready, Hinoe."

Natsume places a hand on the paper, the irony of a god using human spells not lost on him. But to use his own would be too risky. And as he concentrates, a part of him marvels at Onizuka-san's ability to plan ahead. In Onizuka-san's position, would he be so meticulous?

A flash of blue, and then Hinoe is gone. Natsume can sense her presence in the bottle, and tucks her into the inside of his robes, safe.

"It's done?" Ono-san says, turning around.

"Yes," Natsume says. "Let's go and j—"

Suddenly the roped seals, which had been lying dormant on the floor before, takes on a life of their own. Like living vines, they reach out and in seconds Natsume finds himself bound too tightly to move, each limb stretched out in a different direction.

In the sudden moment, Natsume does the only thing he knows and instinctively reaches for the power in the earth that is only a few feet beneath his feet.

Instead of power, the ropes glow a bright, incandescent red.

Pain, more pain than Natsume has ever felt before, fills every limb like a rush of white-hot fire.

Natsume screams.


	50. Double Game

**A/N: **Happy Chinese New Year! How many of you are celebrating? Well, this is the fifth installation of this arc, and the fiftieth chapter, whoo! Nothing special, unfortunately, but hey, I'm uploading early. That's something, right? As always, enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>Double Game (Matoba Arc Part: 56)**

_ Too often I wonder what would happen if Natsume Takashi and Lord Onwa become one and the same. For the ones who care, it should not matter. But that is in the world of ordinary humans. To the exorcists, it is all that matters. And so I dread the day when I become both Natsume Takashi and Lord Onwa in full._

* * *

><p>He screams until finally, the white-hot fire that had flooded his veins slowly dies away. But it does not leave him whole. Natsume's body continues to pulse with pain. His skin feels tender and raw, while his limbs are drained, weak.<p>

"Lord On—Young Master Yuuki," Fujii-san shouts. He reaches out a hand, but does not dare touch the seals.

"Don't touch them," Natsume says, taking pain-filled, shallow gasps. "I think these… these are also designed to hurt… to hurt humans…"

"That bastard," Ono-san hisses. "He was prepared for this all along."

"We don't have time for that," Nakamura-san snaps. "They would have heard the scream and probably the other clans are heading here. If they come and see that Matoba-san has caught a god…"

"No," Natsume says. "You must leave."

The three men turn toward him, their masks, despite covering their faces, revealing their thoughts.

"We cannot…"

"You have to," Natsume says. He gasps again, as a slight movement of his causes the seals to send up another blaze of pain. "Here, take Hinoe with you."

"And leave Matoba in possession of a god?" Fujii-san says.

"The Onizuka clan cannot afford to be caught helping a god," Natsume says. "Take Hinoe and go, before they come and find you here." He smiles then. "It will be okay. Please."

They continue to hesitate, until Natsume wants to scream again, this time in frustration. Fujii-san looks to Nakamura Yuuya and Ono Kenichi, and slowly nods.

"We will go to the young master," Fujii-san whispers, barely heard over the rushing pounding of footsteps, shouts, and excited chatter. "And do not worry about your servant. We will keep her safe."

Ono-san removes the seals of the doors, while Nakamura-san scatters the ashes from the burnt spell circle. When all hints of another exorcist clan are erased, the three of them leave. No doubt they will mix in with the crowd of excited exorcists and servants and escape easily that way.

Natsume can sense them, the exorcists. Weakened and in agony, he craves their power in a way that he has never had before. It is just as well that he is restrained as he is. He has fought that side of him for so long. To give in now will cost Natsume everything.

And so he takes the remaining power that he has, the power that he uses to maintain his appearance as Onizuka Yuuki, and shifts it.

To become Natsume Takashi.

The right side slams open, and a mob of people rush in, shouting mixed orders and making excited noises.

"We've… this is…"

"A boy? A human boy?"

"What, the seals have caught a human you say?"

"A human!"

"But from which clan? Where does this boy come from?"

Natsume does not look up, too weak at this point to do much more than stand, held up only because of the sealed ropes.

"Oh, what's this we have here?" He does not need to see to know that Matoba-san is in the room. "So…"

A hand reaches out, roughly gripping his chin. But then the touch turns surprisingly gentle, as Matoba-san lifts Natsume's head so that he can finally look Matoba-san in the face.

"_Natsume!_"

"Ah, Natori," Matoba-san says, turning around halfway around to smile slightly at Natori's face, pale with both surprise and horror. "This is partially your doing I take it?"

"Matoba, this is not the… Cut the seals! Can't you tell he's hurting?"

"And why should I, when I finally have him in a place where he can't get away?" Matoba-san replies smoothly. He turns back to Natsume, his hand still gripping Natsume's chin. "There are a lot of questions I would like to ask him." Matoba-san looks over him, his eyes resting on Natsume's coat pockets. "So, you work for Lord Onwa now?"

"No," Natsume says through gritted teeth. Everything still hurts. "Hinoe is a friend."

Matoba-san's single, visible eye narrows, but not with suspicion. With interest.

"We've had this conversation before. Spirits cannot be friends, Natsume Takashi-kun."

There is another flash of pain, and Natsume cannot help it. He whimpers.

"Matoba!" Natori cries, the shocked murmurs of other people echoing behind him. In the whirl of faces, Natsume catches a glimpse of gray. But he cannot tell who it is. At this point, he is beyond caring.

"Release him," Matoba-san says.

A moment later Natsume finds himself collapsed against Natori-san, who had rushed forward to grab him when he fell.

"Natsume! Are you all right? Can you stand?"

"Everything… hurts…"

"Is this the Matoba clan's idea of justice?" Natori-san says, his expression furious. "Using torture spells on a child?"

"A child who has lost himself to spirits," Matoba-san says. "Did you know that Natsume was working for the god?"

"Natsume befriends all spirits. You know this."

"Befriends… don't you mean, is used by them?" Matoba-san says. "If you're going to set yourself up as his mentor, you should try to wean him from that. Look at where it's gotten him."

"Those were _your_ spells, Matoba!"

"Meant to capture another spirit. I never expected a human to come in the god's stead." Matoba-san smiles. "Of course, perhaps I should have guessed."

"Come, Natsume, let's try and get you up. You need to see a doctor."

"The spell will fade," Matoba-san says. "It was not meant to be permanent."

Natsume feels himself being picked up, his head cradled against Natori's shoulder.

"We are leaving Matoba."

"Not with the spirit he stole from me."

"She's not with me," Natsume says. He hesitates. A lie may cause much harm here. "I told Nyanko-sensei…"

"Ah, you brought the kitty here with you? Through the wards on this house?" Matoba-san turns to one of his men. "Search the grounds. The cat will still be here."

"We are leaving, Matoba."

Matoba-san turns to them, his expression no longer amused.

"No, I don't think so. I had called the meeting hoping to interrogate the spirit so that we exorcists can learn how to deal with the threat of the new god." Matoba-san's eye flashes bright with predatory anticipation. "I think we'll interrogate both you and Natsume Takashi instead."


	51. Walking the Edge

**A/N: **My apologies for uploading this late. My internet died and I have only just been able to upload it. But at least it is here! The last chapter to this monster of an arc. I do not know if this will be satisfactory. That is the problem with having such a build up. There is so much riding on the ending, but I do not know if it is any good or not. The only thing I can say is that I did not shirk on this in terms of effort. So please read, dear readers, and as always, please enjoy. It is my greatest hope that all of you will enjoy the finale to this arc. If not, please accept my sincerest apologies.

* * *

><p><strong>Walking the Edge (Matoba Arc: Part 66)**

_ There will come a time when I can no longer maintain the life I have now. I do not know when it will be. But is it selfish to hope that it will be forever? To straddle both sides, never choosing one?_

* * *

><p>Even in his weakened state, Natsume feels his insides roiling with a mixture of guilt and fear. The mission should never have turned out like this. Himself getting captured. Onizuka-san now in danger of being discovered.<p>

And Natori-san under suspicion for colluding with him.

But before Natsume can truly indulge in his feelings of guilt and panic, he feels Natori-san's arms tighten around him.

"An interrogation." Natori-san's eyes flash, matching Matoba's predatory gaze with a sharp look of his own. "Interesting. I believe I've already given my report to the Exorcist Council, and they had proclaimed themselves satisfied. Are you saying that my report was not enough?"

Natsume recognizes the challenge in Natori-san's voice. Matoba-san seems to recognize it also, for at some hidden signal, his human servants begin to usher the crowd back into the main meeting hall, once more closing the doors to the room. Whatever will happen next will happen in private.

When they are alone, Matoba-san smiles.

"Did you mention that a human child was involved?"

"At the time of the report I had no proof of any human involvement other than mine."

"And afterward?"

"The council had proclaimed themselves satisfied, Matoba."

"In other words, you did not."

"I did not say that either," Natori-san says. Though he does not say it out loud, Natsume can hear the echo of Natori-san's next thought.

_You are not the head of the Exorcist Council yet. _

He does not know what the council is, nor has he ever heard of it, but from the way Matoba-san shifts, challenging the council is not yet something Matoba-san wishes to do.

"You cannot keep protecting the boy from the consequences of his actions."

"Natsume-kun is not an exorcist. He should not be involved."

"He is already involved," Matoba-san says, and the tone of his voice is chilling. "The moment he agreed to help free the spirit I had captured, he became involved."

"Natsume is—"

"I can take this issue up to the council, if you would prefer that instead," Matoba-san says.

Natori-san falls silent.

The door opens, and a masked servant enters the room, approaches Matoba-san, and whispers something into his ear. Normally inaudible to other humans, Natsume can hear it as easily as if the words were being shouted.

"We've searched the entire building, and could not find it."

Matoba-san nods.

"So," he says, turning to Natsume. "It seems my men could not find the kitty."

Natsume says nothing.

"Where did you hide the spirit?"

"I'm not telling you," Natsume says quietly. Though he pretends defiance, he is in fact, hiding his growing weakness. Injured by the torture spell as he is, the trickle of power he can tap into within the Matoba residence is all going toward healing his body, leaving him to rely on his reserves to maintain his human appearance.

That too, is steadily shrinking.

"You will tell," Matoba-san says. "You know the consequences if you do not."

"You were torturing her!" Natsume cries, but even that takes too much out of him. His voice wobbles, and a moment later he collapses against Natori-san, gasping heavily.

Immediately, Matoba-san is kneeling in front of him, and a short moment later he feels Matoba-san's hand against his forehead, while Natori-san shouts his name.

"The spells should not have weakened you so," Matoba-san says, and Natsume can hear genuine concern. Then Matoba-san's expression hardens. "Unless…"

"Spells affect people differently," Natori-san says.

"Not like this," Matoba-san says, standing up. "Carry him if you must. We're going to the meeting hall."

Ignoring Natori-san's words of protest, servants enter the room. Surrounded as they are, Natori-san has little choice but to follow.

"Are you all right?" Natori-san asks quietly, while they are walking down the hallway.

_No_.

"I'll be okay," Natsume says, smiling faintly in attempt to reassure. But in reality, he is terrified. He can feel himself at the end of his reserves. Only a few minutes more.

And then the masquerade will be over.

Matoba-san continues to watch him silently, speculatively. There is no doubt. Matoba-san suspects.

Then footsteps, running rapidly in a panicked staccato.

"Master Matoba! Master Matoba!"

"What is it?" The expression on Matoba-san's face becomes carefully unreadable, as a group of exorcists approach them, masked and unmasked. But all of them hold an aura of fear, the faces of the ones without masks stark white.

"There's a powerful spirit approaching!"

In that instant, the house shakes, and there is a long, shrill shriek accompanying the slam of impact against the barriers. When the shaking passes, only Matoba-san is standing, Natori-san having fallen to his knees in his effort to keep Natsume in his arms.

"Gather the exorcists. We'll confront it outside," Matoba-san says to the other exorcists on the floor. He takes one last long, hard look at Natsume, then joins the men.

"I should go too," Natori-san says, looking at Natsume, his expression a conflict of emotions.

"Please go," Natsume says, unable to hide the relief in his voice. Only a bit more. He only needs to hold on for a bit more. "Nothing will happen to me here."

"Try and get out of here, if you can," Natori-san says. "Head down the hallway and take a right on the second hallway, and that should get you out. I want you away from here, do you hear me?"

"Okay," Natsume says softly, and he smiles. "Stay safe."

"I will."

Natori-san stands up, and without looking back, starts to run, just as once again, the house begins to shake. He stumbles, but does not stop running.

It is only when Natsume can no longer sense Natori-san that he, with a sigh, releases his human body. Without the need to maintain his human self, he dedicates the rest of his power toward sensing pockets of exorcists. He does not fear the servants. Servants, after all, cannot see him. And as for the _shiki_—

"My lord," the red-masked spirit says, bowing respectfully.

"If keeping secrets will get you in trouble with your Master, I can excise the memories from you," Natsume says quietly.

"No," the spirit says, shaking his head. "He will not think to ask." Then, quietly, "If you take the third hallway left, it will take longer, but it leads directly toward the forest, and there will be no exorcists outside the doors."

"Thank you."

"It is only my duty," the spirit says. And then he turns away, as if no longer interested. Natsume knows better. If Matoba-san ever thinks to ask, the spirit can honestly say that he had not seen which direction the god had gone.

He cannot run yet, but Natsume feels more power than he did before, his pain slowly ebbing away. As he turns the corner, he once again hears the long, angered shriek.

"It cannot be Misuzu," Natsume says to himself, trying to sense what it is that is attacking the Matoba residence. He does not recognize it, and yet there is something painfully familiar about it. Like a bittersweet memory. Then, as he nears the doors outside, he senses a flicker of Misuzu's aura. "Misuzu," he whispers, and takes his first step outside, through the barrier.

In that instant, it is as if he had been reborn. Energy from the earth pours into him, which he easily absorbs, like a dry river bed after a drought. For a moment he simply stands there, feeling the power and delighting in it.

A chuckle sounds from behind, but Natsume has long known who it belongs to.

"You've taken your time coming out here," Misuzu says, emerging from the thick forest enough for Natsume to view his face.

"You're safe," Natsume says, relief on his face. "Hinoe…"

"…Is here," Hinoe says, stepping out from behind another stand of trees. "Your pet exorcist freed me himself, using the commotion to sneak out, leaving just enough of his servants inside to make it seem like he is still there."

Natsume smiles.

"So Onizuka-san is all right too?"

"He's smart enough to get himself out of any trap, that human," Hinoe says. "And unlike you, he thinks things through."

Natsume flushes.

"Where were you?" he asks instead, turning to Misuzu.

"Looking for reinforcements," Misuzu says, grinning widely. "Even a spirit like myself cannot hope to successfully attack the residence of a powerful exorcist clan on his own."

"Well, the one you found isn't exactly succeeding either," Hinoe says.

If anything, Misuzu's grin only grows wider.

"No," he agrees, closing his eyes briefly in satisfaction, as the shrieks of whatever reinforcement Misuzu had found continues to cut through the air. "Yet he provides a wonderful distraction. And when Madara explained to him that _you_ were trapped here, he became very motivated."

"So you'd gone back first," Natsume says.

"Yes, to discover that you had gone to pursue Hinoe without me." Misuzu looks at him solemnly. "In the future, we will need to discuss the ramifications of a god entering the territory of a hostile exorcist without any of his followers."

Natsume nods, knowing that this time, he has been far too lucky. He can no longer afford to take such risks. Especially not where Matoba-san is involved. And now, there is no knowing just how much Matoba-san suspects.

"I won't do this again," he says.

"At least, not without one of us to back you. As tame as your exorcist seems to be, I would prefer not to rely on him too much," Misuzu says. Then he moves out of the forest. "But enough of that. I think now it is time to make yourself known to the rest of the exorcists."

"What?" Natsume says. "But you just said…"

"You will need to stop him, you know," Misuzu says, raising his head toward the source of the loud shrieks. "And it will be a great show of power. Come, it is time you start learning to play the game." He turns to Hinoe. "Hinoe."

Without saying a word, Hinoe steps onto Misuzu's one, outstretched hand. Natsume joins her, and Misuzu rises into the air.

When Natsume finally catches sight of the spirit, his eyes widen. Long antlers, curved elegantly now where once it had been short and stubby. A graceful neck and a smooth, slender body have replaced the thick and gawky body. And the yellow feathers are tinged with gold, casting a smooth and shimmering glow that gives radiance to the spirit as over and over it attacks the barriers of the Matoba residence, shrieking defiance at the exorcist attacks coming from below. It is a sight both familiar, yet different.

"Tama!" Natsume says, looking at the spirit.

And then the spirit turns, noticing him. In a surprisingly childish voice, Tama gives a trill of greeting that Natsume cannot hear, but can feel.

_"Mama!"_

"Mama?" Hinoe repeats, giving a look of complete disbelief.

Natsume ignores what he knows is the prelude to a long bout of teasing, and steps off Misuzu's hand, directly onto the air. He can hear the surprised shouts of the exorcists below. Natori-san is there too, Hiiragi next to him, watching Natsume with so many mixed emotions Natsume finds his heart aching in sympathy.

_Natori-san, thank you for everything. _

"Tama, it's okay," he says softly, holding out a hand. "I'm here safe."

Tama makes one last flap, and then settles on the top of the exorcist barrier, ignoring the red crackles of the barrier where his feet touch as if he feels nothing. Perhaps Tama doesn't. Immediately Tama stretches out his neck, and nuzzles Natsume's hand with affection.

_"Safe?"_

"Let's go home, Tama," Natsume says softly, careful to make their conversation inaudible to the exorcists. Tama after all, is now the spirit's true name.

He continues to walk on air, stepping around onto Tama's back before folding his legs and sitting down. Then, he takes one last, long look down onto the exorcists below.

In the back, he finally spots Onizuka Kiyoshi. Only Natsume can see Onizuka-san's hands curl and make a small, triumphant fist pump.

In the front, he sees Matoba-san.

It is only a brief moment, but for what feels like an eternity, the two of them look at each other, noting each other's power and ability. Matoba-san's eye narrows, and for a brief moment, there is a flicker of a smile.

Natsume says nothing. Then again, he does not need to. With a single flap, Tama launches into the air, Misuzu following easily behind.

_Message received, Matoba-san. Message received._


	52. From the Heart

**A/N: **After that last arc, returning to the normal episodic shorts are going to feel like a bit of a let down. For that, I apologize. I promise that I _will_ return to the aftermath of the previous arc. Only well, my heart was set this week on writing a fluff piece. It really should have been posted last week when it was relevant, but well, there was the final installation. So here it is now. I've been wanting to write a cliche Valentine's Day piece for quite a while now, and Natsume being as supposedly pretty (and adorably clueless) as he is, the fact was too much to resist. So here is a fluff piece, just to indulge in general fluff-dom, and now that I'm done, we will return to your regularly scheduled Natsume.

* * *

><p><strong>From the Heart<strong>

_ Once, I used to wish that I could understand the feelings of others. Now, human feelings and human desires are far too easy for me to hear, to know. But even this knowledge is not enough. After all, it is one thing to know. It is another to know why. And until I know the why, I have a feeling that I will never understand._

* * *

><p>Two boxes are placed on the table in front of him, wrapped in a ribbon and gold wrapping paper.<p>

"Taki?" Natsume asks, looking up to see Taki carrying a bag filled with several more of the boxes. She smiles at him.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Natsume-kun."

"Ah… oh. Thank you." Confused, Natsume looks back down at the boxes of what _must_ be chocolate. "Um, why do I have two?"

"Silly, one's for the kitty," Taki says.

Natsume looks up at Taki, and then chuckles as he imagines Nyanko-sensei's reaction.

"You shouldn't spoil him like that. He's already fat enough."

"But his fatness is what makes him cute!"

Stunned by the reply, Natsume can only stare as Taki waves goodbye and returns to her classroom.

"Natsume!" A moment later Natsume feels Nishimura's arm circle around his shoulders. "What's that? Hey, you've got chocolate! And two… who gave you these?"

"Oh, one's for my cat," Natsume explains hastily. "Taki insisted."

Immediately the arm drops from Natsume's shoulders, and Nishimura rushes around to stand in front of Natsume's desk.

"Taki-san gave you these?" Nishimura says, narrowing his eyes.

Realizing that he is now treading dangerous waters, Natsume holds up a hand.

"Do you want to have some of them?"

Nishimura, if anything, only narrows his eyes more.

"Hmph, you must look down on people like me."

"Huh?"

"I don't need you to share some of your chocolates out of pity!" Nishimura straightens, giving Natsume a look of injured pride. "I'll wait for Taki-san to give me chocolates herself!"

"Well, she did have a bag of them," Natsume says.

Before Nishimura has time to react to this new bit of information, Kitamoto enters the classroom, also holding a box of chocolates.

"What, Kitamoto! Why do you have chocolates?" Nishimura demands, leaping toward Kitamoto to grab the other boy's shoulder. "That's not fair! Why is everybody getting chocolates but me?"

"They're from my sister," Kitamoto says with a laugh. "I was just bringing them over to share."

"Why didn't you say so earlier? Come on, open the box!"

Then Kitamoto spies the boxes on Natsume's desk.

"Oh, Natsume, who gave you those?" Kitamoto asks.

Knowing that it is only going to restart the drama, Natsume smiles sheepishly. "It's Taki," he says, while Nishimura growls. "But she had a bag of them," he adds hastily, "and I'm sure all of us will get them."

Just as he finishes his words, a bag of chocolates is placed on his desk.

"Here you go, Natsume-kun! Happy Valentine's Day!" Sasada says, smiling happily. Then she turns around toward the other two, handing them bags of chocolate wrapped in pink and silver cellophane. "You too, Kitamoto-kun, Nishimura-kun!"

Nishimura frowns, looking from his pink bag to Natsume's gold and blue one.

"Hey, why are our bags smaller than Natsume's?"

Sasada turns bright red, and Natsume stares. The emotions flowing from Sasada are far too clear, and he has a hard time not becoming embarrassed in turn.

"Well, well, that's because… Natsume-kun isn't as annoying as you two are!"

"What? How?"

"You just are!"

Natsume sighs, and decides to slip out of the room before anyone else notices.

The rest of the day however, has boxes and bags either mysteriously appearing on his desk, or being given directly to him by giggling and blushing girls. Some are from his classmates, but others are from girls he barely knows. He endures Nishimura's and Kitamoto's teasing, which only increases when the other boys in class notice Natsume's popularity.

"I swear, this has never happened before," he protests, flushing when Nishimura starts to make kissing noises.

Kitamoto rolls his eyes, giving Natsume a look of exasperation.

"Natsume, sometimes I wonder how you've managed to get by through life, being as clueless as you are."

Since the feelings surrounding the chocolates and the girls who had given him said chocolates had been all too obvious, Natsume can only flush again.

When the bell rings, signaling that school is over, Natsume practically flies out of his desk and away from school, his ears still ringing with the laughter of his male classmates. But when he returns home, the house is filled with what is now an all too familiar smell.

"Touko-san, I'm home."

"Oh, Takashi-kun!" Touko-san exclaims, and then she beams at him. "I've only just finished making this batch of truffles. Try one and tell me what you think."

Natsume picks up one of the small round balls of chocolate on the plate, and then puts it in his mouth. His eyes widen as both the flavor and the feelings Touko-san had put into its making fills his mind. Warm, kind, and loving. Just as expected from a woman like Touko-san.

"It's delicious."

"Is it? Oh good. This is a new recipe, so I wasn't sure. But Shigeru-san likes truffles so."

And then Touko-san notices the bag Natsume had brought back with him.

"Oh, um, this is just some chocolates some of my friends gave me at school and…"

Touko-san beams at him again, but the emotions he feels from her utterly confuse him. The amusement he had expected, but pride? Satisfaction?

"I've always known you'd be popular," she says simply, putting a hand on his cheek.

"I can't eat them all, Touko-san," Natsume says, desperation coloring his voice. "And I don't know what I should do with all of these. I don't…"

Touko-san laughs, her hand moving up to stroke his hair.

"Oh, Takashi-kun," she says fondly. And then she looks at him, giving him another tender look. "It's enough that you accepted them, Takashi-kun. Sometimes that's all you need to do."

Natsume pauses, thinking.

The chocolates had been a message, a passing of feeling from one person to another. In that much, the chocolates had succeeded. Natsume being what he is, does not need to guess at the emotions, but knows, even if he does not quite understand the reasons behind them. But while Taki's platonic feelings had been mostly straightforward and easy to accept, Natsume is not entirely sure what to do with some of the others. Except, as Natsume had just learned, there is no need to "do" anything with them.

"Thank you, Touko-san."

Tonight, he will take the boxes of chocolates with him. His followers, especially Nyanko-sensei, will certainly enjoy the chocolates. And if the feelings from the chocolates aren't exactly what Natsume holds for his followers, to his followers, just the act of giving is enough.

Sometimes that is all that is needed.

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Note: <strong>Most of you are familiar with Japanese Valentine's Day traditions (anyone who watches any amount of anime would), so I will not repeat them here. I just want to note that while I was working in Japan, I have never observed anyone receiving an overwhelming amount of chocolate like Natsume did in this piece. I have a feeling that the mountain of chocolate falling out of the shoe locker is an anime trope, and an exaggeration. They are actually calm affairs, and no, there are no screaming girls chasing after popular boys, though there are probably quieter (hidden) dramas that I as a teacher was not able to observe.

That said, Valentine's Day chocolates are given to boys, though it does not necessarily have to mean the girl has a crush on said boy. In Taki's case for example, it was an instance of what we call _giri_ _choco_, or obligation chocolate. This type is given to male friends, family and coworkers. I've given _giri choco_ to coworkers myself, usually to coworkers I worked closely with or with whom I had a strong relationship. The other type, _honmei__ choco_, is a different story, and is given to those you have feelings for. You can make them on your own, or buy the expensive chocolates designated as _honmei_. I'm sure Sasada's would have been homemade _honmei__ choco_, haha.

While I have never met anyone worthy of giving _honmei choco _to, I did not hesitate to buy a bunch to eat by myself (definitely did not share those). That too, is acceptable in Japan. There has been a growing trend of women rebelling against the idea of needing to give chocolates to men (especially when the stereotype is that men "don't like sweets") and buying chocolates for themselves. As far as trends go, I consider that eminently sensible.


	53. Home of the Gods

**A/N: **I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I've worried so many of you, and I've said nothing. My sincerest apologies. Over the past few weeks I've received countless emails from all of you asking if I was okay, so I'm very touched. The truth is, I'm currently on the last stretch of my grad school program and have been suffering a great deal of stress from some of the people from work. I lost a great deal of motivation, and I'm still not fully recovered. At the moment, very little is enjoyable to me, even this series. So it has been a struggle to write. But today I told myself to sit down and finish this chapter at least. And next week, I'll tell myself to do it again. Thank you so much for being patient. I don't have much confidence in my writing right now, so my apologies if this piece isn't quite like the others. I hope to write more next week.

Please read and enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>Home of the Gods<strong>

_ I have never belonged to a place before, and so now, when I find myself belonging to so many places, oftentimes I am overwhelmed. What can I say to the people, both human and spirits, who have given me a home? Mere gratitude cannot be enough. For it is something that they have not simply given me, but are giving—and will give._

* * *

><p>His shrine looks like a small, humble dwelling. A dollhouse. But when Natsume steps through the gate, the small shrine shimmers, turning larger before his eyes, until it is the size of a well-appointed traditional Japanese manor.<p>

It needs to be. Otherwise, followers like Misuzu would never be able to fit.

The doors open as two spirit attendants, wearing colorful cloth belts around their sober, black robes, bow low as Natsume approaches.

_"Welcome home, Lord Onwa."_

"Thank you, Nanajiro, Itoubime."

_"Misuzu and Hinoe are here already,"_ Nanajiro says softly.

Itoubime says nothing, instead holding out her hands to receive Natsume's right foot, a clean basin and drying cloth at the ready. The first time Itoubime had done this, Natsume had balked at seeing this open display of servility, until Hinoe had given him a lecture about not allowing his servants to do their work. It had been then when Natsume had learned just how desirable it was to serve a god—in any capacity. And how cruel it is to deny the work to his followers.

"_Lord Onwa."_

More servants, appearing in the wild variety of shapes and sizes that spirits come in, enter the main entrance. They swarm over him, removing his outer robes and replacing them with lighter, more comfortable house robes, murmuring happy greetings and asking Natsume how his day had gone. Natsume in turn smiles, responding back.

"And did you manage to finish your new home?" he asks one tiny lizard spirit.

"_Yes yes, Lord Onwa! Your idea to look in some human places was wonderful. I found just the perfect thing, and such a pretty lovely yellow. The wife is most pleased!"_

"That's wonderful. Please invite me to visit some time," Natsume says.

"_Would My Lord bless our dwelling?"_ the spirit asks, eyes wide with awe.

"Of course." Natsume smiles. "And I will have to see if I can find an appropriate house-warming gift."

Thus leaving the lizard spirit too speechless for words, Natsume walks in the direction of what has been designated as the small meeting room, where he can sense Hinoe and Misuzu. It is, like the rest of the house, a cozy place, with one side facing the inner gardens, overlooking a fishpond and moss covered rocks. The trees in the garden are just starting to flower in pale pink, adding a bit of color to the brown of winter. Today the doors have been left open to catch the early spring breeze, and Natsume finds himself taking a deep breath just to enjoy the smell of life awakening.

"Hinoe. Misuzu," Natsume says.

"Natsume," Hinoe says, grimacing at something on her plate. "Where exactly did you get these things? They're delicious, but…"

Noticing one of the Valentine's Day chocolates, Natsume winces. Only a day has passed, and so the emotions that had been placed into the chocolates are still powerful. It may take a year or more for them to finally start to fade. And become more palatable.

"Ummm, some classmates gave them to me," he says lightly, taking his spot an empty cushion. Immediately one of the ever present servants in the house sets a cup of tea before him. "Where's Nyanko-sensei?"

"They gave you a lot," Hinoe says, her eyes narrowed in suspicion. "I saw the way some of them were wrapped. If I didn't know any better I'd say you were gathering human worshippers."

Natsume laughs, but his voice comes off shrill and slightly panicky to his ears.

"Hinoe, stop teasing him."

"Ah, Madara, you're finally here," Misuzu says, turning slightly in the direction of Nyanko-sensei's voice.

"Hmph, unlike you, I have work to do," Nyanko-sensei says, waddling through the open doors from the garden. "So, Natsume, what do you have to tell us? And hurry. Touko-san is making octopus balls for dinner tonight."

"Rude as always, Madara," Misuzu says. "Our Lord will tell us when he is ready."

"It's about Matoba, is it not?" Hinoe says, taking a draw from her pipe.

"Yes," Natsume says. He takes a breath. Then another. Once again, he can picture that moment with Matoba-san, and the silent message they had exchanged. "He figured out what I was."

There is a long pause, while his three closest advisors look at each other. Finally, Hinoe breaks the silence by taking another draw from her pipe.

"You say what, not who."

"I was in my human form when he started suspecting something," Natsume says. "But…"

"He probably thinks that you were just Lord Onwa borrowing Natsume's form," Nyanko-sensei says. "That would be most logical to him. Humans can only reason based on what they know. And no exorcist is aware that spirits can change humans to gods."

Natsume nods. "That's why I think he realized that I was Lord Onwa."

"And what does that exactly mean?" Misuzu says, lowering his head down. The look in his eyes is dark, with a flickering of worry.

"That I didn't escape from Matoba-san on my own," Natsume says. He looks down at his hands, remembering the expression on Matoba-san's face. "Tama didn't distract him enough for me to escape. He knew exactly what Tama was there for. And he let me go anyway."

"He deliberately let a powerful god escape his hand?" Misuzu says, shifting abruptly so that that the bells in his ears ring. "This is troubling."

"I do not like this," Hinoe says. "There are many reasons why he would let you go, and none of them are good."

"Like what?" Natsume asks.

"The spell he had used to capture you could have had an even subtler magic weaved into it," Nyanko-sensei says. "In other words, you could be marked."

"That means I could be too," Hinoe says. Her hands spasmodically grip her robes.

"Less likely. But also a possibility."

"How can we find out?" Natsume says.

Nyanko-sensei shakes his head.

"That I don't know. We will have to do some research."

"Do the spirits have libraries like humans do?" Natsume asks. At the blank stares from the others, he hastily adds, "Or maybe someone who is more likely to know?"

"Hmm, usually we ask someone known to be wise and powerful. But in your case, you are a god."

"There are older gods," Misuzu says. Then he turns to Natsume. "Lord Onwa, how well did you get along with Lord Tenjin?"

Startled by what appears to be a non-sequitur, all Natsume can do is stare. And then he realizes what Misuzu is saying. Having been in the world for so long, and familiar with humans as he is, Lord Tenjin is the one most likely to know how. And if not how, Lord Tenjin has the ability to find out more. Perhaps he would even understand Matoba-san's actions, and be able to explain it.

"Ah," Hinoe says. "And it will not even be a long trip, since I'm sure," she looks at Natsume, her eyes flashing wickedly, "I'm sure Tama would be more than happy to give his mama a ride."

Natsume groans, while Hinoe laughs loudly.

"Is it decided then?" Nyanko-sensei says. "Then Misuzu, you had better prepare for another visit."

"I will leave now."

A blast of wind comes in through the door, mixed with the chiming of bells, and then Misuzu is gone.

"Tonight then," Natsume says, looking at Nyanko-sensei, but he feels another chill. After all, it had been his visit to Lord Tenjin that had started everything.

"He won't attack so quickly," Nyanko-sensei says quietly. "And we are now better prepared."

Natsume can only hope.


	54. Blessings of Spring

**A/N: **Dear readers, I am such a spoiled author. The number of you who have comforted me and reassured me has been overwhelming. My life is still extremely difficult right now, but you, dear readers, have given me strength. I'm so grateful for all of you.

While the previous piece seemed like a new arc, I would in fact like to put a slight hold on it to address the fact that it is now spring (though it's taking its time coming). This is going to be a mini-arc, with two parts. After that, I will go back to the overarching plot. As always, please read and enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>Blessings of Spring (Spring Arc: Part 12)**

_Connected to the land as I am, it is inevitable that I will be called upon to bless the land that has given me so much. It is not that the land needs my blessings—things will grow and die as they will—but the blessings are a symbol of gratitude. Of love._

* * *

><p>"I don't know how to dance," Natsume says, glancing from Hinoe to Misuzu, then to the Middle Class spirits, all who merely look at him expectantly. "I really don't."<p>

"Do gods need dancing lessons?" the one-eyed spirit says.

"They do they do," the cow spirit says, nodding its head up and down.

"No, they don't," Hinoe says. "I've never heard of a god who needed lessons in _blessings_," she says, stressing the last word. "It is what it is. That it is expressed through dancing is inconsequential."

"It is different for every god," Misuzu says. "As each god has his own form of blessing. Therefore there cannot really be lessons. It is after all, an expression of self."

Natsume sighs.

"I'm going to look really silly doing this," he says.

"You don't have a choice," Hinoe says bluntly. "This is one of your duties as a god. You got away without doing it last year because you were newly made and was still unfamiliar with everything." She takes a draw from her pipe and then deliberately blows the smoke out on Natsume's face. The smoke does not irritate his eyes the way it would have had he still been human, but it is a sign of Hinoe's growing impatience.

Recognizing the rebuke for what it is, Natsume gives in.

"It's this Saturday?" Natsume asks.

"On the night of the next full moon," Hinoe corrects. "Which falls on what humans refer to as Saturday," she grudgingly adds. Then her expression softens. "It will be all right. The moment you hear the music and step onto the earth, you will know what to do."

"You are a god. Blessings such as these are as much a part of you as your existence," Misuzu says.

"I have to get home now," Natsume says, slowly taking on his human form. Once again, he is back in his jeans and white shirt, the light blue of his t-shirt peeking out from beneath.

When he passes through the gate that leads to his shrine, he sighs again. But he is not alone. He can sense some of the lower level spirits hidden behind trees that are now budding with spring flowers. Only the cherry trees that keep his shrine hidden have yet to bud.

"Are you waiting for me to bless you?" he asks, placing a hand against the tree. It is alive, and he can sense the healthy energy hidden beneath the bark. But it is dormant, as if something has locked it away.

He pulls away from the tree, deciding to take his time going down the mountain rather than flying down like he normally does. Today he wants to time to think.

To a god, there is always time. But sometimes, like today, Natsume can feel it flowing past him, urging him forward. Something is closing in, but he does not know yet what it is.

Even gods cannot foresee the future.

"Natsume?"

Natsume looks up, startled. Then he smells the scent of human, and recognizes the power that flows, however weak, within the body.

"Tanuma?"

"Hello," Tanuma says awkwardly. "I was just… taking a walk."

"Ah," Natsume says, not sure what else to say. Their relationship, though it has improved somewhat, is still uncomfortable. Hanging between them is always the fact that Natsume is a god, involved in things that no human can hope to understand. "It is starting to feel like spring," he adds.

"Yeah, it is," Tanuma says. He looks at Natsume, then hesitantly adds, "Do you have anything to do with it?" When Natsume turns to stare, he hastily continues, "I mean, gods are supposed to bless the land, right? Unless you're… you're not, not that kind of god." Flushing, Tanuma looks down at the ground.

"I haven't done anything yet," Natsume says. "Any blessing of the land. I'm supposed to though."

"You are?" Tanuma looks at him curiously, but instead of concern, Natsume senses Tanuma relaxing. "That will be good."

Now curious, Natsume walks closer to Tanuma.

"Why do you say that?" he asks.

"Because I know," Tanuma says softly, "I know that whatever blessing you make, it will be to make the land better. For everyone. It's something I know you will do, no matter what."

Natsume's eyes widen.

"The ceremony is this Saturday," he says.

"Ceremony for what?"

"For spring. The blessing for spring is a festival," Natsume explains.

Tanuma nods.

"That makes sense. You're a god, so anything special that you do ought to be a festival."

For a long time, the two simply look at each other, Natsume thinking deeply about the coming ceremony. And for whom he is giving the blessing.

"Would you like to come?" he asks.

In that moment, Natsume can see the longing, hidden until now, break through.

"Could I?"

"Here," Natsume says, bending down to pick up a rock. He holds it, concentrating on the power within himself, pouring a bit of his essence into the rock. In his hands, it transforms, becoming smoother, its edges softer. In the now orange light of the afternoon sun, it glows a soft gold. "Take this. If you have this with you, the spirits will know that you have my permission to be there, and they won't attack you."

Tanuma hesitates, but when he takes the rock, he smiles.

"Where is the ceremony?"

"It is on the top of this mountain," Natsume says. "The timing is a bit different, since it is the Spring Festival, so come at noon. When you do, ask for Hinoe. She'll take you to me."

"Top of the mountain, noon, Hinoe," Tanuma says. "Okay, I think I've got it.

"Thank you Tanuma," Natsume says. "You've helped me figure out what to do."

Leaving Tanuma looking silent and confused, he walks the rest of the way down the mountain.

On the day when the moon is full, he will dance.

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Notes:<strong> In both this piece and the previous piece, I made a mention of gates. To Japanese thinking, especially in Shintoism, doorways and gates have a great deal of symbolism. This is why when Natsume had passed through the gate in the previous piece, his shrine revealed itself as his home. While the idea of the shrine enlarging is purely my imagination, the fact that Natsume has passed through into another world is not. The red gate, called a _torii_, represents the gateway to the world of the gods. The walls are ephemeral; it is the gate that truly matters. You will therefore see stand alone gates arching over what seems like the middle of nowhere. When you pass through them, remember that you are no longer in the human world, but in the world of the gods.


	55. Spring Festival

**A/N: **I have this bad habit of spacing the previous parts of an arc in short bursts, and then spending way too much time on the end, making a massively long chapter. Clearly I need to practice better planning skills.

Originally I had only intended to write about the dancing, but I wanted to give a further glimpse into Natsume's shrine, and the fact that there are more things to the ritual than just the dancing. There is a purification ceremony, and I fear that I also dwell far too long on Natsume's clothes. But I really enjoy dressing him up in pretty clothes! If I could draw half as well as I write, I would totally draw a picture of this. But I'll leave that to you, dear readers.

The dancing turned out far less descriptive and a lot more poetic. Nevertheless, it is my greatest hope that all of you will enjoy this installation. Please read and enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>Spring Festival (Spring Arc: Part 22)**

_ When the day dawns, I can feel the earth beneath my feet thrumming in anticipation. Though the earth does not need my blessings, in many ways, it is about more than that. The earth may choose not to release its bounties, and life will still go on—hobbled—but it will go on. Instead, it is for those who are dependent on the bounties that I must consider. It is not for the earth, but for the ones I care for. The ones I love._

* * *

><p>He leaves the house after breakfast, making his way past the neighboring houses and into the mountains. The moment he reaches the trees, he drops his human form, weaving his way beneath the trees, at times running, at times flying.<p>

When he reaches his shrine, he sees the field and forest surrounding it teeming with activity. There is a hum in the air that is half excitement, half anticipating.

"There you are," Hinoe says, stepping through the gate of his shrine. "You're late."

"Sorry," Natsume says. "Are the preparations going to take that long?"

"You need to purify yourself first. And then you'll need to be fitted into your festival robes," Hinoe says, grabbing Natsume by the shoulders and shoving him forward. "Then there is the God's Gift to the earth. At this rate we'll be lucky if we get this festival to begin at the sun's apex."

"It's barely eight," Natsume says, halfway turning around to look at Hinoe.

Hinoe looks at him blankly, and Natsume resists the urge to sigh. Spirits not only do not understand the human concept of time, he has a feeling that a part of them refuses to learn.

The moment they get indoors, Natsume finds himself being swarmed over by spirits, removing robes, headdress and _obi_, until all that he has is the thin white under robe and a simple white tie to hold it together.

"The purification ritual you know, yes?" Chobihige asks. "It is—"

"I know," Natsume says, immediately turning toward the hallway leading to the outdoor hot spring. He looks back, and sees Hinoe and Chobihige looking at each other with an expression that makes Natsume suddenly nervous. "Don't even think of following," he adds.

"Of course not," Hinoe says, far too quickly.

Which means that she had in fact been thinking of doing that very thing.

The hot springs is entered through the changing room, where Natsume is free to remove his clothes in private. The robes and thin belt he leaves neatly folded on the shelf, his mask placed on top, and when he steps out into the outdoor spring, he gives a sigh of relief to see that no one is there.

The servants had been there before him though. Someone had sprinkled a number of bath salts into the pool, turning the water a cloudy, milky blue. The perfume released from it smells of early spring, a scent that somehow brings to mind the wind and new green leaves.

As a god, he is already "clean" in the sense that he is not dirty. Natsume after all, does not sweat, and no dirt clings to his form. The spring is therefore a ritual of emotional and mental cleansing, and as he steps into the hot water, a part of him begins to relax. He can feel the pull of the earth beneath, the hot springs being fed by the core of the earth and coaxed above ground by spirits. In a mixture of fire and water, Natsume sinks deep into the water until he is fully immersed, having no true need to breathe. Nothing here will harm him, here in his shrine.

He does not know how long he is in the pool, only that for a long time a part of him is gone, drawn deep into the earth. When he returns to himself, he stands up, and finally makes his way back to the changing room.

More servants have already replaced the inner robe. Natsume sheds what water he has with a quick spell, and puts the fresh robes on.

And just in time. The door to the changing room slides open, and Itoubime and Nanajiro walk in, carrying another white robe and tie to be worn over his under robe. But this robe, though white, glows faintly at the edges, a shimmering pearlescent hue with patterns stitched in shining white silk thread. This is secured with another simple tie. The _obi_ will come later.

"Come with us, Lord Onwa," Itoubime says, bowing while she picks up his mask. Then he is ushered into one of the small inner rooms, where dozens of spirits are waiting, each carrying an item of clothing or an accessory. Hinoe and Chobihige are there. But when he notices Nyanko-sensei in his cat form, he gives a start.

"Tanuma!" he says. Ignoring the indignant murmurs of Nanajiro, he rushes forward. "So you were able to get here safely."

"Ah, Ponta led me here," Tanuma says, looking dazed and overwhelmed. "So this… this is your um, house?"

"Shrine," Natsume corrects.

"Lord Onwa, we cannot dress you properly if you are standing there like that!" Nanajiro says.

"Oh, sorry," Natsume says. He looks back at Tanuma, and gives Tanuma a sheepish look.

"Should I leave?" Tanuma asks.

"No," Nyanko-sensei says before Natsume can say anything. "This is going to be highly entertaining. You don't want to miss this."

"Sensei…" Natsume says. But with Nanajiro and Itoubime leading him back to the center of the room, he obediently raises his arms so that the outer robes can be placed on him. The silk is the color of gold and light green, the color of spring, and so fine that it is translucent. Tying this together is the _obi_, a light blue fading into dark with patterns of flowers stitched in silver and gold.

"Sit down please, Lord Onwa. It is time to fasten your headdress," another spirit says, bowing low.

He stares at the pink flowery confection made of gold ribbon and red cords. Everything, it seems, is to be fastened to a forehead piece in the front. The back of his head is to be covered in veils.

To the side, he can hear snickers.

"Don't you dare laugh," Natsume snaps, glaring at Nyanko-sensei. "You knew it was going to look like this, and you didn't bother to warn me." The stupid cat had probably been the one to lead the designing, choosing each part of the headdress with the careful intent of embarrassing Natsume as much as possible.

"But you look so beautiful," the little fox kit says, stepping forward with a bowl and placing it before Natsume. The fox spirit's eyes glow with childish awe and admiration.

The snickers turn into outright howls of laughter.

"I'm sure I don't," Natsume says.

"W-would you like a mirror?" Nyanko-sensei shouts.

Natsume flushes.

"Fox kit, go get the knife, you will," Chobihige says. As if the words were a signal, the servants as one bow, and the room empties until only Nanajiro, Itoubime, Hinoe, Chobihige, the little fox, Nyanko-sensei and Tanuma are left. What will happen next is something that only the select can view.

"Oh!"

Natsume looks at Hinoe, then nods quietly. To the side, he notices Tanuma paling.

"Wait, what do you need the knife for?" Tanuma asks, taking a step forward.

"It's a part of the ritual," Hinoe says, her face expressionless. It is clear that she is not too pleased with Natsume's decision to allow Tanuma to view this part of the ritual.

"Natsume will sacrifice a bit of his blood as a way to give power back to the earth," Nyanko-sensei explains. "Don't look so worried. It's not as bad as it looks."

Tanuma bites his lip.

"It will be okay, Tanuma," Natsume says, smiling slightly in reassurance. "I can heal myself easily afterward."

The little fox brings the short knife, a single-edged blade of silver with a simple wooden sheath. Natsume draws the knife out, noting the way the light dances across the blade's surface.

"Hold the bowl up," Natsume says, and the fox spirit obediently holds it up beneath his left wrist, stretched out and bent upwards to receive the blade. Next to him, Nanajiro pulls the sleeves of his robes back to prevent his blood from staining the cloth.

Natsume takes one deep breath. Then another. And then he places the knife on his wrist, and draws it across slowly. The skin parts easily, and Natsume feels an echo of the pain he had felt while trapped in the Matoba residence. But only an echo. His blood flows freely, falling into the bowl the fox kit holds steadily under his wrist. He tips his wrist sideways to increase the flow of blood, feeling the drain of his power along with it.

When the bowl is three quarters full, he turns his wrists up again. Pressing the flat of the blade against the cut, he whispers a spell, and the parted skin fuses together, whole once more.

Nanajiro takes the bowl from the fox kit, bowing reverently toward Natsume.

"We will place this on the offering table," she says. And then both she and Itoubime exit.

Natsume stands up. The Gift did not take much of his strength, and he can already feel the power of the earth replenishing what he had lost.

"It's noon, isn't it?" Natsume says.

"Just in time," Hinoe says. She hands him the mask.

Natsume smiles, then puts it on. The mask passes through the forehead piece so that the headdress can be displayed in its entirety.

"Natsume?" Tanuma whispers.

"Lord Onwa," Hinoe says, turning to glare at Tanuma. "You will respect our Lord God by addressing him properly. That Lord Onwa has given you some liberties is no excuse for you to—"

"Hinoe," Natsume says, softly touching Hinoe's shoulders. Hinoe falls silent, but the look she gives Natsume is reproachful. "Tanuma," Natsume says, turning to his friend, "it would be better if you called me Lord Onwa when I am masked. We don't want anyone connecting my human self to the god self."

Tanuma nods, his face coloring, then paling.

"The exorcists?" he says.

"Among other things," Hinoe replies. Her expression is still forbidding, and Natsume decides that there will need to be a talk, _soon_.

"Lord Onwa, the festival, begin it you must," Chobihige says. "Come, come."

"I'm coming," Natsume says.

Nyanko-sensei immediately jumps to the front, preceding Natsume in the procession. Even within the gates, Natsume can hear the sound of spirits, both excited and rowdy. There is no doubt that rice wine is being served.

But when Natsume steps through the gate, the forest clearing falls into deep, reverent silence. And that is when Natsume realizes that for all his worries, Hinoe had been right all along.

He knows how to do this.

He turns around, holding his hand out for the bowl of his own blood. Nanajiro hands it to him, bowing low before backing away to stand among Hinoe, Chobihige, and the rest. Tanuma stands with Nyanko-sensei, who had transformed back into his form as a white beast. Tanuma's face is once again flushed, this time with a mixture of awe and nervous anticipation.

"Good luck," he whispers. "I believe you can do this."

Natsume says nothing, does not show that he had heard. After all, he cannot tell Tanuma that there is no longer anything to worry about. Slowly, he starts to walk, tipping the bowl over while he does so, until there is a ring of his blood on the ground, staining the grass red. But the moment he steps into the ring, his blood starts to glow an incandescent gold.

The earth thrums to the power contained within his blood, pulsing in time to a beat that is both unknown and yet utterly familiar. Like the mother's heartbeat that Natsume must have known once, before she had given up her life for his.

_I know you._

Within the ring, spots of light glow in a myriad of colors. Natsume steps toward them, following the steps that he had known, had always known. When the glows rise above the earth, he holds out a hand in time with their movements, following. A step there, a twirl, raising hands, lowering them, a lift of his head, and then the beat floats higher, stronger. He can sense the onlookers reacting to that beat, swaying in time to invisible drums, while Natsume dances. For them.

_Live. Live and grow and prosper._

Each movement of his dance brings him into closer communion with the earth, transferring his wishes and desires deep. The earth, in its turn, reacts to his wishes with an outpouring of power.

_Prosper so that they may prosper._

To his left, Natsume suddenly sees a burst of color. It is the cherry tree, responding to his blessings. Its blossoms, a brighter pink than any other cherry blossom he had ever seen, seem to be dancing in time with his movements. Around him, he can hear the crowd of spirits cheering wildly, celebrating the very visible manifestation of his blessing.

"_Lord Onwa!"_

"_Thank you!"_

"_We are forever grateful…"_

It is only then that Natsume realizes that the dance had taken him above ground. In a final climax, Natsume holds out his hands toward the cherry tree, now level with him. The beat rises to a crescendo, and he turns away to face his followers. Only then does he lower himself back onto the ground. The ring disappears, absorbed into the earth, the only sign of its existence being a circle of grass richer than the rest.

Into the hushed silence of his onlookers, Natsume smiles, though he knows that no one can see beyond his mask.

"Spring has arrived," he says.

Their cheers proclaim the truth of his words.

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Notes: <strong>In my search for the perfect dance, I looked up traditional Shinto ceremonial dances and costumes. These dances are typically stately, slow affairs, with slow music to match. The music is referred to as _kagura_, or god's joy. Once upon a time, the majority of those dances were performed exclusively for the imperial court, and is considered both heavenly and holy. However, I can't stand the music that typifies _kagura_. To my wholly uncouth, irreverent ears, the pipes sound like dying cats. So I opted merely for a deep drum beat, and described Natsume's dancing as something more primal, wilder. It is more similar to the dancing performed in the movie _Onmyoji_ than anything seen at a Shinto festival. Natsume, after all, is not a heavenly god, the way the Sun Goddess _Amaterasu_ is. He is the god of spirits. And thank god for that.


	56. Hidden Mark

**A/N: **We finally continue on to our regular schedule of putting Natsume in difficult situations. This of course, needless to say, involves Matoba, who I think was probably born with the sole purpose of making Natsume's life difficult. And yet, for a "villain," Matoba is so amazingly fun to write about, even when he's not actually here. Expect Onizuka to reappear soon as well. I know he's an OC, but he's also really fun to write.

As always, please read and enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>Hidden Mark<strong>

_There are things that humans are vulnerable to, that a god would never have to fear. The reverse is also true. Being a god does not make you invulnerable. And that is a lesson hard for both gods and humans to understand._

* * *

><p>"Hmmm…"<p>

Natsume sits quietly while Sugawara no Michizane examines Natsume from across the table of the temple library. The library, as is expected of a god of scholarship and learning, is an impressive room filled from floor to ceiling with scrolls and books. Spells from the god preserve the books, keeping them in pristine condition. And according to Sugawara no Michizane when Natsume had been ushered in, he is still getting new books.

"It expands with me as time goes on," Sugawara no Michizane had said. "Let me know if there is anything you want to study. I'll be more than happy to lend you books." He had laughed, then added, "Perhaps I'll finally have someone I can discuss books with." The god's eyes had then taken on an odd sort of glimmer.

Next to him lies Tama, head down and looking content; it is a sign of the god's wealth and power that a spirit as large as Tama can fit and still have room to spare. Two cups of tea are on the table, but both are untouched. Instead Natsume looks down and away, trying not to fidget while enduring Sugawara no Michizane's rather… formidable attention.

"Hmmm…"

Finally, Natsume can endure it no longer.

"What do you mean by 'hmmm'?" Natsume asks, looking up. He tries not to wince at Sugawara no Michizane's expression, which is troubled. "Is… is something wrong?"

The god sits back, crossing his arms.

"Well, there's no easy way to say this." Sugawara no Michizane sighs, sitting back. "It is as you suspected. There is a… sign of the exorcist on you."

Natsume stiffens, but the news, while unwelcome, is also not unexpected. He opens his mouth, preparing to ask the only logical question, but Tama, sensing Natsume's uneasiness, makes a chirp of inquiry. The next thing Natsume knows is a world full of feathers, as Tama tries his level best to comfort his "mama" with nudges and cuddles.

_Mama okay?_

"I'm fine," Natsume says, smiling at Tama. But Tama is not at all convinced, and makes several more trills and nudges.

Sugawara no Michizane laughs.

"Well, at least your child is doing his filial duty," he says, eyes twinkling with amusement.

"Tama… not right now," Natsume says, both petting and pushing Tama gently back until Tama settles back onto the floor. "Ma—I'm busy right now."

"Affectionate too," Sugawara no Michizane adds, finally taking a sip from his cup of tea, acknowledging Natsume's near slip without saying a word. "You are a lucky mother."

Behind him, Nyanko-sensei snickers. Natsume resists the urge to turn around and glare at the cat, instead taking a sip from his own tea. Behind the safety of Lord Tenjin's barrier, Natsume had removed his mask. While he never truly feels the mask when he has it on, there is still something freeing about being able to leave it off.

There are few places where he has such feelings of safety.

"Is there anything I can do?" he asks.

The smile drops from Sugawara no Michizane's face.

"It is a passive thing," he says, his expression solemn. "If it had been active, like a curse, I might be able to do something. But it is simply there, and the spell has had time to embed itself into your body."

"I'm guessing it is a receiving spell," Nyanko-sensei says, waddling forward.

"You would be correct," Sugawara no Michizane says. "A receiving spell is a passive spell," he adds, seeing Natsume's blank look, "created specifically to receive whatever spell is sent to it. That can be an attack, or a controlling spell, or anything really…"

"Will a shield stop it?" Natsume asks. While inconvenient, a constant shield is not undoable. And the alternative, which is becoming the puppet of one of Matoba-san's controlling spells, is unthinkable.

"It will only slow the travel of the spell, not stop it," Sugawara no Michizane says grimly. "No, there is only one way. You will need to grow not merely in power, but in skill. Enough that you can excise the spell yourself. But I warn you, from what I have seen, it has twisted into your body enough that untangling its threads from yours will be extremely difficult."

"But not impossible," Natsume says.

For a moment Sugawara no Michizane casts Natsume a look of approval.

"That is true. And it is still early. Just half a year from now, and I would say that untangling would be impossible."

"Can anyone use the spell," Nyanko-sensei suddenly asks.

The question startles Natsume, who had not considered that problem. If any exorcist can control him…

Sugawara no Michizane shakes his head. "The signature is unique. It is keyed specifically to a spell from the exorcist in question… you say Matoba?"

"Yes, the Matoba clan," Natsume says.

"Hmmm, Matoba. Matoba." Sugawara no Michizane stands up, then floats to one of the higher level shelves, where he grabs one of the scrolls that had seemed to fly out of its own volition. The scroll unfurls, but then stops halfway through. "Ah, yes, I do know them. They were still a small clan in my day, but powerful. That was never in doubt. And they're still here?"

Natsume nods.

"Matoba Seiji is the clan head right now, according to this scroll," Sugawara no Michizane says. "A clever man, if what your servant had told me was true. Ruthless."

"Matoba thinks ahead," Nyanko-sensei says. "And he is not foolishly obsessed the way some powerful humans are. He has learned to let go and pursue things from a different angle. That makes him dangerous."

"And this man, this exorcist, is now targeting you," Sugawara no Michizane says.

Put in those terms, Natsume can only feel a sense of foreboding.


	57. Facing Duty

**A/N: **Welcome back to regularly scheduled Natsume. It feels like it has been such a long time and I've missed all of you. For this next installment, this piece explores more of Natsume and Nyanko-sensei's relationship, as well as Natsume's responsibilities and duties.

A great deal has happened in the past few weeks. For one, I managed to complete my master's thesis. And it passed! So yes, I am officially earning my second masters and graduating. Graduating means that I am now returning to the workforce, not as a student teacher, or an assistant language teacher (like I was in Japan), but as a real teacher. Happily, I've also managed to secure a job. I will be moving to Singapore in August. Are there any readers from Singapore here?

I felt a bit rusty while writing this chapter, so apologies beforehand. Nevertheless, it is my greatest wish that at the very least you find this story entertaining. Thank you, and please enjoy!

**Facing Duty**

* * *

><p><em>Sometimes it feels like nothing has changed. But then there are those moments when those changes become impossible to ignore. As a human, I depended on others. As a god, others depend on me. It is a terrifying realization, a heavy burden. Given a choice, I would not have taken it, but it is who I am now. It is something I must do. Must be.<em>

* * *

><p>He can feel the energy in the rope charms-they glow a pleasant blue to his eyes, but the light is faint. Its power is low, barely enough to sustain the barrier that covers the Onizuka residence.<p>

Onizuka Kiyoshi stands next to him, surveying the forests with a critical eye.

"I can only do so much," he says, motioning at the wide landscape below with a posture of both defensiveness and frustration. "The ogre appeared last night. I can reinforce the area directly surrounding the main house, but my people are in danger every time they step out." He turns and gives Natsume an unreadable look. "Do what you've promised to do."

"An ogre," Natsume says. He turns to Nyanko-sensei questioningly. But to his surprise, Nyanko-sensei does not answer. Instead he turns to Onizuka-san, subtle shifts in Nyanko-sensei's legs and posture making him tower over Onizuka-san more than usual.

"We will take it from here," Nyanko-sensei says.

Onizuka-san smiles wryly.

"Of course." He bows, taking his leave. A few moments later Natsume can see Onizuka-san appearing on the winding road back down to the main house.

"Sensei..."

"You are too open," Nyanko-sensei says. "You cannot be seen looking unknowledgeable, especially about spirit matters." At Natsume's noise of protest, Nyanko-sensei growls. "Do not be a fool, Natsume. You're not a human anymore. You're a god."

Natsume falls silent.

Sensing Natsume's distress, Nyanko-sensei's voice softens. However the words that follow remain unmoving in its gravity.

"You should call me Madara when humans and your followers are in your presence."

"I see."

And Natsume does see. In the presence of exorcists such as Matoba-san or Natori-san, it would be foolish to mention Nyanko-sensei by name. And yet a part of him rebels against it.

"Perhaps I should," Natsume says softly. "And I certainly will, when it's necessary to keep Natsume Takashi and Lord Onwa apart as two separate people. But Nyanko-sensei," he says, looking up and smiling. "You are and will always be Nyanko-sensei. No matter what I am. A god. Or a human."

In that moment Nyanko-sensei lowers his head, and Natsume buries his head into the soft fur. For now, in this moment, he can just be Natsume. Just a boy.

"Ah, he's coming."

Natsume does not need further warning. He feels it too. A wave of sick energy washes over him, an energy of anger, resentment, and malice. Threads of pride and arrogance push the energy forward, lending strength to the spirit's power.

_"ONIZUKA!"_

The spirit bellows like an angry bull, and the wind from it roar bends the forest trees back like thin stalks of grass. Natsume stands still in the face of it, unperturbed. Dark as the emotions are, its powers are not enough to defeat Lord Onwa.

And then the spirit steps out from behind the trees.

Natsume swallows down the laughter that tickles the back of his throat. It is a creature out of a children's story. _Momotaro's_ _Tale_. Bright red skin, thick, black, curly hair, complete with two short, stubby horns. A tiger pelt is wrapped around the waist, while the left hand clasps a thick, heavy club covered in spikes.

"An ogre," Natsume says, glancing over at Nyanko-sensei, who looks just as outwardly amused as Natsume feels.

"So Onizuka said," Nyanko-sensei agrees.

_"Come out Onizuka! And taste the revenge I will take from you tonight, for the insult you have given me!" Do not think that your barriers are going to be enough to protect you! I am here, and I am waiting!"_

"I suppose I should deal with him," Natsume says, still trying to fight the giggles.

"Do you suppose," Nyanko-sensei says, "that he would like rice dumplings?"

"Those are for animals, not ogres," Natsume says.

"I can eat enough for him and me anyway," Nyanko-sensei says airily.

And that is when Natsume loses the last of his self control.

_"Who is laughing? How dare you! Come out and show yourself!_"

The last of the laughter dies away. The boy has become the god.

"I am Lord Onwa," Natsume says, floating to to the top of the trees where the ogre can see him. Below him, Nyanko-sensei curls up on the ground, completely relaxed, yet nevertheless ready in case of trouble. "Put aside your anger and desires for revenge. The Onizuka clan will no longer exorcise spirits. This they have promised me."

_"Lord Onwa,_" the ogre sneers._ "I've heard of you. The puny little god that has shirked the pride of spirits and plays at being a human."_ He swings the club in a large arc, aiming it barely a foot above Natsume's head. Natsume however, does not move._ "Are you friends with humans, little god? Do you lick their feet and beg for whatever pittance they deign to give you?"_

Natsume smiles beneath his mask.

"You will leave peacefully and never come back. The Onizuka clan has pledged to harm no spirits. Let go of your anger. It benefits no one."

_"As if I would obey the commands of a feeble creature like you!"_ the ogre roars, once again swinging the club toward Natsume.

Natsume releases a controlled blast of energy, turning the club to dust.

With a startled curse, the ogre stares at the empty air where his club had once been, then turns back to Natsume with a fierce glare.

"This is my last warning," Natsume says softly. "If you do not leave and swear never to attack the Onizuka clan, I will be forced to take action."

_"Take action? Take action? You little...!"_

A fist swings toward Natsume, as with an enraged roar, the ogre makes one more attack.

Natsume closes his eyes.

Later that day, Natsume stands in the entryway of the Onizuka residence, both his hands clasping a smooth, gray stone. To the ordinary eye, it is a simple river stone, but to those with the ability, the stone glows a clear, golden light.

"You sealed him?" Onizuka-san asks.

"It's a purification stone," Natsume explains. "When the ogre lets go of his feelings of anger and revenge, the stone will release him. By then he should be no trouble to you or anyone."

"Ah," Onizuka-san says, but he falls silent.

Natsume watches him, feeling the whirl of emotions surrounding Onizuka Kiyoshi. Is Onizuka-san feeling doubt about their alliance? Or doubt about Natsume himself?

"Onizuka-san?" Natsume says.

Onizuka-san gives him another unreadable look.

"Do you have time right now? Want some tea before you go?"

Natsume stares at him, his eyes widening beneath the mask. Instinctively, he turns to Nyanko-sensei, who is standing behind him.

"Sensei?"

"You want me to take the stone back?" Nyanko-sensei says, avoiding Natsume's hidden question.

Wordlessly, Natsume places the stone in Nyanko-sensei's jaws.

"I'll be back by early evening."

_In time for dinner._

"Well?" Onizuka-san says, raising an eyebrow. The corner of his lips twitch.

"Yes," Natsume says, turning back to Onizuka-san.

As he steps over the step past the entryway, his robes fade away, to be replaced by jeans and a buttoned down shirt. The mask disappears.

In front of him, Onizuka-san smiles.

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Notes: <strong>_Momotaro's_ Tale, or _Peach Boy_, refers to a famous Japanese legend of a boy who is born from a peach, and goes on an adventure to defeat ogres and win a great deal of treasure. For those without Momotaro's special strength, there are always beans you can use to throw at them instead during _Setsubun_, a holiday where soy beans are thrown outside to keep ogres out, while inviting luck in (I considered referencing this in this drabble, but thought it may be too much, so I cut it out). The ogres described in this story are stereotypical depictions of ogres, which while fierce, don't have the creepy feel that Natsume's spirits tend to have. In some ways, I suppose ogres could even be seen as adorable. Either way, Natsume (and Nyanko-sensei) found it utterly hilarious to see a fairy tale monster come to life.


	58. Tearing Choices

**A/N:** This was originally supposed to be a fluffy piece about Natsume and Onizuka growing closer, but turned into some dark moralistic story that was, I swear, completely unexpected. In order to address this issue properly I have decided to make this into a mini-arc. For the first time Natsume is faced with very, very difficult choices. Choices that, if he chooses wrong, will negatively impact not only his life but the lives of the spirits who depend on this. I want to explore how Natsume will navigate this, and what choice Natsume will make. I would love to see discussions of this in the comments.

As always, please read and enjoy.

**Tearing Choices (Cherry Arc: Part 1/2)**

* * *

><p><em>Nothing is harder than knowing that as a god there will forever be places where others cannot cross, places where I must not only build a wall, but maintain it. Sometimes I think that the spirits had not done me any favors in turning me into what I am now. Because in some ways, in trying to keep me close to them forever, they have made it so that I must be forever apart, forever alone.<em>

* * *

><p>"Do you want to get something after school today?" Nishimura asks him, stretching leisurely after a long day at school.<p>

"Better than that, we should plan for Golden Week!" Sasada says, coming in between them with a grin.

"No art museums!"

"I didn't say anything about art museums."

"I can see if Taki-san and Tanuma want to come too," Nishimura says, turning to Natsume. "I mean, something like a trip planning meeting... good idea, don't you think?" He blushes furiously.

"Ah," Natsume says, "I just remembered. I can't come today. I have something to do." Seeing both Nishimura and Sasada's faces fall, Natsume hurriedly adds, "Let me know what you plan though. I'll definitely join you."

"Okay." Nishimura perks up. "I'll let you know what we decide. I'll call you. Will you be home tomorrow?"

"In the morning," Natsume says, smiling.

He leaves school after waving cheerfully to Taki, who immediately sits down next to Sasada to add her own opinions. Feeling a bit of a pang, Natsume watches them chatting happily, but he steels himself. He has responsibilities now.

And the duty in question cannot truly be considered burdensome anyway.

When he senses no one is looking toward him, Natsume drops his human form. A minimal amount of power lifts him from the ground, and soon, he is flying.

It is a sensation he will never become used to, not that he wants it to. There is something magical about flying, something beyond the spells of spirits and exorcists alike.

For a while he simply enjoys the feel of the wind against his face, but all too soon, his destination arrives and he gradually descends before landing in front of the gate.

One of the few attendants with the Sight spots him, and bows.

"Lord Onwa, I have been instructed to show you in," he says, lifting out a charm and keying the seal to allow Natsume in, a mere formality that Natsume has observed ever since that fateful meeting with Onizuka Kiyoshi. It is not that Natsume cannot enter on his own. But with their alliance so firmly established, it would be rude to force his way in, like a friend inviting himself in without ringing the doorbell.

"Thank you, Yoshida-san," Natsume says. "The weather has been good recently, hasn't it?"

For a moment Yoshida-san stares, as if not quite sure what to make of a spirit who engages in ordinary human conversation.

"Aa..ah. Yes. The weather has been nice," he says, smiling weakly.

Natsume sighs behind the mask. It will take time. But then he recalls Nyanko-sensei's conversation, and wonders if perhaps he is the one who is too forward.

"Hey, you're late!"

"Onizuka-san," Natsume says. He falls silent, unable to tell Onizuka-san the real reason for his tardiness.

Onizuka-san rolls his eyes, while Yoshida-san gasps at the apparent rudeness toward a god. Or perhaps he fears that Natsume may destroy Onizuka-san out of sheer pique.

"Do you want tea first, or do you want to take a look at the tree?"

"The tree." Natsume steps over the step of the entryway, for once refusing to change into his human form. "Business first, then we can have tea."

"How responsible of you," Onizuka-san says, grinning at him. Then he glares at Natsume's geta. "Is there a reason why you're wearing shoes in my house?"

In response, Natsume smoothly lifts himself a centimeter above the floor.

"The tree?"

He hears a chuckle, quickly suppressed.

"This way." Motioning the right corridor with a jerk of his head, Onizuka-san takes the lead until they reach one of the inner courtyards, a beautifully arranged traditional Japanese garden. A pond with a miniature bridge decorates one side. Natsume can hear the sudden sound of the _shishi-odoshi_, penetrating the silence.

The centerpiece of the garden however, centers on a weeping cherry tree, its trunk gnarled with dignity and age. And yet, despite the life that Natsume can feel within the tree, the branches are bare.

"It's nearly seven hundred years old. As old as the Onizuka clan."

He hears the words, but it does not truly register in his mind, not anymore. Something else calls to Natsume. Without quite understanding why, Natsume finds himself stepping forward, instinctively called to the tree by something deeper than words. Before he realizes it, he has placed a hand on the dark, nearly black trunk.

For an eternity, he stands there, listening to what the tree has to tell him.

"A curse hangs over this tree," Natsume says softly, moving his hand upward to caress one of the lower hanging branches. "It's alive, but only just. The tree doesn't have the energy to fight it off. Only to endure."

"Legend has it that so long as the tree blooms, the Onizuka clan will prosper," Onizuka-san says softly. "Was the curse...?"

"I don't know. But there may be some truth to the legend." Natsume looks up at the bare branches. "There's power here. And it's possible that this tree may be one source."

"Can you do anything to help it?"

Once again, he feels the tree drawing him in, giving him the answers that Natsume will need. Yes, yes he can do this. It will be difficult, and in many ways, it will be draining, but Natsume has the power. And now he has the skill.

But as he opens his mouth, he is suddenly struck by the reality of what doing this will mean.

The tree is the source of the Onizuka clan's power. Heal the tree, and the power will not only return, it will increase, as each new generation grows under the tree's power. There will certainly be enough people to maintain the shields at that point-more than enough to fight the influence of the Matoba clan.

And the reason for the alliance will collapse.

He can lie. Say that the tree is too weak to heal, that breaking the curse will kill the tree. Natsume has the power to ensure that too. In doing so, the generations will grow weaker, until the Onizuka clan sinks back into the ordinary human population. The alliance will collapse then as well, but this time without danger to Natsume or his followers.

Surely this is something he should not decide immediately. Natsume can delay. Say that he needs the advice of other spirits to decide what to do. It will not give him the answer he needs, but it will buy him some time. Time to decide how he should proceed.

"I..."

Onizuka Kiyoshi knows too much about him. The clan itself knows too much. All this time, Natsume had complacently entered the residence in his human form, becoming familiar with them, possibly giving away things he never intended to share. Onizuka-san is dangerously perceptive. He probably suspects a great deal that he has simply chosen not to voice.

Even if he were to trust Onizuka-san, the next leader may not necessarily be worthy of that trust.

_Your plan with the exorcist clan will fail._

Is it a risk Natsume can afford to take?

For the life he holds dear? For his friends? For the spirits who depend on him?

"Onizuka-san..."

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Notes: <strong>The _shishi-odoshi_ literally means "deer-scarer". Those of you who watch a great deal of anime are probably familiar with it. Water fills bamboo from one end, and when the bamboo grows full it falls, emptying the water, only to move rapidly back up. This movement strikes rock, and a wooden, hollow sound can be heard. While it may have originally been used for scaring deer, it is now something that many Japanese use to appreciate silence. It is only when you can hear loud sounds that the silence becomes all the more significant.

The sakura tree, according to sources, typically live up to thirty years. However in Japan, sakura trees can, and have lived for hundreds. The longest living sakura is in Yamanashi Prefecture, said to be 1,800 years old. Given that this is the case, the Onizuka tree can be considered quite young. I wonder what allows those few trees to live so long. Perhaps it is as the legends say. Perhaps there are gods or spirits living/watching over them.

Wouldn't it be lovely if that were the case?


	59. Steps Forward

**A/N: **I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm sorry. OTL. I beg your forgiveness. I grovel at your feet. I am unworthy of all of your reviews and love.

It wasn't that I didn't have time. I was just... lazy. Hit with the sudden bad case of YAY I AM ON VACATION WHOO! So I pretty much rolled around at home all day while trying to write and not having the motivation to do so. It was pretty pathetic. But I'm back now. I think. I erm, hope that I won't go on any more unexpected hiatuses. Hiati?

This conclusion to the Cherry Arc wasn't difficult to plan, but had been incredibly difficult to execute. And me being the fanfic writer I am, I had lovely alternative fanfics of this chapter that I was horribly tempted to write (I secretly want to write one where Onizuka completely turns on Natsume and enslaves him. Hmm, maybe I will still write this) and I did a lot of trailing off while writing this chapter to secretly giggle about the dark alternatives. Yes, dear readers. I have the maturity level of a five year old.

I pity my students.

As always, please read and enjoy. And again, I am SO SORRY. SO SO SO SORRY.

* * *

><p><strong>Steps Forward (Cherry Arc: Part 22)**

_When I was a human, I was asked to take sides between human and spirit. Nothing has changed from then. But I don't want to have to choose. I don't want to see spirits and humans as separate. Is it impossible for humans and spirits to trust? To believe in one another?_

* * *

><p>"Onizuka-san…"<p>

Onizuka Kiyoshi looks at him silently. As thoughts whirl chaotically in Natsume's head, the expression on Onizuka-san's face changes, first becoming concerned, and then gradually more neutral, until all that remains is a cool expectancy.

"Onizuka-san…" Natsume repeats. But he is lost in a whirlwind of doubts and decisions, decisions that lead down roads he does not want to walk. Finally, in desperation, he lowers his head, his hands balled into fists. "Onizuka-san…"

"I can't help you if you won't share what you're thinking."

The statement momentarily startles Natsume, and he is briefly flung out of his emotional downward spiral.

Onizuka-san continues.

"You're not alone you know. You're not the only person wondering if he's doing the right thing, day after day."

_Not alone…_

Just as Natsume has been wondering if Onizuka-san will ever trust him, Onizuka-san has been wondering the same thing about Natsume. But it is Onizuka-san who had reached out first, forming an alliance with an unknown spirit, taking a risk that he should probably not have taken. Surely Natsume can do no less.

"Can I trust you?" Natsume asks suddenly. His hands compulsively reach out toward Onizuka-san, but he stops himself just in time. "Can I trust the Onizuka clan?"

For a moment, Onizuka-san remains silent. But then in a manner that Natsume has come to recognize as solely Onizuka Kiyoshi, he frowns and glares at Natsume.

"Trust me? Trust the clan? What kind of question is that?"

Natsume steps back, his hands dropping back down next to his side, more than a little stunned by the reaction.

"I mean… I…"

"Trust isn't something you just give once and never again. Only fools do that. And characters in stories. It's something you choose to give over and over again, as the situation demands."

When Natsume finds himself falling silent again, Onizuka-san grabs Natsume by the shoulders.

"Did you trust me when we were at the Matoba house? Did you?"

"I… I did. I trusted you."

Onizuka-san relaxes.

"I trusted you too."

"You did?"

Onizuka-san nods.

"So tell me what it is that's bothering you. Tell me. And we'll see if we can trust each other again or not."

Natsume pauses, for even this, this step, is frightening. Because this too is a sign of trust. And Natsume, all too used to being alone, does not know what to do to reach out, to narrow that gap between people. But Onizuka-san had trusted him, Onizuka-san, who had no reason to ever trust spirits in the first place.

"If I heal the tree," Natsume says, his words slow, as if being dragged forcefully from his lips. "If I heal this tree, our alliance will end."

He hears a swift intake of breath. When he looks, he can see Onizuka-san rapidly considering all the implications, before identifying the same problems Natsume had been thinking.

"So the legend is true."

"More than true," Natsume says. "It won't create ability in the members of your clan without the gift, but those born with it will certainly increase in power." Once again he reaches out a hand to touch the bark. "And any child born to the clan will be born with power from now on. The Onizuka-clan will have more than enough exorcists to protect themselves."

"Enough to maintain the seals. And enough with the sight to protect those who do not," Onizuka-san agrees. Something glints in his eyes, and Natsume senses a flicker of greed, ambition, and abject longing, quickly suppressed. He recognizes it for what it is. To have been helpless for so long, to have seen his clan dying without hope, resigned to its death, the knowledge that there is once again hope would awaken avarice in even the most unselfish leader. "We are still dependent on you until that next generation."

Natsume pauses. Onizuka-san, with that statement, is suggesting that the problem can be temporarily set aside. It is tempting, tempting to heal the tree, to do what his instincts tell him is right, and worry about the next problem when it comes. If Natsume had still been human, perhaps he might have chosen it.

But Natsume is no longer human. And as he considers the statement, he is suddenly struck in that moment by how much he has changed. Enough to view time in a way that is wholly spiritual.

"Human generations are short," Natsume says. "I cannot afford to place my followers in danger every new generation. And… can you guarantee that you and later leaders will not break this alliance? I believe you faithful. But your descendants might not be."

"Our initial reason for forming an alliance does not have to stay the same," Onizuka-san points out, still mulling over the problem. "It can change as we change. It's not like having a powerful god who is willing to negotiate with exorcists isn't to our advantage, especially since we have exclusive access. And…" Suddenly he lights up. "We can do what the old rulers used to do."

The last comment startles Natsume.

"You mean, like fostering and adoption?" he asks in disbelief, but a faint thread of hope starts to grow.

"Well, not adoption obviously. But we could send our promising youngsters to spend some time with you. Or you could spend time with them. Obviously the final decision of who becomes clan leader will rest with the Onizuka clan. But at least we can try to make sure that all of them will have a positive view of you." He raises an eyebrow. "You can be fairly likeable when you try."

"The terms of our first agreement will need to be rewritten then," Natsume says, going over the possibilities. Yes. Yes, perhaps this is the answer.

It is still a risk. Changed alliance or no, a powerful exorcist clan still has the potential to become a dangerous opponent.

_But I will become stronger also. _

Keeping him in close interaction with humans will prevent him from becoming complacent. Regularly assessing the future children of the Onizuka-clan will help him identify any problem before it starts. Natsume after all, has abilities at his disposal that humans do not have. No human can secretly hold feelings of antagonism without Natsume soon finding out.

"I can have the terms of our alliance rewritten tonight, and give it to you to review tomorrow morning," Onizuka-san says.

"Oh, it doesn't have to be that fast," Natsume says absently. "I can't meet on weekday mornings anyway."

"Weekday mornings?" A predatory glint appears in Onizuka Kiyoshi's eyes. With a start, Natsume realizes that once again, he has let something slip. He looks up, knowing that Onizuka-san does not need to see his facial expression to sense his feelings of guilt. "Just how much do you…" Onizuka-san begins, but then he stops. "No, never mind. Let's get this over with first."

"I will heal the tree now," Natsume says.

"Now? You won't wait until after the terms have been rewritten?"

Natsume pauses.

"Onizuka-san, you trusted me that day, when I approached you for an alliance. Even though most would say that the smarter decision would have been to refuse, you took that risk." Natsume looks up at the empty branches of the cherry blossom tree. "I'm probably doing something stupid. I know Hinoe and Nyanko-sensei are going to yell at me tonight." He turns to Onizuka-san. "But I don't want to believe in a world where such risks are never worth taking."

Something shifts in Onizuka-san's expression. Then to Natsume's complete surprise, Onizuka Kiyoshi smiles, one without a trace of the man's usual cynicism—the first genuine smile he has ever seen.

"Neither do I."


	60. Expanding Horizons

**A/N: **So this is the replacement chapter for the crappy one that I had posted. The one that had been placed here has been edited heavily and will now follow this one as a semi-sequel. I apologize for the confusion.

* * *

><p><strong>Expanding Horizons<strong>

_Once, I only thought to protect the ones in front of me, the ones I could see. But I am growing now, both in power and in responsibilities, and the ones I need to protect are not always there to tell me that they need me. To care for those I have never seen, may never see—I need to grow—not just in power, but in mind, body, and heart._

* * *

><p>When the doors and windows are done shaking from the aftermath of Hinoe's rather <em>forceful<em> lecture, Natsume lets out a small sigh of relief. It is a first for Natsume, who has never been the target of Hinoe's anger. He hadn't known that Hinoe could grow so… _big_. Or at least seem to.

"_Never_ make such a momentous decision again without consulting any of us first," she repeats, clearly seeing Natsume sigh, and not at all pleased.

"An exorcist clan on the decline is powerful once again," Misuzu says, shaking his massive head. "I do not know what this means, other than that we must proceed carefully. And hope that our Lord was indeed wise and correct in his decision."

"Onizuka-san will finish rewriting the agreement and send it to me three days from today," Natsume says, careful to avoid using the days of the week to signify time, as they are meaningless to his spirit advisors.

"A document only you can read. I hope you plan to rewrite it in an actual, sensible language," Hinoe says sharply. "So that we can find the hidden loopholes and fix them before it becomes official."

"You assume that Onizuka-san will try to cheat us."

"Cheat? Don't be naïve," Nyanko-sensei says, looking up from where he had been curled up in Natsume's lap. "It is natural for any party of an agreement to want the advantage. What we have to make sure is that ours are not any less." He rolls his eyes. "We'll read the stupid agreement together. And _I_ will be the one dictating what you rewrite."

Nyanko-sensei's tone of voice brooked no argument.

Feeling less like a god and more like a naughty child, Natsume nods meekly and turns back to Hinoe and Misuzu, who give Nyanko-sensei rare looks of approval.

"Well, you may finally be earning your keep, you walking riceball," Hinoe says.

"Hey! What is that supposed to mean?"

Misuzu chuckles.

"Now if you could continue to earn your keep by accompanying Lord Onwa when he's doing his business with the exorcist, since he clearly needs a keeper," Hinoe adds.

Natsume winces inwardly.

He cannot blame either Hinoe, Misuzu or Nyanko-sensei for their skepticism. After all, hadn't he himself been worried about that very thing?

It may still happen, Natsume tells himself. Perhaps not with Onizuka Kiyoshi, but any of his descendants may choose to renege on the agreement. Natsume may very well come to regret the decision he had made.

But that is not now.

And Natsume refuses to act on the nebulous regrets of the future.

"It will make no difference, Hinoe," Natsume says, as gently as he can. In an instant, the room falls deathly still. "Nyanko-sensei being there would have made no difference," he repeats. "In the end, the final decision is mine to make and mine alone." He straightens himself. "I chose to heal the tree and return the Onizuka clan to power. You already know my reasons why." Natsume looks at each of his advisors in turn. "That is my final judgment."

The silence that continued after his words is now colored by the stunned expression of everybody else in the room. From behind, Natsume hears Nanajiro opening the door, only to pause, uncertain.

Then Nyanko-sensei begins to laugh.

"Well, Hinoe. You wanted a god. And now you've got one."

Hinoe looks at Nyanko-sensei, smiling wryly.

"I did indeed." She looks at Natsume with an expression that can only be described as pride.

"What's done is done," Misuzu says. "We can only support him from now on." He closes his eyes briefly, as if savoring the moment. "There is no doubt. Natsume will be a great god."

Hinoe snorts.

"Anyway, to continue onto our original discussion," she says, "Lord Onwa's territory has expanded to the point where holding court is no longer enough to see to the needs of his followers."

"A journey will have to be made soon," Misuzu says. "A proper progress, so that those who live further out will be able to pay you proper respect."

"How long will that take?" Natsume asks.

"Seven days and nights, at most," Misuzu says.

"A _week_?" Natsume does not quite stand up, but the prospect of needing to figure out an excuse to explain to Touko-san and Shigeru-san does not sit well with him. "Does it really need to be that long?"

"Your territory is no small thing," Hinoe says. "Surely you have felt it."

Natsume stares.

"Clearly not," Misuzu says, much amused. "Or perhaps he does not know what it is that he is feeling."

"Close your eyes and trace the roots of your own power," Nyanko-sensei says. "A god can always sense and track the whereabouts of his followers. And your connection with the land will give you an internal map."

Even as Nyanko-sensei explains the process, Natsume can already feel the strands of his awareness expanding far beyond his immediate boundaries. It is something he has felt only in abstract; in his ignorance he had assumed that the widening spread of his senses had merely been a further development of his connection with the land. Now he can see them, like beacons in a web of light, some faint, barely visible, while others shine bright enough to blind. The most powerful, like the sun, are next to them. He can identify each light as one of his advisors, Nyanko-sensei being the most brilliant of all.

"Nyanko-sensei, my territory has spread all the way to the next prefecture!"

"Ah, has it?"

Natsume sits back, reeling from the spread of territory that he is now technically in charge of.

"But… so many… Hinoe, Misuzu, I don't think…"

"You can," Hinoe interrupts. "You've been ruling them for a while now. So do not panic now about your supposed inability when you've been doing it just fine all along."

"And spirits are no weak thing," Nyanko-sensei reminds him. "We do not need the constant care that humans demand."

"So I need a week," Natsume says, sighing, resigned to this new realization of his growing power and influence. "How am I going to get a week off?"

"Surely the place you call a school will soon be closing for vacation?"

"Yes but, the Fujiwaras," Natsume says. "They're going to want to know why."

"You can just make it so that they won't notice your absence," Hinoe says dismissively. "A tiny manipulation of their perception of time and it would—"

"No."

"It won't hurt them."

"No."

"It would be the easiest way," Misuzu coaxes.

"We're not doing it."

Nyanko-sensei grins.

"I told you he wouldn't go for it."

"Bah, why you coddle those humans so I have no idea," Hinoe grumps. "Reiko would have jumped at the chance."

"I'm not Reiko, and Reiko didn't have the Fujiwaras as her guardians," Natsume says firmly. "We'll find another way."

"Then we'll need to ask for outside help, since we can hardly make excuses to the Fujiwaras for you," Nyanko-sensei says. "Have you any ideas?"

"I could say that I was going on a trip with friends."

"For a week? How will you contact them? Or them you?"

When Natsume does not answer, Nyanko-sensei rolls his eyes, then climbs out of Natsume's lap.

"See how much trouble you make for yourself. Well, since you insist on refusing to do things the easy way, you'll have to depend on outside help."

Outside of course, meaning human. Natsume does not need to read Nyanko-sensei's mind to know what the cat is planning on suggesting.

"I don't know if we should place such a burden on Tanuma or Taki," he says.

"You don't have anyone else," Nyanko-sensei replies bluntly. "Unless you can think of an amazing excuse between now and the end of school." His tone is skeptical, and Natsume cannot find it in himself to contradict the cat.

He sighs.

"I'll think about it."

When he looks at Nyanko-sensei again, the cat does nothing. The rest of the meeting continues without further mention of Tanuma or Taki, and their return to the Fujiwaras is unusual in its silence. Even inside the house, though the conversation hangs between them like an uncomfortable cloud, the cat continues to say nothing,

Then again, perhaps he doesn't need to.

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Notes: <strong>To give everybody an internal map, I have placed Natsume's location about two thirds down in Kumamoto Prefecture, slightly west of Hitoyoshi city, which is about 10 kilometers north of Kagoshima Prefecture. He is also approximately 15 kilometers from the sea, so his area of influence is now around 471 square kilometers in size (probably a bit smaller, since I'm using the formula for an ellipses to calculate this and Natsume's territory is nowhere near as neat as an oval). Quite an accomplishment for a god who has only been at the job for a year.


	61. Burdens and Blessings

**A/N: **Okay, so for future reference, never, ever, EVER attempt to write when you're jet lagged. It is a bad idea. Your head turns to mush and you become incapable of answering telephones (This really happened. I literally stared at the phone when it was ringing wondering what to do, my jet lag was so bad. My family has yet to let me live it down). Let's hope this never happens again.

But now I've fixed things.** Yes, chapter 60 has been replaced (go back and read it! It is completely different!)**. This chapter? Is the proper and final version of the previous two chapter 60s.

I feel really bad about messing up so badly last week, so for the record, I'm not counting this chapter as a proper update. Expect Chapter 62 to appear on schedule, sometime this weekend. And I hope you'll accept my apologies.

* * *

><p><strong>Burdens and Blessings<strong>

_I do not like to ask anyone for help. Though I've since learned to ask, it has never come naturally to me. A life of being a burden has made me hesitant to place anyone else in that position. But often people desire those burdens given to them, for they see it as a sign of connection—between friends, families, complete strangers. After all, why ask someone you cannot count on? It has been the hardest lesson for me to learn. Sometimes, burdening someone is the ultimate sign of trust._

* * *

><p>When Natsume arrives at the clearing that houses his shrine, much to his shock and dismay, there are two unexpected people waiting for him.<p>

They cannot see him of course. He has never gone to his shrine in human form. This place after all, is one that is wholly spirit. And flying is infinitely quicker than walking.

Natsume sighs.

"Sensei…"

Nyanko-sensei, invisible to Tanuma and Taki in his form as a white beast, simply chuckles.

"Look at them, the silly things. Completely unaware that we are here." Indeed, the clearing is full of tiny spirits, all of them giggling. Nyanko-sensei's presence had obviously prevented any of them from doing any mischief. Even with Natsume's rule that none of his followers are to bother humans, there are always those who are… tempted. Then Nyanko-sensei deliberately lets out a great gust of air. It translates to wind, ruffling the hair of his friends, who simply ignore it. "You see? Not even a suspicion, even though the Tanuma brat knows that this clearing is full of spirits."

Natsume glares at him.

"Could you please not make fun of my friends for things that are beyond their control?" he says, eyeing his friends while they engage in idle gossip about classmates. Tanuma however, begins to check his watch, then scans the area, as if looking for something.

Probably him.

"Natsume should be here soon, don't you think?" Tanuma says.

"Kitty said to get here as soon as possible after school," Taki says. She too glances around the clearing. "But I don't see him."

Nyanko-sensei makes a sound that is suspiciously like a snicker.

"I'm going to head inside first," he says, while Natsume is still digesting the very clear evidence of Nyanko-sensei's interference. "Don't take too long."

The overgrown beast is gone before Natsume can think of anything to say.

Deciding that as retribution the stupid cat will go without any of Nanatsuji's treat for a week, Natsume returns to his human form.

"Tanuma, Taki."

"Ah, Natsume-kun," Taki says, smiling. "Kitty said that you wanted to talk about something."

"Let's talk about that inside," Natsume says. There is no point in letting them know that Nyanko-sensei had deliberately mislead them.

"I was worried that I'd remembered the place wrong," Tanuma says, as they pass through the gate. "I couldn't see the gate until you appeared."

"Oh, it's a shrine for spirits, so I suppose it wouldn't be visible to humans," Natsume says, dropping his form once more. He pretends not to notice Tanuma and Taki's immediate unease, instead walking to the doors, where Nanajiro and Itoubime are already waiting for him. "Nanajiro, I have guests."

"I have basins prepared," Nanajiro says, bowing.

"Basins?" Taki whispers to Tanuma.

"You're my personal guests so they'll um, wash your feet," Natsume says, embarrassed. "It's… something they do."

Much to his relief, Tanuma laughs.

"Just like royalty."

The feet washing proceeds without incident, with Taki first staring wide-eyed at the variety of spirits that had immediately swarmed them, then commenting on the shrine's beauty. Tanuma meanwhile, describes his first time in the shrine to Taki, who listens, enraptured.

"I wish I could have seen it," she says wistfully.

Natsume removes his mask, handing it to Itoubime with a silent look. She bows, the questions she had initially been planning to ask dropped. Even in his shrine, unless Natsume is in a secured room, the mask normally stays on.

The action is not lost on his servants, who look at each other, and then toward his friends. He watches them leave, knowing that there will be whispered discussions in the quarters tonight.

Itoubime leads into one of the smaller rooms facing the center garden, a more intimate setting than the usual meeting room. Within sits Nyanko-sensei, back in his form as a fat cat.

"Oi Natsume, took you long enough."

"Kitty!"

Before Nyanko-sensei can say anything coherent, Taki pounces on him, and what is left of the cat's attempt to speak is reduced to a string of garbled complaints.

"Taki," Natsume says, smiling at Nyanko-sensei's discomfort. He gestures toward the cushions and table, already set up with tea. "How was Golden Week?"

"Oh, it was wonderful. Dad managed to get some time off so we were able to visit the beach, and—"

"You… little… Do you know who I am?" Nyanko-sensei shouts, struggling futilely in Taki's tight embrace. "I am the first advisor to a god you know. Show some respect!"

"Oh, I don't need _that_ much respect," Natsume says, turning toward Tanuma to include him in the joke. "And certainly not for my followers either."

"You might not think you need that much respect, but some of your worshippers do," Tanuma says instead, startling Natsume. He studies Tanuma, trying to recall what could have happened to provoke such a response.

"Ah, Hinoe." Remembering the near-possessiveness Hinoe had displayed during the blessing ceremony, Natsume sighs. Luckily, Hinoe is busy meeting with other spirits to discuss the logistics of the progress. "I still need to talk to her about that. She's my seneschal, so it's her job to be a stickler for protocol." Natsume scratches the back of his head in embarrassment. "I think. I'm still not sure what a seneschal is supposed to do, other than that I'm supposed to have one now apparently."

Taki giggles.

"A seneschal manages the domestic side of a noble household, and also takes care of things while the lord is away," she explains kindly. "Since you're a god I think it'd be stranger for you not to have one."

"Oh."

"Sounds like being a god is less about spiritual business and more about politics," Tanuma says, shaking his head.

"It is much like it," Nyanko-sensei agrees. "Especially when the god manages spirit matters. Gods of humans have a different set of complications." He gives Natsume a knowing look. "Of course, when a god of spirits is overly involved with humans, there are yet another unique set of problems."

"Sensei, I didn't ask you to do this," Natsume says, not caring that neither Tanuma nor Taki can follow the conversation.

"Have you thought of an excuse yet?"

"No," Natsume admits in defeat.

"Then you have no choice."

"I just don't want to trouble anyone…" he whispered.

Natsume bites his bottom lip, then dares a glance at Tanuma and Taki, who had been trying their best to pretend that they hadn't heard a thing.

"Natsume, did you need help for something?" Tanuma finally asks, hesitant. "I mean, I'm sure there's not much I can do," he hastily adds. "But if you did…" Within the words is an undisguised longing.

"Tanuma?" Natsume says.

"If it's something we can do, tell us," Taki says, her eyes bright. Natsume looks at her, surprised. He can feel the fear that Taki is desperately trying to hide, and marvels at the courage it must have taken to volunteer.

"It's nothing dangerous," Natsume says, reassuringly. "It's just that I need to tour my territory, but it'll take a week, and I don't know how I'm going to come up with a plausible excuse to convince Touko-san and Shigeru-san."

"Oh." Taki smiles, her shoulders relaxing in relief. "That's not a problem at all, Natsume!"

"Were you really worried that it would be?" Tanuma says.

"You might have to lie, and if you get caught…"

Taki and Tanuma share an amused look.

"You'd be in more trouble than us if that happened," Taki points out gently.

Natsume flushes.

"It won't happen. We'll find a way," Tanuma says. He pauses, thinking. "You and Nishimura and Kitamoto went on a trip last year, didn't you?"

"Oh… yeah. A study trip."

"We could take one of those, and say you're with us." Tanuma gives Taki a worried look. "Would your family allow you to go on a study trip with two boys?"

"I'll just tell them that another girl is joining us," Taki says cheerfully.

"You see?" Nyanko-sensei says, sounding smug. "Already solved."

"But…"

"It's not a bad thing to ask friends for help, Natsume," Tanuma says. "I'm really glad that you decided to ask us."

"Friends are supposed to go to each other with their problems," Taki says.

"It means you trust us enough to let us help you." A brief shadow crosses Tanuma's face. "I know I haven't… exactly given you a reason for that trust. I mean, being scared because of all the changes I was seeing in you, and the three of us becoming distant. You know, I was really worried. All because I was so weak. That… that we could never go back to the way we were. But you kept reaching out anyway."

"Thank you, Natsume, for believing in us. Even when we weren't sure we could believe in ourselves," Taki says.

"We'll try our best to do what we can to support you," Tanuma adds.

"You're our friend, Natsume. Please give us a chance to do something. Anything." The need is there, plain for anyone to read.

Natsume looks down, too overcome with emotion to trust himself. A scene begins to play in his head: the moment when Shigeru-san had, for the first time, asked him for a favor. Touko-san, asking him to purchase cake on the way home. How happy he had been to be asked.

Somehow, in his determination to protect the ones he cares about, he has nearly forgotten how important it is to feel needed.

"Thank you," Natsume says.

When he sees his friends smile at him in return, he can sense, finally, something beginning to heal. It is only a start, but Natsume can tell that this time things will move more smoothly. Certainly faster than his previous clumsy efforts.

All because of Nyanko-sensei.

Still wrapped in Taki's arms, Nyanko-sensei sits contentedly, exuding an air of shrewd satisfaction. Natsume has no doubt that this had all been deliberately planned. For all Nyanko-sensei's disdain of humans, he had sensed Natsume's need for human friends, and had acted accordingly. A feeling of gratitude, all unfamiliar, begins to bubble up inside him. He opens his mouth.

"What stupid thing are you thinking about now, idiot?"

Mentally, Natsume reduces Nyanko-sensei's punishment down to half a week.


	62. Noticing the Unnoticeable

**A/N:** So we are now returning to our regularly scheduled Natsume. For those of you have may have missed my previous announcement, Chapter 60 is completely different, and Chapter 61 is the finalized version of the original Chapter 60 (which were crap).

Today, we have... Nishimura and Kitamoto! I miss them, and Nishimura's exuberance is so much fun to write. They're really such good friends.

I had so many feels when writing this chapter. Let me know how you feel too. Read, and as always, enjoy.

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><p><strong>Noticing the Unnoticeable <strong>

_As the spirit world occupied more of my attention, it was inevitable that I would begin to ignore the humans in my life. Because there was no way that they could see spirits, I had assumed that they would never notice. But knowledge is created through more than just sight. What is not there can be just as important as what is. When nobody can see you, you forget the things that can be seen._

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><p>He can hear the phone ring in the living room downstairs, but pays no attention to it. Books are scattered across his desk, as Natsume attempts to use the last week before finals to cram what little he has learned into his brain.<p>

"Give up on it," Nyanko-sensei says. "What's the point of all that studying? It's no use to a god."

"Touko-san and Shigeru-san would be disappointed," Natsume replies, reaching to his left for the Japanese-English dictionary. "And besides, didn't Lord Tenjin say that it would be a good idea?"

"He's the god of knowledge and learning. Of course he'd say that."

"Mm." Natsume flips through the dictionary, looks down at the grammar problem, and sighs. "Nyanko-sensei, what's the past participle of… oh never mind, how would you know?"

"_More rice buns please. And thank you_," Nyanko-sensei says. His pronunciation is atrocious.

Natsume laughs.

"Why are you more polite in English?"

"I might need to use it to woo a pretty English-speaking spirit. You never know," Nyanko-sensei says.

"I don't think you'd get a chance to use any," Natsume says. "They'd be gone the moment they see you."

"Hey, have you forgotten my glorious form? I am regal, I am noble, I am—"

"A cat." Natsume pauses, considering, then adds, "A very fat cat. With a horrible temper."

Nyanko-sensei splutters.

He turns back to the grammar problem, but Nyanko-sensei's statement earlier continues to intrude into his thoughts.

"Hey, sensei. Is it true? Are there spirits in other countries?"

"Why wouldn't there be?"

Suddenly the door opens, and Touko-san is standing there.

"Takashi-kun, your friends are here to see you," she says.

"What?"

"Don't act like you didn't know we were coming," Nishimura says from behind. He grins, then makes a semi-salute.

"Hey," Kitamoto says. Seeing the textbooks scattered over the desk, he laughs. "I knew you'd be studying. Don't even bother. Cramming it all in the week before isn't going to do you any good."

"I'll bring up some tea," Touko-san says. "Takashi-kun, you've been at those books all day. Rest for a moment."

When she leaves, Natsume turns to them, giving them a look.

"So why _are_ you here?"

Nishimura and Kitamoto exchange a look before sitting down next to him.

"Touko-san asked us to come."

"Eh?"

"You haven't been hanging out with us lately," Nishimura says. "And Touko-san told us that you're rarely in the house." He leans forward. "So spill. What have you been doing?"

"Nishimura, that's a little too…"

"Why beat around the subject when it's true?" The expression on Nishimura is uncharacteristically grave. "Natsume, is something going on? Are you okay?"

Natsume's eyes widen. Of all the reasons for Nishimura and Kitamoto to show up here, this is the last thing he expects. And the fact that Touko-san is involved…

He bites his lower lip.

"I've… I've been hanging out with Tanuma," Natsume finally says.

"Not all the time. We see him you know, after school. And Tanuma comes over to my place a lot," Kitamoto says. "Sometimes for no reason, or at least, none that he's willing to say. He just sits there and looks worried."

A heavy feeling fills his stomach, cold and roiling with guilt. Tanuma. Of course Tanuma couldn't have said anything, not if Natsume had been the cause. But to think that Tanuma had been so worried for so long about him hurts Natsume in a way he cannot describe.

Much to his relief, the conversation is interrupted by Touko-san returning with a tray of drinks and filled mountain high with snacks. She smiles warmly at the three of them.

"Thank you Touko-san," Nishimura says cheerfully, grabbing a rice cookie. "Your food is always the best."

Touko-san smiles again.

"You boys behave yourselves," she admonishes gently. Then she leaves. For a short while there is only silence, until Natsume can hear her footsteps receding down the stairs. This seems to be the signal for the conversation to continue.

"It's not that we want to pry you know, Natsume," Kitamoto says. "But you've always had trouble sharing what's on your mind. If you're really in trouble, Natsume…"

"You know you can tell us, right?" Nishimura interrupts. "Not just Tanuma. We're your friends too."

They look at him expectantly, waiting for him to answer. Natsume looks down, avoiding their eyes. Too much, too soon. It is one thing to open up to Tanuma and Taki, who have experience with spirits. His hands clutch his shirt, tight with tension.

Then he feels a touch on the elbow.

"Nyanko-sensei." Natsume's lips form the name, but no sound comes out.

Nyanko-sensei crawls into his lap, squeezing his way through arms that have been locked tight against Natsume's sides. When the cat looks up, Natsume reads the silent message in Nyanko-sensei's eyes.

If Natsume cannot tell the truth, then the best, the most efficient way, would be to lie. Lie, and with his power, convince his friends that it is real. His power will ensure that any gaps in the lie will be overlooked. And another twist will ensure that his friends will never speak of it.

That is one way.

But the same reason why he had refused to do something similar to the Fujiwaras applies now to Nishimura and Kitamoto. Natsume cannot, will not, go down that path.

He will try another way.

"Thank you for your concern," Natsume says quietly. "But I can't tell you what it is I'm doing." Kitamoto makes a small sound of disagreement, but when Nishimura tries to stand up in protest, Kitamoto pulls Nishimura back down. "Please trust me. I promise you that it's nothing wrong. There are things I need to do, is all."

"If it's nothing wrong, then why can't you share some of it with us?"

Just as Natsume is about to answer, Kitamoto, his mouth tight, suddenly cuts in.

"Does Tanuma know what you're doing?"

"Y-yes."

The word is out before he can stop himself.

"So it's something dangerous then."

"If you know it's dangerous, then you know why I can't tell you," Natsume says desperately. "I don't want you to worry about it."

"Natsume, we're already worried!"

"You mustn't become involved," Natsume whispers. A thousand horrors pass through his mind. Tanuma. Taki. There are already so many people he is worried about. His hands tremble. "You mustn't."

He does not know what to think. All this time, he had thought he had been managing to keep his second life a secret. But that had been arrogance. His human friends, no matter how ordinary, are not blind.

Kitamoto and Nishimura share a long, meaningful look.

"Look, Natsume. I didn't want to ask you this. But, you know," Nishimura gives Kitamoto another uneasy glance. "When you first moved here, there were… there were rumors."

"And strange things always seem to happen around you," Kitamoto adds. "Then Tanuma came, and there were similar rumors about him too."

"Were any of the rumors true?" Nishimura presses. "That you can see…"

"See what?" Natsume says, his voice coming out unnaturally stiff.

"Spirits. That you can see them."

Kitamoto looks down at the ground, embarrassed.

"I know it sounds stupid. But… If it's true. I mean, Nishimura and I figured that you've probably gotten into a lot of trouble over it, which is why you would try to hide it from us. But you don't have to. Not from us."

"We think it's pretty cool actually. I mean, if the rumors are… well. If it's true."

"And we won't tell anyone," Kitamoto says.

Once again, the room falls into uneasy silence. Meanwhile Natsume struggles with a myriad of emotions, his mind torn with a thousand difficult decisions. Only one thing is clear: he must protect his friends.

Nyanko-sensei does not speak. This is a decision Natsume must make alone. However, he realizes. It need not be made immediately. Or all at once.

Sometimes the truth can be used to mislead.

"Don't tell anyone," he finally says.

Abruptly the tension in the air switches to barely contained excitement. Both his friends lean forward, eager to catch every word.

"So it's true?! Then—"

"It does involve them." Natsume looks at them seriously. "You understand, don't you? It's something only I can do."

"Of course," Kitamoto says hastily.

"You're not in danger though, are you?" Nishimura says. "They're not threatening you or anything?"

"No," Natsume says. Natsume smiles, glad that at least in this, he can be wholly honest. He does not notice how much the smile softens him, or that it casts a soft glow over his features, turning him, for a brief moment, otherworldly. "No, Kitamoto, Nishimura. You don't need to worry about them."

"Natsume…"

"The spirits are my friends."


	63. Delegation from Cloud Mountain

**A/N: **I've always marveled at Natsume's ability to code switch, that is, to go from one style of speaking to another. We all do it, but I was impressed when he managed a "godly" tone while pretending to be Houdzuki-sama, even at the very end when he was clearly exhausted from running so long (and barefoot!). Naturally, when Lord Onwa holds court, that talent will come in useful. He's been a god for a while now, so I imagine that he can now use "godly" speech with ease. I've never actually written him using "godly" speech in a court context however, so it's about time I did. Welcome to a new arc. This arc will feature Natsume on a completely new adventure. As always, please read and enjoy.

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><p><strong>Delegation from Cloud Mountain (Mad God Arc: Part 13)**

_My actions no longer affect my immediate surroundings. What happens within my borders are no longer isolated things, but touches on so many other lives, lives that may never hear of my existence. It is a heavy responsibility, knowing that your actions, however meaningless they may be, may change the fortune of another. But perhaps what is most surprising is that far from this being something new, it has always been that way. For everyone._

* * *

><p>"All bow for Lord Onwa."<p>

Whatever conversations that had been going on before immediately fall silent. As one, the variety of spirits, large and small, get on their knees, or their equivalent. They do not lift their heads until Natsume enters the forest clearing and sits down.

He is used to it now, though the first time had been a nerve-wracking experience. Now he looks at the throngs of spirits—their numbers so many that even with the foxfire to light the clearing the majority remain in darkness—and does not even flinch.

"Let the petitioners come forward."

One by one, spirits are called forward, and are given a short amount of time to plead their case. A large spirit has been preying on a family of frog spirits. The grieving mother frog asks for a boon of protection, which Natsume grants. Additionally, he signals Hinoe, letting her know that he would find out more about the preying spirit in question. It is not someone he wants in his territory.

Another spirit comes forward, a tree spirit of an ancient willow. As she speaks, her body, like the willow that is her birth, waves gently in the breeze. A disease is eating away at her roots, and she requests a healing.

Those are the easy judgments. The rest are more difficult: bickering between neighboring spirits, a squabble between friends that has started to draw in others into their conflict, a thief who requests sanctuary. Natsume passes judgment on some and decides to investigate further for others. He denies the thief's request, an act that leads to much cursing and the eventual forceful expulsion of the thief and his stolen item from Natsume's territory.

"We want no trouble from the exorcists who will come after you," Natsume announces. "If you cannot control your greed, then you would do well to steal from those who cannot exact revenge."

Seeing the stunned look on the thief's face, he adds, "Not that it is much better. Only a fool would steal something as irreplaceable as a pretty bauble. Humans will not mind missing a few small items or two," he knows that from personal experience, "but an heirloom they _will_.

"Let it be known that I disapprove of the stealing of anything from humans."

The last, Natsume knows, is more to protect himself than to prevent any of it from happening. He can ban the more outrageous thefts, such as priceless items or things of personal value to humans, but the skimming of foodstuffs such as crops, daily necessities, and especially alcohol has long been a spirit tradition. At best Natsume can regulate some of the worst excess by saying that it would draw in the notice of exorcists, but it is only a short-term solution.

He gives a silent, reproachful look at Nyanko-sensei, a look that is invisible behind his mask, but can nevertheless be felt. Nyanko-sensei of course, is probably one of the biggest beneficiaries of such thefts. Of course, Nyanko-sensei, far from bothered, simply flicks an ear. Natsume sighs, turning back to the court proceedings.

Today it seems that court will be short, at least compared to other days. There have been times when Natsume has sat and judged until the light of false dawn had spread across the sky. Those days had been mentally exhausting, if not physically so. When court is over and the night is far from done, Natsume gives the proceedings over to his followers, who immediately fall upon the excuse to begin a party.

"Shall we retire for the night?" Hinoe asks. Her words are formal enough, but the raised eyebrow and wry smile hint at more work to be done. Natsume sighs. Of course. There is always more work to be done.

He is in the middle of getting up when a hushed silence falls over the clearing. Natsume immediately sits back down, heart in mouth, wondering if the source is something of ill-intent. But a quick probe reveals that it is no such thing, and Natsume relaxes.

It is a delegation of spirits, the first of its kind in Natsume's personal experience. Spirits, for the most part, keep to themselves, and even areas ruled by other gods do not incite much conflicts. Unlike humans, spirits do not fall prey to the aggressive territoriality that has led humans to war.

Chobihige comes forward, his large head properly bowed.

"A delegation from Cloud Mountain, come to pay their respects, I have," Chobihige says. "Will my lord deign to see them?"

"I will," Natsume says. The words sound calm, but inside, Natsume is starting to feel nervous. He is not knowledgeable of Cloud Mountain, but he knows of it; the area is ruled by another god who has never left its own territory. For a delegation to come means that there is trouble, and Natsume is not looking forward to finding out just what that trouble is.

Upon seeing Natsume, the delegation immediately falls on their faces in a posture of complete submission.

"Lord Onwa, great god of the Western Forest, of Eight Fields, of Pine Rock Peaks, and the powerful ruler of spirits great and small, your justice, kindness, and compassion has been known to those of us even in Cloud Mountain." The leader of the delegation, dressed all in white, continues to sing Natsume's praises for quite a while after, a fact that threatens to dissolve Natsume into a fit of giggles. As it stands, Nyanko-sensei, back in his form as a great white beast in order to appear properly intimidating to the outsiders, is forced to constantly cough to muffle his snickers.

"I am indeed pleased to have seen a demonstration of your wisdom today, for I fear that we, the delegation from Cloud Mountain, have much need of it."

The leader pauses, and Natsume realizes that the spirit is waiting for his permission to continue.

"I would hear your story," Natsume says, "and know that if it is within my power to help, I will do so."

A murmur runs through the clearing, and Natsume realizes that he may have just inadvertently promised to aid a group of spirits in an act that could be seen as interfering with the rule of another god. But it is already too late; the delegation continues their story.

"As you may have heard, Cloud Mountain is ruled by Lord Rakubana, a god of gentle repute. She is a gentle soul, and prefers to spend her time nurturing the mountains that are under her care, only resting during the winter.

"This spring began as it always has, with her rising to take up her duties once more. But then…" the leader pauses, "… there is no better way to put this. Our god's personality started to change. Suddenly Lord Rakubana's rule became stricter. At first we welcomed the change, for many a troublemaker was expelled from her lands. But now she has begun to interfere in the minutiae of our daily lives, and even more recently…" the leader drops his eyes, as if too ashamed to admit it, "she has begun changing her attitude toward humans."

"You say change," Hinoe suddenly says, her eyes sharpening with interest. "Describe this change for us."

"Lord Rakubana has declared humans to be evil, and has ordered attacks on the dwellings of those who live directly at the base of Cloud Mountain. She has organized raids and hauntings, with the goal of frightening humans away from her lands. These orders have split our land, for some have joyously participated, but others, like us, dread what will come of this." Suddenly, the delegation prostrates themselves on the ground once more. "Lord Onwa, we have come to you in desperation. It is said that you, more than any other god, understands the actions of humans. We are afraid. We do not know why Lord Rakubana has changed, nor do we have the resources to fight off humans should they decide to retaliate. She has closed herself from us, we who have expressed doubts of her changed policies. Perhaps you, a fellow god, can have the power to reach her, where we, her mere subjects, cannot."

Natsume sits back, feeling chills spreading down his spine. The story is a compelling one, and Natsume knows, perhaps more than any other spirit, that it is a situation that cannot be left alone.

"You are right to come to me," he answers. Next to him, he can see Hinoe and Nyanko-sensei moving in protest, only to freeze. Now is not the time to appear to challenge Natsume's authority. "Lord Rakubana's change is indeed disturbing, and if this is, as you have hinted, not a normal change, then there will need to be an investigation."

He pauses, knowing that his next words must be chosen with care. While spirits are not territorial, they are possessive of the one who rules them. If Natsume is not careful, it will seem like he is lowering his status—and by extension, the status of his followers, in obeying a request from a delegation of another god. In other words, he needs to rephrase it so that his actions appear to be for his followers, rather than for others.

"Exorcists have attacked us before," Natsume says, and the clearing breaks into murmurs of agreement, "even when we have never allowed humans to be harmed in our lands. Surely now, with humans being directly attacked, they will come again. And since they do not differentiate the followers of one god from another, it is my belief that they will use this as an excuse to attack us as well."

"Well said," Hinoe murmurs, just loud enough for Natsume to hear.

"I have heard your request," he says, looking at the delegation from Cloud Mountain, "and this is my answer: tomorrow I will go to your territory, and I will meet with Lord Rakubana. But know that I go for my followers and not for you."

"Thank you." The delegation, one and all, bow down once again, but this time with the air of those who have had a heavy burden released from their shoulders.

And Natsume, with an air of resignation, feels that burden now settle upon his.


	64. Choices of Appearance

**A/N: **And... somebody's back! Somebody we've missed for a very long time! I had so much fun writing this chapter; it practically wrote itself, and the banter with Natsume was hilarious to write. I also explain in this chapter why a certain exorcist we all know and love has not appeared as much as he used to. It's all good though. We love him anyway.

Take your time and have at it!

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><p><strong>Choices of Appearance (Mad God Arc: Part 23)**

_Sometimes the most important choices we will make in life are decided for us. What worries we have become meaningless as we are forced to move forward. But when you hold a great deal of power, even that is no longer an excuse. Even when there is no choice, I must create an illusion of one. Perhaps if I believe in it enough, it will eventually become real._

* * *

><p>Natsume knows, when he steps into the territory, that an exorcist has already gotten there before him.<p>

"Not good," Nyanko-sensei says, sniffing the air with his small nose. "Now you'll have to avoid the exorcist while you make your way to Lord Rakubana."

"Perhaps not," Natsume says thoughtfully. He takes in the scent of power that marks it as an exorcist's, and feels a twinge of excitement.

Natori-san. Natori-san is here.

"He won't listen to you as Lord Onwa," Nyanko-sensei says.

"We don't know that!"

"Can you afford to waste time convincing him? From the delegations' descriptions of Lord Rakubana, she is already half-mad. We don't have time to waste."

"Avoiding him can also waste time."

"You mean to continue on from here as Natsume?" Nyanko-sensei says skeptically. "Don't be foolish. You'll be limiting your power. And what if that sparkle sparkle exorcist suspects something?"

"Of what? You're the one who said that humans are blind to ideas that they assume are impossible."

"There are other possible alternatives."

Natsume looks away. He knows what they are of course, and the consequences of Natori-san thinking them, however wrong they are, can be just as dangerous as the truth. The risk, if he chooses to appear as Natsume, are numerous. First is that Natori-san is no fool, and may very well notice something different about Natsume. And practically speaking, he will be unable to access his full power because of the need to maintain a believable human form. As a human he had been powerful, but that power now pales in comparison to what he has as a god.

"Fine, go and find out where Natori-san is so that we can avoid him for a while longer," Natsume says. As he watches Nyanko-sensei take off, he decides to use the time to think on his next course of action. And to continue to mull over what to do. Should he risk antagonizing Natori-san by appearing as Lord Onwa, or limit his power by being Natsume?

He hears the rustle of plants and the rapid sound of four stubby feet.

"Back already?" Natsume says, startled.

"Never mind that, the fool of an exorcist saw me!"

"What?!"

A thousand and one barbed remarks shoot through his head, all unused. Natsume can feel Natori-san's presence growing closer, and does the only thing he can do.

"I knew it."

"N-Natori-san," Natsume says, grabbing Nyanko-sensei and glaring at him. He will save those barbed remarks and use them on the fat, stupid cat. Later.

Natori-san gives him a look that is a mix of both fondness and exasperation.

"We really should stop meeting like this."

"Natori-san, that sounds really creepy. Can you stop that?"

Natori-san laughs.

"Rude as ever, you brat," he says. Then his eyes take on a look of concern. "Are you all right?"

"Mm." Natsume looks down. He knows of course, what event Natori-san is referring to. "I managed to get out."

"I'm sorry I couldn't go and check up on you afterward," Natori-san says. A moment later Natsume experiences the familiar feel of Natori's hand on his head, gently ruffling his hair.

"I know you're busy," Natsume says. "I was really grateful that you were there to help me." He pauses. "Thank you."

"Normally I would tell you to avoid anything to do with Matoba at all costs, but," Natori-san adjusts his glasses, and much to his surprise, Natsume senses a flash of anger, "Matoba is refusing to give us that luxury. He has petitioned the Exorcist Council."

At the mention of that name, Natsume feels a chill travel down his spine. He has heard it before, at the Matoba estate.

"What is that?"

"It's a ruling body that governs all exorcists, and ensures that we are acting more or less ethically. Since you aren't an exorcist they would normally not be involved, but Matoba is claiming that since you have been involving yourself in several very high profile incidents…" at this, Natsume feels his cheeks flushing, "He is asking that you be brought before them and judged."

"Matoba-san wants me punished?" Natsume gasps, his head shooting back up.

Natori-san shakes his head.

"No, he says that you have been corrupted by spirits, and since you are powerful enough to be a dangerous opponent, it would be in everybody's best interests to… contain you. At least until you become enlightened to the true, sly and manipulative nature of spirits."

At this, Nyanko-sensei gives a disgusted snort.

"I've been arguing for you," Natori-san says, which explains why Natsume hasn't seen him as much as he used to, "using my immeasurable charm to point out that you have never hurt anyone, certainly not humans, and that you've even helped seal a few spirits with me. If anything, you are on our side." He pauses dramatically, and Natsume rolls his eyes, which seems to delight Natori-san. "Of course, Matoba then argued that if that is the case, why not bring you in and have you properly trained? He's offering to train you."

Natsume gives an involuntary shudder.

Natori-san laughs.

"Don't worry. _I've_ offered to train you, if it comes down to that. But Natsume, this is what I've warned you about. I've told you not to get involved, and see?" Natori-san eyes him with the look of someone who has been proven right, but had hoped to be wrong. "I've done what I can to protect you, and I'll continue to try my best. But too many people have heard of you now. You need to be careful."

"I'm sorry," Natsume says.

"Yet here you are, once again involving yourself in things you should leave well enough alone," Natori-san scolds lightly. "I'm assuming you're here because of Lord Rakubana and his odd behavior?"

"She," Natsume corrects automatically. "Lord Rakubana is female."

"They refer to her as a god, not a goddess though," Natori-san says.

"I know. But spirits don't usually differentiate genders. At least, that's what Nyanko-sensei told me."

"How progressive of them," Natori-san says, his eyes sparkling. "Well, kitty-cat, what else do you have to tell us?"

"The name is Nyanko-sensei!"

They are walking up the mountain together now, a walk that is filled with tension, because Natsume can sense the unhidden hostility directed at the both of them. The spirits will not dare attack Natori-san with Natsume by his side. Even spirits corrupted by Lord Rakubana's madness know better than to go against Lord Onwa, especially when Lord Onwa is posing as a human.

Very few spirits are ignorant of Lord Onwa's origins.

"Where is Hiiragi?" Natsume asks, to break the silence.

"Ah, I asked her to scout ahead. She should be back soon."

"So what have you been sent here to do?"

Natori-san gives him a look.

"You know you won't like the answer."

"But this change in behavior might not be Lord Rakubana's fault. If we just found the cause…"

"Sometimes there is a cause," Natori-san agrees. "But Natsume, sometimes there isn't. When you've worked as an exorcist for as long as I have, you'll discover that while some spirits have reasons for their behavior, the rest do not. They are not human, Natsume. Don't expect them to act like one." He pauses, stretching his limbs. "And either way, humans are getting hurt. That isn't negotiable."

"But…" Natsume bites his bottom lip, knowing that he won't be able to reach Natori-san that way. Instead he decides to quietly observe Natori-san, who seems to notice his behavior and reacts with growing amusement.

"Have you finally learned to appreciate my _dazzling_ appearance?"

"Can you be any more irritating?" Nyanko-sensei says.

Natori-san shakes his head.

"How you can care for spirits so much when they are like this I will never understand," Natori-san says flippantly. But then his eyes suddenly soften. "If there's another way, Natsume, I will try my best to do it."

"Thank you," Natsume says.

"And I can do without the silent judgment next time."

"Oh." Natsume cannot control his smile long enough to maintain a serious expression. "Sorry."

"You are not sorry at all, you insolent brat."

They have reached the area that is supposed to be Lord Rakubana's shrine. However, the moment they get close, Natsume stiffens, his body instinctively recoiling from the aura of evil and malice that has contaminated the area.

"This looks bad," Nyanko-sensei says.

"More than bad," Natori-san says. "The reports I received did not say that Lord Rakubana has become evil. Considering how rapid the change has been…"

A rabid, blood-curdling shriek shakes the mountain, its sound like a stab through Natsume's heart. He covers his ears instinctively, but the sound isn't something that is physical, and it saws at his heart and mind until he finds himself on the ground, moaning.

Then, just as suddenly as it had started, it stopped.

Natori-san gasps and blinks through tear-filled eyes.

"Natsume…!"

"She's… she's in agony," Natsume says, jaws clenched in pain.

"_She_ is?" Natori-san says in disbelief. "Natsume, don't you think your compassion is getting a little too out of control… hey! Natsume!"

But Natsume is no longer listening. Ignoring the shouting behind him, he rushes headlong in the direction of the shriek, through the gate that leads into the shrine. He has heard what Natori-san has not. Within that scream he has sensed a thing that he has become all too familiar with, having lived with it for these past few weeks. Time has allowed it to develop in Lord Rakubana, and it is no longer merely a passive receiver, but an active thing.

A spell.

A spell is controlling the god.

And if Natsume is correct. That very same spell, still dormant, is also weaved inside him.


	65. Alliance Unknowing

**A/N: **This entire arc has been reminiscent of the anime, and as such, it was a bit nostalgic for me. But there are differences, and I wonder if you guys have noticed how Natsume and Natori's relationship has shifted, though Natori still hasn't noticed it yet. So smart, and yet so dense! Our arc comes to a lovely end. Please read and enjoy as you see fit.

Onward ho!

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><p><strong>Alliance Unknowing (Mad God Arc: Part 33)**

_You do not know who someone is until you have been with him, worked with him, experienced his joys, and his sorrows. Exorcists and spirits—we see the other and view them as too different to understand. Before we even attempt to listen to one another, we have already given up. How many conflicts between us could have been resolved, I wonder, if we simply reached out, and recognized the other as people?_

* * *

><p>She was beautiful once.<p>

Natsume stares at the twisted, grotesque thing that glares at him between thick strands of long, greasy hair. The robes, once rich and beautiful, are now ragged and torn. But behind the hatred and misery, he can sense the fear, and recognizes it for what it is.

"_Don't look at me_," she whimpers. "_Don't _look_ at me._"

"I'm here to help you," he says, taking a step forward. "Let me help you."

"_No! I know who you are_," she says, her voice rising higher with each word. "_You were once human. You are still one of them. This is your fault. All your fault…_" Her face crumples, and she begins to weep.

"That's the spell talking, not you," Natsume says softly. "Your followers told me what you were. We'll find a way to return you to the way you used to be."

For a moment, she seems to waver, but then she nods, reaching out a crooked hand toward his own outstretched one.

"Natsume! Natsume, where are you?"

In an instant the hand withdraws, and she turns toward the voice, hissing.

"_Exorcist! Exorcist! Filthy, cruel… They were the ones who made me this way. I will kill it!_" she shrieks, moving away.

"No! Lord Rakubana! Wait!" Natsume says.

He chases after her, knowing that if she were to reach Natori-san before he does, Natori-san would be forced to defend himself. But she is going too fast, and Natsume, limited by his human form, cannot catch up.

Natori-san is standing in the open just outside the gate to the shrine, looking around with a panic-stricken expression on his face. He turns to run, but just then Lord Rakubana makes a twisting motion with her arm, and the ground opens up and closes, trapping one of Natori-san's feet inside.

"Natori-san! Watch out!" Natsume shouts desperately.

"_Damn you exorcist! Damn you!_"

Natori-san tenses, and Natsume sees his hand reaching into his jacket for the many seals hidden inside. He gasps. Just one, and it will be enough to drive Lord Rakubana to the point of no return.

"No…!"

Just then a dark blur flies past Natsume, shouldering him aside.

Abruptly, Lord Rakubana freezes. Everything falls deathly still, and no sound can be heard except for the god's harsh breathing.

"_You dare stand against me?_" she says.

"Hiiragi," Natsume whispers.

With her sword unsheathed, Hiiragi stands unflinchingly in front of Lord Rakubana, Natori-san standing behind her. She says nothing in response to the god, merely shifting her body in preparation for another attack.

Natsume uses the time to run to Natori-san. Once Natsume reaches him, he gets on his knees and hurriedly digs away at the dirt. It seems to knock Natori-san out of his shock, and the man frantically wriggles his foot until finally, dirt covered and stuck full of broken roots, it is free.

"Thank you, Natsume," Natori-san gasps out, but Natsume is already pulling him away and back into the trees. "Wait, Natsume!"

"Hiiragi will distract her for us," Natsume says, with a surety he does not feel. "But I need to tell you something."

Nyanko-sensei leaps out from behind a large rock just as they reach the trees.

"We could have used your help, sensei," Natsume says, as both he and Natori-san break into a run.

"You were doing things well enough on your own."

They stop next to a large cedar, while Natsume waits for Natori-san to catch his breath.

"I have to go back… Hiiragi," Natori-san says.

"Before that, Natori-san." Natsume grabs the sleeve of Natori-san's jacket, tugging him back. "I know what has driven Lord Rakubana mad. She's being controlled, Natori-san. A spell is controlling her. And I think…" he swallows hard. "I think it's human. Somewhere, an exorcist is forcing her to act this way."

For a moment Natori-san stares at him in disbelief. But then he pauses, and the man Natsume has come to both respect and care for emerges from the flippant mask Natori-san has long posed behind.

"That's forbidden magic," Natori-san says, his expression grim. "That's foul magic. Any exorcist who does that, especially to force a spirit to harm humans…" He rakes a hand through his hair. "That's against everything we stand for." Then he stops again, once again deep in thought. "At least, it should be."

Natori-san does not voice his suspicions, and neither does Natsume. Both know what would motivate someone to do such a thing. And they know who.

"We have to save her," Natsume says. "I saw the spell. It's woven deep inside her, placed there since winter."

"While she was weak and helpless, I see," Natori-san says. "The spell wouldn't be a controlling spell at that point. Just a passive thing prepared to receive another spell."

"And the exorcist, whoever he is, sent _that_," Natsume says, looking back in the direction of Lord Rakubana. "Is… is she too far gone?" he asks. He is afraid to hear the answer. And yet, to know may very well be the key to saving himself.

"I can only try." Natori-san sighs. "Naturally, it would be easier to simply seal and exorcise her. But…" He smiles. "You're here with me. I have the skill to extract the spell from her. I need you to use your power so that we can hold her while I do so. It's…" his smile drops from his face. "It's not a pleasant process."

"Just tell me what to do," Natsume says, already turning around in search of another clearing to prepare the circular seal. "Nyanko-sensei."

"I know I know. I'll lead her here. You'd better hurry though. Not even I have the power to hold her."

The creation of the spell turns out to be harder than Natsume had predicted. It is not the complicated drawings that hinder him, but the fact that each stroke is something so inherently human, it is essentially anathema to Natsume's existence. He struggles with the lines while Natori-san draws his own half, hoping that the man will attribute his slowness to exhaustion, and not to the fact that he is now a spirit.

Finally, through sweat and shakes, Natsume finishes his side.

"Remember, you only need to channel your power into the circle. I will do the rest," Natori-san says.

"Could she have done this herself?" Natsume asks, wanting very much to know the answer, yet also terrified. "Could a spirit extract the spell?"

"Human magic is different from spirit ones," Natori-san says. "I doubt very much that Lord Rakubana, however powerful, could have done it herself."

"So only another exorcist."

"Lord Rakubana is lucky in that sense," Natori-san says, standing up. "I think the two of us are the only humans willing to help her. I doubt any other exorcist would have bothered to learn what it was that had caused her to change so dramatically."

Natsume looks away.

The obvious answer to his own predicament is right there before him. Natsume has no doubt that Onizuka-san will be able and willing. But a part of him fears the consequences of showing his vulnerability. He does not quite understand why he is so hesitant. Perhaps it is something that is deep within his nature—no longer human, but purely spirit.

"Careful now, she's coming!"

Lord Rakubana, appearing even larger in her fury, rushes toward them with a howl. Nyanko-sensei runs in front of her, dwarfed by her size even in his original form as a white beast. Next to him is Hiiragi, looking exhausted but unharmed.

"_Damn you exorcist! And damn you, you traitor! You foul creatures!_"

She places one foot on the seal. Then another.

"Now! Natsume!"

With the earth as his power source, Natsume has more than enough power to channel into the seal, but it has become corrupted by Lord Rakubana, and does not enter the seal easily. He finds himself using more power than he had anticipated, gritting his teeth while the power becomes like a solid, unwieldy thing in his hands.

"Natori-san, hurry!"

Natori-san does not appear to hear him. His focus is entirely on the delicate task at hand. Within the seal, the spell that has taken over Lord Rakubana appears like a foul pustule in a sea of blue light. Lord Rakubana shrieks in fury, but the seals hold her.

Quickly, Natori-san plunges his hands directly into the black foulness, and slowly, deliberately begins pulling it out. Dark, sucker-like tentacles whip back and forth, clearly trying to return into the god's flesh. Lord Rakubana's howls turn into cries of pain, then sobs of agony.

"_It hurts… oh it hurts…_" Then her words turn into nearly incoherent pleads for them to stop. _"Just kill me!_" she screams. "_Just kill me…_"

Natsume shudders, and looks away, but he dares not waver in his control of power. A misstep from him can kill the god, and Natori-san at the same time.

The last tendril, wrapped so deeply in Lord Rakubana that it threatens to break her, is finally extracted. It moves like a living thing, swiveling and turning in its search for a spirit to consume.

"Ye who purifies all, take the darkness and return it to the earth once more," Natori-san shouts.

A light, so bright it paints everything in the clearing into a severe landscape of black and white, bursts within the seal, throwing Natori-san out toward the forest. Natsume, anchored by the earth, remains unharmed. From the side, he sees Hiiragi catching Natori-san just in time, while Nyanko-sensei comes to stand behind Natsume.

For a long time, the only thing Natsume can see is whiteness. Gradually his vision returns to him, but only in snatches of color, all distorted.

"Lord Rakubana?" Natsume whispers.

Then he feels a soft hand against his face, and the swish of luxurious silk.

"_Thank you, Lord Onwa,_" she whispers.

"You are all right now? You are not hurt?"

"_I am weak still, but I will heal_," she says.

More of his vision is returning to him now, and Natsume is able to make out a pale white face and small, rosebud-like lips. They are curved upwards, he realizes. Lord Rakubana is smiling.

"I'm glad I was able to help," he says.

"You have my gratitude," she replies. "I was lost and in so much pain. I did not know who I was. I would have wished for death. But you found another path." She turns her head toward Natori-san, still unconscious on the ground, with his head cradled in Hiiragi's lap. "He does not know who you really are, does he?"

"No." His voice comes out more sorrowful than he intended, but he cannot hide it, especially not now.

"You walk a hard road," Lord Rakubana says. "I do not know if I would have the courage. But I wish you much luck on your chosen path. For if it had not been for your friendship with that man, I would even now be living a life worse than death."

"Do you think humans and spirits could ever live comfortably together? Side by side?"

"I do not know," Lord Rakubana says, after a long silence. "However, I do not believe it is wrong to work for such a dream, even if it will forever remain one."

"Neither do I."

"A thousand thanks to you Lord Onwa." She is fading away into a pool of light, and Natsume knows that in her weakened state Lord Rakubana will be resting and gathering her reserves before she can manifest herself again, even to other spirits. "If you ever need anything that is within my power to grant, you have only to ask."

Then she is gone.

"Master is stirring," Hiiragi says. "But I do not think he heard you."

"Thank you, Hiiragi."

"I agree with her," Hiiragi says unexpectedly. "Know that I will do my best as well."

"Me too," Natsume says. He sits down onto the earth next to Natori-san, and gently takes a leaf out of the man's hair. "Me too."


	66. Heart Open

**A/N: **Sorry, sorry I'm late! You see, I've been busy... This is the first story/chapter I've ever posted from Singapore! I arrived two nights ago and am still exhausted. So I have an excuse. No really. But because of this, there will be a delay in posting chapter three of _Child of Spirits. _I have a good deal written down, but there's still so much more I need to write. I'm also working on a Father's Day fic for Natsume Yuujinchou, starring Natsume's biological dad. I missed the US Father's Day, but the Taiwanese one isn't until August 8th. So you have another fic to look forward to?

New problems keep popping up for Natsume. Nothing is ever straightforward. You are all welcome to yell at me after reading this chapter. Haha. I swear I never intend to drag things out. But things turn out this way. Oh well.

Please read and enjoy!

* * *

><p><strong>Heart Open (Counterspell Arc: Part 12)**

_ It is frightening to be weak. When I was human, it was the one thing I hated being most. Gradually, slowly, I learned to accept it, to depend on others when I could not do things myself, but always, the longing to become stronger was there. Perhaps this is the biggest reason why I did not fight the spell that turned me into a god. A part of me welcomed it. So to know that there are spells that can drive a god mad—it is like all of my deepest fears come true. How can I become strong, if even as a god, I may fall?_

* * *

><p>The Onizuka residence has never looked more foreboding.<p>

It is psychological, Natsume knows. A manifestation of the fears and doubts in his own heart. But even as he grips the sides of his robes, he can sense the spell that has wormed its way through his body, too tightly wounded now for him to even shift. He intuitively knows what he has not told anyone else; the spell that had nearly destroyed Lord Rakubana had only been a test.

"Go to him. That's what you created the alliance for, isn't it? And what you did for him should mean that the brat has more than enough power," Nyanko-sensei says, squatting in his cat form on a tree branch. Despite the tension in the air, Natsume finds himself amused by the way the branch has bent to accommodate Nyanko-sensei's weight.

"You're going to break that branch, sensei."

"Nonsense."

"It's starting to crack."

As if on cue, the beginning sounds of something snapping interrupts the surrounding silence. Nyanko-sensei makes an odd sound between a yowl and a squeal, and Natsume finds himself instinctively reaching out. The next thing he knows, the soft and squishy feel of Nyanko-sensei is in in his arms, against his chest. They look at each other quietly—Natsume never feeling more aware of his mask, while Nyanko-sensei remains in the vessel that has become his second body.

"We haven't done this in a while, have we?" Nyanko-sensei finally says, breaking the silence.

"That's because you're only growing heavier."

"Gods shouldn't be bothered by that kind of thing."

"Well, I'm a different kind of god," Natsume says, holding the cat close against his chest.

"So you are."

Natsume takes a breath, but it hitches at the end, and he lets out a shaky sigh.

"You need to be Madara when we go to see Onizuka-san."

"Naturally. I'm no fool."

"No, you're not."

"Hmph," Nyanko-sensei says. He jumps out from Natsume's arms and turns his back to him. "Don't think I don't know when you're being patronizing. I am a noble creature, not one of those low-level fools."

"Of course," Natsume says, making his way to the front of the Onizuka residence. Nyanko-sensei follows him, his small, squat form hidden in the shadows of the surrounding forest. He will transform later, Natsume knows, since the cat secretly takes delight in seeming to appear from nowhere, startling the servants.

They are soon showed in by Onizuka attendants, some of them backing away when Nyanko-sensei barges in without a word of warning. As they settle in one of the larger rooms, servants hurry to remove the _shouji_ doors to give Nyanko-sensei room to lie down. It is at that point, in the midst of servants scurrying about, that Onizuka-san shows up, eyebrow raised at the appearance of Nyanko-sensei.

"It must be serious, if you're bringing your huge furry friend inside with you," he says. He folds his arms and sits down on a floor cushion, absently taking the tea cup handed to him by another attendant. "Well? What do you want? I'll see what I can do." He smiles wryly. "I owe you anyway."

"Are you aware of what happened to me when we were in the Matoba residence?" Natsume says, lowering his head.

When Onizuka-san says nothing, Natsume quickly details the spell that has been weaved into his body, feeling increasingly nervous when the expression on Onizuka-san's face does not change.

"Recently I was requested by a delegation from Cloud Mountain to investigate the reason behind their lord suddenly changing personality. She began to order attacks on humans, even though she had never done so." At this, Onizuka-san makes an odd sound, which Natsume tries to tell himself is a sign of encouragement. "I soon discovered that the reason for the lord's changed behavior was because she too had this spell weaved into her."

Suddenly Onizuka-san stands up, and begins to pace.

"It explains so much," he murmurs, not paying attention to Natsume or Nyanko-sensei. "Too much. To think that the Matoba clan hates spirits this much…" Onizuka-san looks at him. "Did you end up sealing her?"

"Ah…" Natsume freezes, realizing that revealing that he had convinced Natori-san may be giving too much away. "She is much weakened, but healing," he finally says.

"I see." Onizuka-san has gone back to being expressionless. "I am guessing that you are here because you need me to remove the spell?"

"Before Matoba-san forces me to attack humans," Natsume says, nodding. "I don't… I can't… Onizuka-san, can you do this?"

"The counter spell… I can do." Onizuka-san flops back down onto the cushion and lets out a gust of air, as if gearing up for a long tiring battle. "But Lord Onwa… are you prepared for this? The spell is long and allegedly painful for the spirit. You may become in too much pain to control yourself, and I won't be able to defend myself from any of your attacks. And if I become distracted, it's deadly for me and you will end up injured without much to show for it."

"Madara will restrain me," Natsume says. He grips his robe, trying to hide his trembling. Pain is no longer something he is accustomed to. Natsume cannot predict what he will do if he were caught up in the throes of unbearable agony. As a human, he could not have done much to retaliate against the pain. But now…

"Does he have enough power?" Onizuka-san says. "You are not a weak god, Lord Onwa."

Natsume blinks, then feels a chill go down his spine. It had been him who had restrained Lord Rakubana. If not for Natsume, Natori-san would have failed.

_And had I still been human? Would Lord Rakubana and Natori-san both have died?_

"You don't have enough power?" he asks again, unwilling, denying, the reality that has settled on him.

"To do the spell, yes. But not that and defend myself from you."

"What about other exorcists in the clan?"

"It'll take time to gather them," Onizuka-san says. "We've spread out since our power began to decline, and most of us have taken up ordinary jobs. Of course, that's changed now, thanks to you."

"But you will gather them?"

"Of course," Onizuka-san snaps. "If you were to become crazed by this spell, we would all be hard put to destroy you, never mind contain you. What Matoba was thinking by performing this spell, I have no idea. Perhaps _he_ is confident that he has the skill and power, but I am not."

"He may choose not to trigger it, or send a different type of trigger to change my personality in a different way," Natsume offers.

"Excuse me if I refuse to place my life on such a possibility," Onizuka-san says. "No, we're going to get rid of this thing. And if I ever see Matoba in person, I'm going to wring the bastard's neck."

"How soon can you gather them?"

"It will take a few days, no more than that." Unexpectedly, Onizuka-san bursts into a grin. "I've never done such a thing. Should be fun to see how the elders react to this."

"Very well," Nyanko-sensei says, for the first time stirring. "We will be back then."

Following Nyanko-sensei's cue, Natsume also rises.

"If you do not mind, I will bring another of my followers with me on the day the removal spell is to be performed," Natsume says.

"Let's hope it doesn't come to that," Onizuka-san says. "Can you just imagine the fit Sagano's going to throw if I let two powerful spirits and a god onto the premises?" His voice turns gravelly and his tone takes on a nasal quality. "_A god and two powerful spirits that aren't our _shiki_? We will be lucky if the clan isn't destroyed on the spot!_"

Natsume smiles, but it is hidden behind the mask.

"I will see you soon then," he says.

"Mm." Onizuka-san gives an airy salute. "I have a lot of work to do now, thanks to you."

As Natsume and Nyanko-sensei walk down the hallway, Nyanko-sensei nudges Natsume gently in the back.

"It will be fine."

"I hope so."

"If we end up needing to use the stupid horse too, I'm never going to live it down."

Natsume laughs.

"All right, I'll try not to go too crazy on the day we do this."

"See that you do."

With that, Nyanko-sensei stalks ahead of Natsume, disappearing in the immediate flash of afternoon light.

Natsume only pauses for a moment. Then quickly, he follows.


	67. Border of Madness

**A/N: **This is the conclusion to this arc. But it's not just the same without a little problem in the future. Read to find out what it is! I like doing that. I find it makes you dear readers wail, and it makes me giggle.

The fact that this story is mainly a weekly update creates some flaws in my internal timeline though. I still haven't written the progress, and I will probably be late, and it won't start until late August, which is ironically, when Japanese summer vacations typically end. I've tried to keep to it, but there is just too much going on. So please bear with me.

Onward with ficcage!

* * *

><p><strong>Border of Madness (Counterspell Arc: Part 22)**

_ A god is not used to pain. Because we do not feel pain, pain for us is especially devastating, the start of the path to madness. Humans can fight it, can even override it, but gods cannot. We cannot control the descent into madness. More than humans, it can even be said to be inevitable. It is terrifying to realize that the stronger I became, the weaker other parts of me become._

* * *

><p>The place where the ritual is to take place is in the middle of the forest, off Onizuka land.<p>

"It is a powerful spell, and I don't want Matoba to trace it to us," Onizuka-san says, while he directs his men to fix one of the symbols being carved into the cleared earth, now bare of grass. Tall trees overlook the impromptu clearing, serving as shade in the hot, summer sun.

"He will know when the spell is removed?" Natsume asks.

"Oh he'll know," Onizuka-san says, looking grim. "He'll know. I just don't want him to know which clan is doing this, because doing so…"

He falls silent then, and Natsume has a feeling that it is something that belongs to the hidden world of exorcists. Something he is not meant to know.

"Then he will start to move after this," Natsume says.

"I don't know," Onizuka-san says. "The man is unpredictable, and sometimes he will pursue, while other times he will step back. There's no telling. Let's hope it's the latter.

"Of course, if I die today, then there's nothing I need to worry about."

Natsume winces.

That Onizuka-san is willing to do this, even knowing that his life is at risk, is a courage that Natsume can only watch with awe. Beneath the cool exterior the man is afraid, terrified, really.

But he's doing it anyway.

"Thank you for doing this."

Onizuka-san rolls his eyes.

"It's not me I feel sorry for. It's you. You're going to be in a world of pain soon. I'm surprised that you're not running away."

Natsume looks away, back at the nearly completed circle.

It is not that he is brave, but that he is refusing to think about it. It is something he has trained himself to do as a child.

_Better not to think, better not to know. _

After all, he will know soon enough.

"Madara, Misuzu, are you two ready?"

"We will do our part, Lord Onwa," Misuzu says solemnly. "As best we can."

"You worry too much," says Nyanko-sensei. He lowers his large white head, and briefly rests it on Natsume's shoulder. "Things will work out. They always do."

"We're ready," Onizuka-san says, standing behind them expectantly. He has changed into the grey robes of an Onizuka clan exorcist, as have his clan members, a mixture of men and women also dressed in grey robes. They are now arrayed around the circle, their faces carefully turned away. Natsume has never met them before, and he wonders what they are thinking—if they are worried about the coming spell, or feeling doubts about working with a god, secretly rebelling against Onizuka-san. They are too far away for his senses to reach them.

But he will find out soon enough.

"I too, am ready," Natsume says.

He takes a step forward, then another step. Time seems to slow down, until finally he is at the edge of the spell circle.

It feels odd to know that he had once taken part in making this circle. But whereas Natori's had been hastily done, this one is immaculate, with no flaws—all for the purpose of containing Natsume as best as possible. He is part terrified and part relieved. This is no sealing spell, but it is a human one, and so his spirit side is instinctively afraid.

Natsume steps onto the seal.

Immediately it starts to glow, and suddenly Natsume finds himself rapidly propelled toward the center, like an invisible string is pulling him in. The characters glow brighter with every step he takes, and he can feel the power from the earth that is leaking into it, the hum and crackle that turns the air biting and sharp.

Whips of light fly out, binding him to the seal, until he is held immobile. They pull, until his chest is exposed.

Helpless.

That is when he panics, and he instinctively pulls at the binding. It stretches, then breaks.

Then he feels a shadow overhead, and sees the men around him lean backward out of fear.

"Don't fight it," Nyanko-sensei says, speaking to him while standing on air. "The spell hasn't even begun yet, idiot."

_Don't fight it_.

_Don't panic._

Natsume can still break the bindings at any time. He tells himself, desperately, that if it becomes too much, he can still escape. Shivering now, he looks back at Onizuka-san, who is standing in front of him, hands clasped, preparing to say the spell.

"Everyone, channel!"

For a moment Natsume can feel himself glowing with a warm blue light, an odd sensation, as it has been a long time that he has felt mundane things such as temperature. And then he can see it: foul and black, just like Lord Rakubana's, a pustule so large that it has spread outward until it had covered his entire chest. It pulses, as if a living thing.

Onizuka-san, his face tight with concentration, makes a rough pulling motion.

And then Natsume is plunged into a world of pain.

It is worse than that moment when he had been bound by Matoba's torture spell. There it had been concentrated, leaving Natsume's head still clear and aware. Here, he is not. Natsume sees, but can no longer recognize. He hears, but cannot listen. Whatever movements he makes, is no longer under his control. As if becoming one with the pain, Natsume becomes lost, no longer knowing who he is, what he is doing, or why he is here.

Only pain.

He wants to escape.

Power is beneath him, even though the seal has kept it at bay. But Natsume can reach it, and he does so.

The pain begins to fade, enough that he is starting to realize who he is. But it is still not enough. Colors blur past him, a whirl of vision, light and dark. Sounds melt into a cacophony of meaningless shouts, some high, some low. Natsume no longer recognizes them. All he knows is that the pain needs to stop.

_"You can do this."_

Suddenly he hears a voice, and it stops him, even as the pain continues. As if the voice were a healing balm, he finds himself pulled, but not away from the spell.

_"Remember who you are, Natsume. Remember what you want to be."_

Another voice, somehow even more familiar than the first. It does what the other could not finish, separating his self from the pain.

The pain is still there, but it no longer controls him. Still present, but now able to separate himself from it, a silent observer to a struggle both internal and external.

For the first time since the spell has begun, Natsume can both hear and see.

And what he finds is chaos.

Natsume hears shouts from a number of men; some have been flung into the trees of a clearing that has now grown a lot bigger—broken and turned to dust by his power. Some men have gone unconscious. Others are kneeling on the ground, still channeling power, but looking close to collapse. On both sides of him, Nyanko-sensei and Misuzu have taken the place of the fallen men, but they too look exhausted, drained. Nyanko-sensei is visibly panting and drooping his head, while Misuzu's eyes, always unblinking, are now a pale shade of its original color.

Only Onizuka-san remains standing, his face glistening with pouring sweat, as one by one, he attempts to pull the tendrils from a spell that is fighting back. But when he finally frees one, two more reattach to his body. Natsume feels them like a needle to the heart. It is a different kind of pain.

_"We will block them."_

And then, just as two more tendrils attempt to reattach, a glowing shield, burning green, blocks it from returning. Then another, and another. Onizuka-san does not react to this, merely gritting his teeth and continuing to pull the tendrils.

Natsume screams. As he has been, from the very beginning, he realizes. But the throat of gods do not become sore, and so he has not noticed.

It feels endless, like an eternity in hell.

_"It will soon be over."_

The voice, gentle and soothing, once again acts as a balm to his psyche.

Then the last tendril came out, until it, black and unwieldy, is hanging in midair. Natsume sags within his bonds, too exhausted now to even stand. The pain rapidly fades, leaving him weak and empty.

"Ye who purifies all, take the darkness and return it to the earth once more!"

Once again, a blast of light, sending Natsume into another sort of blindness.

It is a while before Natsume recovers his sight. He lifts his hands, no longer bound by the spell. The circle on the ground has faded, and now there is only earth. Hungrily, Natsume soaks in the power from the earth. He is still incredibly weak, but now at least, Natsume can stand.

And that is when he finally notices the two figures behind him. He whirls around, eyes widening with delight.

"Kai."

"We heard the news," Kai says cheerfully. "And we came to help. Besides, I wanted to visit you."

"But… how…?"

"Your follower came to us," Lord Rakubana says gently, her long lashes covering her eyes, which she closes modestly. "And I would repay the help you have given me." Then she looks up, her eyes lighting mischievously, transforming her from elegant goddess to imp. "Now you know how much it hurts!"

"Thank you, Lord Rakubana, Kai," Natsume says, looking at the both of them, his heart too full to say much more. Seeing the exorcists on the ground, all unconscious, he bites his lip. "I would invite you to my home, once I have taken care of them. They have helped me, when they did not have to."

"Saying something like that is just like you, Natsume," Kai says, grinning widely.

"You will not need to do it alone," Lord Rakubana says, already moving to the closest fallen man. "I have never used my power to heal a human before."

"Times are changing," Kai says. "Maybe there will be more god and human alliances," he adds, moving to another man.

Seeing that the others are in good hands, Natsume turns to Nyanko-sensei and Misuzu, who are both lying on the ground panting.

"Do either of you need help?"

"Nonsense, I just need a little rest," Nyanko-sensei says, but slightly lifting his head to give him an exhausted but nevertheless indignant look.

"I will soak power from the earth," Misuzu says. "All will be well."

"Go see the exorcist brat. He was flung a bit far when the spell finished."

Natsume nods, then turns to approach Onizuka-san, where he had been flung against a large tree and collapsed to the ground. There is a cut on his forehead, and blood has trickled down his face, dripping and staining the collar of his robes.

"Thank you, Onizuka-san," Natsume says, lifting the man's hair to get a better look at the cut.

It is a simple enough healing, what with the earth being Natsume's source of power. Though still weak, Natsume channels a bit of power into Onizuka, enough to waken him.

With a groan, Onizuka-san stirs.

"Thank you, Onizuka-san," Natsume says. His smiles, as Onizuka-san groans again, then struggles to sit up.

"Well, let's never do that again," he says, rubbing his eyes. "At least it worked."

"It did. You have my gratitude." Natsume pauses. "I would speak to you."

"You're doing that already," Onizuka-san says, rubbing his eyes once more.

Natsume smiles gently, knowing that it cannot be seen.

"Matoba-san will find out about the Onizuka-clan's involvement in this," Natsume says, keeping his voice low.

Even exhausted, Onizuka-san twists his head up, his eyes bright and fierce.

"How do you know?"

"I felt their thoughts while your members were channeling into the seal," Natsume says. "There are three of them."

"Give me names," Onizuka-san say, now full clan leader. He sits up straight, his eyes carefully watching the others and keeping his voice to a whisper. Then realizing that he had just given an order, he shifts. "I would hear their names, if you know them."

"Ashida Daiki-san, Yashiro Kamiko-san, and her brother, Yashiro Hideaki-san."

"The fools. Matoba will give them nothing, even if he decides to make them clan heads," Onizuka-san mutters. He smiles grimly. "Thank you for the information, Lord Onwa. I will prepare."

Natsume stands up.

"I will return to the healing of your people."

"Even the ones who are going to betray you?"

Natsume nods.

"Even so, they gave their all for this spell. That deserves repayment."

Silently, he turns away, leaving Onizuka-san to his thoughts.


	68. Human Hauntings

**A/N: **Nothing much happens in this chapter, but this is something like a break, a little slice of life that shows Natsume enjoying himself as just... himself. Also, I've decided to plant the seed for another lovely drama early, but I warn you, it will be a while before I start. This was the fastest chapter I've ever written. It took approximately thirty minutes just because I love writing these characters. The next few may be more difficult, though I certainly hope not!

As always, please read and enjoy.

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><p><strong>Human Hauntings<strong>

_You forget about the humans in your past when you are preoccupied with the spirit world. Humans seem distant, so short and fleeting. The past becomes irrelevant. But I am not like other gods, and the human part of me is still there, still connected to me in ways that I cannot escape. In some ways, they still control me._

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><p>They are eating around the table, an ordinary enough event, and Natsume enjoys the food that Touko-san has cooked for him with varying degrees of visible enjoyment. Taste itself, while still interesting, takes second place to the heart and love that he feels coming from the food that Touko-san prepares for all of them.<p>

"Is it good, Takashi-kun?" Touko-san asks, noticing the smile Natsume has on his face.

"It's always good."

"Really?" Shigeru-san says with surprise. He frowns at the shrimp he holds between his chopsticks. "Actually, I thought the chili shrimp tonight was a little too sweet…"

"Shigeru-san!"

"What? I'm just being honest."

"Takashi-kun, did you think it was too sweet?" Touko-san says, turning straight back to Natsume.

"Uhhh, no. I thought it was fine," Natsume says, startled by Touko-san's directness.

"You see?" Touko-san says to Shigeru-san. "You're just too picky."

"Well…"

Watching their banter, Natsume can't help but laugh. There is something especially calming about the Fujiwaras, something that is simple and comforting, uncomplicated in their enjoyment of life. Natsume's other life is filled with intrigue and responsibilities, his closest, dearest friends bound by the protocol that governs proper behavior between gods and followers. This is refreshing, a break and safety that Natsume can find nowhere else. His heart twinges briefly, a feeling of both guilt and regret. If only his life had been able to stay like this…

Suddenly, he is aware that both Shigeru-san and Touko-san are looking at him, and he flushes, unused to the attention.

"Touko-san, Shigeru-san?"

"Actually, Takashi-kun, there's something we've been wanting to mention to you," Touko-san says.

"There's a family reunion in a month," Shigeru-san says, "And though we're distant relatives, we've also been invited. We've been considering the invitation. If you're not okay with it, we won't go."

Natsume tenses reflexively. Too many memories begin flashing through his head. Memories of other reunions, where he had sat alone, rejected by everyone else as the 'odd child'. Other memories of previous families who had taken him in, all unwilling.

But before he can control himself, the smile is back on, bright and false.

"Of course I wouldn't mind. I would love to go."

Too many years of practice, too many years that have built this into an unthinking habit.

"Are you sure, Takashi-kun?"

"It will be interesting to see how everybody's changed," Natsume continues. He continues to smile, though inside, his guts are twisting painfully, and he feels his enjoyment of the meal ebbing away.

"You won't be alone this time, Takashi-kun," Shigeru-san says, watching Natsume intently. "And they won't be the only ones who changed, though I'll be surprised if they have."

It is as if Shigeru-san's words had poured cold water over Natsume's face. He slowly comes out of his spiral of dread, and finally thinks about it.

He is no longer alone. Natsume has a family now, a family that _wants _him.

"When did you say it was?"

"A month from now. Are you going to be okay with that? Do you have plans with friends?"

"Not then…" Though the week before that, he will be on progress. Hopefully it will not run over from unknown complications. Hopefully. "But I'll be going on a study trip with Tanuma and the others a week before that."

"Ah, studying for back to school exams? So studious," Touko-san says with a smile.

Hardly, Natsume silently thinks. Though his grades have been improving, thanks to the fact that Kitamoto and Nishimura now know that Natsume is constantly preoccupied because of his business with spirits. They give him notes at times, or talk to him about previous lessons to keep Natsume up to date. Natsume is still not sure if either of them have talked to Tanuma and Taki yet, but he expects that it will be soon.

"Where is the reunion taking place?" Natsume asks.

"Ah, not far from here. About an hour away by car," Touko-san says, describing the city and the surroundings. But as she talks about the _minjyuku _they will be staying at, and the food that the area is famous for, Natsume feels her voice fade into the background, until all that has taken up his thoughts are one single realization.

"… You and Shigeru-san will definitely be able to enjoy the hot springs together. And oh, we might be able to visit some of the famous landmarks if we have time…"

Onizuka-san. Onizuka-san is from that city.

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Notes:<strong> In this chapter, there was a mention of the dish chili shrimp, which the Japanese call _ebi chiri_. It's their equivalent of western sweet and sour pork, a pseudo-Chinese dish that doesn't exist in Chinese cuisine (I would know, lol). It's not especially spicy either. I've noticed that for all their uses of wasabi, they are actually quite intolerant of spicy food. But I've been self-trained by Korean ramen (Nongshim Seafood Ramen is the best!), so I am okay now.

As for _minjyuku_, it's pretty much a hostel, but traditional, and the owner will live there as well, and cook meals for you such as breakfast and dinner (always delicious).

I do have an idea of where Onizuka lives, but I'm going to have to do more research. For now, I want to keep it vague. Still, it should be exciting, no? Natsume's in for some fun times (or not)!


	69. Conspiracy Among Friends

**A/N: **As you can see, I am progressing the story slooowly forward. It's coming along, but obviously with only one week updates, I'm limited in my speed. And no, PLEASE don't ask me to update quicker. My official start as a real teacher begins tomorrow, and I'm going to be busy getting to know my students and just general all around teaching (I've got a LOT of classes to prep for).

Poor Natsume. It seems that for him, even when he tries to be open, he must still be secretive. The guy never gets a break. As for the progress, I have yet to decide what's going to happen there. But I don't plan to write out each day (unnecessary and too long), but of course, you can always expect problems. Of course.

I notice that there are some new readers. I don't know how you guys hear of my stories, but welcome! Get ready to ride on the weird roller coaster that is Natsume's eternal identity crisis, ahaha. I hope both new and old readers will continue to enjoy my story for many months to come.

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><p><strong>Conspiracy Among Friends<strong>

_You never realize how separate different parts of your life are until they come together, a connection of difference that changes depending on the circumstances. Sometimes the parts grind against the other, unable to fit. In those times, you'll find yourself forced to choose one over the other, with neither part ever realizing that you are giving up a tiny portion of yourself. Other times, the parts fit together like a whole, and then you wonder why they were ever separate to begin with._

* * *

><p>"Natsume," Tanuma says, a casual nudge from behind, amidst the numerous classmates heading home. It is finally summer break, and everybody is eager to leave. Next to him, Taki is also there, and the two of them nod at Natsume quietly.<p>

"The plan?"

"Let's talk about it behind the science labs. There's shade there," Taki says, smiling.

As they are heading toward the labs however, Natsume suddenly senses the presence of two others following him. A quick mental probe reveals who they are. Enough that when the inevitable rush attack from behind arrives, Natsume is able to brace himself.

"Going somewhere?" Nishimura says, swinging his arms right over Natsume's shoulder.

"Nishimura!" Tanuma yelps. Unlike Natsume, he does not have the benefits of being a god that Natsume has begun to take for granted.

"Kitamoto-kun, Nishimura-kun," Taki says, looking wide-eyed at them and then back at Tanuma.

"Was wondering where you guys were heading off to on the last day of school," Nishimura says, grinning. "You should invite us if there's a secret after-school party."

"Actually, we have an errand to run for the teacher," Tanuma begins. A lie, and Natsume realizes, a carefully prepared lie. Clearly both Tanuma and Taki have thought about this.

"It's okay Tanuma," Natsume interrupts, before the lie can continue further. "You can tell Nishimura and Kitamoto. They know."

"What?" Tanuma says, his jaw dropping. But as he looks at Natsume, Natsume blinks and nods meaningfully, then gives Taki a similar look. Both of them nod. Nishimura and Kitamoto know, but only to a limited extent.

The fact that Natsume is no longer human will remain a secret.

"When did you two find out?" Taki asks, looking at Nishimura and Kitamoto with interest. Her tone is light and casual, hiding the deeper exchange that had happened earlier.

"Oh…" Nishimura smirks, then rubs his finger under his nose. "We figured it out, duh."

"So what are you guys planning?" Kitamoto says.

"Natsume needs to do something with spirits all next week, and we've been working on a plausible cover story so that Natsume can be safely gone without the Fujiwaras worried," Tanuma says.

Kitamoto whistles.

"A whole week? That's quite a job," he says, looking at Natsume. "You sure it won't be dangerous?"

"It won't be," Natsume says, smiling. At least, not from other spirits.

Humans on the other hand, are a different story.

"You know, it'll be a lot more plausible if we join in. It can be a whole after school thing."

"I agree," Tanuma says. "So we've got a plan written out. If all of us keep to this, at least all of us are consistent and no one will suspect otherwise."

"Whoa, you guys have it all written out?" Nishimura says, taking the notebook Tanuma had just taken out of his bag. He flips through it briefly, then groans. "You're actually going to work on all the summer homework during this week?!"

"And we have to be careful, because Natsume is supposed to get it done too," Taki says. "So when Natsume gets back…"

"Get ready for some intense tutoring," Nishimura says, laughing.

Natsume sighs.

"It will be good for me," Natsume says, though he is dreading the additional load on top of his other duties. "I will find time. Somehow."

"Don't push yourself too much," Tanuma says. It is a warning, but not for schoolwork. Natsume looks at him, nodding, but only in acknowledgment. After all, he cannot help that his duties and responsibilities have grown.

They sit down on the ground under the shade of several trees, each taking a turn to look at the plan Tanuma and Taki have thought out. Occasionally one of them will make a comment on a part of the plan that needs to be tweaked—an excuse that certain parents will not believe.

"The key though, is that we all must get our work done, or at least a sizable amount of it, to make it seem believable." Kitamoto pulls his hand through his hair, thinking deeply. "No adults are going to question a bunch of kids if they get their work done."

"And if anyone asks Natsume, then he also needs to show his work too."

"What we can do is fill Natsume's homework for him and then fill him in on it when he gets back," Taki suggests. "But our handwriting is going to be different…"

"Natsume, what's your handwriting like?"

"Average," Natsume says.

"So maybe we can practice imitating it?"

"Ugh Natsume, look at all the work we're doing for you," Nishimura says, making a face. "Appreciate us."

Feeling a lump in his throat, Natsume nods.

"I do, Nishimura. Kitamoto. Tanuma, Taki. I'm… I'm really grateful. Extremely grateful."

Kitamoto punches Nishimura in the shoulder.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"You know how Natsume gets. He doesn't get that these things are a joke," Kitamoto says. "Don't listen to Nishimura, Natsume. He's just being stupid. This is what friends do for each other. You don't need to be grateful or whatever."

"You're usually overly grateful anyway," Nishimura says, rubbing the place where Kitamoto had punched him. "Sorry about that. It's just joking."

"But I really am grateful," Natsume says.

"We know," Tanuma says.

"You don't need to tell us every time," Kitamoto says. "Friends just know."

"And believe me, if you're not properly grateful, I'll let you know," Nishimura says, rolling his eyes. "That's not likely to happen with you."

Natsume smiles.

"Then I will leave everything to you. All of you." He bows his head and bends forward.

"You can count on us," Nishimura says.

"Oh, and whatever it is that you're doing, be careful."

Seeing the barely masked looks of worry on his friends' faces, Natsume can only bow his head again. Nothing more needs to be said.

After all, they already know.

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Notes: <strong>Yes. In Japan, students get homework during the summer. And when they get back to school, they have exams to look forward to. This is standard practice all over Japan, no exceptions. So in some ways, by helping Natsume, his friends are actually getting work done early. So they should really be thanking Natsume. That's right.

I described a few gestures that may not be well understood by those not familiar with Japanese gestures. For example, scratching the area behind your head and tilting your head slightly (the head movement is somewhat optional) is a sign of embarrassment. In this chapter, when Nishimura used a finger to rub the area behind nose and lips (index finger, straight, and parallel to face), it's a typical sign of smug satisfaction and pride. I have not actually seen this gesture often from adults, and never from women or girls, but I have occasionally seen it on boys. It's a gesture that's more common on television than in real life. But since this story is based off of an anime/manga... And in my head, Nishimura is the most likely to do it.


	70. Morning Hints

**A/N: **I've got quite a few announcements this week. If you normally don't read my author's notes, maybe read this one?

Well, normally this is where I would discuss the chapter, and indeed, as can be seen, it is an arc! But of course. Progresses can't be described in one chapter after all, and this is Natsume's first one. Very special. As you will soon see.

Now for my announcements:

1) So I know that my fic is pretty well known in the Natsume Yuujinchou fandom. Enough it seems, to have other people plagiarize it. Over at wattpad, user clairX333 not only claimed my fic as hers, but didn't bother to change the title, or even the fic image. They've stolen a few other people's works and claimed them as well. To add insult to injury, she used the crappy version of chapter 60 that I had hoped to forget. Oh well. It's pretty obvious they plagiarized, and I have screenshots also.

But! But but but! Before the pitchforks come out: _**There will be no harassment of this person. All I ask is that they admit to what they did, apologize, and remove mine as well as other people's stories.** _I'm hoping that they will read this note and just take it down of their own volition. If they don't, sure, comment on her blog and point out the plagiarism, but once that's over with please don't hunt them down and reveal real life info or say awful things like "kill yourself" or use slurs. Just. Don't. I'm actually pretty upset, but I'm trying not to sink down to her level. Though I will think angry thoughts (angry thoughts commencing).

Here is where we should all try to remember what Natsume would do. Lol. New religion?

2) This is a happier announcement. But it's only directed at Singaporeans and those who will be there in the next weeks or so. You see, I'm going to attend the **SINGAPORE TOY, GAMES & COMIC CONVENTION 2013 **on Sunday, September 1st pretty much all day. I would love to meet fellow fans of Natsume Yuujinchou. And yes, I will be cosplaying. Look for the girl in gothic lolita. You'll know her by the Nyanko-sensei plushie hanging off her purse. Er, I mean me. Yeah. And I _think_ I will wear a reddish costume. Fairly sure. Anyway, look for the Nyanko-sensei plushie on the purse.

Okay, phew! So many notes. Anyway, onward with fic!

* * *

><p><strong>Morning Hints (Progress Arc: Part 14)**

_News travels fast among spirits, faster than anyone would expect. Nothing however, matches the senses of a god. It is this ability I have now, this ability to know things before they happen, to be able to see the hidden past, the ever changing present—yet there are some things I would rather not know. But as a god I can no longer hide from them. After all, not all news is good. Even more than the good, it is the bad that I must prepare for._

* * *

><p>For the first two days, the progress remains uneventful, all movements and ceremonies running according to plan. Though there are judgments, court has mainly focused on welcoming the progress, a celebration that allows the weaker spirits to finally pay homage to their god. The occasional powerful spirit would appear to pledge personal allegiance, agreeing to obey the laws Natsume has set down as a god. Those spirits usually end up joining the progress also, by now a growing, unwieldy train of spirits, wagons, and carriages.<p>

Naturally, the largest of them is filled with a myriad of clothes to show Natsume in the best light. Natsume allows his followers to clothe him however they wish, by now far too used to them using him as a giant dress up doll to complain.

Not that complaining has ever worked.

There are two robes for each day—one for morning, and the other for night, during court. The dressing is a lengthy process, and Natsume is thankful that at least there is only one headdress for day and another for night. He will still have to change them, but at least he won't have to listen to Hinoe go on about the symbolism within the intricate embroidery of each robe.

He gives a sigh of relief as his servants tighten the cloth belt behind him. Since mornings are dedicated to travel, the _obi_ during the day is softer and more comfortable. As a god, Natsume does not really notice the weight of his clothes, but tightness is a different story. Though breathing is optional to the god that Natsume has become, it is still something he would rather do than go without.

Natsume can only dread what uncomfortable yet regal concoction his servants will present to him tonight.

"The palanquin is ready for you, Lord Onwa."

"Very well," Natsume says, rising from the mats he had been sitting on. The loose robes pull at him, but he has learned to ignore them. It is the servants' duty to make sure that his clothes do not snag on anything, a duty that the little fox seems to take an especial delight in. And the clothing of spirits do not suffer from wear and tear the way human clothes do.

"Hinoe, is there anything I should know?" he says, eying the now ever present scroll in Hinoe's hand. He settles onto the cushions in the palanquin, folding his legs underneath him and enjoying the illusion of privacy the translucent curtains give him.

"We are heading to Three Hills Meadow," Hinoe says. "No spirits above middle class, so there won't be any who will be coming to swear allegiance with you specifically."

Natsume closes his eyes, spreading his senses in the direction that he instinctively knows is Three Hills Meadow. Shortly after, he nods.

"Mm," he agrees, then falls silent as he sends out another probe. There is something odd about Three Hills Meadow. Something…

In that instant, Natsume feels a chill of ice going down his spine.

"Nyanko-sensei, call Misuzu over."

"Trouble?" Nyanko-sensei says, raising an eyebrow from where he had been sitting on Natsume's lap.

Natsume simply presses his lips tightly, too disturbed to say much more. Instead he finds himself filled with questions. But now is not the time to ask questions.

Now is the time to act.

"That bad?" Nyanko-sensei says, no longer amused. Scrambling up and out of the window of the palanquin, he immediately transforms back into his form as a white beast.

"Madara, you are to remain in that form," Natsume says. His hands grip the folds of his robes tightly, revealing white knuckles.

"I will find Misuzu, Lord Onwa."

"Instruct him to fetch Tama."

"Understood."

"Hinoe," Natsume says. In seconds she is at the window, her eyes bright and intense.

"Lord Onwa."

"We must get to Three Hills Meadow as fast as possible. Arrange that."

Hinoe bows once, then disappears.

"Kogitsune?" Natsume says, trying to make his voice softer to accommodate the little fox.

"Natsume?" There is worry there, but Natsume senses the confidence of a child assured with the rightness of the world. And with Natsume there, nothing will go wrong.

"Go join the others in the wagons. It will be safer there."

"Okay."

The little fox kit gives him one more glance, clearly curious about the order, but with enough experience now to know that there are some things he must not ask.

Natsume sends another probe, this time around the spirits surrounding him. All safe. And forewarned.

Abruptly he hears the shouts and chants that are the signal for the progress to proceed.

"_Make way make way!_"

"_Lord Onwa approaches! Pay your respects to the god!_"

The palanquin is lifted off the ground and up, and with a sudden jerk, he feels himself moving forward. But where the pace had once been a steady walking pace, now it is a running one.

Natsume sighs, sitting back into the cushions. There is no use worrying now. It is time to prepare.

They arrive at Three Hills Meadow in the early afternoon, arriving in half the time they normally would have taken. But even before that, Natsume had been able to sense what had only been a hint that morning—the strength and power of a human.

An exorcist.

Waiting for him.

"_Matoba_," Nyanko-sensei growls from where he is. "So that is who you sensed."

"I was not sure if it was him, or one of his servants. I was hoping for the latter…"

"Never hope where that one is involved," Hinoe interrupts. Though she appears calm, Natsume can sense the barely suppressed fear and terror. Of course. It had been Matoba-san who had tortured her.

Three Hills Meadow should have looked like the welcoming meadow it is named after, with the perfume of summer flowers in the air, and trees heavy with leaves giving shade to the lower level creatures. Instead the trees are hung with seals, entrapping them, and while Natsume can sense that the spirits are still unharmed, there is no guarantee that they will remain that way.

Matoba-san, with at least two dozen of his men and their _shiki _arrayed around him, is like a black blot in the middle of the meadow. He smiles knowingly when the progress comes to a halt.

"Greetings to you, Lord Onwa."

Nyanko-sensei growls.

Matoba-san remains unfazed, merely eyes Nyanko-sensei knowingly. No, Natsume realizes. He would recognize Nyanko-sensei in either form.

"Do you serve the god when you are not with the boy, kitty?" Matoba-san murmurs.

"That is none of your business. What are you doing here?" Nyanko-sensei half roars.

"To speak with your god, naturally," Matoba-san says. His smile never wavers, and around him, his men remain relaxed. He spreads his arms, revealing empty palms. But Natsume knows better than to assume that Matoba-san is unarmed. "I imagine Lord Onwa and I have quite a few things to discuss."

"I can't imagine what those would be," Nyanko-sensei says.

"Are you party to everything your god thinks?" Matoba-san says. He bows his head. "I assure you that I have no intention of attacking your god. And once the discussion is over, I will lift the seals and go, leaving his followers unharmed."

"_Liar_," Hinoe hisses.

"I will speak with him," Natsume says.

Hinoe gives him a look of disbelief.

"Lord Onwa."

"Have Misuzu and Tama at the ready. But their _shiki_ are weak, and I sense no spell circle."

Hinoe looks away.

Nyanko-sensei is still bristling at Matoba-san, who simply stands there, as if enjoying the summer breeze.

Meanwhile Natsume remains in the palanquin, wondering what to do. While he is a god, Natsume has rarely used his powers, and certainly never frivolously. As a general rule, Natsume tries to avoid displays of petty dominance. But now…

He straightens.

As Misuzu would say, it is time for him to play the game.

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Notes: <strong>I mentioned before that Natsume has an amazing ability to code switch. Unfortunately, while he is in his godly form, English doesn't fully express the range of words he is using. And because English is limited in pronoun usage and certain conventions prevent me from literally translating certain structures without making it sound strange, I failed to mention a few things.

Though Natsume refers to himself as "I", occasionally using the royal "we" (I think I've used it, not sure), in Japanese, he is not referring to himself in first person. No "ore" here, oh no. Natsume will refer to himself in third person, such as "Onwa" or use other more imperial pronouns, such as "ware" (pronounced wah-rey) or "you" (pronounced yoh, with the oh nice and long). Please don't use those pronouns when talking to another Japanese person by the way. It would be... awkward. So please don't.


	71. Juxtaposition of Interests

**A/N: **So this chapter has been highly anticipated, and I'm afraid that I probably did not do your anticipation justice. Bumbling Natsume is back. He may be able to code switch, but he's still a teenage boy who's been playing a god for a little over a year. So he's not too good with some things. But Natsume is Natsume and his strength lies elsewhere.

On a separate note, I'd like to thank ALL of you for supporting me and I'd like to happily say that the plagiarizer has been removed. Before that, I saw a number of lovely, polite comments to the person asking them to remove the fic. Thank you for that. I'm so glad to be a part of this fandom. And I'm so grateful that you are my readers.

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><p><strong>Juxtaposition of Interests (Progress Arc: Part 24)**

_It is one thing to endanger myself, and I have always thoughtlessly done so many times in the past. But I can no longer think that way, and as my responsibilities grow, I'm discovering that my difficulties are bringing others down with me. That they had knowingly chosen to link their fates with mine is cold comfort. Is there no way to separate their lives from mine? To set them free?_

* * *

><p>He sinks his power deep into the earth, searching for any hint, any sign, that something might be amiss. On the surface, Natsume senses the traps that hold his followers. Natsume can sense their fear and terror, overlaid with the belief, the faith that Lord Onwa will make things right. But though Natsume is torn by their fear, and touched by their faith, he digs deeper.<p>

When it comes to Matoba-san, it is always necessary to dig deeper.

Nevertheless, the earth beneath Matoba-san's feet is clear, free of any hint of human spells. Natsume feels no spell circle—the earth remains uncarved, untouched by any instrument of human magic. But Natsume is not just a god of spirits. Sometimes the arrangement of the exorcist themselves create the seal, a gathering of power for one single purpose.

He is not knowledgeable enough to know if the way the clan has assembled themselves is to that purpose or not. Which means there is one thing he must do.

With a burst of power, Natsume explodes out of the palanquin, the speed of his exit sending a blast of wind that sends any loose rocks and dirt into the air. Immediately the Matoba clan members begin to scatter, their cries of surprise and attempts to protect their face from the unexpected blast causing them to shift their positions. Others fall to the ground, having lost their balance.

Only Matoba-san remains where he is, but his one visible eye has narrowed in speculation.

"You wished to meet me," Natsume says, shifting his voice so that it is lower than his usual voice. Another spell changes it so that it sounds hollow, like a voice from the deep. He lowers himself down to the earth, feeling his robes drop gently to the ground after he does, where it continues to ripple, though the air is now still.

"Lord Onwa," Matoba-san says, tilting his head to the side, "What a pleasure to finally meet you in person." Matoba-san does not bow, a fact that causes Nyanko-sensei to growl. Even Misuzu, normally the most level-headed of them all, appears to bristle, his long hair moving as if of its own accord. "I would first like to congratulate you," Matoba-san continues, his lips twinging faintly with amusement at the reactions of Natsume's followers. "Not many spirits manage to free themselves of the trigger spell I place on them. In fact, you are one of the first." Matoba-san smiles fully this time. "Though I do not think I would be wrong to say that you were involved with the first spirit who managed to free itself from my spell."

Natsume does not respond to the last statement. Instead he takes a step forward.

"You have come to ask me about the alliance I have with the Onizuka clan," Natsume says. Matoba-san is tightly shielded, but thoughts and images still leak through. He knows now that Matoba-san had known within an hour that it had been Onizuka-san who had freed him, had known when the trigger spell had broken as it happened. "My apologies if the backlash from the broken spell rebounded and hurt you," he adds. "Perhaps in the future, it would be best not to use such a spell."

Matoba-san's eye lights up, this time with delight.

"So even with my shields, you're still able to read my thoughts." He takes a step forward, matching Natsume's earlier challenge step for step. "I can always count on spirits to bypass common human decency." Matoba-san eyes Natsume. "But then, you aren't human, are you?"

Something about the words send a chill down Natsume's spine. The words sound innocuous enough. But it is as if Matoba-san were hinting at something else. As if he knew something that Natsume is not yet aware of.

"I have no reason to treat someone who has attempted to control me and attacked my followers with consideration," Natsume replies.

Matoba-san dismisses the accusation with a slight twitch of his hands.

"You claim to like humans. And it appears that some exorcists have fallen for it," he says. As he continues to speak, Matoba-san lowers his gaze, as if deep in thought. "Well, you have been keeping your part of the bargain as well, haven't you?"

The tree, Natsume realizes. Matoba-san is referring to the tree.

"It was no more than what we agreed to."

"Is it now?"

He actually looks interested. And in that moment, Natsume catches images, memories. A flash of a claw. A renewed vow. Blood, splashing, staining the _tatami_ and _shouji_ screens.

"Your ancestor was the one who broke the promise, not the spirit," Natsume says softly.

"And what will Onizuka Kiyoshi-kun's punishment be when he breaks his promise with you?" Matoba-san asks, just as softly.

Natsume stiffens.

Matoba-san chuckles.

"Do you mean to tell me that you have not thought of it? How naïve." He gives Natsume another look. "Fascinating."

"Our agreement is mutually beneficial. It would not be in either of our interests to break the agreement."

"For now, of course," Matoba-san says. "But Onizuka-kun is still an exorcist. And he belongs to the exorcist community." This time, Natsume catches the glint in his eye, and sees the predator for what it is. "What do you think will happen to him the moment other exorcists find out that he has joined forces with spirits?"

It is something Natsume has thought about, contemplated. But Onizuka-san has always seemed unconcerned, and so the topic has never been broached. Only now is Natsume starting to realize just how dangerous a decision Onizuka-san had been making, is still making.

"As I said earlier," Matoba-san says, noting Natsume's silence. "There is much we have to discuss." Abruptly he turns to his men, who step back, revealing a flattened area where a mat and cushions are being laid on the ground. Bits of the cushions are covered with the dust caused by Natsume's exit from the palanquin. Even now, men are hastily slapping at the cushions, raising more clouds of dust into the air. Matoba-san eyes the activities with a look of tolerant disinterest. He turns back to Natsume, and tilts his head forward, a mockery of courtesy. "It would be an honor to serve tea to a god."

"Lord Onwa," Nyanko-sensei says, coming up from behind. "There is no need to negotiate with this man."

Natsume pauses, but does not turn to look at Nyanko-sensei. In his mind, he is busy thinking, considering the information he has gleaned, has been gleaning from Matoba's mind. For a moment, he feels the fluttering feeling of guilt. As a human, Natsume had had the ability to occasionally read memories, but not like this. He wonders what he would have done if he had, and finds that he no longer knows the answer.

Once this would have horrified him, but with Matoba-san before him, Natsume takes those feelings and sets them aside. Now is not the time to indulge in self-recrimination.

Matoba-san looks confident, and given the way their conversation has gone, Natsume cannot fault him for it. With the Onizuka clan on the line, Matoba-san has even more reason to believe Natsume will capitulate to his demands. In Matoba's shoes, Natsume would probably be thinking the same thing. In fact, his followers might be also.

Natsume does not doubt that, after the progress, Hinoe, Misuzu, and Nyanko-sensei will lock him into the meeting room to go over his encounter with Matoba-san, going over one moment at a time to determine where he could have said or reacted better. In spite of the severity of the situation, Natsume smiles at the thought.

It is the one thing Matoba-san will not anticipate, for Natsume has learned that Matoba-san, in spite of the numerous clans working for him, relies on no one. This makes him strong. But in some ways, it also makes Matoba-san weak. Humans like Matoba-san forget that it is not the god himself who is strong, but the followers that make him so.

Perhaps it is just as well then that Natsume has so far come off second best in the verbal sparring. Matoba-san will not be in a position to anticipate what Natsume will do next.

It is better after all, to be underestimated.


	72. Sources of Power

**A/N: **We are reaching part three of this particular arc, and I hope this one will be interesting for all of you. I had to seriously pace and hold myself back in the previous part, because there were some scenes I did not want to do yet. But now I can! I had way too much fun writing this chapter. I really adore Matoba as a character. I squeal every time he appears in the manga/anime, but yes, he is not exactly a good person. And as we'll soon find out, his feelings for spirits are a bit more complicated than we all realized.

Read and enjoy!

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><p><strong>Sources of Power (Progress Arc: Part 34)**

_The earth beneath my feet is the power for all spirits, not just gods. It is the power that created us, created me in that moment when I was on the cusp between human and spirit, the line between spirit and god. This power is the same power that exorcist spells deny us in the moment we are overpowered and sealed, the power that betrays us when they ask the earth to return us to the bosom from which we came. Our mother. Our life. And our final resting place._

* * *

><p>"Shall we have tea?" Matoba-san says, smiling in the direction of the table set up in the clearing. By now the cushions have been placed over the mat, the tea set ready and arranged properly on the table.<p>

Natsume squares his shoulders, knowing that Matoba-san expects him to be far too flustered to say anything. The man takes several steps toward the table, pausing every once in a while to wait for Natsume. He follows, doing what Matoba-san expects, playing the vulnerable, naïve god he is in truth. It is not a truth that bothers him. After all, Natsume has always known that he is not suited to politics. That he has revealed this to Matoba-san can only be described as unfortunate, but there is a still a chance to turn it to his advantage.

And that moment is now.

Natsume pauses at the edge of the mat, and smiles beneath his mask.

"Do you know, Matoba-san, why the Onizuka clan head agreed to remove the spell from me?"

Matoba-san turns around, the smile still on his face. But the single eye is flashing now, bright with the knowledge that all is not what it seems. That knowledge however, comes too late.

Immediately Natsume casts a silent command to his followers, a command that shoots through the barriers that the Matoba clan had set up. No barrier, no matter how strong, can keep the commands of a god from his followers. They stir, formerly with fear, but now with purpose.

_"We hear and will do all to serve you, Lord Onwa."  
><em>  
>The exorcists are probably complacent, trusting in their seals and spells, resting under the belief that with Natsume's followers trapped, he will do nothing, can do nothing. Of course, this is not entirely their fault. They do not truly understand the difference between a god and an ordinary spirit. Humans are less precise with their definitions. To them, any powerful spirit can be termed a god. However, the spirit definition is a lot more specific. A lot more exact.<p>

Natsume closes his eyes. Permission has been asked and granted. That leaves him with only one thing to do. In a flash, he pulls power to him, but not from the earth. No, for that power has been turned against him, spun by the Matoba clan into becoming the very thing keeping his followers trapped, turning their essence against themselves.

Instead, he does the one thing that gods can do, the one thing that separates him from other spirits.

"_Take what you can, Lord Onwa," _Misuzu says silently in his mind.

"_Freely given,"_ Hinoe whispers.

From miles away, Natsume can feel his followers responding to his command and obeying. Compared to the power that human followers can give, it is not much, and Natsume must be careful. Take too much, and he will destroy his followers, destroy himself.

But it is enough.

Faster than the humans can react, Natsume shatters the barriers surrounding the meadow and his followers, burning the seals and ropes into ashes. Then, just as they start to realize the danger of their situation, Natsume reforms the seal with his own power, the power of the earth, locking and trapping all of them within.

No human, or any exorcist for that matter, will be able to leave until Natsume lets them.

"I shall have tea now," Natsume says, walking past a pale-faced Matoba-san. He sits down slowly and tucks his legs under, allowing his robes to flutter gently around him, a pool of color in the golden meadow. He looks at one of Matoba's men, who has somehow managed not to drop his pot of tea. Hastily, the man kneels down, not daring to give Natsume so much as a terror filled glance. As soon as the cup is filled, he stands up and scurries back.

Stiffly, Matoba-san joins him, sitting down at the table with a mixture of emotions. Rage is the strongest emotion that Natsume can sense. Fear as well, which Natsume has also expected. But interestingly enough, there are two other emotions that Natsume cannot quite place. One, after a bit of contemplation, he realizes is curiosity. But the last one…

"You are more than what you seem," Matoba-san finally says. With a single wave of the hand, he commands the man to pour him a cup of tea as well. And no doubt, the source of Natsume's power is not lost on Matoba-san. Natsume is confident that Matoba-san will not attempt a purge of his followers. That is not in Matoba-san's nature. But the difference, the true difference between spirit and god, is something the exorcist will never forget.

"I am a god," Natsume answers instead. The tea cup passes through his mask, a fact that is not missed by Matoba-san. Just as Onizuka-san had been curious the first time he had witnessed this phenomena, Matoba-san is too.

"What lies beneath your mask?" Matoba-san asks, but in a manner that does not demand an answer. The chilling, calculating smile has once again returned to his lips, and that odd fourth emotion, the one that Natsume cannot identify, is now in full force. "No, I would hear of why the Onizuka clan chose to free you from my spell."

"You know the answer already," Natsume says, trying to settle his mind once more. That emotion, the way Matoba-san has it leveled at him, makes him feel dirty, unclean.

"Yet I would hear it from you."

"You would risk the lives of many simply for an excuse to exorcise me," Natsume says. Despite his attempt at calmness, a thread of rage begins to manifest itself through his words. "Has it not occurred to you that your clan would not have the power to exorcise me if I went mad?"

_What were you thinking? Why do you hate spirits so much?_

But Matoba-san's smile only deepens in response.

"What made you think that turning you mad was ever my intention?" he asks softly.

A sudden freezing chill shoots through Natsume's spine.

"Then what was your intention?"

Matoba-san reaches across the table, and with a single finger tips Natsume's head toward his.

"You have not realized it yet?" he says softly. Matoba-san brings his face closer, until they are only inches apart. "Shall I tell you?"

Only the greatest of self-control is preventing Natsume from destroying Matoba-san with a blast of power. In the end, it is the human side that holds him back. He must not walk down that path. The one thing Natsume must not do is murder a human. To do so will take him down an abyss from which he can never return.

But he knows. In the moment Matoba-san had touched him, he had understood what it is Matoba-san wants from him. The reason for the spell that had nearly consumed him. What Matoba-san is truly feeling.

_Lust_.


	73. Uncovering the God

**A/N: **First, apologies for missing last week. I have been so busy with work that the earliest I've ever managed to return home for the past two weeks was 10:30pm. And this week my students will only have three days of school, but us teachers still have to deal with professional training workshops and projects. In other words readers, be nice to your teachers. We work a lot longer than probably most of you ever imagined.

Since I have been exhausted out of my mind, I wasn't in any condition to write something that demanded the sort of delicacy that the final installment to this arc required. I especially do not want the fiasco of Chapter 60 to repeat itself here. But here it is. Done. And those of you who have been waiting patiently for an update of Child of Spirits, you can expect it sometime this week.

This is the chapter where we meet Lord Onwa. What does that mean you say? You'll find out. Oh you'll find out.

Happy reading. And (belated) Happy Full Moon Festival!

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><p><strong>Uncovering the God (Progress Arc: Part 44)**

_Even for gods, skill is required to reach beneath the memories that are hidden deep within a person's heart, to the place that they hold their deepest secrets. Hidden memories, so well shielded that their existence may be denied by the holder himself. Yet it is often the memories we have forgotten that are the ones that were key to making us who we are, the ones that have been so bound to us that we no longer need to remember them._

* * *

><p>It is his instinct he fights, the deep rage and fury of an insulted god. And it would be so easy—a simple flick of power would shatter the man before him, sending the clan to join the dust of their ancestors. Natsume struggles against that urge, against the rage that Matoba-san must know exists within him. Exists within all gods.<p>

_What is this man thinking?_

Without warning, his right hand reaches out of its own accord, grabbing Matoba-san's wrist in a tight, unbreakable grip. Matoba-san makes a slight noise, and stiffens, but does not otherwise move.

"What are you thinking?" Natsume asks, his voice sounding unusually harsh to his ears. There must be more to the emotions he is sensing, however disturbing they are. Something is driving Matoba-san to take such thoughtless risks, driving him to push Natsume—Lord Onwa—toward violence.

And suddenly, in the midst of his internal struggle, something rises from beneath, taking control.

Natsume.

But not Natsume as he is now.

Natsume the boy, as he had been before.

"Ah," Natsume whispers.

Images flash within his mind. Blood. Screams. Rage. Terror. And beneath it all, an overwhelming sense of helplessness.

_"I'll raise the clan above this curse, above the demon that terrorizes us." _

In the moment when Matoba-san had learned humility, he had also known helplessness. Despair.

"The spirit that hunts you… I will not destroy it for you," Natsume says calmly.

"No," Matoba-san says. With an abrupt jerk, he pulls his wrist out of Natsume's grip and sits back down on his side of the table. His eye flashes, and for the first time the ever present smile is nowhere to be seen. "There will come a day when you will have no choice."

Natsume closes his eyes.

To have a powerful spirit under Matoba-san's control, as helpless as the vengeful spirit has made the Matoba clan. And to finally raise humans above spirits, dominant in both essence and power, over the spirits whose mere existence is a torment to all humans. An urge to conquer, to dominate, to use, and to see one who would be god brought low before mere mortals.

Lust, yes. But a lust grown and cultivated from the seeds of humiliation and despair. Fear, and hatred.

"You do not have the power to do that to me right now," Natsume points out. Indeed, the clan is currently completely at Natsume's mercy, placed in the exact position Matoba-san has vowed never to place himself into.

"The gentle Lord Onwa, making threats?" Matoba-san asks.

"You gamble with high stakes," Natsume says. He lifts the cup of tea and takes another sip, cradling the cup in both his hands. "What if I were not as the rumors described?"

Matoba-san slowly raises the corner of his lips, and then leans forward.

"Ah, but you're friends with the boy, Natsume Takashi-kun, are you not?"

Natsume pauses. Even more than before, he must step carefully.

"He is a human child. And trusting in times when he should not."

"In that, we are in total agreement." Matoba-san smiles. "And yet, the boy has had incredible luck when it comes to spirits."

"But that alone would not lead you to attempt something so foolhardy as to speak with me."

"No…" Matoba-san leans forward. "What interests me is that you managed also to convince the Onizuka clan."

Natsume pauses. He can sense the predatory nature that has returned in Matoba-san, even more than before. The man suspects something. A cold, clammy feeling forms in the vicinity of his belly, as knowledge settles over him like a heavy cloud.

It is too late now to regret. Instead Natsume must play an intricate game that will somehow mislead Matoba-san.

"They say that the Onizuka Kiyoshi spends time with Lord Onwa the way he would with a friend," Matoba-san says, as if merely commenting on the weather. "At times acting like a confidant to the god, at times like…" and here Matoba-san's smile returns, "… like an older brother."

"Oh?" The word comes out smooth, but the effort needed to make it sound that way had been taxing. Around him, Natsume can sense the other spirits grow deathly silent. Even Nyanko-sensei has stopped his growling.

"They say more of course," Matoba-san says. "Lord Onwa, despite his power, is surprisingly sweet. Trusting. Naïve. And in the house of the Onizuka clan, he appears in the form of a teenage boy." Matoba-san takes a sip of tea, then pauses to glance at the cup, as if to admire the design. "Tell me Lord Onwa," he says. "Does Natsume Takashi know that you are taking his form to deal with exorcists?" When Natsume says nothing, he leans forward. "Or is it something else altogether? I ask you, Lord Onwa," he whispers. "_What would I see if I take off your mask?_"

Natsume feels the chill, but ignores it.

And in that moment allows the spirit side of him, Lord Onwa, to take over completely.

He has not always welcomed the spirit part of him. The emotions welded by his other half often frightens him with its depth and power. Most times it takes every ounce of control to prevent his spirit half from overwhelming everything else. But the human side of him is, at this moment, a weakness that Matoba-san will only continue to exploit.

Very well then.

Lord Onwa tilts his head slightly to the side, and smiles beneath his mask.

"Foolish human," he says softly. "Why should we not use what tools we have to get what we wish, especially when it will benefit all?"

Matoba, who had been sitting back onto his cushion, freezes, his eye widening briefly with barely concealed surprise. Around them there are muffled sounds shock and sudden intakes of breath. The air shifts, becoming tense with apprehension—the emotions not merely coming from the humans. Something shifts among the spirits too.

"Natsume Takashi may be a human, but his form has proven… useful." Lord Onwa places both his elbows onto the table and interlaces his fingers. "As a mortal yourself, we are sure you can testify to the way the human child manages to elicit trust in even the most skeptical of humans. As is the Onizuka clan. For all his roughness, the leader of the Onizuka clan and the human child are much the same. "

Matoba merely narrows his eyes, confirming the truth of the matter.

"So Natsume Takashi is merely a tool to be used. And your alliance? Are you not sincere in your efforts to bring about peace between humans and spirits then?"

"Are humans sincere in theirs?" Lord Onwa counters. "Never forget that it was your ancestor who had broken his vow. The spirit who hunts your clan is merely trying to complete the bargain."

_And if your ancestor had not been a coward and had fulfilled his bargain as he ought, the Matoba clan would not have been cursed the way it is now._

"For all your words of alliance and cooperation between spirits and humans, in the end, you still side with spirits," Matoba says, his voice unusually implication hidden beneath Lord Onwa's words are easy to deduce.

"Spirits will never break a bargain that has been agreed upon," Lord Onwa says. Then pauses. "_Nor will we allow anyone else to break it._"

The Onizuka clan, having bound itself with Lord Onwa, no longer has a choice in matters concerning spirits. With a powerful god as an ally, they can never break the alliance without suffering dire consequences. In this way, any actions they take will now be considered coerced, a clan that, despite its power, has fallen because of the foolish, inexperienced actions of its clan leader, now forever doomed to enslavement.

A horrifying fate for any traditional exorcist clan. Doubly so for any clan with a similar mindset to the Matoba clan. Lord Onwa understands this, knows this as well as he knows his closest followers. Viewed from Matoba's perspective, it is a repeat of his own clan's nightmare, a hundred times worse.

But for the Onizuka clan, in this moment, it is a blessing. By declaring that the Onizuka clan is essentially under Lord Onwa's control, Matoba cannot claim that the Onizuka clan are traitors to exorcists, cannot bring the Exorcist Council against them.

Cannot use the Onizuka clan against Lord Onwa. Against spirits.

"We have harmed no humans. Nor do we intend to," Lord Onwa continues. "It would be highly imprudent to give us a reason to change our current position."

Against a god that even a powerful clan like the Matoba clan would be hard put to defeat, the Exorcist Council will do its best to prevent provoking the god enough to cause true conflict. May in fact see the current status quo as something that is to their advantage. Better to deal with another exorcist clan who has direct access to the god, than with the god himself.

"I see. You are saying then, that it is in everyone's best interests to maintain things as they are," Matoba says. His words acknowledge the point Lord Onwa has made, but the rage that has been smoldering deep inside the exorcist's psyche is now back in full force.

"Naturally." Lord Onwa, the god, smiles beneath his mask. "The Onizuka clan has benefited greatly from the alliance." He leans forward. "But the alliance is by no means closed."

Matoba stands up, and Lord Onwa stands up as well. After all, the discussion is over.

"The Matoba clan has no need to ally themselves with a god."

"Then the Matoba clan should leave," Lord Onwa says. A quiet shift of his will drops the barrier that had trapped the humans within the meadow. "And should you ever have need to speak with us, it is our suggestion that you go through the Onizuka clan before you enter our territory without permission."

Drawing his remaining dignity around him like a cloak, Matoba looks at Lord Onwa fully, the seal that protects his eye from the spirit that hunts him never more prominent than that moment.

"And should we not?"

"It will not be we who meets you on the field," Lord Onwa says.

Matoba's lips thin as he turns away. He quickly becomes surrounded by his men, who whisper loudly their outrage and advice. None of them seem to realize that spirit ears are far sharper than human ears. Lord Onwa catches ever word.

"Enough. We will leave now. I have found out what I needed to know."

"Master Matoba…"

The leader of the Matoba clan turns around one more time, to look at Lord Onwa again.

"It was good to meet with you today, Lord Onwa."

"We doubt it very much," Lord Onwa says. "Nevertheless, we are sure you found it educational."

"It was that," Matoba agrees. "It was that."

Lord Onwa remains standing, not moving from his position until Tama has returned from escorting the exorcist clan out of his territory. More spirits, the powerful ones that had joined his progress, have been posted at the borders to ensure that none will secretly return.

Once, Natsume Takashi had fought with everything to keep the god out of his mind and heart. Now Lord Onwa fights to maintain the god. He cannot allow himself to feel yet, cannot allow himself to be devastated by the role he has played today. By the god he is slowly turning into.

"Hinoe, what are we becoming?" he whispers softly.

"You are becoming a god, my lord," Hinoe replies. Her face is expressionless, but even she cannot hide her sorrow, which is present in every word she speaks.

"That's what we thought," Lord Onwa says. As Madara's face looms over to settle gently onto his right shoulder, he finds himself caressing the soft fur, briefly comforted by the white beast's presence. "That's what I thought."


	74. Descent into Humanity

**A/N: **I suppose as a reward for finishing a major Matoba arc with lots of fodder for Matoba/Natsume not-so-consensual sexytimes, you guys gave me exactly 2000 reviews? Haha. Well, thank you so much, dear readers. I was pretty thrilled. I hit 2k! That is something to celebrate.

Anyway, we're winding down the arc, and here is the semi-epilogue. I don't know how it ended up like this, but I needed to address the emotional pain Natsume was going through at the end of the arc. And somehow it got a bit drama packed. Natsume is surprisingly... well. Anyway, as always, I'd be pleased if you simply manage to enjoy it.

Have fun.

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><p><strong>Descent into Humanity<strong>

_ The hardest thing about being god is not the responsibilities, not the pressure, not the weight of lives that now depend on me. It is the moment when I must shed the mantle and return to being human. Something is diminished, even as other things that are uniquely human return to me. No matter which way I turn, there is always loss. I cannot decide which loss is more painful._

* * *

><p>Natsume steps out from behind the tree, looking at the hostel across the road that his human friends are currently staying in. He tries to tell himself that he is not hiding, but though no human can see Natsume in his current form, something about the idea of once more returning to a place occupied by humans makes him hesitate. His friends are due to leave this morning, though with the sun just barely casting faint rays of light across the sky, he doubts that any of his friends are awake yet.<p>

The plan was to have Natsume join them in the morning so that they could all arrive back together, to look as if he had been with them all this time. Of course, if such a thing had not been possible, then alternative excuses had also been created. Natsume sighs, relieved that it has not come to that.

"Are you coming, Mada—Nyanko-sensei?" Natsume asks, catching himself just in time. Despite the relative innocuousness of the slip, it leaves him emotionally shaken. After Matoba-san, it had been easier to remain as Lord Onwa, to hide from the pain that the human Natsume is feeling. But now he finds that this may have been the wrong choice. Far from making his return to the human boy easier, it has become even more difficult.

Having embraced the part of him that is Lord Onwa, every step back to humanity will from now on be a struggle.

Nyanko-sensei however, ignores the slip, waddling in his cat form next to Natsume's feet.

"Naturally. Might as well introduce myself to the other two."

"Ah, Nishimura and Kitamoto don't know about you yet," Natsume says, remembering that Nyanko-sensei had remained silent all throughout that first confrontation. He laughs softly, imagining the expression on their faces when they find out. "Let's go then."

"Nobody's going to be awake right now to let you in."

"I can sense where Tanuma is. We'll just go to the room he is in and enter through the inner garden entrance."

"Is there one?" Nyanko-sensei asks, waddling forward and hopping onto and over the wall. Natsume passes through it, a trick that he has recently begun to take advantage of. Tanuma's presence, the feeling of muted power, is straight ahead.

The outer screen door to the room is closed tightly, but Natsume does not go in. Instead he sits down on the porch outside, taking the time to reorient himself. He takes a deep breath, and waits.

Sooner than he expects, he senses someone inside stirring, and then the screen door slides quietly open.

"Natsume?"

Tanuma, still in pajamas, with his hair tangled from sleep, gazes out into the garden, then down toward the porch. Frowning, he squints and moves his head slowly toward the place where Natsume is sitting.

Natsume stirs.

"You're awake already, brat?" Nyanko-sensei says, jumping up to the porch next to Tanuma's feet.

"Ponta!"

"Quiet, idiot. The others are still sleeping. And I don't want that girl waking up just yet."

"Taki's sleeping on her own in the room across from this one," Tanuma says, pointing a thumb back inside. Nevertheless, he slides the door closed, then sits down, never realizing how close he is next to Natsume. "Where's Natsume? I woke up because I thought I sensed something."

"He's here."

Tanuma looks around, taking a look around the garden, then finally resting his eyes back to where Natsume is sitting.

"But he's not returning to human form." Face paling, Tanuma grabs Nyanko-sensei and holds him up. "Is Natsume okay? He's not drained is he? Too weak to return to human form?"

"No," Nyanko-sensei says, wriggling. "Put me down, brat! He's just not ready yet to change to human form."

"But he's here," Tanuma says.

"Next to you in fact."

"Ah." Tanuma sighs. He turns to the garden, as if simply talking to himself. "So something must have happened during the progress."

"I buried the part of me that was human," Natsume answers, though Tanuma cannot hear him. "I became Lord Onwa in full, and lost Natsume Takashi." He turns to Tanuma, wishing that for once, his friend can _see_. "How do I return, Tanuma? Every day, I feel my humanity slip away from me more and more. " Natsume reaches out a hand toward the rising sun. "I knew this was going to happen eventually, but not this quickly, not so soon."

"I don't know what happened," Tanuma says finally. "But knowing you, Natsume, you're probably struggling with something that I can't even begin to comprehend." He pauses. "I want you to try though," he says. "I can only listen, but I think… I think you'll find it helpful."

Natsume turns to look at Tanuma then, reaching a hand out to touch Tanuma's own, but withdrawing in the last moment. Instead he spreads his power, creating a barrier meant only for the three of them—Nyanko-sensei, Tanuma, and himself.

"What do you see when you look at me?" Natsume asks.

Tanuma starts, gasping slightly when he realizes that he is able to see Natsume sitting next him. He swallows slowly, then straightens, his eyes becoming bright and focused.

"I see Natsume."

In an instant, uncharacteristic rage fills him, the rage of a god, and Natsume stands up, whirling to face Tanuma fully. Despite the anger, a part of him is impressed with the fact that while Tanuma pales, he does not flinch.

"You're lying to us."

"It's not a lie, Natsume. You're you, no matter what form you take."

"Then how do you explain this?" Natsume says, motioning towards himself. "I could kill you right now. Erase your very memory from the earth. No one would ever know that you had ever existed, never mind that you had died."

"You'd never do that," Tanuma says solemnly, though he turns several more shades whiter. "Natsume would never."

"I almost did!" The sound that came out of his throat was more of a childish wail than anything a god should produce. "During the progress, there were exorcists. And at one point I nearly… I…"

"But you didn't," Tanuma says. "You didn't!" He stands up also, so that the two of them stand face to face. "What does it matter that you nearly did something? Or that you wanted to? You didn't do it!"

Something inside Natsume deflates, and he sinks down to the earth. It feels comforting to him, in a way it never has when he had been human.

"Do you know what I called Natsume Takashi?" he whispers. He looks up, knowing that Tanuma can hear the bitterness in his words even if he cannot see through the mask. "Natsume Takashi is a mere tool. Useful for getting close to exorcists. To manipulate them for his own gains." Natsume looks back up, despair filling his words. "What am I now, if I can refer to who I was in such a way? Do I even believe in those ideas anymore? I don't… I can't…"

"Natsume, even humans have different sides to them," Tanuma says. "Maybe not as extreme as you…" he amends. "But we all do. And we all change. You've changed. _I've _changed." He looks at him, for once displaying none of the characteristic fears of Natsume's mask. "The person I was before I had met you could never have been friends with a god. Even a human turned god. I've discovered a lot of things about myself since I've met you. Not all of them are good. Or things that I could be proud of."

"Lord Onwa took over during the progress, and I don't know how to return to being just Natsume Takashi."

Tanuma laughed.

"You were never just Natsume Takashi," Tanuma says. "You've always been something more than that. You still are. And there's nothing wrong with being Lord Onwa. Because Lord Onwa and Natsume Takashi are one and the same."

"Do you really think so?"

Seeing Tanuma radiating certainty, Natsume feels a part of him relax. He drops the barrier, an act that once again startles Tanuma.

"Natsume?"

"Here."

Standing before Tanuma, Natsume is once again in a human form, dressed in the jeans and t-shirt he had worn the morning he had slipped away from the Fujiwaras to begin the progress. He feels a part of him still trembling from the weight of what had happened, the part of him that will forever be Lord Onwa. But somehow Tanuma—simple, human, Tanuma—Tanuma, who has power, but never enough; it is he who has gotten Natsume started back on the path to self-healing. To take that first step toward humani—no, Natsume realizes suddenly. Not toward humanity.

But towards accepting the person he has now become.

Does Tanuma realize how powerful this makes him? How valuable? Natsume vows to tell him.

"I'm here, Tanuma."

"Welcome back, Natsume."


	75. Mingling Habits

**A/N: **This is a slow piece to set up the next arc, which is where Natsume attends a family reunion! Yay... except no. I'm going to have to do more research on that as well. Me not being Japanese, I've never actually been to a Japanese family reunion. Or know if the Japanese do those kinds of things. So I've written myself into a trap. Whoops.

So apologies in advance for any inaccuracies as well. If anyone who reads this has actually been to a Japanese family reunion, or knows of them, pm me?

I've also been planning out later chapters that have hints of crossovers to them. What do you think, dear readers? Think you can stomach it?

Anyway, on to the fic.

* * *

><p><strong>Mingling Habits<strong>

_As Lord Onwa becomes more and more a part of me, there are times when I am no longer sure of what I am. Am I Natsume Takashi, human, or Lord Onwa, god? The line between humans and spirits has always been faint for me, and now I fear that it is practically nonexistent. But it is essential that I keep them separate for as much as possible. Still, I wonder: how soon will it be before I reveal my dual identities to the wrong person?_

* * *

><p>"Should we enter?"<p>

"We were told not to disturb him."

"But there are some things that Hinoe wants him to look over."

Natsume looks up from his desk—at the moment it is not visible, covered as it is by books and crumpled paper—and tries to conceal a smile.

"Come in Nanajiro, Itoubime."

The shuffling and hushed whispers abruptly stop. Natsume waits, and is rewarded by the screen door sliding open. Itoubime is the first to peek in.

"Our apologies, Lord Onwa," she says, her normally pale, white face flushed with pink.

"No, it's all right," Natsume says, sliding away from his desk. "I needed the distraction."

"From what, my lord?" Nanajiro asks. She pushes in past Itoubime, then drops down into an upright sitting position.

"Human things."

Normally these words are enough to make any spirits lose interest, but Nanajiro has been serving Natsume for a while now. Having been exposed to Natsume's unusual behavior, she perks up instead, and leans forward to catch a better look of the books on his desk.

"Books, my lord?"

"I'm studying for school." Natsume laughs at the wrinkled forehead Itoubime makes in confusion. "My human friends, if you will recall, helped to cover for me while I went on progress. Part of that was by pretending that they were on a study trip." He sighs. "Unfortunately, to make the lie complete, I have to also do my part of the studying."

"Ah." There is a pause, while Nanajiro tries to gather her thoughts. "And is it… interesting?"

"No," Natsume says.

"I see." A flicker of a smile crosses Nanajiro's face, and Natsume catches a stray feeling of satisfaction as well. "If it is not too presumptuous my lord, what about the things you have learned in the spirit world?"

Itoubime gasps, no doubt shocked by Nanajiro's boldness. She is the shyer of the two attendants, while Nanajiro has long learned that Natsume will tolerate things that no ordinary god should tolerate. And Natsume, having lived as a human for far longer than he has as a god, finds the lack of reverence comforting.

Deciding to give Nanajiro what she wants, Natsume smiles inwardly in amusement.

"Far more interesting," he says.

"Of course," Nanajiro says. Having had her expectations confirmed, the lips blossom into a full smile. Then realizing that perhaps she has said too much, she quickly adds, "I mean, I see, my lord."

He almost does not manage to contain his laughter. Almost.

"What did you two come to see me for?" Natsume asks, before he loses all dignity.

"Lord Onwa, Hinoe told us to bring you these," Itoubime says. She reaches into the top of her robes, and takes out a two small scrolls. "These are the spells to be used."

Natsume reaches for them, then with a thought breaks the tie that binds the scrolls, letting them unfurl in the air, while he skims the contents.

It is written in the language of spirits, the words and meanings leaping into his mind instinctively, the way human writing does not. Not because human writing is no longer familiar to him, but because of the fundamental differences between humans and spirits. Spirits, who live because they exist, and for no other reason, transfer their thoughts directly into their writing. Humans attempt to hedge the world in with their words, to make it into something they understand. Spirits find the behavior odd, not to mention silly. The world _is_. And that is all that anyone needs to know.

Perhaps that is why Natsume is now struggling so much with his schoolwork.

"Take these scrolls back to her and let her know that I approve," Natsume says, after he finishes scanning the contents. The protective spells not only create a barrier from malicious spirits, but hide the people within from view. With Natsume to boost the barrier's strength, it should be able to hide anyone inside from spirits and humans with strong spiritual power alike.

"Yes my lord," Itoubime says. Arranging the folds of her robes, she bows her head, then slides backward out the door. Nanajiro looks from Itoubime back to Natsume, as if torn. But eventually she decides to follow Itoubime.

Finally alone again, Natsume turns back to the pile of summer homework he still has to do. He tries not to think about what else he should be doing, which is to help Hinoe plan for the trip he is taking with the Touko-san and Shigeru-san the following day.

Right into the territory of the Onizuka clan.

Since he is going as Natsume, and Natsume is the human form he takes when he is with Onizuka-san, the spells are crucial to ensure that everything that has been done to prevent his discovery has been taken.

Nor does Natsume get a break from his duties as god. Court is being set up there even now, in preparation for his arrival. That it is outside his territory does not seem to concern any of the spirits involved. And according to Chobihige, the local spirits in the area are positively thrilled to have a powerful god visit them. The spells to hide and prevent human interference have been set up. And since the Onizuka clan no longer investigate spirit matters, Natsume can only hope that this is enough.

And that if someone in the clan does discover something odd, they bring it to Natsume to investigate, rather than do it themselves.

He sighs, realizing that he will have to think of a plausible explanation for that possibility too, just in case. Or perhaps he will let Nyanko-sensei do it.

But no… Natsume looks at the endless pile of books and the notes that Nishimura, Kitamoto, Taki, and Tanuma have written for him. They had not done his homework for him, but the notes are helpful. Then his eyes light on something scrawled across the bottom of his math book.

_Have you fallen asleep yet? Because I haveeeeeee—_

"Nishimura," Natsume says fondly, tracing a finger over the words. It is written in pen, and Natsume briefly considers wiping it away with his power. But then he feels the emotions from the words: the warm encouragement of friends, Nishimura's good-natured honesty. The sincere hope that his efforts will help Natsume in this small way.

He decides to let the words stay.


	76. Past Debts

**A/N: **First, I would like to thank you for all the wonderful readers who pm'd me or reviewed with additional information on reunions. They were very helpful, and I managed to find quite a bit of information. Once I knew where and what to look for, I was able to find it quite easily. I'll write down some of what I've learned in the cultural notes below.

So we are finally at an arc that I had set up a month (has it been that long?) ago. It's finally here, and I think I would be right in assuming that all of us are _longing_ for Natsume to kick his relatives in the proverbial ass. Well, prepare to be entertained... somewhat. I find that Natsume has his own ideas about ass kicking when it comes to his relatives. He's just so used to being beaten down by them that it is fairly depressing.

There also seems to be cautious interest in mild crossover hints, not that you guys could have stopped me if I wanted to go that route anyway. And I'd made hints already in an earlier chapter (though none of you guys commented on it, so I don't know if you caught the very squinty-eyed-barely-there-if-you-look-at-it-at-a-c ertain-angle-and-twist-into-a-pretzel reference to Harry Potter). But that's what I mean by hints. No definite names would ever be listed, so don't expect to see the name Dumbledore pop up in this fic, like, ever. I love making cross references though, and there are a few anime that would fit rather seamlessly into the Natsume Yuujinchou universe.

Japanese mythology has a habit of doing that. It's just so deliciously flexible that way.

But those who moan at the idea shouldn't worry. I'll try to make it separate enough that if you absolutely hate it, you can cut it out and pretend that it never existed. Or you might not even notice I did it. Win-win?

Anyway, on to Natsume's version of ass kicking. Or smiling sweetly and pretending he isn't being insulted for the umpteenth billionth time. Oh Natsume...

* * *

><p><strong>Past Debts (Family Reunion Arc: Part 13)**

_ Before meeting the Fujiwaras, the longest I have ever stayed with a family was three months. Knowing that nobody needed to take me in, the fact that any family willingly did so was something that has stayed with me throughout my life. I was grateful, and I did my best to show my gratitude. But now thinking back, perhaps that had been a mistake. In my effort to be grateful, I had perhaps sent the families a different message: that I couldn't imagine that anyone would want me. That I wasn't anyone of value. And so I became something that could be given away—turned from family, to guest, to stranger—to thing._

* * *

><p>The crowd of people within the temple is both strange and familiar. As a child, he had lived with many of them for short periods—long enough that their faces twinge bits of memory he has long tried to forget, short enough that the twinges do not bring up anything more than that. Natsume feels Shigeru-san's hand on his shoulder as he removes his shoes and places them onto the shelves lining the entrance way. It is firm and gentle, an unwavering support in a sea of barely hidden hostility. Some of the knowledge comes to him as they pass by groups of people deep in whispered conversation. Others come to him in thoughts and feelings.<p>

That the individuals in the crowd are hostile is something Natsume knows for a fact. As a human boy, he had only been able to guess. Now, he knows for sure. And a part of him smolders with the beginning of anger, for not all of the hostility is directed at him.

_"There he is..."_

_ "I heard he was taken in by the Fujiwaras."_

_ "Why… they have to bring him here…?"_

No, some of it is directed at the Fujiwaras, for daring to bring him, Natsume, the unwanted, here. Even though Natsume has not seen some of those relatives for many years, nothing has changed.

_"Probably didn't want… boy destroying… while… away."_

_"Still… hope he doesn't cause… scene."_

_ "… Always such a troublesome child."_

For the majority of his life, Natsume has had to put on a pleasant front, a mask, to hide his feelings of hurt and loneliness. The habit returns to him immediately, and he smiles in response to something Touko-san says to him. But he is not really listening, only reacting.

"Ah, Fujiwara Shigeru-san, Touko-san!"

An elderly woman shuffles forward, her bent back preventing her from bowing properly.

"Grandmother, it has been too long," Shigeru-san says, bowing in return. Touko-san does as well, and Natsume follows suit.

He does not know the woman very well. Only that she is the head of the family, the wife of the great-grandfather whose death is the reason why they have all gathered here, at the temple. The great-grandfather had been dead long before Natsume had ever been born, but as is tradition, it has now been seventeen years since the great-grandfather's death, and the family is now gathered once again in his memory.

Being the orphaned, unwanted child, and constantly passed around from relative to relative, Natsume has never had a chance to meet the woman, never been allowed to go near her.

"This is Natsume Takashi-kun," Shigeru-san says, drawing Natsume close.

"Great-Grandmother," Natsume says, bowing respectfully.

The woman, who had been the picture of a welcoming host before, now changes from superficial pleasantry to sharp-eyed shrewdness. Natsume stands still, allowing himself to be scrutinized. Most would be intimidated by the challenge in the formidable woman's eyes, but Natsume has faced down gods who could destroy him without a second thought, has stood against humans who would turn him into something worse than a slave. He looks back at her, unafraid.

The room falls silent, as the rest of the family pauses in their conversation to watch what will happen next.

"I've heard of you, boy. Your name is Natsume Takashi?" she says.

"Yes, Great-Grandmother."

"Your mother's name," she says, with a sniff. "You should have been named Tachibana."

All of a sudden the room is so quiet, the humming of the cicadas outside is a roar in Natsume's ears.

"My name is Natsume Takashi," Natsume says, smiling gently.

"Hah!" The old woman suddenly no longer looked frail at all. If she had a cane, Natsume does not doubt that she would have thumped the floor with it. "Are you saying that you are refusing to acknowledge your father's line?"

"My father willingly chose to take the Natsume name," Natsume says evenly. "To take anything else would be to dishonor his memory."

_And my grandmother's as well._

The thoughts, unspoken, nevertheless fill the room. He can sense the changes of expression by the others, as some shift from prying interest to barely masked outrage. Nor is it lost on the old woman. For a moment the two of them look at each other, measuring the other. That Natsume is—to everyone else—a mere child, is not lost on him.

_But I have long ceased to be a child._

Nor does Natsume intend to play that role any longer. He does not have a firm grasp yet of who he is, but Natsume knows who he is not. And who he does not want to be.

"Hmph! Cheeky brat, aren't you?" she says. "But he's grown up well, hasn't he? There aren't many who would dare face me down." She gives Shigeru-san and Touko-san an approving look. "I don't know if there is any truth to the rumors, but if there was ever even the slightest truth to them, the two of you are to be commended."

"Takashi-kun has never been any trouble for us," Touko-san says, firmly, quietly.

"Oh?"

"Much of the rumors are misunderstandings and much maligned," Shigeru-san adds. "If truths are believed to be fabrications, even the most honest child will begin to lie."

The words, casually spoken, send a ripple of shock down Natsume's spine. He whirls to look at the Fujiwaras, and his eyes meet Shigeru-san's twinkling ones, Touko-san's understanding gaze. He reaches out a hand, and the hand meets Shigeru-san's, reinforcing the truth of those words.

How long have they known? How long have they worried from afar, biding their time until the day Natsume finally finds the courage to speak, finally learns to trust them enough? To believe them enough? He opens his mouth to say something, but despite all of his practice in court, his experience as Lord Onwa deserts him.

Suddenly the room is filled with noise, as if, now that the main show is over, everyone else is pretending that it had never happened. Great-Grandmother too turns away, thanking them for coming while she greets the next family that walks up and presents the old woman with offerings for the alter. But even so, Natsume can sense her watching him every once in a while, as if hoping to figure out what Shigeru-san had meant.

"Run along now, Takashi-kun," Touko-san says, nudging Natsume toward a group of children his age, all of whom are surreptitiously ignoring the adults. "There is still time before the memorial ceremony begins."

"We'll talk later," Shigeru-san says, nodding.

Natsume nods, then turns away obediently, his emotions are still too scrambled to do anything but react. When he looks at the group of children, some of whom he recognizes, he feels their ranks close against him. Immediately he finds himself once more back in a world he knows all too well. Here, he is a liar. Odd. Creepy. Outcast.

It hurts.

But then he sees the scurry of tiny feet, and smiles to himself. Even here, in an area that humans consider holy, there are spirits. No doubt some of those spirits are here to catch a glimpse of the visiting god. Once their presence would have filled him with dread, but now they comfort him. If he is ignored by the rest of his relatives today, at least there are a few friendly faces.

_"We welcome you, Lord Onwa." _

_ "Much honor to you and yours." _

Outside, through the window, Natsume catches a glimpse of white fur, and knows that Nyanko-sensei is here as well, if not visible. To the Fujiwaras, he has been left back at home, with a large cache of food. Another shadow passes by. Misuzu is here as well.

Natsume sighs. Touched as he is by their worry, he hopes that the two of them are at least shielded. If not, he will need to go out briefly to reinforce the shields himself. Any Onizuka clan member who sees the two of them would only need to put two and two together to deduce that Lord Onwa is here.

The smaller spirits however, are a different story.

"Thank you for coming to see me," Natsume says softly, nodding to a group of flower spirits who have managed to find the courage to approach him.

_"Ugh, look at him. He's speaking to nothing again."_

_ "See? Told you. Creepy." _

"Is there a ghost there?" one of them says loudly. "Are you going to scream at a shadow and claim that a monster is about to eat you?"

The comment is met with snickers, with some of the surrounding adults smirking openly in response.

Natsume gives one last smile at the flower spirits, and straightens. The spirits, one and all, give the surrounding humans angry glares.

_"Such rudeness!"_

_ "Disrespect!"_

_ "As if any of us would ever…!"_

_"You should curse them, Lord Onwa, for such human insolence."_

"You will do nothing," he says, turning away from the spirits to face the one who had made the comment. The grumbles continue, but he knows that the spirits will obey his orders. It is not, after all, for his followers to deal with human matters.

No, that is Lord Onwa's duty.

"Hello Kurosawa Daichi-san. It has been a long time, hasn't it?"

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Notes: <strong>Based on my research, Japanese reunions rarely happen without a reason. By this, I mean family reunions do not occur just to have a reunion. The most common reasons for reunions are similar to American Thanksgivings or Christmases: they are holidays meant for family gatherings. In the Japanese case, this would happen during Obon or New Year's. But neither of those would serve my purposes, as nowadays most of those are gatherings for close or immediate family members. Distant ones, like the Fujiwaras, would not go to one of those (they have their own close relatives to visit, if they so choose).

I wanted gatherings that would include a good number of distant relatives, and there are a few outside of the holidays. Those would be weddings and funerals. Shigeru-san first met Natsume because he'd been brought along for a funeral, which Shigeru-san had also happened to attend.

Of course, since I hadn't mentioned anybody getting married or that there was a death in the previous chapter, neither of those options were available to me. For the purposes of this fic, I decided to settle on a memorial. Based on what I've viewed on youtube (very boring and long vids might I add—the things I do for you guys) there is a mixture of structure with just enough variation that I have some options in how I want the story to go.

I do not intend to go into too much detail on this, because ceremonies bore me, and this fic has always been about Natsume, not about how much I can show off my knowledge of Japanese culture. So for those curious, you are welcome to look it up for yourself, or search _houji_ on youtube. But the following will be all I will say of the matter.

The Japanese typically hold memorials after the death of a prominent or beloved family member's death. This is based off of Japanese Buddhism, as opposed to other types of Buddhism (for comparison, I was raised as a Taiwanese Buddhist, with a liberal dash of the old Chinese gods/Taoism for good measure, which is... very different). Not every family member attends the whole ceremony, with some just bringing offerings for the alter and then leaving. But mostly there is a ceremony in the morning, then everybody gets together for lunch/dinner and part ways.

Memorials are held every year that ends on either a 3 or 7, so it would go with 3 years, then 7 years, 13 years, 17 years, until the 40th or even the 50th year, when they would no longer be held. In this case, I chose 17, since I didn't want the memorialized family member to have a strong connection to Natsume, or have it take up too much of the story, but enough that he would have a reason to also be invited along with the Fujiwaras.

I hope this provides enough information to make a believable and more or less accurate backdrop for what will be happening in the next few parts.


	77. Repayment

**A/N: **So it has been a long time, and I apologize for making all of you wait in the middle of an arc. As those of you who are familiar with my habit of announcing hiatuses in the summary know, I lost a family member recently. There's a certain irony in this. After all, just as I had been writing about a family reunion, I was suddenly called to my own family reunion.

Because my grandfather, who had been battling cancer for two years, finally passed away.

I won't say that it wasn't somewhat of a relief, because he had been suffering. And now he isn't in pain anymore.

But I still don't want him gone.

As you, my dear readers, are aware, I am familiar with Japan. I hold a deep love and familiarity with the culture and the language both.

This is all thanks to my grandfather, who had been educated under the Japanese system, and was truly more Japanese than Taiwanese. He was the one who introduced me to it. I used to sit in his lap while he watched Japanese television programs, listen to him sing _enka_ while pointing out all the famous places featured in the karaoke videos, and vow that someday, someday, I would go see those places too. Someday I would be able to speak the language that he loved with all his heart.

Really, I learned it for him. And eventually for myself. But it was for him first. And the two of us were the only two in the family who were fluent in Japanese.

Now I'm the only one.

Grandpa used to tell us grandkids stories: Japanese folktales and legends, gods and spirits, tales of beginnings and ends. It fostered my love for them. As an adult, I used to talk to him regularly about those stories, and even now, I use my knowledge of them as references in my own writing.

So in a sense, I wouldn't be here, writing _The Human Mask_, if it weren't for him and everything he taught me.

So thank you grandpa. Thank you so much. I miss you. Gods, I miss you. But I will keep walking, because that too, you taught me.

And thank you my dear readers. Thank you always for your love and support. Thank you.

* * *

><p><strong>Repayment (Family Reunion Arc: Part 23)**

_ It was easier to believe that I was the one to blame, easier to tell myself that I deserved the things they said to me, the things they did to me. When I was alone and unwanted, it was far easier to dream that things would be different if only I could manage to become just like everyone else. Easier to bear the burden of blame, than to realize that the people that I had believed were good and just were anything but._

* * *

><p>"Hello Kurosawa Daichi-san," Natsume says, a faint trace of a smile on his lips. It deepens as he turns to face the other boy, a well-practiced façade that has existed for as long as he has remembered. "It has been a long time, hasn't it?"<p>

He bows politely, ignoring the icy silence by the others.

"So, liar, it looks like you haven't changed at all," Kurosawa-san says.

Natsume tilts his head, pretending not to understand.

"Who were you talking to this time, huh? A three-eyed woman? A goblin?" someone in the back says. He is soon joined by a chorus of snickers.

"Does it really matter who I was talking to?" Natsume asks, still smiling. It is easier than he had imagined. For a moment he had felt a flicker of the side of him that is Lord Onwa, and had feared the rage that came with an insulted god. But Lord Onwa is merely amused. These human children after all, are a paltry, meaningless existence. They can do nothing to him that he, Lord Onwa, cannot effortlessly overcome. "Either way, you cannot see it."

Kurosawa-san grits his teeth.

"You're going to keep this up are you? You think the people you're with are going to give you more attention?"

"It's never worked before," Natsume replies. Buoyed by the amusement from the side of him that is spirit, he can feel the emotions of anger and indignation from the others and brush them aside. A part of him understands why they are feeling the way they do. Because they cannot see.

But he is tired of hiding who he is just to salve the hurt feelings of those who cannot, do not understand.

And he is no longer human.

As he opens his mouth to say something, he feels yet another presence behind him. A moment later, a hand falls gently on his shoulder.

"Takashi-kun? It's you isn't it?"

Natsume turns around, facing the painfully familiar young man behind him. Of all the cousins here, he remembers this one best of all.

This young man, after all, had been the son of the last family Natsume had stayed with. The one before Natsume had finally found a home with the Fujiwaras.

"Suou-san…"

The name comes out of him, unbidden. Unlike the others, Suou Jun had been kind to him, concerned by the absentminded cruelty of his own parents. At the time, Natsume had been too hurt to acknowledge that kindness, too cautious to reach out. Now perhaps, he can return what had been offered to him before.

Suou-san smiles at him.

"I thought I told you that Suou was fine," he says. "It's good to see you again."

"Ah," Natsume says, his surprise reforming back into a smile. This time though, the smile is genuine. "How were the exams?"

"Difficult," Suou-san says, smiling. "But I got into Waseda, so mother is pleased."

"Congratulations."

"And you… you're still living with the Fujiwaras?"

"Yes," Natsume says. "They're very good people."

"I'm glad," Suou-san says. "Very glad. Mother was… you know, she was never…"

"She was worried for you," Natsume says. "It's all right. Touko-san and Shigeru-san are wonderful people."

"Then you've found a place. I wondered."

The two of them pause awkwardly, unsure of what to do next. Behind them, Natsume senses Kurosawa Daichi-san and the others grumble amongst themselves, then move on.

"After the ceremony," Suou-san suddenly says. "After the ceremony, there's time before lunch. Do you want to…?"

"Where?" Natsume asks, once again feeling a thread of surprise, this time however, mixed with delight.

"There's a convenience store and a park between here and the restaurant. It's not much, but you know…"

"Of course."

An unspoken feeling of relief passes between the two of them. Suou-san is painfully, almost desperately eager to see Natsume again. As if he hopes that by becoming friends, he will be able to atone for the negligence his own parents had shown Natsume.

"I'll say this as many times as necessary," Natsume says. "It wasn't your fault. And in the end, it worked out, didn't it?"

"It just as could not have though," Suou-san says. "I never believed those rumors…" He falls silent, too embarrassed to continue.

"That I could see spirits?" Natsume asks.

"It's ridiculous, don't you think?"

Said so earnestly, it nearly takes all of Natsume's self-control to maintain his calm. Suou-san had not meant to hurt him with those words after all.

For a moment Natsume is silent, while he considers the crossroads he is once again standing on, observing the paths that he can take. One road is well worn—a path which, as a child, through punishment and scorn, he had finally learned to walk. Another is rocky and abandoned. Natsume had tried to walk that path once, but had soon learned that it was better to pretend that it did not exist.

Better to lie and be considered truthful, than to tell the truth and be called a liar.

"Takashi-kun?"

"Tell me what I should say," Natsume says, quietly. He watches Suou-san's expression carefully, noting the slowly widening eyes and growing tension in the young man's shoulders. "Suou-san, you were kind to me when other people were not. You… you cared for me. And I'm grateful, truly grateful. So tell me what I should say, Suou-san. Tell me."

"You…" Suou-san stares at first, but soon his eyes dart away, focusing on everything else but Natsume, as if too frightened by the implications. In the corner of his eye, Natsume can see the others coming closer again, sensing the turn in the conversation.

Then a wave of murmurs start, first coming from the entrance way, then making its way slowly toward where Natsume is standing. Natsume turns to look as well, and watches the man dressed in formal black robes greet Great-Grandmother in a friendly and familiar fashion.

"The service is starting now," Natsume says. "We need to go."

"Ah… yes. Yes," Suou-san says. His eyes are still wild, still trying to look at everything else but Natsume.

"Shall I wait for you at the entranceway after?" Natsume asks.

"You've changed, haven't you, Takashi-kun?" Suou-san whispers. But then he straightens. "I'll wait for you at the entranceway. We can then head to the restaurant together after."

"Sure."

Natsume sees Shigeru-san make his way toward Natsume, then stopping at the staircase leading up to the ceremony room. He begins motioning for Natsume to follow him.

"You didn't tell me what you want me to say," Natsume says, quietly.

Once again, the look is back.

"Well… you know. Let's… let's leave that for another time, right?" Suou-san pauses, then smiles weakly.

Natsume smiles as well.

"Of course."

As he joins Shigeru-san and Touko-san at the foot of the stairs, he cannot help but feel a spark of gratitude for his friends, feel a surge of awe for his friends' courage.

No, it is not Suou-san's fault. It never had been.

Few people, after all, can take that last, final step.

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Notes: <strong>I took some liberties with the characters. For example, Kurosawa is a character completely of my own creation, in part because in canon Natsume is so vague when it comes to his relatives. Understandable of course, but it makes for difficult writing. I chose generic, meaningless names for both the characters I featured in this chapter, and that is really how they should be seen. I really liked Suou Jun (nameless in canon) in the anime though, and had hoped that he would return. There are few enough characters who are good to Natsume as it is. Therefore, repayment.

As for the school mentioned, Waseda University is a very prestigious, private university in Japan. It is currently ranked 13, and can boast many notable people as its alumni. Unlike in the United States, public schools in Japan are generally considered better, but Waseda University is quite good. Suou's mother is right to be proud of him getting in.


	78. New Connections

**A/N: **So as I was writing this particular chapter, I realized that once again, my pacing is simply not that good. There was too much I wanted to fit in, but couldn't, so rather than stuff everything into a chapter that will end up being 3000 words, I am cutting it into two, and we now have a four-part arc instead. Apologies. But nevertheless, I hope all of you still find it acceptable.

I would also like to thank you for all of your words of comfort and reassurance. I swear, I don't deserve fans like you guys. I don't know what I would do without all of you. Thank you so much.

As an aside, I have _finally_ gotten into the wonderfulness that is _Shingeki no Kyojin_. Does anybody else here find it hysterical that the same voice actor for Natsume also voices **Levi** of all people? But I suppose, if you guys are now wondering how Natsume sounds when he's being super-serious/powerful Lord Onwa, imagine Levi's voice. But without the swearing and the casual mention of certain bodily functions. Now I kind of want to write fic where these two meet and utterly confuse each other...

* * *

><p><strong>New Connections (Family Reunion Arc: Part 34)**

_It is a risk. It has always been a risk. To reach out. To acknowledge. To accept. To trust. There are some things however, that cannot be told. Things that, no matter what, I must keep to myself. Because for someone like me, the risks are simply too high._

* * *

><p>The service lasts for no more than two hours, but it is enough for some of the younger ones to begin fidgeting, and Natsume can hear mothers whispering sharply at their children. For him, it feels like a blur, the night-long courts he holds having trained him to sit long hours. Or perhaps, no longer human, human hours may simply no longer register to him.<p>

When the priest finishes the final chant, everybody gets up, many with sighs of relief, some stumbling slightly, having lost the feeling in their legs.

"Shall we go, Takashi-kun?" Shigeru-san asks.

"Mm," Natsume says, then pauses, remembering. "Oh, I'm going to be with Suou-san for a while. We'll go to the restaurant together later."

"Suou-san…" Shigeru-san says, clearly not expecting such a reply. He blinks, then smiles. "Ah, you mean the son. Not the parents?"

"Mm. There's a park nearby. I thought it would be nice to catch up again. Suou-san was… he was kind to me. Back then."

"Then you should go," Shigeru-san says, putting an arm around him and giving Natsume's shoulders a slight squeeze. "We'll see you later at the restaurant."

"Yes. I'll see you later."

Suou-san is waiting for him at the entranceway, as promised. Natsume runs to him, feeling the pleasure from the Fujiwaras as he leaves their sides. It is the last feeling of pleasure he senses. The glances from his other relatives reveal emotions that are tolerant at best, while from his peers there is a mixture of disgust and hostility.

"Shall we go?" Suou-san says, moving stiffly alongside Natsume. "I really need to stretch my legs after all that sitting." He sighs. "I haven't sat _seiza_ for years."

Natsume laughs quietly in response. That particular sitting position is far too familiar to him. Not that he would ever feel stiff—in any position.

They walk in companionable silence for a while, Suou-san occasionally fanning himself as the heat of summer descends upon them both.

"I need to get a drink. Let's stop at the convenience store."

"Air conditioning would be nice too," Natsume says, feigning discomfort. He wonders if he will give himself away, then dismisses the thought. Suou-san, unlike an exorcist, may be puzzled by Natsume's lack of sweat, but that would be the end of it.

As they enter the convenience store, Suou-san gives a loud sigh of relief.

"Takashi-kun, did you want anything? I'll treat you."

"Sure," Natsume says easily. Before the Fujiwaras, he would have refused, but now he understands the meaning behind the offer: a gesture of friendship. "If there's anything you want to eat, I'll treat you too," he adds.

"Before lunch? Thanks for the offer, but no," Suou-san says, laughing. He scans the drink aisle, and settles on a C.C. Lemon. "Mother would kill me if she knew I was drinking soda."

"Now's your chance," Natsume says. The two of them share a conspiratorial look.

"Go on, pick your drink." When Natsume selects a bottle of green tea, Suou-san makes a noise of protest. "Make me look bad, why don't you?"

"I like green tea," Natsume says.

"Just for that, I'm going to take you up on your offer, just to make you pay," Suou-san says with mock outrage. He strides off in the direction of the pastries, presumably off to buy the most expensive item there.

Natsume smiles, enjoying the lighthearted atmosphere. Excluding the Fujiwaras, it is something he has never had with any of his relatives, and he is glad that there is at least one other whom he can connect with. But as he follows Suou-san into the pastry aisle, playfully begging Suou-san not to buy anything _too_ expensive, he suddenly senses something that makes him freeze.

_No. Surely not. _

"Ahah, I've found it, Takashi-kun. It's one thousand yen."

Natsume does not answer, his mind too busy trying to find a way out of his situation. But his mind is blank, and no plans are forthcoming.

The bell chimes, and Natsume hears the automatic doors slide open.

"Is there a reason why you're involving yourself in my business?" an irritated, all too familiar sounding voice says. The words are hissed, barely audible to human ears, but Natsume is no human.

"Because, as you know, _he_ is involved. He's been trying to make you look like you've betrayed us. And irritating though you are, I care about you." Another, all too familiar voice, spoken just as quietly. "What were you thinking, making such an agreement?"

Suddenly Natsume is glad, very glad, that he is short. The shelves keep him hidden. And he is tightly shielded.

"It's too late to be asking that question now, don't you think?" There is a pause. "Besides, even if I could back out of the agreement, I wouldn't."

"You're serious."

"Yes. You… you haven't talked to him."

"Point of fact, I have."

"Not like me. Not the way I have. There's…" Again, a pause. "There's something very innocent about him. As if he still believes that things will always work out well in the end. Call me foolish, call it my youth and inexperience and naiveté, but I want to believe the same thing. That perhaps, there can be peace."

"That's… You know their kind will just as soon lie in order to get their own way. Kiyoshi-kun, you of all people should know that. What happened to your brother…"

"Enough!" A surge of emotion, and Natsume feels his heart ache in sympathy. There is a sigh. "Believe me, I had considered all the risks. And unlike my brother, I—"

Natsume feels a tug at his shoulder, and turns around to face Suou-san.

"Come on, let's go pay for these," he says, unaware of what had been occupying Natsume for the past minute.

Pay. At the counter. Natsume turns around back toward where the conversation is still continuing. If he goes out now, they will definitely notice him.

"Here," Natsume says, taking out his wallet and taking out a thousand yen bill. "There's something I want to see outside. I'll wait there for you, is that okay?"

"Oh… um… sure. I suppose." Suou-san gives him a quizzical look, but Natsume, feeling the two men coming closer, moves past Suou-san quickly.

"I'll be outside. Waiting."

Before Suou-san can say anything, Natsume is past him, and a second later is out the door. He lets out a sigh of relief, leaning against the wall of the store, and contemplates what he had just overheard.

It is not the first time Onizuka-san had mentioned his brother, but Natsume had never asked him what had happened, sensing—and rightfully so, it seems—that there is still too much pain tied to the subject. Whatever had happened could only be related to spirits. That Onizuka-san had chosen, despite the fate of his brother, to trust Natsume, is an act of incredible courage.

The door chimes, releasing a gush of cold air, and Natsume turns around, expecting Suou-san.

"Ah…"

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Notes: <strong>_Seiza_ is a traditional sitting position in Japan, literally meaning upright or correct sitting, where the lower legs are tucked underneath you, and you essentially sit on them. You see this in any traditional function, such as memorial ceremonies like the one Natsume attends, tea ceremonies, religious functions, and martial arts. Anyone who takes martial arts is probably familiar with this position. It's also the sitting position for when you're getting yelled at (after getting in trouble). Touko-san made Natsume do this when he had received the three-day curse and left the house without telling her where he was going.

Usually around the ten minute mark it starts to get pretty uncomfortable, as your feet fall asleep. I've experienced numbness so bad that by the end of the ceremony I literally could not feel them. It was as if I had lost my feet, and there were two odd floppy weights at the ends of my legs. Not the most pleasant of times.

While traditionally the Japanese sit like this normally, fewer and fewer people do so, as sitting cross-legged is now more common. Therefore the younger generation is generally unable to sit like this for any length of time. Natsume was unusual in the manga and anime in that he could do this often. And now I suppose he doesn't feel numbness anywhere. Lucky him...


	79. Tangling Lines

**A/N: **This is the final part of the family reunion arc. From here Natsume will head home... but with more than a few questions left, naturally. I don't want to give too much away, so I'll just leave it at that. I apologize if it doesn't quite offer closure, but I'm already working on the next parts. Just be patient. Once again, thank you for all of your condolences. I don't think I could have lasted this long without all of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

* * *

><p><strong>Tangling Lines (Family Reunion Arc: Part 44)**

_My worlds are slowly coming together, put in a place where I have nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. Is this it? Is this where I am finally forced to face the facades I've created—the lies I've weaved?_

* * *

><p>"Ah…"<p>

"Ah indeed," Natori-san says. The smile that is usually on his face is nowhere present. "I thought it was you I saw slipping out the door. So…" He gives Natsume an appraising look. "Is there a reason why you were trying to avoid me?"

"You looked busy." The words come out as a guilty mumble, while what remains of his brain is wildly panicking, unable to come up with an explanation.

"Not so busy that I wouldn't have appreciated a hello from you," Natori-san says, his expression softening. "What are you doing here?"

"I came with my family."

"Your family? The Fujiwara couple."

Natsume nods. Even in the worst situation possible, he cannot suppress the slight glow of pleasure he feels at being able to name Shigeru-san and Touko-san as his family.

Natori-san smiles, but then the smile fades.

"I'd like to talk to you later. Do you have time right now?"

"Oh, umm…"

"Hey, Natori, why did you suddenly leave? I thought you wanted to t—" Then Onizuka-san catches a glimpse of Natsume, and freezes.

"Ah, Kiyoshi-kun. Come here. Allow me to introduce you to a friend of mine," Natori-san says.

"I thought I've told you to stop calling me that." Onizuka-san's voice is stiff. And the emotions coming from him are all too clear to Natsume. "The name is Onizuka."

"Of course," Natori-san says. "But forgive me if I still remember the brat who used to run after me at the exorcist gatherings and try to one up me with spells."

"I _never_ ran after you. And your spells were crap. Honestly, you were irritating before, but you've become ten times worse since you've started acting."

"Unlike you, Kiyoshi-kun, my clan has long since dispersed. I can't make a living _only_ as an exorcist." Onizuka-san says nothing in reply to this, merely snorts. His face is a careful mask, revealing nothing of his reaction to seeing Natsume. At least to Natori-san. Natsume however, can sense the careful calculations that lie beneath the surface.

He is withholding judgment, Natsume realizes. Remembering Matoba's assumption—that Lord Onwa regularly masquerades as Natsume Takashi, perhaps Onizuka-san is wondering the same. But no… there is something he has forgotten. Something…

"Kiyoshi-kun, this is my friend, Natsume Takashi. Natsume-kun, this is a fellow exorcist, Onizuka Kiyoshi." Natori-san turns back to Onizuka-san. "Natsume-kun has worked as an assistant of mine in the past. Though I certainly was not expecting to see him here today."

"Nice to meet you," Natsume says automatically, bowing politely. There is a flash of something in Onizuka-san's eyes, and Natsume senses Onizuka-san's characteristic sharpness about to make an appearance.

"You assist him in exorcisms?" he asks, not quite hiding the skepticism in his voice.

"Only seals. Nothing harmful," Natori-san says. He gives Natsume an affectionate pat on the head. "He's too sweet at times."

Natsume is about to ready a retort when the doors slide open again. In that moment, Natsume is struck by the ridiculousness of the situation, and finds himself needing to resist the urge to giggle hysterically.

"Sorry Takashi-kun, for making you wait. They ran out of change, can you believe that?"

Both Onizuka-san and Natori-san turn toward the new voice, and Suou-san stares.

"Aren't you… aren't you Natori Shuuichi?"

"Suou-san," Natsume says, pushing past Natori-san and grabbing the bag in Suou-san's hand. "Thank you for treating me. I'll carry this."

"You don't have to, Takashi-kun."

"A friend of yours? Natsume," Natori-san says, automatically assuming his most charming guise.

"My cousin," Natsume says. "I stayed with his family before I moved in with the Fujiwaras." Next to Natori-san, Natsume can see a look of doubt cross Onizuka-san's face, before once again becoming unreadable. Is it enough? "I'm sorry Natori-san, but I really need to go." He turns to Suou-san. "Don't we need to be there by one? It's almost… twelve-fifty."

"We'll just be able to make it I think. But we can be a little late," Suou-san says. Turning fully toward Natsume, he bends toward Natsume's ear and whispers loudly, "How did you meet Natori Shuuichi of all people?!"

"It's… it's a long story."

Suou-san straightens.

"I'll just bet it is."

Natori-san starts laughing, and Natsume flushes.

"I happened to be filming a drama near the town Natsume-kun lives. He tripped over me while I had been taking a quick nap in between scenes."

"You tripped over him?" Suou-san says, looking at Natsume, astonished.

"It was an accident," Natsume says. "He was lying in waist-high grass." Seeing Suou-san's look of amused disbelief, he flushes even more, and wonders if his face will ever recover from what looks to be a permanent blush. "Anyway, we really need to go," he says, pushing against Suou-san.

"Go where?"

Natsume stiffens, and slowly turns to face Onizuka-san.

"My great-grandfather's memorial service," Natsume answers quietly. Onizuka-san's eyes narrow.

"Actually, it's the lunch after the service," Suou-san corrects. He smiles wryly. "That priest went on forever."

"Great-grandmother loved it though," Natsume says, recalling the deeply satisfied expression on the formidable old woman's face throughout the service.

"She's always liked that kind of thing," Suou-san replies. "It's the same priest every year too. I remember him from last time."

"Oh."

Suou-san pauses.

"That's right. This is the first time you've been allowed to attend great-grandfather's memorial service." The expression on his face is sober. "I'm sorry, I forgot."

"It's all right," Natsume says. "I'm with the Fujiwaras now."

Natori-san turns to Onizuka-san, clearly embarrassed by the exchange, and coughs slightly.

"Do you have time after the lunch then, Natsume-kun?"

Natsume shakes his head.

"We're heading straight back after. Shigeru-san has to go to work tomorrow."

"A pity." Natori-san's eyes flash for a moment. "I'll send you a message later then."

A spelled message. No doubt one of Natori's paper figures will be flying toward the Fujiwara house the moment Natsume is out of sight, where it will wait to confirm Natsume's arrival home. For a second, he feels a flash of resentment, borne not from the part of him that is human, but the part of him that is spirit—god. Who is this human, to dare to keep tabs on _him_?

There is a quiet gasp, quickly suppressed, too quick for Natsume to sense who had made the sound. He looks over to Suou-san, who looks amused and also slightly star-struck in the presence of Natori-san. Nothing has changed on Natori-san's expression either, and Onizuka-san's expression remains as unreadable as ever.

_Have I somehow… given myself away?_

But how?

And to whom?

Suou-san reaches into his pocket, and picks up a vibrating cell phone. He groans.

"Mother, asking me where I am. We need to go, Takashi-kun."

"Yeah." Natsume turns to Natori-san. "I'll see you later then?"

"Perhaps," Natori-san says, smiling. "It might still be a while. I have another scene I need to film late tonight." He sighs, and then raises one arm toward the sky. "A moonlit, romantic scene."

Together, at the same time, Onizuka-san and Natsume both groan. Then they pause, observing each other closely. Natsume is keenly aware at that moment that their purpose is much the same.

_How much has he suspected? How much does he know?_

"It was nice meeting you."

"Yes. Me too," Onizuka-san says.

"Come on, let's go," Suou-san says, nudging Natsume along.

"Bye."

But even as he leaves the two exorcists in front of the convenience store, he cannot help but sense Onizuka-san's eyes on him.

Until he disappears around the bend on the road, not once do those eyes leave him.


	80. Lines Unraveling

**A/N: **Either you guys have become accustomed to me being a complete, irresponsible flake, or you guys are just really considerate. Because I swear, two weeks without updating and I haven't heard a peep from any of you guys! Well, I have excuses, but you don't really need to hear them. I'll try harder not to miss my weekly updates from now on (falls onto her knees in shame). I don't deserve readers like you. I really don't.

And yes, I'm aware that the next update for _Child of Spirits_ is also far overdue. I have not forgotten it. I'm just... an incredible failure. Sorry. I don't want to give an exact date because I don't know if I can keep it. Let's just tentatively say that I will have a new chapter for that out by the New Year. Hopefully.

As for this, we go from the previous arc straight to the next arc. And I apologize for leaving this one on a cliff hanger as well. It's cheap and horrible, but hopefully the holidays will keep you guys occupied enough that the wait won't be too painful.

Please read and enjoy!

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><p><strong>Lines Unraveling (Confrontation Arc: Part 13)**

_ Too many lies. Too many stories. It was only a matter of time before I would be found out, and I knew that even as I made them—a desperate attempt to protect what I had, to keep the things I was familiar with the same. But my selfishness has consequences, and time is now finally running out. Time now, to face the promise I had made to Lord Mibu those many months ago. To protect the law that binds even gods._

* * *

><p>It seems odd to be eating breakfast with the Fujiwaras, knowing what Natsume knows about them now. They had arrived home the previous evening too tired to do anything more than ready for bed. But morning has once again arrived, and the question that had been haunting Natsume since the family reunion hangs over the table, a silent presence.<p>

"Takashi-kun? Is there something wrong?"

"Hm? Oh, no…" Natsume trails off, finding the topic harder to broach than he had expected. It is one thing to know that the Fujiwaras are aware, have been aware. It is another to confront them with it and tell them himself.

"Perhaps you wanted to ask us something?" Shigeru-san says, smiling gently.

Natsume stiffens, gathering his resolve. There is nothing to fear after all. They have not rejected him, have in fact accepted him, despite Natsume saying nothing all this time. Have waited patiently for the moment when he has grown to trust them enough to tell them himself.

Except that never happened. And now Natsume finds himself in the odd position of confessing to people who have known the truth all along.

The irony is certainly not lost on him.

"How… how long… have you known?" he finally asks, softly.

Both Touko-san and Shigeru-san grow still, giving each other a quiet look before setting down their chopsticks.

"There were rumors before we considered bringing you into our home," Shigeru-san finally says. "At the time, Touko and I had assumed them to be malicious, and had given them no thought."

"But you changed your mind," Natsume says. Somehow, between their decision to take him in and now, the Fujiwaras had learned the truth, but it had not disgusted them like it had his other relatives.

"Too many things happened that were unexplained," Shigeru-san says. "The time we found your room wrecked, for one."

Natsume nods, remembering that moment all too well. And Shigeru-san's odd reaction to it. Any other person would have yelled at Natsume and accepted his lie. But Shigeru-san had been silent on that score, had not, in fact, even bothered to ask Natsume just how he had managed to wreck the room so thoroughly.

Had they known since then?

"You didn't… ask me at the time," Natsume says. "I remember. You weren't angry at me."

"At that point we'd known you for a few months," Shigeru-san says. "And quite frankly you do not strike me as the kind of boy who would deliberately wreck his room."

"There were other instances," Touko-san adds. "The black bird I pointed out to you when you first arrived here. You told me about the white bird next to it remember?"

"But there was no white bird…" Natsume whispers, realizing what he had given away. Only he had seen it.

"We eventually realized that the rumors were true, though not in the sense that the others had tried to make it out to be," Shigeru-san says. He shakes his head slowly, as if hit with a sense of frustration too massive to put into words.

"You worked so hard to hide everything from us. So we knew that it couldn't have been because you—"

"Wanted attention?" The words come out more bitterly than Natsume had intended. But Touko-san merely nods.

"I suppose, for those who did not wish to see the truth, that it was easier to come up with a simpler explanation. Because the truth would have been far more frightening," Shigeru-san says.

"As if it would have been so hard to just listen for once!" Touko-san says indignantly, and Natsume finds himself warming up, touched by Touko-san's anger for his sake. Then seeing Natsume's expression, she softens, and reaches out a hand to hold Natsume's own. "We realized how many times your overtures must have been rejected, so we decided that we would wait for you to come to us on your own."

She smiles gently, her eyes containing so much _understanding_ that Natsume finds his own eyes prickling in reaction.

"You're not angry at me? For… for lying to you all this time?" His throat hitches, then tightens, making it hard to breathe.

"Oh, Takashi-kun," Touko-san says, getting out of her seat to rush over to Natsume's side.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Natsume says, feeling the tears spill over. "I didn't meant to…"

"Takashi-kun, we're not angry at you. We understand why you did what you did," Shigeru-san says, while Touko-san gently takes Natsume into her arms, an act that is so incredibly heartfelt that Natsume is temporarily too lost in emotions to do much more than react by clinging desperately to her. Eventually however, Touko-san straightens, though she gives Natsume one last pat on the head in reassurance.

"But we are, however, very worried about you," Touko-san says. "Something changed last year, changed you."

Natsume freezes. Though Touko-san and Shigeru-san are ordinary humans, even they had noted Natsume's change from god to human. Not the transformation itself, but what his new responsibilities are doing to him. An instinctive understanding that Natsume is involved in something that may be more than he can handle. A wave of incredible grief and regret overwhelms him, as Natsume wonders what might have happened if he had had the courage to come to the Fujiwaras with the truth before. How many things they could have talked about, shared. But at the moment when Natsume should be able to finally open everything up to the Fujiwaras, he knows that once more, he will have to lie. Just like with Nishimura and Kitamoto.

Because Natsume is no longer human.

More than anything, Natsume wishes that he could tell the Fujiwaras the truth. All of it. But that truth is forbidden. He had already pushed its boundaries when both Tanuma and Taki had found out. By all rights they should have had their memories wiped of the knowledge at the very least. As it is…

"I need to go to school now, Shigeru-san. Touko-san," Natsume says, looking at the clock.

"Ah. Ah! Oh that's right. You're going to be late!" Touko-san says, jumping up and running to the kitchen counter where Natsume's lunchbox is sitting.

"We'll talk about this when you get back from school," Shigeru-san says, putting a hand on Natsume's shoulder.

"Mm. We shall," Natsume says.

He sighs when he is out the door, noting Nyanko-sensei and several other spirits sitting on the walls watching him. Nyanko-sensei immediately jumps off the wall to waddle next to him.

"How did it go?"

"What do you mean, how did it go?" Natsume says.

"Did you tell them?"

"That's forbidden," Natsume says coldly, looking down at the cat.

Nyanko-sensei falls silent, scrabbling rapidly along the road while Natsume speeds up his own pace.

"So long as you understand."

"I do understand. I do!" Natsume says, stopping. "I know the reason for the rules and laws in place. What's more, I agree with them. So you don't… you don't have to remind me."

To remind him that time, even now, with its ever steady pace, is moving.

"There may be another way, you know," Nyanko-sensei says. "There usually is."

"I know," Natsume says. "But I've been running away all this time. And I can't afford to run away anymore."

"You mean you're tired of running away," Nyanko-sensei says. "Assuming it's running away in the first place."

Natsume resumes walking, and the two of them are silent as they begin to cross the bridge that is the final point before he enters the school grounds. But as he does so, something located at the end of the bridge causes Natsume to slow down, until once again, he stops.

"Time's just run out, Nyanko-sensei."

"You don't know that."

"There's only one reason why he'd be waiting there," Natsume says softly.

Only one reason.

Once again, it is time to lie.


	81. Tripping Acts

**A/N: **I'm being good this week by posting this story earlier than usual. Think of it as a Christmas/New Year's present. Or not. I confess that I'm finding these chapters harder and harder to write, in part because my mind is being lured away toward a new fandom. I may need to temporarily sate my urges by writing SnK fic. Which annoys me immensely. Because as much as I want to write baby!Eren and Papa!Levi fic I can't afford to start another one (Especially when I have a baby!Natsume and Papa!Madara fic that's still unfinished, lol. I just love baby fics, what can I say?). Unless you readers would like to read that as well?

I'll have to think of something to salvage this. Hmmm... I wonder how Natsume would survive in the SnK Universe. I mean, he's pretty used to having giant monsters trying to eat him all his life (has even actually nearly been swallowed before).

Nooooo! Must. Resist. Plot. Bunnies.

_Anyway_, the following chapter can be summarized thus: Natsume attempts damage control, except he ended up trying to patch the wrong thing. Ooooh, poor, poor, Natsume.

Please read and enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>Tripping Acts (Confrontation Arc: Part 23)**

_ There is always a choice: from the moment I decide what to say, what to do, what to assume, to the actual act itself. In all of this, I could stop at any time, change my mind at any moment. So I have no one to blame when the consequences of my decisions come back to haunt me. I can only do my best to make decisions for which I will have the fewest regrets. And when the regrets come, to face them honestly._

* * *

><p>It takes a while to assume control over himself. The Natsume he used to be, though it has only been a year since the change, is no longer easy to recall, and it takes time to remember, to remember the boy he was.<p>

To remember that the Natsume of last year would be cautiously friendly to Onizuka-san, but still wary. After all, Onizuka-san had been introduced to him by Natori-san. Surely the man is at least kind.

"Are you… Onizuka-san?"

Before Natsume can continue further, Onizuka-san turns to him, face dark with barely contained anger.

"You're going to play that game with me, are you?"

Natsume inadvertently takes several steps back, stunned by the level of anger directed at him.

"Eh?"

"You must have thought it was hilarious," Onizuka-san continues, taking a step forward. "When Natori had introduced me to you, you must have had such a good laugh afterward. Did you laugh too, when you overheard our conversation in the store? Oh I know you must have been amused. At the foolish exorcists who were naïve enough to trust _you_."

The words are practically spat out in disgust.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about," Natsume says, too caught up in the whirlwind of anger to think properly. "I don't understand…"

"You don't think I know who you really are?" Onizuka-san snaps. "_Natsume Takashi._" If anything, the fury and disgust in his voice increases. Suddenly he leans forward and grabs Natsume by the collar, turning around to slam Natsume against one of the steel poles supporting the bridge arch. Natsume lets out a slight gasp, and instinctively grabs at the hands around his neck. "So how long have you been doing this? How long have you been pretending to be human?"

"W-what?"

Abruptly Onizuka-san lets go, and Natsume stumbles, staring wide-eyed and shocked into Onizuka-san's face.

"I had my men look into Natsume Takashi's background," Onizuka-san says softly. "He lost his parents at a young age and was passed around by relatives who did not want him. A child cursed with a strong spiritual ability with no one around to appreciate or guide him through his gift." Onizuka-san steps back. "It's a thorough history. Certainly not something a spirit, no matter how fond of humans, would be able to create."

"If that's true, then I don't understand," Natsume says desperately. "Why?"

Onizuka-san takes a deep breath, and then looks over Natsume with a chilling expression that makes Natsume tremble. A dread feeling of foreboding settles in his stomach.

"I would certainly be willing to believe that Natsume Takashi is completely human… if it weren't for one thing." His eyes flash darkly. "Have you forgotten, Lord Onwa? _That you had shown me the face beneath your mask?_"

Natsume freezes, his limbs feeling oddly weak and unresponsive. It is all he can do to stand where he is, the unrelenting feeling of despair he had felt that morning returning once again. The feeling that time has run out.

_The thing I had forgotten. The act that has come back to haunt me._

What more can he do, under these circumstances?

"I've been caught, I see," Natsume says slowly, softly. He smiles sadly. "I'd wondered how long it would take for someone to notice."

Onizuka-san looks at him intently, fury and dissatisfaction still on his face.

"Is that all you have to say?"

Natsume flinches, this time honestly confused by Onizuka-san's persisting anger.

"What else did you want me to say?"

"Natsume Takashi. The real one. What happened to him?" Onizuka-san's hands are clenched so tightly that the rest of him is trembling. "I told you just now. Natsume Takashi's background is too detailed for any spirit to concoct. Not to mention that I can't imagine any spirit as powerful as you enduring the kind of humiliation the child must have gone through. Which means…"

Natsume's eyes widen in horror.

_No. No. He thinks I… I…_

"Were you too tempted by Natsume Takashi's power, by the idea of a plausible human life? Did you think to replace him, only to find yourself too caught up in his memories?"

"No!" He almost does not recognize the wild cry that has issued from his throat, desperately willing, hoping, that Onizuka-san will believe him. Natsume stares at Onizuka-san, the assumptions behind Onizuka-san's words making him sick. "No, I didn't. I…"

"Then what happened to him?" Onizuka-san shouts. "What—" Much to Natsume's surprise, Onizuka-san falls silent. Only when Natsume follows the man's gaze does he realize that they are no longer alone on the bridge. There are now other students also on their way to school. "Shall we take this elsewhere?"

"I'll be late for school," Natsume says automatically.

The look Onizuka-san gives him is icy.

"You don't understand. I have classmates who are expecting me. They… worry when I'm late."

"What does it matter?" Onizuka-san says. Then he stiffens. "Unless you…" Once again, his fists clench tightly. "You've mixed ordinary humans up into your little game?"

Natsume winces.

"It's not a game to him."

Both Onizuka-san and Natsume whirl around to face the new voice.

"Tanuma!"

A split second later Natsume feels himself pushed behind, Tanuma interposing himself between them, shielding Natsume protectively from Onizuka-san's ire.

"It's not a game to him. You'd know that, if you knew Natsume at all," Tanuma says.

Natsume has never heard Tanuma sound so furious. In fact, he's never even felt Tanuma annoyed. Frustrated, yes. Worried, often. Frightened, more times than he would like. But never angry.

"Who the hell are you?" Onizuka-san snaps, but there is less power to the bite, warring as it is with surprise and confusion at Tanuma's appearance.

"Tanuma is one of my friends, Onizuka-san," Natsume says, before Tanuma can reply. Slowly, he steps out from behind Tanuma, putting a hand on his friend's arm reassuringly. "Thank you, Tanuma." Natsume turns in Onizuka-san's direction, pushing down all of the feelings he has warring against each other. "You're right, Onizuka-san. Let's resolve this now. Shall we move our conversation elsewhere?"

The snort that Onizuka-san gives is nowhere near civil, but he does take a step back.

"Your lead then."

It is not lost on Natsume that this concession may be the last that Onizuka-san will ever give. He will trust Natsume, for now.

Whether he will continue to do so, will depend on what Natsume does next.


	82. Meaning of Truth

**A/N: **Happy New Year everybody! Today I post the first chapter of the New Year. What's that? What about the chapter for my other fic, Child of Spirits? Ahahahahahahahahaha. Ahahahaha.

Ahaha.

Hah.

Ummm... I'll have to get back to you guys on that one. Mind you, I did say "tentative". Nothing's going right for me fic-wise right now, though this chapter was easier to write because DRAMA! Welcome to the conclusion of this particular arc. I'll be writing more about Natsume's friends next chapter. After all, I'm at chapter 82 at this point. It won't be long before I reach 100. Sooo...

Please read and enjoy!

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><p><strong>Meaning of Truth (Confrontation Arc: Part 33)**

_ I never meant to lie. But in my life, the truth has never been believed. And so out of desperation and need, I began to lie, until lying was all I knew, all I could do. Lying became synonymous with reality. Because truth, I had learned, was something that no one could believe. And now truth has become something I can no longer tell._

* * *

><p>They do not move far.<p>

Natsume takes them underneath the bridge, hidden directly from prying eyes. Onizuka-san immediately leans his back against the concrete wall, eyeing Natsume suspiciously, while Tanuma stands slightly to the left of Natsume, watching the both of them worriedly.

He takes a breath, gathering himself for the next few crucial hours—hours that will determine both his fate and the fate of those all around him, both human and spirit.

First things first.

Heart twinging slightly in guilt as Natsume forms the spell in his mind, he releases the geas over Tanuma with a silent apology. If all goes well, Tanuma will never know, will not find out for a while. But Natsume cannot take the risk that Tanuma will blurt out the forbidden to Onizuka-san, not especially when the consequence of such knowledge would destroy everything.

No exorcist must know that spirits have the ability to turn humans into one of them, into a god. For in the hands of exorcists, such knowledge would be to doom all spirits, and no small number of humans. So he will protect the truth with everything he has.

Even if it means dooming the alliance Natsume has carefully built between the Onizuka clan and himself.

The silence stretches uncomfortably between the three of them, while Natsume considers his next words carefully. Beside him, Tanuma shifts uneasily.

"Hey, Natsume…"

"Did sensei fetch you earlier?" Natsume interrupts. If that is the case, then Nyanko-sensei will show up soon. He can sense the cat nearby, though not here. Perhaps Nyanko-sensei is planning something.

"Just as I was about to enter class," Tanuma says, nodding. "I left my bag at school."

"I'm sorry," Natsume says. "For getting you involved again."

Tanuma smiles weakly.

"Hey, Ponta didn't force me to come here. I came on my own. Because I wanted to." Tanuma turns to face Onizuka-san, who had been watching their interaction quietly, his eyes intense with scrutiny. "So who is he?"

"You could just ask me directly," Onizuka-san says, lifting up one eyebrow at Tanuma's flushed reaction. "I'm Onizuka Kiyoshi. Head of the Onizuka clan."

"An exorcist clan?"

"That's right." Onizuka-san's eyes glitter with predatory challenge.

Seeing Tanuma stiffen with outrage and alarm, Natsume places a hand on Tanuma's shoulder.

"He doesn't have the power to seal me, Tanuma. Not that he would, anyway. His clan is allied with me and mine."

_For now._

"Oh." Tanuma takes another assessing look at Onizuka-san, who rolls his eyes.

"So, are you going to explain yourself, or are you going to make me wait?"

"That's quite a tone you're taking, considering who and what I am," Natsume says quietly. The words are out before he can stop himself. The words of a god reaching the end of his patience. Somehow, unbeknownst to him, Lord Onwa had emerged.

Onizuka-san narrows his eyes, and steps away from the concrete wall he had been leaning against.

"Interesting. You never seemed to mind before," Onizuka-san says lightly, casually, but it is an illusion. Natsume can sense the dangerous thread beneath the words. "Or are you finally revealing your true self?"

Natsume sighs.

"I don't know." For a brief moment, he is overwhelmed by the heavy weight of regret, of burdens too monumental to bear. If he had still been human, perhaps he would have sought death.

But he is a god. And gods cannot die.

"You don't know?" Onizuka-san repeats, his hands once again curling into fists.

"No, I _don't_," Natsume says, covering his face with one hand. "You wonder why I am doing this, and I ask you. Is… is it wrong?" He feels Tanuma edge closer to him, hands outstretched in an attempt to comfort. The hands however, never quite reach him. "Is it wrong for a spirit to want a family?" he asks.

To his horror, he feels tears running down his face.

"H-hey, what the…" Onizuka-san's shock and surprise are palpable, near solid things to Natsume's senses.

"I-is it wrong to want friends, family, to have people to care about, and be cared for in return?" The flow of tears are steady now, though Natsume lifts both hands to cover his face in a futile effort to stop them. "I was so lonely… I couldn't help it."

"So you killed the real Natsume Takashi?" Onizuka-san asks, face pale, repeating his earlier suspicion, though this time with none of the heat.

"_No!_" Natsume says, just as Tanuma steps in front of Natsume again. "No…" Natsume repeats.

But it isn't enough, and Natsume knows it. Onizuka-san is too intelligent, too discerning. And unlike Natori-san, Natsume has foolishly revealed too much, has spent too much time with the man. Enough for the man to tell when Natsume is hiding something.

Not that Natsume has ever been good at lying. His life has taught him that truth would never be believed, that lies were more believable. While that has made lying a habit, it has not, as Natsume knows all too well, made him a good liar.

Very well. He will not lie.

"Natsume Takashi died a year ago," Natsume says, the tears still flowing down his cheeks. "He was too sweet, too trusting."

_I was too naïve…_

"A spirit killed him. There was nothing I could do to stop it," Natsume says. He hears Tanuma's noise of protest, and silently hopes Tanuma says nothing. No… Tanuma is perceptive. Having heard the lie, he will not do anything to give anything away. "Natsume and I were… very close. Close enough that I was familiar with his human form. And he had left behind so much."

"You took his place."

"Yes."

"And you became a god."

At this, Natsume head shoots up, and he stares at Onizuka-san in surprise.

"What?"

"I'm not a fool. If what you said was true, and Natsume Takashi had died a year ago, that was also around the same time that rumors of your existence started circulating. So his death not only pushed you to take up a human life, but also to become a god."

"I never wanted to become a god," Natsume says. "I never wanted to be responsible for anyone other than myself. And I… I never thought I was suited to being one. I'm… I'm too gentle. Too kind." Beneath the visible tears on his face, Natsume weeps for the boy he had been, the boy he no longer is. "But if I had had enough courage to take up the power that was mine, perhaps I could have prevented Natsume Takashi's death that day."

_Perhaps if the spirits had not feared so much for my eventual death, if I had been strong enough to alleviate their worry…_

Onizuka-san lets out a long sigh, then inhales slowly again, closing his eyes briefly while he does so.

"You aren't going to be able to keep this up for long, you know."

"I know." Natsume lowers his head, then abruptly falls to his knees, feeling oddly weak. "But I can't leave them yet. Shigeru-san. Touko-san. You might find it hard to believe, but they're my family now. And Tanuma…" Natsume pauses, not ready yet to name all of his friends. "My friends. I need to protect them. All of them. But I don't know what to do anymore," he whispers. "Despite everything, I've gotten involved in things that might endanger them, things that…"

_Gods and exorcists. Both would destroy me if they could. And once again, I am helpless to stop them. _

He hears movement, then footsteps. Then Onizuka-san is in front of him, kneeling so that Natsume can look at him easily.

"What do you want from me, Lord Onwa?"

Natsume's eyes widen. For a moment, he is too stunned by Onizuka-san's response to say anything. But then his emotions, only briefly set aside in his shock, rise again, stronger than ever.

"Help me." Desperately, he grabs Onizuka-san's chest, pulling at the fabric of the man's shirt. "_Help me. Help me protect them._"

He does not realize that he is shaking until Onizuka-san puts both his hands on Natsume's shoulders, steadying them.

"All right."

Natsume looks up then, hope warring with disbelief.

"You'll… help me?"

"You're a complete idiot," Onizuka-san snaps. But then his expression softens. "But I'll help you. I must be mad, and everybody else will think I'm an idiot, but I'll help you."

That is all Natsume needs to hear before the tears flow again.

"Thank you. _Thank you_."


	83. Redrawing the Line

**A/N: **There's not much to say about the following chapter, other than that I hadn't planned for it, and yet it was only to be expected. There were times while I was writing this where I was clutching my head and saying to myself, "What are you doing? You have no idea what you're doing!" This is pretty normal, but today was a bit worse, since it led to me talking out loud to myself (usually a bad sign, but then isn't it always?).

Probably because I'm an idiot. I do have plans, and I know exactly how this story will end, as well as the climax that will lead up to it. How long it will take me to get there will depend purely on any inspirations or bunnies I want to add to put off the ending just a little longer. Unless you guys are impatient and want me to end it. I might write companion pieces, such as rewrites of chapters from the POVs of other characters, but I haven't decided yet. I have a whole back story for Onizuka, for instance, that I use for my own personal reference when writing Natsume's interactions with him.

But on another note, did you guys know that there is **fanart** of my fic? I only just found out when one reader linked me to hers. One lovely **ErikaWalker** drew an absolutely amazing picture of Natsume as Lord Onwa on deviantart. And there's another by **Final-Wish-XIII. **I am so completely excited over this, I cannot even. Please, if any of you ever decide to draw fanart, or find it, please, please, please let me know! I will link you (or at least give you a shout out, since this place doesn't allow direct links apparently) and love you and pet you.

Thank you so much~!

* * *

><p><strong>Redrawing the Line<strong>

_Natori-san once asked me to pick a side, and I had not known the answer. As difficult as it had been then, now I realize that even being able to ask myself such a question had been a luxury. Because now, no matter how sympathetic I may be to the other side, no matter how much I wish to help, there is only one side I may pick. Even if it may mean losing those I care for forever._

* * *

><p>"Very well. See to their request. If you require more power, report to Misuzu immediately."<p>

"Understood, Lord Onwa."

The two spirits, one in the mixed form of a bird and a serpent, the other in a humanoid form wearing robes of the palest blue, bow low, then depart quickly. With them gone, Natsume picks the first scroll off the top of a small pile, written requests from spirits who live too far from Natsume to visit him directly.

"Lord Onwa." Itoubime approaches, her normally serene expression broken by the tense wringing of her hands. "There are people outside the gate, demanding to see you."

"People outside the gate?" Natsume asks, turning away from the scroll he had been studying to look at Itoubime in surprise. "They could not wait until evening court?"

"We… tried to tell them, my lord. But they're…"

"They're the humans who came here once before," Nanajiro interrupts, bursting into the room. "One of them has been shouting your human name over and over again."

"You mean Tanuma… and Taki?" Natsume says, blinking. He stands up, ignoring the spirits who immediately rush to straighten his rumpled robes. "What are they doing here?"

"We do not know, my lord." Nanajiro looks abashed while she walks rapidly next to Natsume down the hallway. "Should we have tried to find out?"

"They wouldn't have been able to hear you anyway," Natsume says, stepping into his _geta_ and through the doors more servants have opened for him. Sure enough, he can hear Tanuma shouting in the clearing. "I'll be back," he adds. "Prepare the White Chrysanthemum room."

"Of course, Lord Onwa."

He steps through the gate, to where Taki is looking around nervously, while Tanuma… Tanuma…

"Let's head back, Tanuma-kun. Natsume-kun might not be here."

"He's here," Tanuma says firmly. "Touko-san said that Natsume had left early this morning. You and I both know that he's working when he's not with humans."

"If you know I'm working," Natsume says softly, changing to human form, "why are you here?"

Both Tanuma and Taki start in reaction to Natsume's sudden appearance.

"Natsume-kun…" Taki says. "Tanuma-kun… that is, we wanted, we wanted to talk to you."

"About?"

"About what happened yesterday!" Tanuma says. "Natsume… what you said in front of that guy. You—"

"Did Nyanko-sensei call you?" Natsume cuts in. "Is that why you're here?"

"Well, no. Ponta didn't." There is a slight pause as Tanuma looks around the clearing. "Where is Ponta anyway?"

"He's away," Natsume says, sighing. Being Natsume's closest advisor, the fat cat is now away more often than Natsume would like. "Tanuma, Taki. As happy as I am that you've come to see me, I can't, I don't have the time you know."

"Touko-san asked us to check up on you," Tanuma says.

Natsume stiffens.

"She asked us to let you know not to get too drawn into spiritual matters. To watch out for your own safety," Taki says.

For a brief moment, Natsume allows himself to appreciate the irony of his position. Only a year ago such worry would have been well-founded and appreciated. But now, the half-truths and lies he has been spinning for his own selfish reasons are falling apart. And far from spirits being the one harming him, it may be the very ones who are trying to help who will end up causing the most harm.

"Spirits are no longer the ones trying to harm me," Natsume says, unable to keep the thread of bitter amusement from his voice.

"You mean humans?" Taki asks.

With the memory of Onizuka-san still fresh in Tanuma's mind, Tanuma pales slightly, but it is not Onizuka-san that Natsume is thinking of. He says nothing, but Tanuma is nothing if not perceptive, and Natsume can sense his friend piecing two and two together.

"Surely you're not, you don't," Tanuma says, eyes widening.

Natsume looks away.

"When did this start happening?" Tanuma says, trembling. "When did you start including your friends and family into those who might harm you?"

"What? Natsume? Is that true?"

"It's not your fault," Natsume says, gritting his teeth. "It's all mine. I was the one who made it this way, so you shouldn't blame yourself."

"Don't you dare blame yourself either," Tanuma says. "None of this is your fault. You claim that humans are the ones that will hurt you, but don't forget, Natsume." Tanuma's chest heaves in growing frustration and anger. "Don't forget that it was spirits who made you this way in the first place!"

"Enough!"

For a brief moment Natsume covers his face, breathing heavily. He cannot deny Tanuma's words. Or the feelings of hurt and resentment that Tanuma's words have revealed, feelings that Natsume has ruthlessly buried, because to feel them now, after everything that has happened, is meaningless and futile.

_They did it because they feared for me. They did it because they loved me._

"That doesn't matter anymore," Natsume says, sounding calmer than he feels. "I'm no longer human." He pauses. "There are laws and rules you know. Laws even I have to follow."

"You mean secrets that only spirits know?"

"Something like that," Natsume says. Suddenly he feels tired. So very tired. He thinks of Onizuka-san, knowing that even with Onizuka-san's temporary acceptance of him and his human life, that it is still just that. Temporary. There is Matoba-san, who is always in the shadows, an ever present threat, no doubt watching every move Lord Onwa makes. And then there is Natori-san. Natsume does not want to imagine what Natori-san will do, should the truth finally reveal itself to him. Betrayal will likely be the least of his worries.

It does not help that there is Tanuma and Taki, both well-meaning, both kind and caring, both such _good_ friends. But they are friends who know too much. Just as Nishimura and Kitamoto, and now Touko-san and Shigeru-san, know too much.

_"If their knowledge of my true form puts the lives of spirits at risk, I will erase my memory from them myself."_

_"I will hold you to that pledge, Natsume Takashi."_

"Natsume…"

"There are times when you shouldn't push, Tanuma, Taki," Natsume says. "Now is one of them."

"Because it would hurt you?"

It nearly breaks Natsume's heart, to hear the hurt and betrayal in his friend's voice. But he will allow that hurt to fester, allow their hard won closeness to once again drift apart, because of who he is, and the choices he must make.

Better to still be able to see them, and however distant, to have them recognize him, than to look into those eyes and know that they no longer remember who he is.

"I'll see you two at school on Monday," Natsume says softly. "And I'll see if I can clear my schedule a bit so that we can spend some time after school. I know Touko-san would be happy to have you two over for dinner."

Taki opens her mouth in protest, but stops when Tanuma grabs her arm and shakes his head.

"Then we can come over tomorrow, right? To _your_ house?"

Natsume sighs.

"This place is not my home, Tanuma."

He pretends not to notice the slight movements that reveal Tanuma and Taki's feelings of relief. Pretends not to acknowledge the truth that so long as the Fujiwaras have a place for him, he can still be human.

His home, his place, is still with the Fujiwaras.

_For now._

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Notes: <strong>Though in the end the room was not used, Natsume's choice of the White Chrysanthemum room had not been by chance. Chrysanthemums in Japanese (as well as Chinese and Korean) traditions symbolize farewells, and are used often at funerals. They can also symbolize truth in some rare cases. It certainly highlights Natsume's mindset and the struggle/turmoil he is going through.


	84. Council of Peers

**A/N: **Hello everyone! First, I would like to apologize for last week's failure to update. Unfortunately, as a teacher I'm subject to a variety of deadlines, and last week had been the end of the first semester. Which meant I was rushing to get grades in on time and my fanficcing was put on hold. They are done now. Whether my students will be pleased with their grades is another story.

These kinds of things will probably be happening semi-regularly at this point. Not enough for me to announce a hiatus, but do note in the future that if I do miss a week, it's probably because of that.

This week it's all about gods. Gods and what gods do when they're together where no one else is watching. I think you may be surprised by what that entails...

* * *

><p><strong>Council of Peers<strong>

_ In a more forgiving world, there would be a way to undo my mistakes, a way for a human-turned spirit to turn back into what he was, so that everything that had happened before would feel like but a dream. But this is reality. There is no way for me to turn back time to the moment before that fateful day, that fateful ritual. I must live with my decisions. And because the world is so unforgiving, I have taken it upon myself to be the one thing that is kind. Because the moment I give in is the moment when I will have truly lost._

* * *

><p>If a human were to peek into the room at the moment, they would probably be shocked. Natsume is not sure what humans, even other spirits, normally think a gathering of gods entails. A solemn meeting in which the fate of the world is decided, perhaps. Or a subtle, dangerous, play for power.<p>

He smiles.

Well, at the moment, it is certainly that.

"Uno," Lord Rakubana says, gently laying down a Wild card. "Red."

"Ugh," Kai says, grimacing. "I only have yellow."

"I know." Lord Rakubana looks positively impish. On her pale face are two spots of pink, eagerly anticipating victory.

"What? Did you peek at my cards?" Kai demands. "That's cheating!"

"I did no such thing." Lord Rakubana sniffs. "You need to learn to hold your cards properly." Kai draws a card from the general pile and glares at it. "I'm guessing it's not red," Lord Rakubana continues, looking far too smug over a simple card game.

"No…" Kai looks up, then points at Natsume dramatically. "Natsume! You better do something about this. Don't let her win."

"Well," Natsume says, placing one of his cards down. "I do at least have a red." He looks up at Lord Rakubana, and grins. "Draw two."

Lord Rakubana, if anything, looks even smugger.

"Draw two canceled!" she says happily, placing down an identical card to Natsume's own. "I win!" While both Natsume and Kai groan at her victory, she laughs. "Humans create the most interesting games," she says absently. The cards between the three gods begin to move as if of their own accord, before rearranging themselves into a neat pile and reshuffling. "Thank you for showing this to us, Lord Onwa."

"We'll have to play this again the next time we meet," Kai says.

"What, we're not playing another round?" Lord Rakubana says, looking disappointed.

Kai casts her his best glare.

"We've played twenty rounds already, and I'd like to do something else."

"You mean you've lost twenty times, and you're feeling relieved that you didn't take me up on the bet," Lord Rakubana counters. "Just as well you didn't. You'd be stripped of everything of value."

"If I recall correctly, Natsume hadn't wanted to bet with you either!"

"Well, Lord Onwa at least, was able to win several times. So it's not half as shameful."

Natsume laughs.

"I can hear the festival beginning," he says, interrupting their banter. "Shall we go?"

"Mm," Kai says. Then he pauses. "Wait, Natsume. Didn't you want to talk to us about something before we joined the rest?"

There is a moment of silence while Lord Rakubana and Kai look at each other, then back at Natsume, waiting expectantly. In that instant, Natsume is struck by how similar to his human friends they are acting. How many times have Tanuma and Taki, Nishimura and Kitamoto, looked at each other in just that way?

But there is one difference. Safe among fellow gods, his mask abandoned next to him, there is nothing Natsume needs to hide. The problems that constantly plague Natsume can be laid out clearly here.

"Tanuma and Taki came to see me a few days ago," Natsume says.

"Those are your human friends?"

Natsume sighs.

"We had been doing so well. And now I can see that they're trying to be the friends I need. But I'm afraid that they…"

"Those are the friends who knew you before you were turned into a god," Lord Rakubana says, turning away to look down at her hands. "By our laws, they should have had their memories erased of the knowledge, if not outright destroyed."

"It's not their fault that they know too much. I was the one who foolishly allowed them to find out," Natsume says. "And I have done the next best thing. Neither Tanuma and Taki can speak of their knowledge."

Kai nods.

"So what's the problem?"

"Kai, what would happen if an exorcist found out that spirits have a ritual that can turn humans into gods?" Seeing the look on both Kai and Lord Rakubana's faces, Natsume continues on. "It's not like the ritual is guaranteed to turn anyone into a god. I was only able to because of my power. So even if they knew of it, it's not like they could…"

"If the ritual for you had failed, you would have died," Kai says. "Not because death is the only thing that can happen during a failed ritual, Natsume. But because for you, you would have chosen death over the alternative."

A sudden chill settles in the room, as Natsume contemplates what the alternative to death could be.

"Something worse than death?" he whispers.

"As a god or even a spirit, you would still be who you were, personality and memories intact. But a human who would do anything to survive, a human bent on obtaining power with no thought of the cost would lose everything. The result would be something neither spirit nor human, neither dead nor alive."

"An evil force. All of us, humans and spirits, would be in danger."

"It's happened before," Natsume says, looking at Lord Rakubana and Kai's grim expressions.

"Before our time," Lord Rakubana says. "In the death of hundreds, thousands, millions, the knowledge was thankfully lost among humans. We have kept it a secret ever since."

"Natsume, you spend a lot of time with humans. And exorcists."

"I'm worried that the time when I will have to keep my promise to Lord Mibu is coming," Natsume says. "I know that I must. And I will," he adds, seeing the look of panic on Kai's face. "I'm trying to find a way so that I won't need to. But now… an exorcist has figured out that I lead a double life. And it will only be a matter of time before another exorcist does. Nyanko-sensei says that most will assume that I had devoured the original Natsume Takashi and taken his place, but there are exorcists who won't."

"Matoba," Lord Rakubana says in understanding. Her hands clench compulsively. "And should that one try and fail, he will not choose death."

Remembering the lust that had nearly overwhelmed him before, Natsume shakes his head.

"Things would be so much easier if I just withdraw myself, wouldn't it?" Natsume says softly. "And now that I know that the cost is so much more than just an exorcist potentially becoming a god…"

Then he feels Kai's hand on his own, gripping it uncomfortably.

"You shouldn't be made to suffer for something that had been forced upon you, Natsume," Kai says. His voice is husky, filled with bottomless sorrow and regret. "It was our selfishness that did this to you." He looks away. "It was my blood that put you here. In a sense, that makes you my responsibility. And I have left you alone to struggle with this on your own."

"No… Kai. That's not true. "

"But it is, Natsume," Kai says, his eyes dark with guilt. "It's as much my fault as anyone else's. You've paid a high price for the selfishness of gods and spirits, Natsume. I'm surprised that you don't hate us. In your place I would."

"I can't hate you," Natsume says. "How can I?" He feels tears welling up, hot and stinging, which Natsume futilely attempts to rub away. "You're as much my friend as anyone else."

He had never been able to differentiate between the two. Spirits and humans. Both have given him just as much. Been just as precious. Which is why being forced to choose between the two is nearly destroying him. Has been destroying him.

"Leave it to us, Natsume," Kai says. There is a hard quality to his voice that had never been there before.

"You walk a hard path," Lord Rakubana says. "But I told you before. I do not think it is wrong to work for such a dream. And since you saved me before… my power is yours."

"And we're not the only gods willing either," Kai adds. "You're not alone, Natsume."

"Then you'll help me?"

"Just try and stop us."

As Natsume looks between the two gods, he feels something flicker inside him. For the first time in a long time, Natsume feels something like hope.


	85. Lands Beyond the Sea

**A/N: **Once again, I'm setting things up for another new arc in the near future. If I manage to pull this off, Natsume will be going on a very interesting adventure. I have alternative versions in my head where Natsume ends up meeting Harry Potter (because I'm a crossover fiend like that), but no, that's too much, even for me. I'll settle with writing this, and cooing over alternatives to my fanfic in my head. You, my dear readers, are welcome to participate in the fun.

As always, please read and enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>Lands Beyond the Sea<strong>

_I have always known that there was a world beyond the sea. But that is the human side of me, the side that sees the world divided into countries, territories, languages and people. Spirits do not see the world as such, but then, they do not see much beyond the land they know. Until now, I have not given it much thought either. Surely, like the human world, there are differences depending on where they were created. Differences so vast, they might as well be on a different plane._

* * *

><p>Natsume stares at the half sheet of paper in his hands, at first not comprehending. Then as the words finally begin to seep into him, he feels a growing sense of dismay.<p>

"We're picking rooming groups?" he asks, turning to Nishimura behind him.

"Yeah, you know. For the school trip. Did you forget?" Nishimura grins at him, his face bright with excitement.

"A-ah. China right? For five days," Natsume says, looking back to the sheet. "We're allowed to room with people in other homerooms, right?"

"Of course. Don't look so worried, Natsume," Nishimura says. "I heard from the others that only a couple kids last year didn't get to room with everyone they wanted to."

"I suppose," Natsume says, turning back to the sheet.

He cannot tell Nishimura that choosing roommates is the least of his problems.

_Will I even be able to leave the country? _

While Natsume is fairly sure that the earth will replenish him no matter where he is, the needs of his followers come first. And the power that comes from them is no small thing. If Natsume loses the power from them, it will take more than a quick readjustment to once again become accustomed to the power level of his earliest days.

_I have grown so much since then._

Biting his bottom lip, Natsume writes down the names of Nishimura, Kitamoto, and Tanuma on the three blank spaces provided before passing them forward to the front of his row, deciding that he will worry about the issue later.

Except, he realizes suddenly, he cannot. Even assuming that Natsume _can_ go on the class trip with the others, the preparations for his absence will take time and care.

"I don't know what to do, sensei," Natsume says later, petting Nyanko-sensei's nose absently while the rest of him is deep in thought. The wind on the school rooftop ruffles Natsume's hair, and sensitive as Natsume is now to the changing seasons, he can sense the first hint of autumn in the air. "Touko-san and Shigeru-san are going to want me to go. And everybody will think it weird if I don't."

"It's not a problem that's ever really happened before," Nyanko-sensei says, curling his tail comfortingly around Natsume. "Gods have never really needed to leave."

"I left my lands to visit other gods before," Natsume says.

"But not… like this." Nyanko-sensei turns his massive head down over the railings to look past the school grounds. There is uncharacteristic uncertainty coloring every small movement Nyanko-sensei makes, from the slight clenching of his front paws to the nervous twitching of his tail. "You are not just connected to the land, but to your followers. But will you still be able to reach them at such a distance?"

"I'll need to cross the sea too."

"The sea," Nyanko-sensei says. "The sea is different. The laws that govern it are different. There is no guarantee…"

Natsume sighs.

"I'll have to think of an excuse not to go then," Natsume says.

"No," Nyanko-sensei says unexpectedly. "Don't be hasty. Talk this over with the other gods first. I have never claimed to be knowledgeable on all the doings of gods. There are many things I do not know."

"If I am able to leave," Natsume murmurs, recalling the first time he had visited Lord Tenjin, "there are other issues too. The local spirits there. And their gods."

As he is now, Natsume is confident that he has enough power to at least demand a certain amount of initial respect, not to mention caution, from any gods wary of his trespass into their lands. But if he were to lose the power from his followers…

"Yet it can also be a good opportunity," Nyanko-sensei points out. "You have yet to make any enemies with any god." He tilts his head thoughtfully. "Lord Tenjin had been pleased by your visit."

"Lord Tenjin…"

There is something about Lord Tenjin that Natsume feels he should remember, but it does not come to mind immediately, and he puts it away to consider later. Like too many things in his life recently.

"Allies would come in useful. And they are bound to have different spells from ours."

Natsume does not bother to point out that allies from across the ocean would not be particularly useful if a problem occurs in Japan, but the possibility of different spells intrigues him. Different enough perhaps, to negate the spells of exorcists here? For just as surely as spirits in other countries would have different spells, the human spells to counter them would be just as different. No spell is universal. And it may just give Natsume enough of an advantage.

"Arrange a meeting with Lord Tenjin immediately," Natsume says, straightening himself.

"Naturally."

Natsume smiles.

"Thank you for coming to me so quickly by the way. I know I've been keeping you busy."

"Hmph. You owe me several weeks' worth of manju, just so you know."

"I'll try to get you them. I know Nanatsuji has begun to put out their autumn set." He takes one last deep breath, savoring the subtle changes in the air. "Summer will soon be ending."

"We should do something."

Natsume laughs.

"Like a festival? My worshipers will probably have one anyway even if I don't say anything."

"No, I mean just for you. Hinoe and Misuzu both tell me that you've been overworking."

Hearing the hint of concern, Natsume smiles again, touched.

"I'm alright. A god doesn't get physically tired you know."

Nyanko-sensei snorts.

"Even gods need a break." He stretches languorously, his tail sweeping the leaves on the rooftop into a flurry. "Well, I best be leaving now, if I'm to go arrange another meeting with Lord Tenjin."

"Take care."

"Don't forget my manju tonight."

"I won't."

Natsume watches Nyanko-sensei leap over the railing and disappear into the sky, savoring the rare moment he has to himself, until the door to the rooftop abruptly slams open.

"There you are, Natsume! We were looking everywhere for you."

"Sorry Nishimura, Kitamoto. I wanted some time alone is all."

The two of them look at him knowingly.

"Sure you were," Nishimura says, grinning. "Was it a gorgeous girl spirit?"

"Nishimura," Kitamoto says. "Other people could have heard you."

"Just saying." Nishimura puts an arm around Natsume's shoulder as they walk down the stairs. "Well, was it?"

"Hardly," Natsume says, smiling. "Don't we have biology next?"

"Your favoritest subject," Kitamoto teases. He turns, heading to his own classroom. "I'll see you later then."

"Don't forget. Arcade after school today," Nishimura says.

"I know, I know."

"Join us, Natsume?"

Natsume pauses, preparing to refuse. But in that moment, Nyanko-sensei's earlier words come back to him, and he finds the words of refusal dying on his lips.

"I can't stay long."

"That's all right, neither can I." Nishimura groans. "Mom's been getting on my case."

"Maybe I'll finally beat you today on Street Fighter."

"Hah! As if. You're a hundred years too early."

Together they enter the classroom, laughing.

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Notes<strong>: I feel like it's been a while since I've written these. I actually meant to write one for the last chapter, but I forgot, so I'll be adding that into this one.

In the previous chapter, the gods were playing Uno, which most of you probably know as a very popular American card game. But it is in fact very, very popular in Japan. My students played it frequently during lunch, my coworkers did after school, and it was so popular that my students at first did not believe me when I told them it was an American game (like all things popular in Japan, the Japanese have a tendency to believe that they were the ones who invented it. Don't believe me? Ask them what country Kit Kats come from. I dare you). It was only when I asked them why a Japanese game would use a Spanish word that they paused and thought about it. And then proceeded to ask me why it wasn't from Spain (why is it in Spanish anyway?).

This chapter mentions a school trip, and school trips are a normal part of a Japanese students' life. Depending on the school, it happens while students are in their second or third year (I have never heard them done in the first year). There is one in junior high, and one in high school. Junior high ones typically happen in Japan (Kyoto, and Tokyo are common school trip spots), while recently it has become common for high school ones to go overseas. The three years I taught in Japan, my third years went to China, then Korea for the next to years. These trips are overnight trips, lasting typically for 3-5 days. A lot of anime and manga feature romances happening during this time, as it's a period where students are free from parental supervision, are free from club activities (which take up a ridiculous amount of a student's time) and can sneak away from teachers.

Just for the record, I have no intention of pairing Natsume up with anyone, but giving him a romantic encounter? Maybe. Whether that's human or spirit will be up to the whims of my brain (it's very whimsical don't you know).

As for the niggling feeling Natsume was experiencing over Lord Tenjin, well. That's just Natsume being a bad history student and forgetting that Suguwara no Michizane had been an ambassador to China. As a human of course, but you see, that there opens up so many possibilities. Of course, later on he argues against the need for an ambassador to China.

Hmmm.

As I said earlier. So. Many. Possibilities.


	86. Bearer of News

**A/N: **It's never enough to plant the seeds for one arc. Instead I need to plant multiple ones! I've had this particular arc in my head from the very beginning, when I started writing this fic, and now I get to at least get it running in the background. Depending on how things go, it may be a while before I bring this one to fruition, but still, it's an exciting arc to think about. And I'm definitely looking forward to writing it.

I hope you guys enjoy it too.

* * *

><p><strong>Bearer of News<strong>

_Time flows differently for gods. Gods see time as something that merely exists, a thing that will always be there. After all, for those who cannot die, there will always be enough time. But humans, whose lives are short, never seem to have enough. It is a restrictive view, yet oddly compelling. For the gods who become involved with humans, they always inevitably become drawn into human perceptions, human views. And for me, the god who lives as a human, time has begun to run out._

* * *

><p>For Natsume, the turning season seems to be a time for unannounced visitors.<p>

"First Onizuka-san, then Tanuma and Taki, and now him," Natsume says, looking down at Nyanko-sensei walking next to him.

"It was inevitable," Nyanko-sensei says. "And didn't you tell me that the exorcist had been wanting to talk to you before?"

"Something urgent," Natsume murmurs, stiffening as the memory surfaces. He grimaces. "I have a feeling I know what he wants to talk to me about."

"Naturally. It can only be about exorcists, no?"

"One in particular."

"Of course."

Neither of them mention his name, as if mentioning him will bring Matoba-san here. It is an irrational fear, a useless exercise of caution. Humans after all, are not like spirits. They are not controlled by their names, and the use of it will not summon them.

"Ah, there you are. I was wondering if you'd gotten lost," Natori-san says, removing the hat that covers half his face. He wears his ever-present spectacles, his pupils flickering briefly to Nyanko-sensei before returning to look at Natsume.

"I was talking to my friends after school."

"Well, I don't have much time." Natori-san sighs. "I had planned to come much earlier, but I've been caught up with work." He puts his hat back on his head, then turns away, his gaze lowered so that it faced the road, back leaning against the wall surrounding the Fujiwaras' house.

Natsume remains silent, waiting for Natori-san to gather himself enough to break the news.

"The Council is considering Matoba's demand that you be brought before them and judged."

Natsume feels his stomach drop. Immediately Nyanko-sensei walks forward, interposing himself between Natsume and Natori-san.

"Based on your expression," Nyanko-sensei says, "I'm assuming that they will give in to the demand."

The look Natori-san gives Natsume is apologetic, but Natsume can sense the depth of exhaustion in the exorcist's face. How much has Natori-san spent trying to argue for Natsume's sake?

"Do you know when they'll do this?" Natsume asks.

"The Council moves slowly, so you have at least until the end of the year. There are a lot more things on their plate to deal with first. A troublesome teenage boy is far from their priority." Natori-san smiles grimly. He straightens, and places a hand on Natsume's shoulder. "Don't worry though. I'll be there. And whatever Matoba demands, I'll do what I can to make sure that he won't be the one to get you."

"Matoba-san…" Natsume begins, his hands gripping his sides. "Matoba-san once asked me to join his clan."

"You refused."

"I don't want to join any clan. I don't want… I'm not an exorcist."

"After the hearing, you may have no choice in the matter," Natori-san says. "I know I've said this before, but you're powerful, Natsume-kun. Incredibly powerful. But you're untrained, so you're also an unknown factor." Natori-san looks at Natsume with a look of resignation. "There's no way to get out of this, Natsume."

Natsume exchanges a look with Nyanko-sensei, then looks away.

"Once the Council orders me to be brought in, what are they going to do?"

"They'll go after your guardians first. The Fujiwaras will be informed of why you're being called in," Natori-san says. "I know you don't want them to know, but as you're underage…"

"They already know," Natsume interrupts. Seeing the look of surprise on Natori-san's face, he continues, "I didn't tell them. But apparently," at this, Natsume gives an embarrassed smile, "apparently they've known for a while. They just didn't say anything."

Natori-san however, does not smile.

"That will make it easier then." He looks at Natsume with no trace of his usual flippant humor. "I will make the case that the Matoba clan, with its large population of exorcists, has no right to claim every powerful outsider. In fact, I'll request that you be brought into mine. Not everyone on the Council is enamored with the influence the Matoba clan wields."

"I understand."

"You'll have to learn the spells. And you'll be monitored and answerable to the Council."

Natsume nods, using every bit of self-control he has to keep his expression unreadable. This is a situation right out of his worst nightmares, a moment he has dreaded, and yet has also expected. He had hoped, of course. But now he realizes that such hope had been futile from the very beginning, a form of wishful thinking that has prevented him from planning what needed to be done. And now it has come home to roost. Things would have been bad enough as a human, but with himself no longer human…

"Where will the hearing take place?" he asks.

Natori-san looks taken aback by the question.

"Where? Ah… it will probably be at the main house. In Nara. The building has been there for thousands of years, from the time exorcists were still involved in the protection of the Imperial family." He looks at Natsume oddly. "Why do you want to know?"

"Just… to prepare myself, I suppose."

He cannot, after all, tell Natori-san that he may need to send spirits out there to scout the building's protections. Assuming they can even get near, if he can even enter the building itself. And if he is in, and a protection spell activates…

_The moment that happens, everything will be over._

"Well, now you know." Natori-san takes a look at his watch. "I need to get going. There's an evening shoot I need to get to."

"Thank you, Natori-san, for coming all the way out here just to warn me."

"You needed to know. And now you are forewarned. But I'm warning you now," Natori-san says. "Don't hope to get a reprieve. It's best to prepare for the worst."

"I know," Natsume says. "And I know how hard you've worked to protect me. I'm sorry, Natori-san. You've been warning me and I never listened."

He feels the warm weight of Natori-san's hand on his head, ruffling his head gently in an attempt to comfort.

"It will be okay, Natsume. Learning to become an exorcist isn't the end of the world, you know."

"Mm."

He resists the urge to clench his fists, resists the urge to shout at Natori-san that it _is_ the end of the world for him. Nyanko-sensei climbs up, worming his way forward until Natsume is forced to hold the cat with both hands. But for once Nyanko-sensei's presence is not comforting.

_What am I going to do?_

The silence draws out uncomfortably, until Natsume hears Natori-san give one last sigh, then remove his hand. There is no parting greeting—perhaps Natori-san senses that Natsume is in no mood to return one. Instead Natsume waits until Natori-san's presence can no longer be immediately sensed, waits until it is gone completely.

Slowly, Natsume sinks to the ground. There he remains, until sunset.


	87. At the Bathhouse

**A/N: **Much like the canon story, I tend to skip around when certain stories appeal to me. At the moment, I give you this: a new, short, self-contained arc. Why? Because I feel like it. And what will you readers do? Probably gnaw on your fingers while futilely waiting for me to return to the main story line. Which I will do, I promise.

Eventually.

But things were getting a bit too angsty recently, and I wanted to briefly go back to something more lighthearted. Not that I seem to be particularly good at that. For what it's worth, Natsume does need a break. And this is how I chose to give him one (I expect lots of excitement or disgust, depending on your tastes).

Please read and enjoy.

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><p><strong>At the Bathhouse (Bathhouse Arc: Part 13)**

_Most spirits live in the human world, subject to human rhythms and human whims. But not all are, and so it was natural that a few would break off to create their own world, subject to their own laws. A place humans may not go. The doorways to those worlds are sometimes created right in the human world, and woe betide the humans who inadvertently stumble into them. I have lived long enough as a god however, to learn that in the world of spirits, help and power are earned. And sometimes the best thing one can do to help is to do nothing at all._

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><p>"You're sure that I'll be able to get back before Touko-san and Shigeru-san wake up?" Natsume asks again, trying not to show his anxiety.<p>

Hinoe gives him a look of impatience, before deliberately blowing a ring of smoke into his face. It does not affect him the way it had when Natsume had still been human, but the message is clear.

"Che, how long would it take you to take a bath anyway?" Nyanko-sensei says, yawning from his place on Natsume's lap. "You worry too much."

"It just seems excessive is all," Natsume says, looking out to gaze at the multicolored lights from the shops lining the shore behind them. The boat he is on rocks gently while it moves sedately across the lake. Nyanko-sensei had mentioned something about enjoying himself before summer passes fully into autumn, but never had Natsume dreamed of anything like this. Not to mention that this trip feels particularly ill-timed, considering all the problems currently troubling him. "I've already taken a bath at home." He sighs. "And was it really necessary to take this boat for ourselves? There were so many others waiting…"

"Do you really want me to spell out why you get a boat to yourself and the others don't?" Nyanko-sensei says drily.

"No."

Not when Natsume already knows the answer.

"Gods don't feel tired or overworked the way others do," Hinoe says, "at least physically anyway. But this bath could help you relax. You need it now, more than ever. And you know, time flows differently here."

"Mm."

Natsume stands up, then makes his way to the window of the luxurious room that had been given to him and his followers by the boat master. Gold leaf and lacquered wood lines the windows, polished to a bright gleam that glows brightly even under soft lantern light. The silk cushions on the _tatami_ floor can only be new, the flowers in the vase decorating the center of the table freshly cut and beautifully arranged. Only the crumbs on the empty plates in the center of the table disrupts the image of elegance.

There is a knock on the door, and seconds later the door slides open to reveal the boat master, face pressed against the floor in pious obeisance.

"My lord, we will be docking in but a few moments. A palanquin has been prepared for your convenience."

"That is good to know," Chobihige says, nodding his head. "Our lord is anxious that he return to the human world in time. It would be best if there is as little delay as possible."

"Of course. I will so inform the crew and bathhouse attendants," the boat master says, somehow managing to press his head even more deeply into the floor than before.

"I wouldn't have minded walking," Natsume murmurs later, when he and his followers approach an entranceway that can only be described as gaudy. He alights from the palanquin to see rows of servants prostrating themselves on the ground.

"_Welcome, Lord Onwa. We greet you and yours, and feel blessed by your honorable presence._"

"My Lord, we are so honored by your visit," a toad spirit says from the doorway. If it bows any lower, its nose would touch its knees.

"I came on short notice," Natsume says. As a god, he can no longer apologize. This is the closest he can come to it, an act that is not lost on the myriad of spirits still lying prone on the ground. Some nudge each other and begin to murmur comments, wrongfully thinking that Natsume cannot hear them.

"_You see? The rumors are true._"

"_What do you mean? He is humble for a god, certainly. But that proves nothing._"

"_No, I heard it confirmed from the Madame's mouth herself. Lord Onwa, the god used to be…_"

"I will show you to your rooms," a soft voice says from the side.

Natsume turns to the new presence, and for a moment finds himself temporarily speechless.

"Oh, this is rare," Hinoe murmurs, her eyes flashing with interest. "To think a place like this would hold one of _them_."

He has never seen one before. Even among spirits, their existence holds legendary status, beings so rare and powerful that few can ever hope to catch a glimpse of them. Most do not even believe in them, consigning them to the realm of myths.

A dragon.

"The Madame would take you herself, but I am afraid that she is currently supervising the last finishing touches to the bathing rooms," the dragon says. Though its current form is that of a boy no older than Natsume himself, Natsume can feel the age coming from the dragon, the power, tinged with—he pauses, sensing faint flickers of sorrow and regret. A dragon who has lost its realm, lost its power, its name, and thus, its very Self.

"So long as the rooms are well supplied with wine, I certainly won't have any complaints," Nyanko-sensei says, waddling forward. "Nor will the rest of us."

"Sensei…" Natsume says, sighing with exasperation.

There is only the briefest flicker of reaction from the dragon, and none of the usual amusement a spirit unfamiliar with Nyanko-sensei's cat form would display. Instead the flicker fades, and the dragon once again shows nothing but the coldest of facades.

"Have you been here long?" Natsume asks, as they walk through the beautifully polished halls. He ignores the faces of other spirits craning to gawk at him, the god, ignores the other servants hurriedly rushing past to shoo curious guests back into their rooms.

"I came here years ago to apprentice myself to the Madame who runs this place," the dragon replies smoothly.

"She must be powerful, to attract a dragon for an apprentice," Hinoe says.

"A Witch of notable power," the dragon says, "though her power and skill is meaningless to your kind."

"There is still much I have to learn." Natsume watches the dragon quietly, and for a brief moment, sees the dragon pale before once again regaining its composure.

"If you would learn more, there are other, better teachers than Madame," he says. "I would seek others…" But the words die away before they are finished. Doors slide open. Suddenly Natsume is facing the largest, and grandest rooms he has ever seen. "Your rooms." The dragon bows neatly, exactly as much as it needs, and no more. "Food will be brought to you shortly."

When the doors close again, Natsume is left looking at the space the dragon had occupied earlier, digesting the cryptic words it had left him.

"Odd fellow, isn't he?" Nyanko-sensei says. "I've only ever met a couple dragons in my lifetime."

"Are they all like that?" Natsume asks.

"No. But then, that one isn't normal. You could tell, couldn't you?"

"Lost," Natsume says, nodding. "Lost, and hiding behind a wall of ice to mask the pain."

"Whoever runs this place, this Madame or whatever. She can't be a kind Mistress," Hinoe adds, taking a puff from her pipe.

"Why would you say that?" Nyanko-sensei asks.

"Natsume's origins are no secret in the spirit realm. A human who was made into a god, with more territory and power than most gods after centuries of ruling," Hinoe says. She gives Natsume a look, and Natsume finds himself looking down in embarrassment. He had known that his rise to power had been fast, but it had never been spelled out so clearly to him before. "Lord Onwa has power and prestige, exactly what that dragon should have had. Probably did have at one point. Your presence is a cruel reminder of what it had lost."

Remembering the dragon's earlier reason for why the Madame of the place had been unable to greet Natsume personally, he finds his hands unconsciously curling into fists.

"She sent him to me as a deliberate taunt then."

"Exactly."

"I don't enjoy being used in such a way."

Around him, Natsume watches Nyanko-sensei, Hinoe, Chobihige, and the other spirits fall still.

"There is nothing you can do about it," Nyanko-sensei says.

"But…!"

"The dragon had made the choice to serve the Witch. He must live with the consequences of such a choice."

Natsume pauses.

"It's the Law?" Seeing the looks on their faces, Natsume takes a breath. He lifts his hands and removes the mask. "But there is no Law against my teaching the Madame respect toward a god, is there?"

He sees the stillness from his followers change to dark amusement.

"None at all," Hinoe says, her expression carefully neutral.

Natsume smiles.


	88. Between Gods and Spirits

**A/N: **Well, that was unexpected. Most fandoms don't care for crossovers, but apparently this one has been hungering for one. Because I was NOT expecting the level of reaction I got from you guys. I'm honestly a little overwhelmed (and confused, very confused). This crossover arc is more popular than Natori showing up for the first time, Matoba's confrontation, and even the arc with hints of Matoba/Natsume. Either you guys have been missing out on good Spirited Away fic, or you just really, really wanted this crossover to happen.

Because, yes, as you all managed to figure out, this is a Spirited Away crossover.

I don't think it's going to go the way you guys expect, or even the way I expect, but then, that's par the course for me. There may be other crossovers with other universes later on (I still love the idea of a Harry Potter one, ohohohohohohoho, but no), but for now I have no plans for such. And we still have Natsume's meeting with the gods of China to look forward to.

So please enjoy this arc, and I really hope that it lives up to all of your expectations.

* * *

><p><strong>Between Gods and Spirits (Bathhouse Arc: Part 23)**

_Humans have a hard time telling the difference. To them, we are all gods: from the weakest guardians of a small plot of earth to the powerful deities of entire nations. There are times though, when it is in the spirits' interest to maintain the illusion that we are all equal. Like fond parents in the presence of naïve children, we allow humans to think what they wish. Even as we scorn them, we allow their delusions to persist._

* * *

><p>"So… what exactly are you planning to do?" Hinoe asks.<p>

Natsume blinks.

"Eh? Oh… ummm…"

Nyanko-sensei snorts.

"What were you expecting, Hinoe? It has never been in Natsume's nature to teach anyone a lesson." He settles into a ball at Natsume's feet and begins to wash himself. "Even when they deserve it."

"I suppose," Hinoe says, a look of fond exasperation on her face. She sits back on a floor cushion, taking another draught from her pipe. "That he even wants to is notable in and of itself."

"But we should, shouldn't we? I… I don't like being used hurt people." He senses the part of him that is Lord Onwa stirring, and wonders if it is anger he feels, or amusement. Natsume sighs. What can he do, if he does not even know how he feels? "And that dragon…"

It had felt so distant. So helplessly, utterly lost.

"You're too soft-hearted, Natsume," Nyanko-sensei says. "But even if you were to grant him a place in your territory, it will have to wait until it gains its name back. You've had the Book of Friends long enough to recognize another spirit of like kind."

"Mm. But it's different. It's not the whole name."

"Well, the kind of total control Reiko practiced is rare. The Madame, even if she knows of the spell, might not want the burden. It's one thing to control. It's another to hold their very lives in her hands."

Next to him, Chobihige places a cup of tea in front of Natsume, and he takes it in both hands, observing the bright green color of the tea within. It is a beautiful cup, the outside and inner rim decorated with flower inlays of jade, coral and gold. And yet Natsume cannot imagine ever owning such a thing. Lovely though it is, it is far too ostentatious.

Just like everything else in this bathhouse.

"What do we know about the Madame?" Natsume asks softly. He looks at the contemplative looks in the room, and senses the faint stirring of interest. "I see." He stands up, and as he does so, his robes fade, changing back to the jeans and hoodie he had worn earlier in the day as a human. "I'm going to take a look around."

"Don't take too long, or else I'm going to eat all the food!" Nyanko-sensei says.

Natsume only laughs, before carefully sliding the elaborately painted doors behind him. A moment later, he regrets it, as the hallways directly outside his rooms are only dimly lit, and in the dark, the images on the screen doors create dark, creepy shadows that only serve to heighten his imagination.

"How pathetic of me," Natsume murmurs, even as he suppresses a shudder. He turns toward a more brightly lit hallway, sensing as he does so an increased concentration of spirits.

If his passing as Lord Onwa had garnered looks of awe and near worship, Natsume's human form now elicits not only double-takes, but blatant, rude stares. Whispers follow him, and where servants had previously attempted to shoo other guests away, they now join the guests in their staring.

"_That's… is that…?_"

"_To think that he still walks around in such a form._"

"_Well, gods will do what they will…_"

"I'm looking for the Madame," Natsume says, turning to one of the slug spirits ogling him. For a second she continues to stare, blatantly disregarding the overturned cup of tea now dripping steadily onto the floor. "Please tell me where she is."

"Sh-she isn't here."

Natsume senses the lie in her words and falls still, as the part of him that is Lord Onwa suddenly awakens.

_You, a mere spirit, dare lie to _me_?_

Immediately he is nearly overwhelmed by the fury of an insulted god, finds himself struggling against his instinct to punish the spirit, to obliterate it completely. It is one thing for a human to lie to him, Natsume realizes, even as he stiffens with effort. Truth is a fluid thing for humans. But spirits… what a god will tolerate in a human it will not tolerate in one that could be his worshipper.

"Don't be a fool. Just because he is walking around in that form does not make him any less a god."

Natsume turns, seeing the dragon approaching them. Slowly, barely, he finally manages to get his emotions under control.

"M-master Haku."

The dragon bows.

"My sincerest apologies, Lord Onwa. I am afraid that our servants are not trained to deal with a god who walks around in human form." He turns back to the slug spirit. "You are lucky Lord Onwa is known for his mercy. He could have destroyed you. Should have, in fact."

The spirit immediately drops and prostrates herself, pressing her head so tightly to the floor that she resembles little more than the slug she had been created from.

"A thousand apologies, Lord Onwa. I beg for your forgiveness."

As a god, Natsume cannot openly express his acceptance of that apology. He ignores her, knowing that his lack of action is an answer in and of itself.

"The Madame?" Natsume asks, turning back to the dragon.

"She is coming," the dragon says. He eyes Natsume with an unreadable expression, but Natsume can sense flickers of confusion. "The Madame would have come if you had just waited, Lord Onwa."

"I wished to explore this place," Natsume says. "It is my first time in a bathhouse for spirits."

For a brief second, the confusion Natsume is sensing from the dragon blossoms directly on his face, transforming the dragon from an icy statue to a stunned young man.

"You…" The dragon shakes his head. "I had heard that you have only been recently made into a god."

"In human terms, a little more than a year," Natsume says, smiling.

"A year." The dragon falls silent, but Natsume waits, knowing there is more. "You have gained much power, in only a year."

"I am gaining still." The dragon begins to walk, presumably leading Natsume to where Madame is, and Natsume walks alongside him, ignoring the parting of guests and servants both as they watch them pass. "My territory grows, and there are places that could use a caretaker."

"Streams?"

"Rivers too."

"I cannot go."

There is longing in that voice—painful, heartbroken longing, and Natsume nods, understanding. While the Madame does not take the full names of those who work for her, there are other ways to ensure service. Haku is an incomplete name, a shadow of what he is. In some ways, Natsume feels, it is crueler: to know that the only barrier to freedom is one's own mind, one's own memories.

And other things too. Natsume senses something dark within the dragon, not unlike the spell that had once nearly taken over him. But Matoba is a human exorcist, and this Madame, presumably, is not.

There is commotion ahead of him, a crowd of panicking servants and loud murmurs, but Natsume can feel the power ahead of him, a flaring thing, as gaudy and loud as the decorations surrounding him.

"The Madame," the dragon says, bowing. "Madame, I have brought Lord Onwa to you."

The crowd parts, and an old woman with a head large enough to rival Chobihige's bursts forward, her irritated expression immediately schooling itself into something like oily obsequiousness. It does not hide the Madame's shrewd viciousness, nor the bottomless greed, feelings that make Natsume long for the baths he has come here for, lest he become sullied along with her.

"Lord Onwa, to think you would honor us by attending my humble bathhouse," the woman says. "I am Yubaba, the Madame of this establishment." She walks forward, holding out her hand, and Natsume can see that each finger is decorated with rings of precious gems. He does not touch her, and the Madame drops her hand. Natsume senses no anger however, merely amusement. "My humblest apologies for not coming to greet you earlier. I was downstairs ensuring that your bath was as perfect as we could make it."

"Thank you," Natsume says.

"After all, as a god of spirits, you must surely have your hands full," the Madame says slyly, "I have enough problems managing the spirits in my bathhouse. I cannot imagine the burden of caring for so many." She smiles, and Natsume's vision is momentarily filled with her teeth. "But then, you have a number of loyal followers to assist you, don't you?"

"I could not do what I do without them," Natsume agrees.

"Neither could I," the Madame says, and this time her eyes narrow even as she smiles at him. Natsume does not need to follow her gaze to know that she is looking at the dragon who is walking only slightly behind them, his expression once again carefully neutral.

"Of course."

"We will take care to make sure your stay here is as relaxing as possible." Somehow they have managed to come full circle, and Natsume finds himself standing once again in front of the doors leading to his designated rooms. "The baths are ready whenever you are finished eating. I will send Haku to you to guide you down to the baths."

The Madame bows, as does the dragon behind her.

"I will see you later then."

He turns to enter his rooms, but not before he sees the look of rage flicker across the Madame's face. When he steps inside, the doors slide shut behind him.


	89. Right of Possession

**A/N: **Once again, I am incapable of pacing my stories properly. This last section is fairly lengthy, but no complaints, yeah? I hope the conclusion to this arc is satisfying for you. I tried to keep this closely in line with what will happen in _Spirited Away_, so it should neatly lead up to the movie, rather than wedging itself in like a square peg in a round hole. Perhaps we will see Haku again. I don't know. And as for future crossovers with other series... well, I'm thinking about it.

After this, it's back to our regularly scheduled Natsume.

Have fun reading!

* * *

><p><strong>Right of Possession (Bathhouse Arc: Part 33)**

_ We often overlook the little ones, the weak, the helpless. Those who rule often assume that their lives are worth as little as their power. But I have never forgotten that it was they who had given freely, turning me into what I am today. As a god, I could end their lives on a whim, but as my followers, they possess a power that could bring even the most powerful god to his knees. For as much as gods may rule, it is their worshippers who make the final choice: the choice to worship, and the choice to leave._

* * *

><p>The chopsticks in Natsume's hands waver, before he gives it up for loss and lays them down.<p>

"Not to your liking?" Hinoe asks slyly.

Natsume sighs, wondering how food can appear so appetizing, and yet send his stomach roiling. In his mouth, the food had left a sour taste, and though light, he can feel greasy traces as it goes down his throat.

"She has tainted her servants. There is little love, here," Natsume finally says, looking down at his barely touched meal. "Little love, and much greed."

"Well, that's to be expected. This place runs entirely on material wealth and gold," Nyanko-sensei says. Unlike Natsume, he is far from bothered by the emotions infused in the food. Seeing that Natsume no longer intends to eat, the cat starts in on Natsume's portions.

"Gold?" Natsume repeats, surprised. It has never crossed his mind that anything in the spirit world would be preoccupied with something that seems so… human. "Is that what we paid to come here?"

Thinking back, he cannot recall any exchange of money taking place. But then, he realizes, such a thing would not be done in front of him. Gods are not ones to trouble themselves with such material matters.

"I gave the Head Manager the amount shortly after we entered, I did," Chobihige says.

"Where did the gold come from? My worshippers?"

"Your worshippers, yes. But also your territory," Hinoe says. Seeing the stunned look on Natsume's face, she adds, "The land rewards the one who protects it."

"I see." Natsume stretches. "I suppose I better take that bath now, since I paid so much for it."

"We paid a lot for the food too."

Natsume smiles.

"If you're trying to tell me not to be wasteful, sensei," he says, laughing softly, "I don't ever have to worry about that with you around." Leaving Nyanko-sensei spluttering, he turns to Chobihige. "I will take the bath now."

"Yes, My Lord, of course. I will see to it, I will."

Bowing slightly, Chobihige exits the room.

"So what are the baths here like?" Natsume asks, turning to his other followers. "I don't sense any natural hot springs."

"I believe water needs to be heated, My Lord," the one-eyed spirit answers.

"Heated, heated," his cow spirit partner agrees.

"But Lord Onwa, that's not what this place is known for," the kappa says, eyes shining. "The water is infused with various herbs that are said to be heavenly."

"With healing properties!"

"I see," Natsume says, deep in thought.

"My Lord, I have returned, I have."

"I will leave now," Natsume says, standing up.

"Natsume, your form."

"Hm?" Looking down, he realizes that he is still in his human form. "Does it matter?" Recalling the reactions of the servants and other spirits when he had walked the halls, he sighs. "I suppose it does."

"Humans are not meant for this world, Natsume," Hinoe says. "Those who wander in accidentally disappear if they do not quickly consume something here."

"Interesting."

Indeed it is. As Natsume steps out into the hall, where the dragon is waiting, bowing respectfully, he wonders if the place Lord Mibu resides is the same.

_Could I create such a world?_

Not that he particularly wants to, he realizes. As beautiful as Lord Mibu's world had been, and as comforting as it is here to be in a place where exorcists have very little chance of following, Natsume finds himself appreciating the human world more.

But then, not long ago he had been human. Perhaps he will change his mind as time passes.

"Your bath is here," the dragon says, leading Natsume into a private room that is even gaudier than the room Natsume had been in, something he had not thought possible. Lining the walls are dozens of attendants, all of them prostrate, heads carefully pressed to the floor in an act of subservience.

"They will help you disrobe." Seeing the look on Natsume's face, a glimmer of what can only be amusement appears on the dragon's face. "Only up to the inner robes."

"Thank you."

Natsume smiles, but the moment is gone, and the dragon is once more distant.

The attendants stand up to help Natsume undress, murmuring words of praise and wonder at his beauty, things Natsume automatically ignores.

"Ah, if only I could work for a great god such as you, Lord Onwa!"

"Yes, oh, how wonderful that would be."

The words catch Natsume off guard, and he turns to them, watching them fold his many silk robes with well-practiced ease.

"You are not free to leave?"

The room hushes.

"The Madame is the one who decides," one attendant whispers. "She doesn't let very many go."

"Has she ever?" another says, snorting.

The conversation continues without Natsume, and eventually he is left alone in the room with the bath, the salts and herbs infused in the water sending up a soft perfume. As he steps into the water to soak, he notes the bright turquoise color with interest. For sure, the bathhouse deserves its reputation for luxury.

But it is also a prison.

An hour later, the attendants return to dress him. He tolerates their chatter, smiling in response to one or two comments.

"Then if we are able to end our contracts, we may join your service?"

"I turn away no one," Natsume says. "And my followers are free to go."

"Oh, that certainly won't happen to any of _us_," one attendant says airily, and the others burst into giggles, their pale cheeks tinted red. He supposes the heat from the water has made the room overly warm. As a god, of course, he is unaffected by it.

The final silk cord tied into place, Natsume is once more back in the hallway. But as he walks toward the entrance, presumably to where Nyanko-sensei, Hinoe and the others are waiting, a wave of malice spreads through the bathhouse, giving Natsume pause.

"_You will not!_"

"What is going on?" Natsume asks. But then he sees the Madame, who has engorged herself in her fury, while one of the bath attendants who had tended him earlier lies cowering against the wall. Seeing Natsume's appearance, the Madame turns flaming eyes toward him.

"You! Thief! Trying to steal my servants from me! As if beguiling my apprentice hadn't been enough. Now I have slugs asking me to tell them their true name," she roars. Her eyes narrow. "You will pay for the insult."

Immediately Nyanko-sensei appears before Natsume, in his form of the white beast, interposing himself between the Witch and Natsume. A second later Hinoe and the others are also there, joining him. Around them, guests and servants both gather, eager to watch the spectacle unfolding before them.

"You are the one who offers insult," Nyanko-sensei growls. "Using such baseless accusations to dishonor our Lord."

"If your servants want to leave, why not just let them? Why keep servants who don't want to be here?" Hinoe asks.

"They are mine. Mine to use, for as long as I wish. They signed their lives away the moment they placed their names on the contract," the Witch says, her voice suddenly turning mockingly sweet. "Surely you of all people would understand. After all you serve Lord Onwa, no…" She pauses. "Natsume Takashi. _Master of the Book of Friends!_"

"Fool. If you think Lord Onwa has ever used the Book of Friends to control any of us…" Hinoe begins.

Lord Onwa laughs.

The room falls deathly silent. Nyanko-sensei and Hinoe turn around, their eyes widening. They step aside, allowing Lord Onwa to walk forward.

"Lord Onwa," Hinoe says, bowing respectfully.

"Yubaba, Witch of the Bathhouse," Lord Onwa begins.

"Lord Onwa. What a pleasure to meet you at last," the Witch says, not at all fazed. "You and I have a conflict of interest. But I believe it can be peacefully resolved."

"And what do you propose?"

"You want my servants, no? And my apprentice too. Well, I am willing to free them." A grin appears, splitting her face. "For a price."

At that moment, the dragon appears to stand next to the Witch, his face impassive, as if the announcement of his possible release is of no concern to him.

Lord Onwa nods.

"The Book of Friends."

"Naturally. The dragon and any who would go with him, in exchange for the Book. Surely that is fair."

The bathhouse immediately bursts into noise.

"I refuse."

The Witch does not bother to hide the look of rage and shock on her face. Lord Onwa can feel the sticky, sour smell of thwarted Greed pour from her, making the stomach roil and clench in reaction.

"Perhaps I did not hear correctly. Did My Lord just refuse?"

"The Book of Friends holds not only the names of spirits, but their very lives. It is an act of trust we would be hard put to repay. Such trust cannot be given away."

"Then you do not care about the servants who wish to serve you?"

"We already have more followers than we need or want. More would be an added burden."

"Did you hear that?" the Witch shouts, glaring at her attendants. "Your precious Lord Onwa does not want you." She looks at Lord Onwa, her expression triumphant. "So much for your reputation, Lord Onwa."

"Hardly. We are merely following the Laws set down in this world," Lord Onwa says coolly.

It is only a brief moment. A mere second. If Lord Onwa had not been watching for it, he would never have seen it. For just one second, the Witch's mask had dropped, revealing the malice that is at her core.

"So you know."

"In your greed, you sought to gain the Book of Friends and see the Laws of this world destroy us for attempting to defy it. It would have worked," Lord Onwa says, smiling faintly. "Had I still been human."

"You underestimated our Lord," Hinoe says, grinning. "You thought that, being once human, he would be naïve and foolish."

"That's why you walked the Bathhouse in human form," the Witch says, realizing for the first time how neatly she had been tricked.

"We will never forget that we were once human, nor do we intend to let anyone else forget," Lord Onwa says. "That said. You plotted to destroy a god, Yubaba. Even in this world, the penalty for such a sin is great."

"You…!" At first the Witch looks like she is prepared to defy him, but then she abruptly deflates. The Laws after all, are absolute. "Name your price."

"A pledge," Lord Onwa says, softly. "You treat your servants and apprentice as objects. Under you, they are trapped here, and the Laws of this world support you."

"As is my right!"

"Yes. As is your right. But from now on that will change." Lord Onwa smiles, taking pleasure in the fact that for the first time, the Witch feels fear in his presence. "You keep your servants against their will, having created a contract that makes it nearly impossible to leave. Greedily, you collect them. But from now on, the opposite is true as well."

"What do you mean?"

"Just as you may keep any servant of yours for as long as you wish, anyone who seeks employment under you may work here."

Gasps come from the servants in the hall, their voices together creating a wave of sound.

"Anyone?" the Witch repeats, horror blanching her face.

"Anyone, from the meanest creature to the most powerful spirit. Even humans," Lord Onwa says. "You may not turn them away. All of them, whether they will cause you trouble or not. You wanted servants, Yubaba, and so you shall have them. Now pledge."

Slowly, the Witch sinks to the floor.

"I… "

"_Pledge!_"

"I… pledge."

Lord Onwa senses a shift in the air, and feels a well of satisfaction.

"Hinoe, Madara, Chobihige. We return to the human world."

"Of course, Lord Onwa. The palanquin is prepared, it is."

The kappa hands Lord Onwa his mask, and for the first time, he hesitates. But he does not turn around. One cannot turn around, here in this world. Nor in that one either, he realizes. To look back, is to lose sight of what one needs to do.

"Haku," he says, knowing that the dragon is listening. "When you have won back your freedom, come find me." He takes a step down into his _geta_. "I will take all who would come to me."

There is only silence as he steps into the palanquin, but it is a silence full of anticipation, replete with possibilities.

"It will not be easy for them," Nyanko-sensei says, once again in the form of a cat. He crawls into Natsume's lap. "Even for the dragon. Especially for him. She has him bound tightly."

"I know. But the Laws forbid it. He must remember his name on his own. I cannot help him. And I would do him no service by doing so, either."

"You know, with that kind of thinking, you're becoming more and more spirit."

Natsume smiles, but it is one tinged with sadness.

"I know."


	90. Mortal Traits

**A/N: **I haven't written a casual, slice-of-life piece in a while now, and I confess that I've missed it. Things have been so intense, and while the crossover arc had been fun, there had been quite a few serious moments there too. Natsume as Lord Onwa can be a bit emotionally heavy at times. But as this series has progressed, I'm finding that it is impossible at this point to separate the two. One reader once told me that it feels like Natsume is developing split personality disorder, and I have a feeling that eventually the two sides will fuse. Not sure yet though. Natsume develops at his own pace. There is nothing either you or I can do to change that.

Anyway, here's some nice, good ol' mundane Natsume. With the Fujiwaras. It's supposed to be lighthearted, but I think I kind of failed at it. I did this while juxtaposing it with another issue I've always wanted to address. I hope I've managed a good balance. If I fail... OTL. Nevertheless, please enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>Mortal Traits<strong>

_Humans die. It is a fact of life, an attribute of mortality that is both feared and yet revered at the same time. Spirits are all too sensitive to it, for it is a peculiarity that is rare among them, an oddity that inspires curiosity. But there is one feature that most spirits do not notice, and until now, I never thought of. And now it may be something that is cut off from me. I was a child when I became a god, and now a child I will forever be. For while all humans eventually die, before that happens, they age._

* * *

><p>"What do you think?" Touko-san holds up a shirt against Natsume, humming contemplatively. From a distance the shirt looks like a plain blue, until one takes a closer look and notices the subtle pattern of gray and silver lines crisscrossing along the edges.<p>

"It's nice," Natsume says. "But I really don't need a new shirt."

"Nonsense. You're a growing boy. And you'll need new clothes for the school trip."

"I suppose…"

"Now, let's go find another," Touko-san says firmly. "Shigeru-san, you hold it."

Shigeru-san, who had been looking bored and distant, now turns around with a look of confusion on his face.

"Hm? Why must I be the…" Seeing the expression on Touko's face, he trails off. "I suppose this is my job."

"Yes, it is. Your job and _duty_."

As Touko-san hands the blue shirt over to Shigeru-san, the two of them pause, then turn their gaze upon Natsume, fond expressions on their faces. Natsume feels himself blushing, and looks down, the slow blooming of joy warming his belly.

"You've grown so much since we first took you home with us that day," Touko-san says. From the tone of her voice, Natsume senses that she is not merely referring to his physical growth.

"Takashi-kun was so fragile, remember? I remember. We took you home the moment the hospital discharged you," Shigeru-san adds, "and you were so pale and quiet." He chuckles. "There were times when I wondered if we had brought home a ghost, instead of a boy."

"Mm." Natsume nods. Indeed, he remembers. The lack of expectations. The hopelessness. The fear that the Fujiwaras will end up rejecting him like all the rest. So much has changed since then.

And yet some things no longer will.

As they continue onto another section, and Touko-san begins piling a variety of shirts, pants, and jackets onto Shigeru's soon overburdened arms, the thought gives Natsume pause.

For now, things can be easily explained away, but eventually, even if no exorcists come to interfere with Natsume's life, people will start to notice.

Notice that Natsume is not growing. Not aging.

Spirits generally do not age. There are a few who do, such as those more closely linked to plants and beasts—the little fox spirit being one example. As one who is part-beast, the little fox will gradually age to match the body of his beast form. How fast he ages will depend on skill and power. The more powerful, the slower the process will take.

Most spirits however, enter the world as they are, and never change. Some may take the form of children, while others the form of the aged. It is who they are, no matter how much time passes, and in that form they will remain, until they fade back into the earth once more.

Natsume, having been created from a human, had entered the spirit world in the form he had worn the day of his transformation: a fifteen-year-old boy. Though he is a god, and he is capable of slightly altering his human form, his abilities do not extend toward the control and delicacy necessary to alter his body to age convincingly. He has no idea, for one, how to even begin to do that. The human body after all, does not all age at the same rate.

But then, it had taken practice to emit the amount of heat necessary to convince other humans.

"One more thing to look into," he says softly to himself.

"Hm? Were you saying something, Takashi-kun?" Touko-san asks.

"Oh. Um, I was just thinking of the things I want to see when I visit China," Natsume says, smiling. He sighs, inwardly. That too is another urgent thing he needs to look into.

"Ah, of course. Have you heard anything yet about the class schedule?" Shigeru-san asks.

"We're getting them this week," Natsume says.

Though to be honest, he cares less about the schedule than he does about inadvertently antagonizing the local gods. With the meeting with Lord Tenjin yet to take place, Natsume has taken to browsing through the Chinese mythology section in both the school and town library. What he has discovered has both helped—and confused him. While many of the human stories about spirits have a grain of truth in them, there are also a lot of misconceptions. And Natsume has no way of figuring out just which parts of the stories are true.

"Well, that's enough for now," Touko-san says, adding one final pair of pants to the now very formidable pile. "Takashi-kun, take these to the changing room and try them on."

Natsume stares at both the mountain of clothes and at Shigeru-san's long-suffering expression.

"A-all of them?"

"We'll wait outside the doors," Touko-san says.

Resigning himself to an afternoon of clothes shopping, Natsume takes half the pile from Shigeru-san and heads toward the waiting attendant, who holds back the door to the changing room while he attempts to shuffle in without dropping anything. At the very least, as a god, he had never needed to try on any clothes. His robes are presented to him, _fait accompli_.

"Takashi-kun, don't forget to come out for each one you try on. I want to see how they look!"

Natsume cannot help it. As much as he dislikes trying on clothes, he finds comfort in Touko-san's fussing. Smiling, he calls back.

"I will!"

Then he turns to the pile of clothes, and sighs.

After what feels like hours later, they finally exit the store, Natsume and Shigeru-san both burdened with bulging paper bags. Only Touko-san looks like she has any energy left.

"Now, shoes."

Both of them turn to stare at Touko-san in horror.

"Eh?!"


	91. Consultations of the Divine

**A/N: **Apologies for the lateness. As per usual, the cause was work. It's always worst around end-of-quarter, when grades need to be entered, so be nice to your teachers during that time. If we're snappish, it's probably because we're on very little sleep, feeling rushed, and overwhelmed with a million other tiny details that we either forgot or still need to do.

And I thought grad school had been hard.

Anyway, there's a lot of references to Japanese legends this chapter, so please check out the cultural notes at the end. I tried to make this longer than usual, to make up for the last two weeks, and this one is _packed_ with information. Natsume, it seems, just can't get a break. It might be because I'm a huge ol' meanie.

But that's what makes things fun.

* * *

><p><strong>Consultations of the Divine<strong>

_Gods and humans. For a long time, I had assumed that the former was always more powerful than the latter, that the vastness of power between the two are so great, it is only benevolence and boredom that keep the gods from destroying humanity at a whim. There had been a world before humans after all. But love and worship, once felt, are hard to give up. And so one by one, the gods succumb._

* * *

><p>The sight of ceiling-high book shelves in the temple of Lord Tenjin, while familiar, never ceases to inspire awe. Numerous shelves reaching the ceiling is not unusual in the human world, but what is unusual is the height of the ceiling. In fact, it is so high, the top third of the shelves are hidden in shadow. Balls of floating foxfire attempt to cast light on the books, but it is a futile effort.<p>

And somewhere up there, Lord Tenjin, Sugawara no Michizane, is searching for books. How, Natsume cannot even begin to guess.

"So you are going to China," Sugawara no Michizane says. The voice feels distant and echoes faintly, but Natsume can hear it as clearly as if the elder god is standing next to him. Another scroll sails down from the upper shelves, adding itself to an already formidable mountain of books.

The table Natsume is sitting at is no small thing, but it is now being dwarfed by the number of scrolls, threatening to push two cups of tea, untouched, over the edge. He wonders idly if the legs of the table will snap. To this thought, he slowly pushes himself away from the table—if the table does collapse, Natsume does not want his legs anywhere near it.

"It has not been decided yet," Natsume says, trying to maintain his calm at the scrolls he will no doubt be made to read. Even for a god, such things will take time. "I thought to consult with you first, to see how feasible it was."

"Feasible?" Suddenly the god appears in front of Natsume, and it is all Natsume can do to resist jumping backwards. Sugawara no Michizane raises one bushy, black eyebrow. "That was never in doubt, surely." Seeing the look on Natsume's face, the god sighs, then settles down the floor cushion across from Natsume. "Sometimes I forget how little you know."

"I'm trying to learn," Natsume says, bowing his head slightly. "I am sorry. I will try harder."

But much to his surprise, he feels one of Sugawara no Michizane's hands cupping his chin, forcing him to look up. The god's expression is filled with warmth, though the eyes contain none of his usual mirth.

"You are trying hard enough," he says, comfortingly, kindly. But then the eyes darken until they are nearly black pits in a sea of white, and Natsume finds himself struggling not to shudder. Abruptly, Sugawara no Michizane lets go, and stands up, turning his back on Natsume. "Though there are times when even our best isn't enough."

The words are spoken softly, filled with infinite layers of regret. But then Sugawara no Michizane chuckles, turning around, and the usual twinkle in his eyes return as if it had never left.

"Lord Tenjin, about traveling overseas," Natsume begins.

"Yes, it is not only feasible, it is quite common," he says, waving his hand airily. "Humans go where they will, and where they go…" his eyes shine, "the gods go as well." Noticing the stunned expression on Natsume's face, the god chuckles again. "That's right, your followers are spirits, and none of them would go near the major gods worshipped regularly by humans. Few of them travel beyond the land of their birth, never mind go offshore. It is not so surprising that they would not know."

"I have no human worshippers," Natsume says.

"And just as well. Humans are fickle creatures. Here, on my home ground, I am powerful. But the number of humans who have left me once they leave this land, the ones who switch to the worship of other gods, even after they brought me to other lands…" Once again, Sugawara no Michizane's eyes darken. "They know not what they do."

"How do they bring gods to other lands?" Natsume asks quickly. He senses the dangerous ground they are now treading, and wonders if humans realize just how precarious their position is.

Probably not. Most, after all, cannot see.

"By means of a shrine. The shrine will serve as a conduit, both as a way for you to receive their power, and for you to travel between lands freely." Sugawara no Michizane chuckles at Natsume's stunned expression. "Minor gods normally do not have more than one shrine, of course, but surely you are familiar with how many offshoot temples have been dedicated to _me_."

Natsume nods. How can he not? Lord Tenjin is the god of scholarship, and as such, has always been a popular god.

"There is a price," Natsume says.

"Naturally."

"It takes power to maintain multiple shrines," Natsume realizes, which explains why his followers in more distant places have not built shrines for him closer to where they live. While travel would be easier, the power necessary to maintain such paths is no small thing. "With the power of human worshippers, it is no great cost, but I am a god of spirits."

"Exactly so. But you are not exactly a weak god, Natsume Takashi. Nor are you lacking in followers. You have more than enough power to temporarily stretch yourself that far. A small, portable shrine will do well enough."

Natsume nods again, relieved that a simple solution has been found. A portable shrine. Easily carried around, and when the trip is over, he can simply take it back with him. He looks back at Sugawara no Michizane, words of thanks on his lips, only to have them fade away. Because far from looking pleased, Sugawara no Michizane appears sober, even worried.

"Lord Tenjin?"

Sugawara no Michizane sighs.

"If you thought your life was complicated before, Natsume Takashi, it will become even more after this. China is a foreign land," he says, his eyes taking on a distant quality. Sugawara no Michizane is no longer seeing Natsume, but the lands he had visited while he had still been human. "A good land. Fascinating and beautiful. But while so much of our beliefs have been influenced by theirs, it is still very different." He gestures toward the mountain of scrolls. "Those only lightly touch on them. And many things have changed since they were written. Like here, the gods and spirits are subject to the whims of humans. Has your school covered China's recent history yet?"

"No," Natsume says. "Not yet."

"Best you read up on that as well then. It is best to be prepared from every angle. But prepare yourself. Your kind has not been seen before in China."

"They don't have human turned gods?"

"Hardly that." Sugawara no Michizane laughs. "In fact, I would be hard put to name a god who had _not_ been originally human at some point. But gods, to their mind, watch over and govern humans. You, who are a god of spirits… they will not know what to make of you, I think."

"I see."

"No, you do not, not yet," he says. He pauses, as if deep in thought. "Your name has been brought up several times recently, even by those gods who normally have nothing to do with spirits."

At first the words do not register, but as Sugawara no Michizane continues to look at Natsume, the thoughts slowly begin to crystalize. When Natsume finally realizes the implication in those words, he gasps.

"The gods of the _Kojiki_? The _Nihon Shoki_?"

If the gods of the oldest legends in Japan have taken note of him...

"You are a recent power, but your rise has been rapid."

"Too rapid?" Natsume asks.

"Perhaps. But you are known to me, and my words carry weight. Above all else, they strive to keep the balance, and work for the good of the land. But although you are hardly hostile, conflict continues to build around you. And so they have noticed you."

"The exorcists," Natsume says, and he cannot quite keep the bitterness out of his words. "The Law…"

"Must be protected, yes," Sugawara no Michizane says. "And human curiosity, like most everything about them, is both a boon and a plague."

"Natsume Takashi has been called before the Exorcist Council," Natsume says.

To this, Sugawara no Michizane falls silent. Natsume waits, knowing he is calculating and weighing the possibilities carefully.

"_Kannazuki_," he finally says.

"You will bring it up there?" Natsume says, at this point unsurprised that this legend too, is real.

"The issue is serious enough, yes. But Natsume Taka—ah, Lord Onwa, be prepared. I cannot predict how the other gods will react to the news. That humans are in danger of once again uncovering that truth is in part, because of your existence. I will do what I can, of course."

"But I should be prepared," Natsume says.

"Yes," Sugawara no Michizane says. "You should be prepared."

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Notes: <strong>I refer to a lot of gods in this chapter, both Chinese and Japanese. The Japanese legends are based on research and the stories I grew up on, but my knowledge of Chinese gods comes purely from my upbringing, as my family still does worship them. This means that there may be cultural or regional variations on the Chinese gods that might not match with what is written in academia. In a sense, I know the Chinese gods far more intimately than the Japanese ones. Growing up, the Japanese ones were just stories, but the Chinese gods were (and in a sense, still are) very real.

1. As mentioned in a previous chapter, Tenjin is a very popular god in Japan, and there are numerous shrines (at least 14,000 of them), called tenman-gu, dedicated to his worship.

2. I mention the old gods of legends in this chapter, and this is in reference to the founding gods mentioned in the _Kojiki_ (Record of Ancient Matters) and the _Nihon_ _Shoki_ (The Chronicles of Japan), both from which much of Shinto is derived. The books are respectively the oldest, and second oldest books in Japan. They chronicle Japanese legends such as the origin of the world, and the lineage of the gods. Gods such as Amaterasu Omikami, Susanoo-no-Mikoto, Inari Okami, and Izanagi are some of the ones I am talking about here, and I'm sure many of you are familiar with the names I just listed (especially if you played _Okami_).

And incidentally, Tenjin ranks up there with the major gods, so Natsume's friendship with Lord Tenjin in this fic is no small thing.

3. When Lord Tenjin tells Natsume to study up on recent Chinese history, he is specifically referring to events such as The Great Leap Forward and the Cultural Revolution. Both those incidents were responsible for destroying a lot of the old cultural practices in China, as they were, at the time, believed to hold China back from modernizing as they should. This means there is a bit of a cultural gap, and if we assume the gods are real, they would naturally be affected. Nowadays the old traditions are practiced mostly outside China, where the old temples, shrines, and artifacts were not destroyed. You can witness some of these practices in countries like Taiwan (where my family is from) and Singapore (where I currently live).

4. _Kannazuki_ literally means "the month of no gods," considered October in modern day Japan (before they switched to the Gregorian calendar it overlapped November as well) and is the month when all the gods of Japan gather at the main temple, Izumo Taisha, to discuss the issues of the year. Only in Shimane is October instead referred to as _Kamiarizuki_, or "the month where there are gods," as all gods are gathered there. I have assumed for the purpose of this fic that this only means the major gods that are worshipped by humans, and not the _ya-o-yorozu _gods, which are minor and too numerous to count.


	92. Under the Same Sky

**A/N:** So, what day of the week is it? Oh it's... Monday? Tuesday? Ahahahaha. Ahahahaha. Hah. Guess who slept so long that she lost a whole day to sleeping and thus lost her sense of time? Guess!

Oh, you guys are _good_.

But we are finally starting this arc, and I intend for it to be a monster of an arc. Expect plenty of notes, plenty of finger-gnawing cliffhangers, and new adventures with new myths and gods. I of course, hold the right some creative reinterpretation for the purposes of this particular arc, though I do intend to keep as true as possible to the mythologies I grew up with.

As a side note, a lot of you have been asking me for more possible crossovers. The suggested crossovers are not ones that I'm familiar with unfortunately, so I've started watching them just to see any plausible spaces I could potentially weave a crossover (or at least a mention) into, and well, I'm finding plenty. So there will probably be another crossover sometime.

That said, let's get on with the story!

* * *

><p><strong>Under the Same Sky (China Arc: Part 18)**

_To leave the land of one's birth is a daunting task for any creature, but more so for a spirit. Attached as we are to the land, I cannot help but feel trepidation at the thought. What is a spirit without the earth, the energy of the trees and animals that dwell upon it? What am I without the power that gives me shape, cut off from the worshippers who give me strength? Suspended in the air, over the ocean that is chaos incarnate, I finally know helplessness._

* * *

><p>An unfamiliar weight presses against Natsume's shoulder. When he turns his head, he realizes that it is the weight of Nishimura's head, his friend having finally closed his eyes in the sleep of the utterly spent. It is unsurprising, considering that most of his fellow classmates had all been up since four, their teachers having ordered them all to gather at school by five.<p>

Natsume of course, feels none of the fatigue, though enduring Hinoe's looks of disapproval all night over the necessity of cutting short his audience had been a practice in another form of endurance.

However, since the beginning of the trip, Natsume has been struggling with a growing tension that has only increased. Tanuma and Taki have noticed it, though aside from worried glances in his direction, they have said nothing.

It will not be until they arrive at the hotel that the separate classes will be allowed to mix, after all.

He had gasped when the plane had first separated from the ground on their way to Osaka, a fact that had led to some good natured teasing from his classmates. Once he had adjusted to the sudden break away from his power source, it had been easier. He has more than enough reserves, and their touch down in Osaka had allowed him to replenish what he had lost.

It is the next leg of the journey however, that truly frightens him. Even now Natsume looks out the window nervously, seeing the land slowly give way to clouds, and in the rapidly closing distance, he sees the edge where brown meets dazzling, rippling blue.

The ocean.

Instinctively, he nudges the bag under the chair in front of him, relaxing when his feet touch a corner of the tiny box he had brought with him. It is barely the size of two of his fists put together, but it is enough. Or at least, it will have to be enough. Anything larger would have gotten him odd looks by customs, and though it will be difficult for either Nyanko-sensei or Misuzu to cross over through such a small opening, it is not impossible. They had tested it several times, though the true test will only happen when Natsume arrives in China.

And then there will be a whole new set of problems, first and foremost being that Natsume has no idea what to expect. His presence had garnered curious looks from the spirits in Osaka, during the brief layover and transfer from domestic to international flight. But Natsume is used to such looks, and had been prepared in the event that a powerful spirit had objected to his presence. In China, he does not even have that.

Will they leave him alone at first, content to watch and sate their curiosity through observation? Or will they immediately confront him as a threat?

Even with the shrine, the power that comes to Natsume is but a mere trickle compared to what he is used to. The power of spirit worshippers has never been especially strong, and now it has been further handicapped.

Natsume sighs, and longs for the flight to be over.

Ruefully, he considers how much he has changed in the past year. His human self would have been awed by the flight, since until now he had never been allowed to ride on an airplane. Family trips taken by his relatives, if taken for any substantial time or distance away from home, had always been used as an excuse to move Natsume to yet another household.

"I should enjoy it while I can," he whispers to himself.

"Hm?"

"Ah, sorry Nishimura. Did I wake you?"

"Your bony shoulder did," Nishimura says, rubbing his cheek, one side red where he had pressed it against Natsume's shoulder. "You should gain more weight, Natsume."

Natsume laughs softly.

"Then stop stealing from my bento during lunchtime," he says.

"And leave you to enjoy Touko-san's delicious food on your own? No way!"

"Shhh! Nishimura-kun! Natsume-kun! Be quiet."

The two of them look up to see one of their teachers glaring at them from across the aisle, a fact that makes Nishimura nod apologetically, only to grin at Natsume the moment he turns his head.

"Hey, is that the ocean?" he whispers.

"Mm," Natsume says, looking at the rapidly growing block of blue. Slowly, his fists tighten, wrinkling the fabric of his uniform. He braces himself in preparation for the shift.

Except nothing changes.

"It's kind of boring after a while, isn't it?" Nishimura says, after the last of the fishing boats fade away into invisible specks. "Well, I'm going back to sleep. You should too."

Natsume nods, unsure at this point how he should be reacting. He can sense the power of the ocean, a foreign power that he can never hope to harness. It is too unstable, and yet…

_There is earth beneath that ocean. Earth that contains more power than anything possessed on land._

Perhaps he is too far up in the sky to sense the entities that surely must dwell within the endless depths of the ocean. If so, Natsume can only feel relief. At least the powers there will not interfere with him. And he will certainly do nothing to interfere with them.

Relief allows him to finally take Nishimura's advice. Though gods do not need to sleep, Natsume allows himself to enter that state until the end of the flight.

Hours later, Natsume is jolted awake, but not by Nishimura, who is still deeply asleep. He instinctively looks out the window, and realizes that what had wakened him had been the shift from ocean to land.

_Something is sleeping here, within this land…_

For a moment, he is filled with a base, primal fear, and it takes all of his training and self-control to keep his composure.

_It has been sleeping for a long time. And with such power, surely I cannot possibly be of any significance._

Indeed, he begins to relax as the plane finally lands and nothing happens, enough so that Natsume allows himself to be pulled along by his excited, chattering classmates. His return to the earth is another point of relief, though the power here feels… faded? Natsume pauses, unable to quite find a word to describe that odd quality of thinness and age. As he absorbs more of the power from the earth, he amends his earlier assessment. No, it is definitely not weak. But it is just as undoubtedly not the same as Japan.

Not home.

The bus ride to the hotel remains uneventful, Natsume as fascinated as his classmates by the busy, noisy streets that make up Beijing. Occasionally he will sense something—small presences, not dissimilar to the spirits that populate his territory, but nothing more like the sleeping entity that dwells in the depths of this land.

Then again, he doubts that such an entity would tolerate another such in its territory. That he has so far seen nothing however, bothers him. Surely in a place so ancient and so full of humans, there are spirits here.

But as he draws lots with his roommates over beds and drawer space—as expected, Natsume is sharing with Nishimura, Kitamoto, and Tanuma—he cannot help but find his mind drifting back toward the ancient power that must surely be the ruler of this land.

_How long has it existed? And how long as it been sleeping?_

"We're free to walk around the stores across the street so long as we all come back to the hotel for dinner by six," Kitamoto says, removing his uniform to reveal a t-shirt underneath. "Come on, let's go explore."

"Tanuma, you've got the map, right?"

Tanuma holds up a tattered piece of paper in response.

"Natsume, you don't need to unpack everything right now," Nishimura says, chucking a pillow in Natsume's direction, which he ducks out of habit. "You don't even need to change out of your uniform if you don't want to."

"No, I'm looking for something. You guys wait for me in the lobby," Natsume says.

"Sure. Don't take too long though," Kitamoto agrees easily.

"Tanuma, you coming?"

"Y-yeah." Tanuma gives Natsume one last searching look though. "You okay?" he asks softly, when Nishimura and Kitamoto are gone.

"I'll be fine," Natsume says, transferring the small shrine over to his backpack. "The feeling here is different, but it's not anything I can't use."

"Oh, good. I was worried that you wouldn't be able to adjust. But you know," and here Tanuma leans forward. "Have you… seen anything yet?"

"Of spirits?" Natsume says. He shakes his head. "No. And that bothers me. I should have seen a few by now."

"Perhaps they're hiding."

"I sensed a few on our way to the hotel. And within this hotel too," Natsume says. "But something…" _Is interfering with my senses._ With the thought comes the realization. Something has been interfering with him and his ability to sense other spirits, has been the moment he had stepped into this place. He shakes his head again, but only to reassure Tanuma. "I'll be okay. I'll be with you guys soon, okay? There's just a few things I need to set up."

"Ah, sure. See you in the lobby then."

Recognizing the dismissal for what it is, Tanuma makes his way out.

Mere seconds after the door swings shut, Natsume feels the source of the interference gather in strength and focus. Gripping his bag tightly, he whirls around, only to freeze.

Pointing straight at his throat, is the steel point of a blade.

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Notes: <strong>In keeping with creative reinterpretation, the great power I have mentioned here is better known as several powers in Chinese mythology. I do not want to dwell too much on it for now, as I intend to explain it more later. In Chinese mythology most gods dwell not on earth, but in the heavens. Their actions on \earth are observed on the occasion whenthey descend onto earth to do good works. In contrast, most Chinese mythology links demons and other such lowly creatures to the earth (spirits and demons fall below the ranks of humans in terms of status and how close they are to the heavens). While such creatures can eventually become gods, that transformation is marked by an ascent into the heavens. Natsume therefore, is neither fish nor fowl. He may not even be considered a god. His presence is therefore, at best a source of curiosity, at worst, a threat.

Based on the ending, I will leave you, dear readers, to decide how the Chinese spirits have chosen to view Natsume.


	93. Neither Fish nor Fowl

**A/N: **I am a failure of an author. I am so sorry guys. This chapter had been so hard to write and plan for, since I don't, as of yet, know what's going to happen in this particular arc.

... Like I said, I'm a fail!author.

That and I'm busy. But mostly it's because I'm a fail!author. So you are welcome to send me angry comments suggesting I get my crap together. I totally deserve it (I'm sorryyyyyyyyyy!).

Anyway, there are going to be a few things that requires a bit of understanding of Chinese culture, so as always, look to the cultural notes at the bottom. And before I dismiss all of you, I would also like to do something I've never done before: publicly dedicate a chapter to someone.

This chapter is dedicated to **Zara Allegra Vespertine**, who aside from being an awesome friend and reader deserves an apology because I failed to meet up with her this past weekend and left her panicking because kindhearted that she is, instead of wanting to tear me to pieces she worried that something terrible had happened to me (if you couldn't guess, the first reaction would have been mine; I'm a terrible person). Why? Because genius that I am, I left my phone at home and the meeting place was an entire mall (double genius!). So I am so so so sorry! I still owe you dinner.

Okay, now that all of my failures have been brought to light, let's move on to the story, shall we? Yeah?

(I'm really, really sorry everybody!)

And sorry for the parentheses. I'm using them a lot today (a lot!).

* * *

><p><strong>Neither Fish nor Fowl<strong>

_ I keep searching for signs of familiarity, signs that the home I know has connections to the place I see here. My lack of knowledge prevents me from seeing. It is there, I know, closer than I could ever expect. But so too are the differences. And never have those differences made me feel so utterly alone. So completely helpless._

* * *

><p>In that moment, Natsume knows, without a doubt, that he could die. Never mind that so long as he has followers he is technically immortal. For the first time since he has become a god, Natsume faces death.<p>

The blade is sharp, sharper than anything any human could possibly make, sharp enough to cut the very air between them. But then, it is a weapon that has been made to defeat beings less substantial than shadow, beings that exist on a separate plane from the physical world. Shimmering with an internal light that has no visible source, the blade points less than a centimeter away from his throat. One careless swallow will be all it takes to draw blood.

"Do not move. One move, and you will be looking at yourself from an entirely new angle."

Breathing as shallowly as he can to avoid the blade, Natsume presses back into the wall and tries his best to stay perfectly still. He can sense the energies exuding from the spirit, colored with hostility and suspicion, and knows all it will take is one false move.

The one holding the blade appears human, dressed in archaic armor of practical brown. Underneath is a plain white robe and gray trousers. Even the hair, long and flowing, is tied back into a practical ponytail. The face is handsome, though the spirit's expression is currently shaped into a fierce glare.

"Well? Will you say nothing? Or will you just stand there, demon?"

"It can hardly speak with you pointing the blade so closely at its throat, Zhenjun."

Even as Natsume continues to stand quietly, another spirit appears, emerging from the wall of the hotel room as if it is as insubstantial as air. Dressed in robes that have clearly seen better days, the second spirit has a head full of long, white hair, the top of which has been swept up into a neat bun. In his right hand he holds a fan made of feathers, though from which bird, Natsume does not know.

"It may be dangerous," the armored spirit objects, though the blade withdraws slightly, and Natsume lets out a breath he had not known he had been holding. "And when have we ever been merciful towards demons?"

"I never said that we should be kind to it. But we should at least allow it to explain itself. Surely that is only just," the old spirit says, his expression kindly. But as he turns toward Natsume, the expression hardens, becoming aloof and severe. "Well, demon? Mercy compels us to give you a chance to explain yourself. Do note however, that your life or death depends upon your answer, so answer carefully."

Natsume swallows, debating whether or not he should drop his human form. With things as shaky as they are, such an act could be misunderstood. His human form however, is a handicap, limiting his power and his actions. He does not want to fight—it is an act of last resort—however should things become violent, Natsume intends to use every resource at his disposal to stay alive.

_I cannot afford to die._

Even if it means living with the injured pride of a god. Internally, an unanticipated battle rages: Lord Onwa, full of self-righteous fury and outrage, and Natsume Takashi, who is all too used to such humiliation.

"Where would you like me to begin, my lord?" Natsume says softly, his eyes carefully downcast. For now he will choose caution, but the anger of a god has only been temporarily leashed, not contained.

The spirit in armor sneers. "You are properly humble at least," he says with satisfaction. The blade however, remains where it is. "Start with your name."

"My name is Natsume Takashi," Natsume says.

"That is a human name," the old spirit interrupts. "Do you take us for fools?"

"I was born human," Natsume says, frustration causing a bit of heat to enter his words. "It was the name that was given to me at birth. I have as much right to claim it as you do yours."

"Born human?" At this, the armored spirit appears stunned, turning to give the old spirit a look that can only be a request for clarification. As Natsume continues to stay still, he notes the blade tip waver, then drop slightly downward. "Is that possible? Can humans be transformed into demons?"

"There are many odd things across the ocean. And times are changing. But surely even so only a human steeped in the blackest of sins could end up in such a lowly state."

"Exactly." The armored spirit looks gratified by the answer, turning back to glare at Natsume once more. Yet again, the blade tip drops. "You—"

Unable to bear the humiliation any longer, Lord Onwa instantly surges up and outward, the force of his power knocking both spirits back into the wall with a cry. Another thought creates both a shield and a barrier—the former around himself, the latter trapping them in the room.

The armored spirit immediately jumps back on his feet, his weapon in hand.

"So demon, you finally show your true colors!"

Meanwhile the old spirit slowly climbs back up. He does not have the athletic ability of the armored spirit, but neither does he move like the old man he appears to be. Together they eye the shield around Lord Onwa warily, noting its strength. Nor is it lost on them that the barrier serves a dual purpose: to keep them in, but also to keep others out.

There will be no one—human or otherwise—to interfere.

"You will start by introducing yourself," Lord Onwa says, ignoring the armored spirit's words. "That is only polite, when strangers meet for the first time."

"Why should we—"

"I am Rongye," the old spirit interrupts. "And this is Zhenjun. We are the guardian gods of this area, sworn to protect humans from demon incursions."

"Which includes _you_," Zhenjun growls.

"Has there been many demon attacks in this area?" Lord Onwa asks.

"Once they would not have dared to trespass here, but now they grow bold," Zhenjun says. His face suddenly darkens, but not with anger. "Ever since humans have abandoned the old ways, since that time…"

"Many come to feast on the emptiness within human hearts," Rongye says sharply. Left unsaid is one question: _And are you one of them?_

"Then it is good that I have no interest in human hearts, empty or otherwise," Lord Onwa says. Zhenjun narrows his eyes. "Please, allow me to reintroduce myself. My name Natsume Takashi." He smiles faintly. "But my followers," he says softly, shedding his human form, "know me as Onwa."

"Onwa. Interesting choice," Rongye murmurs. His eyes miss nothing, taking in the richness of Lord Onwa's robes and headdress, carefully reassessing his previous assumptions. Finally, the eyes stray toward the small shrine that has only been partially unpacked from Natsume's backpack. "You say you have followers."

"Spirits come to me for protection, and in return their loyalty and dedication provides with me with power."

Zhenjun eyes widen.

"They provide you with power? But then that makes you a…"

"A god," Lord Onwa says.

"Impossible. A god of spirits. That is…"

"It seems we may have been overhasty in our judgment," Rongye says.

"I will tell you my story, if you will listen."

"We are listening."

Sensing that hostilities are at an end, Lord Onwa releases the last of his anger, and once more Natsume Takashi returns. Slowly, Natsume removes his mask.

"Please sit, for the tale is long."

Zhenjun makes a noise of protest, but Rongye sits on one of the beds without further preamble, with Zhenjun shortly following. They look at Natsume expectantly.

And with that, Natsume begins.

* * *

><p><strong>Cultural Notes: <strong>Before I begin, I would just like to make a disclaimer for the facts below. As with most mythologies, there are many different versions, so do not take the following as definite or exhaustive. Please do your own research as well! If you see something I wrote that you've heard alternatives or I completely got wrong, do let me know and I will fix it. I tried to make this as accurate as I could (did a lot of double-checking), but as I pulled most of this from my childhood memories and the stories I grew up with, there are bound to be some inaccuracies.

1) Several things happened in this chapter that I want to highlight, one of them in particular being the language spoken in this chapter. Natsume, obviously, does not speak Chinese. And the two gods in this chapter do not speak Japanese. Nevertheless they are communicating without a problem, and this is in part because they are, well, gods (thank goodness).

Similar to Speaking in Tongues (more specifically xenoglossy, not glossolalia, which is what several Fundamentalist sects believe) in Christianity, where a person can speak and be understood by any listener, this is supposedly an attribute of Chinese gods. They can also understand any language spoken to them as well. As a child I had always been told that I could pray to the gods in whatever language I wished, as they could understand all of them. In Taoism, which is where many of these gods originate, language is something that is confining, and so it is eschewed. The ideas are supposed to be understood instinctively, in a way that goes beyond mere words. The gods, supposedly operating on a higher plane, are therefore also not limited by language.

For the purposes of this story, I have decided that Natsume has this ability as well, though he does not know he has it. It would make sense, being that there have already been hints that the texts of spirits in the canon story operate on this instinctive level (the letter the tree spirit writes to Shibata). In the manga, Natsume had also been able to read the names within the Book of Friends because of his spiritual power.

2) As for the gods I have introduced, they are what are formally termed tutelary deities: deities that guard a specific person, area, culture, or nation. Chinese mythology is filled with many such gods, as does Shintoism in Japan. They are bound to a small area as patron gods, but are not perfect, as they can be corrupted. There was in fact one notable case in Taiwan where a tutelary god was actually sued by a local man, charged with extortion, and later replaced by another. Gods in Chinese mythology almost always take human form, with rare exceptions. Of those, most are mythological creatures.

3) Demons in Chinese mythology on the other hand, are often corrupted animals/insects who have learned to take human form. When they are defeated, they usually return to their original animal state. Animals are lowly, trapped on the material (and thus earthly) plane, unable to contemplate higher ideals, and so use an earthly power. This is an interesting contrast to Shinto, which is at its core a form of animism and nature worship. While the major deities do occupy the heavens, they are not there exclusively, and often live on earth. There is another type of demon, very similar in appearance to goblins of western mythology. These can be good or bad, as many serve the god Yanluowang (people familiar with DBZ would recognize the Japanified name of King Enma) in the underworld, but others go to the human world to cause mischief until they are caught and judged.

This was a point in Natsume's favor, who had purposely removed his mask to show that his spirit form matches his human one. Though of course, Zhenjun, the more hotheaded of the two, could argue that he could be hiding his primal form.

4) As for humans becoming demons, oddly enough, while humans becoming deities is quite common in Chinese mythology (in fact, much of the religion is based upon this assumption), humans becoming spirits or demons is not so common, but **is** common in Japanese mythology. Jealousy, anger, greed, are all common emotional triggers that can cause a human to debase themselves to the point where they become demons.

Still here? Congratulations on making it so far. But this is where I will end for now. I hope that this section has proven educational and helpful.


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